Not Sure How I Feel now?

[CryWolf]

Hey everyone,

if you aren't caught on my story, a summary, my pBPD broke up with me early December. Said I was too needy, although I didn't believe it. I chased/pursued 2 months after the break up. I stopped all of that mid February. Went NC to give her the space and time she wanted, we bump into each other at school at times, but she walks away. She talks about me on her blog.

I stopped checking her social media/blog for over two weeks now. The urge to check is severely down, and I never thought I would come to this point. I have moments of curiosity but I know better and prevent myself to check as it will only make me more anxious.

I gained a lot more confidence of the situation and have faith she will come back. But I am doing my best not to have hope. I am doing my best to be happy and whole again.

I feel like I am less anxious, less "needy" and have bare minimum intrusive thoughts but they go away as I talk myself out of it.

I was in a very dark place when I joined. I contemplated about life, and had no will to live. Since then, this place has helped me tremendously. I started going out again, whether with people or by myself. I started reading, which I never did. Im taking in as much information as I can to be a better person. I am becoming a strong and secure person again.

My feelings are all over the place. I miss her all the time, but sometimes I dont even think of her. And this scares me. It makes me feel like the thought of her coming back wont happen if I let go. I stopped putting my ex on a pedestal. I stopped taking all the blame. I stopped sulking and crying.

Im not sure how im feeling. Im not sure if im moving on, or if i stopped caring. Once I stopped doing anything "to get my ex back", things seem to get better but Im not sure how since I havent been doing anything to make it happen. Im not sure why I feel so positive my ex will come back?

Does anyone have any thoughts as to what im possibly going through? Maybe im overthinking.

Thank you

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Sky07]

Hey CryWolf,

I'm new here and my breakup happened 2 weeks ago (super recent). I feel the same way as you. My feelings are all over the place. Sometimes I feel like I cannot live knowing she is not here with me, sometimes I feel relieved that my chest doesn't hurt anymore from all the frustrations I had in the relationship, sometimes I remember her and smile and accept the good times, sometimes I don't care. Sometimes I am angry that she threw me to the side like I didn't mean anything to her.

Going to therapy had helped me feel confident in myself again. I am to be blamed for some of the things that happened but I stopped talking all of it on my shoulders because I know I tried my best. I'm not sure myself what I am feeling. My therapist says that I should allow myself to feel what I feel in the moment and gave me a recording to listen, like a mindfulness exercise. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and slowly we will get to a better place and be better humans. We'll make it.

[Speck]

Dear CryWolf,

I'd just like to comment on your question:

Does anyone have any thoughts as to what im possibly going through? Maybe im overthinking.

Yes, we've all been there to varying degrees. Congratulations on moving toward your own path to self-care and self-discovery. It seems that doing so has helped you focus less on your ex and more on YOU, which is the whole point! Like Sky07 says, just allow yourself some time and space to feel your feelings as they are.

Whether your ex comes back or not is not the point of doing this grief-work. Be kind to yourself, friend.

Keep writing if it helps... .


-Speck