Just want tips to deal and be happy. Been suffering forever

[Sunnyside62]

Just want tips to deal and be happy. Been suffering forever

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[FindingMe2011]

Just want tips to deal and be happy. Been suffering forever

can I ask, what your looking to do? to improve a r/s with BPD ? to detach from a r/s with BPD?... .maybe some details, so others, that can relate to your situation, can give you their perspective. Hopefully, you will learn of yourself, to end the suffering... .I wish u well, peace

[Mutt]

Hi Sunnyside62,



I’d like to welcome you to the family. I’m soory to hear that you’ve been going through so much I’m hlad that you gave found us. Can you give us your back story?

[Speck]

Sunnyside62 


Just wanted to welcome you to the forum and to encourage you to let us know how we can assist you.

What's been going on in your life that you've reached out to online forum for tips on how to cope and be happy? What have you been coping with? How have you been suffering?

As Mutt suggests, a little backstory can help us help you. Someone is always here to listen.


-Speck

[Sunnyside62]

In my situation im tld im not loved that he doesn't want me but when i mention divorce he says if i go to lawyer and touch any money other than half the house he'll kill me. He does nothing with me... no vacations at all ... NOTHING... .and totally disrespects me... calls me names i cant repeat ... this has been my life for 17 yrs now... only death would free me... i feel i have the worst story of all... im a loyal wife and mom... never cheated... and all this is because i had sex one time BEFORE  we met with someone he happened to know and found out... he even has spit on me... my only sanity comes from God... this is first time telling this to anyone. His tantrums over this are really bad... he calls me things i cant repeat... i dont love him anymore at all. I have fun with friends but never with him

[RolandOfEld]

Hi Sunnyside62, you did the right thing in coming to the site. The situation sounds very toxic, and I'm wondering if it is the same for your children.

The first thing I want to tell you above everything else is that there is hope. I like you have been in the dark depths of a BPD marriage and know the feeling of no escape all too well. The support and community I have found on bpdfamily has helped me to find a path to a better life and I'm sure it can for you, too.  

Pushing aside the complications of divorces and lawyers for now, is there somewhere you can go to put some distance between yourself and your husband, or people you can reach out to for help? What are you doing to care for yourself?  

Best,
~ROE

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Sunnyside62,

I'm sorry that you are feeling so hopeless right now. It sounds like things have been out of control for awhile. Threats to do bodily harm are pretty serious. Has he ever physically hurt you? Are you or have you planned to self harm as an escape?

I was like you when I came to this site. I had no hope that things could ever get better. My H was threatening towards me. I was scared and felt stuck. I would beg God to just end my life because I did not want to be trapped in a horrible marriage. But then I found this site, and I started to feel hope again. I began to read all the lessons and workshops and inch by inch I began to see little bits of hope.

Have you ever sought the help a therapist?

[Speck]

Hello, Sunnyside62:

It does indeed sound like you are having a terrible time coping with your present situation. I'm very sorry for what brings you here, but I do know that you are in the right place. There is so much understanding and support to be had here, all you have to do is ask.

What do you think you need to do in order to feel more secure/safe right now?

If you don't know, that's okay. It may be hard to sort that out right now. But, I would just like to encourage you to reach out to us when you think things are headed in a VERY BAD way, such as physical violence.

Do you think you can do that?


-Speck

[Turkish]

Hi Sunnyside62,

Was his finding out about your past the main turning point,  17 years ago? You mentioned in a response in another thread that you have been with him for 34 years.  How long ago did he spit on you? In most jurisdictions this is the crime of assault. 

Do you have anyone to support you who knows what's going on? Abuse thrives behind closed doors.  You are safe and anonymous here on the board and we'd like to help you through this,  Sunny. Can you tell us more of what's going on?

Turkish