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Author Topic: Suicidal partner  (Read 723 times)
boogs152
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« on: October 27, 2018, 03:25:46 AM »

See boogs' first thread here:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329974.0;all

Hello,

I recently started a post on my pwBPD. Short background. We have been together nearly a year. He recently left unexpectedly. He went interstate and slept on friends couches or rough on the streets  and has returned back to our apartment today. He has told me that he is suicidal. I have seen him like this only once before. Help
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« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2018, 12:34:08 PM »

hi boogs152,
i think you mentioned that your pwBPD had seen a therapist in the past, have you considered reaching out to his therapist about his suicidal ideation?
it might also be helpful to speak to someone at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

sending you hugs
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Panda39
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« Reply #2 on: October 27, 2018, 02:27:16 PM »

boogs152,

I'm just seeing your post and getting here late 

How are things now?

I wanted to share some information with you on Suicidal Ideation in Others... .
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79032.0

If things continue to escalate you might consider calling the police and get professionals involved.

Take Care,
Panda39
 
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boogs152
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« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2018, 10:46:50 PM »

Thanks to you both for the links. Hmmmm he seems to have slipped into the avoidance stage again. I believe that since he’s told me that he’s suicidal that now he’s feeling elements of shame. Examples of avoidance such avoiding eye contact. Remaining in his room. Making small talk if he has to interact with me but really he doesn’t wish to interact. He has caught the bus to go to the beach which means he may be gone for some time. I feel uneasy about. He didn’t ask me to go with him. I’m assuming that he wants to be alone. I really keep second guessing what to do. Letting him be alone etc.

He wants treatment badly and I suggested that we go to our local hospital straight away but he wanted to wait two days and go to our gp. Probably because he has built a relationship with this doctor and feels more comfortable with him. I have managed to arrange private health for him today. It’s a two month wait period so he will have to go public until then.

Any advice?

I’m trying my best
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boogs152
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« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2018, 12:03:28 AM »

Update. I took pwBPD to our doctor this morning hoping to admit him to hospital. Whilst the doctor did agree that he is a high risk for suicide he told us that the hospital is unlikely to admit him for treatment.Unless SO is displaying obvious signs of insanity or bodily trauma from cutting or attempted suicide then he will not be accepted by the public psych unit. I was naturally angry and frustrated when we were delivered this news. I did keep this reaction to myself for obvious reasons.

The doctor has arranged for pwBPD to attend an outpatient psychiatric clinic next week. Until then he has been asked to see our doctor daily for a half hour chat just to check in with his state of mind. I’m relieved to know that pwBPD is moving in the direction of more suitable treatment.

In the meantime I’m trying to hold the ship afloat. It’s so hard dealing with his deeply negative,overbearing behaviour. I understand that this is an expression of his inner state and that’s okay in a way. I’m trying SO HARD to be patient but I feel like I’ve become a bit of a door mat in the process.
I’m getting so many mixed messages from him regarding our current relationship it’s hard to know where I stand. I know that this concern isn’t a priority at the moment and I have no desire to have a discussion about our relationship at this time.His well-being and welfare is ultimately the most important thing given that he’s reaching out for help. I just want him to start treatment and then see what happens in due course.

This is so hard. He disappeared for two weeks to sleep rough on the streets and on friends couches and then returned again out of the blue with his suitcase in hand. I wasn’t expecting him to move back in. It’s not like he had any other options really. It’s just that I’ve had two weeks to catch my breath whilst he was gone and here we are again back in the s**t pile.
He seems oblivious to to what he’s putting me through.

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Panda39
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« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2018, 06:52:07 AM »

Hi boogs,

I'm glad to hear you were able to get your pwBPD into the doctor, that you have a plan in place, and that he is cooperating with that plan.  These are all very good things  

How do you feel about him moving back in?  I'm sure you are happy to know he is safe, but at the same time I see this putting a lot of pressure on you.

You place a lot of focus on your pwBPD, but how are you doing?  It is just as important that you are taking care of yourself.  You have a treatment plan in place for your pwBPD, what about coming up with your own self care plan too?  Do you think you could build a little time everyday to re-charge your own batteries?  

Take Care,
Panda39

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boogs152
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« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2018, 07:06:22 AM »

Thanks Panda,

I’m doing okay. Trying to seek therapy to help cope. Try to eat clean and get to bed early. I do go out to see films bike ride and see friends from time to time. I have to be mindful of these things as I can get isolated very quickly. My pwBPD avoids my family. Can be awkward in that respect. I’m just remaining hopeful that things will improve in time.
Yes now that my partner has moved back in I feel a lot of pressure. There’s not much space to protect myself from his destructive behaviour.
I feel that since he’s reaching out for help that I really need to give him an opportunity to have somewhere to stay other wise  he would be homeless. He’s worked hard to stay off drugs and been clean for two years. I’m just trying give him a fighting chance.

But boundary’s ... .good ol boundary’s are so hard to navigate. I’ve found myself in a corner psychologically. I don’t know what to say to him most of the time. He’s very overbearing. I’ve just become agreeable and boring in many respects. It gets me down. It gets me really down. He just steam rollers over me.
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Panda39
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« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2018, 11:16:57 PM »

Have you seen the site's information on boundaries? (Links below - just in case  )

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=167368.0

What are some things you'd like to set boundaries around?  Maybe we could brain storm.  We could start on something small if your interested.

Hope your evening is going well,
Panda39
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desperate.wife
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« Reply #8 on: October 30, 2018, 12:47:20 AM »

Hi boogs,

I am sorry you are in this situation. It is really tiring to face negativity every day. I understand when you say it is hard to hide from it in the apartment. Thoughts can get really dark.
Good thing he is looking for help and I am impressed how well you are handling this situation. You have a plan and you  are looking for help not only for him, but for you too. It is necessary. He is getting good care, seeing doctor everyday might be better than public hospital. Meanwhile, just know that you won't change his mind, and his negativity is his negativity, stay positive, do happy things.

Excerpt
I feel that since he’s reaching out for help that I really need to give him an opportunity to have somewhere to stay other wise  he would be homeless. He’s worked hard to stay off drugs and been clean for two years. I’m just trying give him a fighting chance

You are very kind. Just don't compromise your own wellbeing. Is there any other reasons you let him stay? What are your feelings?

I am not an expert but depression and suicidal thoughts can last long. Staying positive may be hard job. Just wanted to say I understand your situation and you are not alone in this.
 
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« Reply #9 on: October 30, 2018, 01:39:40 AM »

Hi Boogs.  It is good that he is going to his doctor and it is even better that he is going to get more focused help next week.

I do want to remind you of this article that once removed linked to you in your other thread:  What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship

It is important that you do not lose sight of you in the process of trying to help your BF.   The article is directed towards family members but this can also apply to your relationship as well.  It is not an easy task to be the support for a pwBPD nor should you be the lone person doing it.  Not everyone is cut out for it either and not everyone wants to be and that is okay.  I linked the article because it lists the key factors that you need to know so you can decide how involved you can or want to be.  It will help with set realistic expectations for yourself... .which is my focus here.  As the article says: At bpdfamily.com we have tools to guide family members in assuming this caretaker role; little is intuitive and family members are warned not to jump in before they understand what they are doing.

Thoughts?
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boogs152
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« Reply #10 on: October 30, 2018, 04:20:54 AM »

Thankyou everyone. Thankyou for all the gentle reminders and helpful links. In all honesty I don’t feel that I’ll ever be able to get a handle on our situation without proper therapy. A lot of the information is interesting and I understand some of the examples used but I find it confusing trying to apply the tools to some of the scenarios that I’m dealing with in my relationship.

How do I deal with being ignored or feeling isolated from my partner. This is happening more and more. I mean, I can keep busy but that’s not changing his behaviour? How do I deal with the fact that he gets so anxious over dealing with banks lawyers and bills that he asks me to address these issues?
What about him rarely wanting to eat a meal with me or even planning a date? I keep hitting dead ends. I try different approaches and even setting boundaries but he keeps crossing those boundaries relentlessly. Wearing me down every time.
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boogs152
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« Reply #11 on: October 30, 2018, 06:08:24 AM »

It comes back to the fact that he doesn’t see me seperate from him I think?
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Panda39
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« Reply #12 on: October 30, 2018, 07:43:51 AM »

Thankyou everyone. Thankyou for all the gentle reminders and helpful links. In all honesty I don’t feel that I’ll ever be able to get a handle on our situation without proper therapy.

Is Therapy an option for you?

A lot of the information is interesting and I understand some of the examples used but I find it confusing trying to apply the tools to some of the scenarios that I’m dealing with in my relationship.

We like to share information so you can see how some of these tools can be effective but we know there is a learning curve, that everyone's situation is different, and where each of us is when we arrive here is different. We share this information so you can see what is available and make suggestions but you know your situation best and will likely pick up the tools you feel most helpful in your case.

There is a lot of information, and like learning anything new learning the tools here will take time and practice.  Maybe just start small, find a tool that you'd like to experiment with and try and just focus on that. 

How do I deal with being ignored or feeling isolated from my partner. This is happening more and more. I mean, I can keep busy but that’s not changing his behaviour?

What about him rarely wanting to eat a meal with me or even planning a date?

I know being ignored and feeling isolated is painful, but it isn't up to you to change his behavior.  Who are the only people we truly control? That would be ourselves.  We can not make someone do something they don't want to do. 

I think the question about the items highlighted above is whether or not you are willing to participate in a relationship where this is occurring.  That is what you control... .you control what you do.

How do I deal with the fact that he gets so anxious over dealing with banks lawyers and bills that he asks me to address these issues?

This might be where you could have a boundary.  The above situations are his issues and his responsibility not yours.  You could set the boundary that you won't take on those things anymore, you could put the responsibility back on him but be there for support... .like go to the bank with him but sit in the waiting area while he talks to the bank staff himself for example. He will likely get more comfortable with practice and eventually take these things on without you needing to go along.  He is an adult he can do this.

My guess is that you are seeing FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) or emotional blackmail in this scenario because you are feeling pressured.

More on FOG... .
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.0

I try different approaches and even setting boundaries but he keeps crossing those boundaries relentlessly. Wearing me down every time.

There is more to setting boundaries than just having them, you need to enforce those boundaries.  People with BPD are excellent boundary busters so just telling someone with BPD that you have a boundary will likely have little effect.  You need to act in a way that protects you and reinforces the boundary.

Can you give us an example of when he has boundary busted?

Panda39

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« Reply #13 on: October 31, 2018, 01:42:13 AM »

boogs, Panda39 is giving you some ninja advice here.  When we are the healthier member of the relationship, it's completely natural for us to focus on the other person to help them.  But we can't make them get healthy, and trying to get them to change just makes us unhealthier.  In fact, sometimes it can even prevent them from growing, if we do things for them they should be able to do themselves.

I know it can seem daunting to try to apply the tools in such a difficult situation.  Working through examples here can help.  Can you tell us about a particular situation where he is overbearing and you feel steamrolled?

RC
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boogs152
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« Reply #14 on: October 31, 2018, 01:46:26 AM »

Dear Panda,

Thankyou so much for such a detailed response. Again, I feel like you have a great understanding of the patterns of my partner and some of the struggles and patterns I have developed myself. FOG is something you have brought my attention to and I believe that I play my part in that pattern particularly and for that, it stops in my tracks most time... .leaving me silent and agreeable with pwBPD. He often looks at me with disdain or boredom and I can’t win.
Boundary busting example... .
He disappeared for two weeks and then after returning from interstate he took it upon himself to rearrange my flat. Not impressed. He also feeds our pets on the kitchen bench. I suppose that anyone could have traits like these but what I see is that he clearly doesn’t see me as separate to him. It’s
Like he’s moved back and now I’m living in HIS  flat. I feel like the intruder. Does that make sense?

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« Reply #15 on: October 31, 2018, 01:55:44 AM »

I can see how feeding pets on the bench would be off-putting, and how rearranging the flat could feel like quite an invasion.

What was your response to the rearrangement of the flat?
What was your response to feeding the pets on the kitchen bench?
How do you feel about accepting these two situations versus working to change them?

RC
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boogs152
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« Reply #16 on: October 31, 2018, 02:10:50 AM »

My response was nothing... .boring agreeable me.
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Panda39
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« Reply #17 on: October 31, 2018, 06:54:06 AM »

How do you feel about accepting these two situations versus working to change them?

I think Radcliff asks a good question, it's about picking your battles.  I know that you are feeling steamrolled, but there also is a certain amount of change when we live with someone else.

My response was nothing... .boring agreeable me.

I'm not suggesting that you start an argument, but can you see that by not responding how he might have absolutely no idea that he has done something that you don't like.  By making no objection you imply that you're fine with him rearranging the flat and feeding the pets on the bench.

Next time he feeds the pets on the bench, you could just ask him... .Hey, honey would you mind feeding the pets on the floor?  He may agree... .he may disagree but you have at least let him know your preference. If he agrees then great problem solved.  If he doesn't agree to the change then this is where you choose your battle. Remember you only control you so trying to get him to do something he doesn't want to do won't work. So it comes back around to you and what you can do. You could decide to let it go and let him feed the pets his way or you can feed the pets yourself the way you want to do it.

The furniture move, again pick your battles... .Maybe just accept it as it is, or look at the room and figure out what is the one thing that you'd really like to change and try and tackle that... .Hey honey I keep running into this chair could we move it over there instead and once you move the chair then you will likely have to move something else etc. I would not try and put the room back exactly the way you had it, that would likely be taken as criticism but maybe you can get things to a happier compromise.

Hope this helps,
Panda39
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boogs152
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« Reply #18 on: November 01, 2018, 12:35:12 AM »

Thanks Panda, I like that you’re giving me specific examples of things to say. I really need that. I get so jumbled in my head I don’t know what to say anymore. Even simple things can blow up. Tired... .

I will try exactly as you’ve suggested

Big thanks
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« Reply #19 on: November 01, 2018, 01:46:49 AM »

Along the lines of Panda39's "pick your battles thought," I was trying to get at how strongly the flat rearrangement and feeding pets on bench made you feel.  My advice would be to get in touch with your feelings and have your response be proportional.  Saying nothing may be absolutely fine.  Or at the next level, saying something but accepting whatever response he gives.  Finally, for something where your feelings are very strong, you may want to set an appropriate boundary.

Put another way, don't feel bad about not taking action, or about taking action, if your actions and values are aligned.

RC
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« Reply #20 on: November 01, 2018, 05:50:41 AM »

Thanks Radcliffe. Those are also good suggestions.i really appreciate your help. Thanks for helping me simplify complicated feelings
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« Reply #21 on: November 02, 2018, 04:40:01 PM »

Sorry can anyone offer links on suggesting to my partner to get treatment? How do I start the conversation?
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« Reply #22 on: November 02, 2018, 04:41:12 PM »

He’s open to treatment as I mentioned before but he’s very sensitive or reactive when I mention borderline personality disorder
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« Reply #23 on: November 02, 2018, 05:07:07 PM »

I think you would find it valuable to look at this page on how to get a borderline into therapy.  There's a video at the end by a clinical researcher who figured out how best to approach the challenge of getting someone to get past unawareness of a mental illness and into therapy.  The video is long -- an hour and forty minutes -- and the example he uses is about schizophrenia, but I was patient and watched the whole thing, and am glad I did.  He drops a nugget 37 minutes in, and finally gets down to business at about 1:19.  It's worth watching, but you probably also want to read his book, I Am Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help:  How to Help Someone With Mental Illness Accept Treatment.  In the video, he says that one of two things needs to happen to make it likely for someone to stay in treatment:  1. Awareness that they have a mental illness (usually not going to happen), and 2. A relationship with someone who listens without judgement and thinks they'll benefit from treatment.  He founded the LEAP Institute to train people in these techniques (www.leapinstitute.org).  LEAP stands for Listen, Empathize, Agree, and Partner.

Look at this as a long, gentle process.  Go slow.  It's not going to happen in one conversation, or even perhaps ten. 

RC
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« Reply #24 on: November 02, 2018, 09:32:25 PM »

Thanks Radcliffe. Thankyou so much
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« Reply #25 on: November 04, 2018, 11:49:13 PM »

Hi boogs, it's been a couple of days.  How are you doing?

RC
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« Reply #26 on: November 06, 2018, 01:25:07 AM »

Thanks for reaching out Radcliffe. I’m not good. I don’t know what to say. I’m not good. I know about self care... .don’t worry. I’ve heard all that before.
I’m just not good... .
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« Reply #27 on: November 06, 2018, 02:54:11 AM »

What is going on? Anything happened? Write it here what you are thinking. It helps.

   
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« Reply #28 on: November 06, 2018, 03:22:01 AM »

I’m just dealing with the same sorts of issues. His shut down. We live together but he only interacts when he wants something from me. He’s in his room a lot. I feel lonely in this relationship and my emotional needs aren’t being met. This has been going on for nearly six months now. I’m trying to be patient... .I’m trying to stand by him. I’m in a lot of emotional pain. I don’t know how to communicate with him as I feel like I’m always doing things wrong. I’m always upsetting him.

I think I’m grieving. Things are really bad at the moment.
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« Reply #29 on: November 06, 2018, 01:35:13 PM »

boogs, I'm so sorry    Grieving that my relationship may never get to where I want/need it to be... .well, it's just hard to describe.  I found that it takes time to work through everything, and the sadness can be so heavy on the heart.  It's not something that can be fixed with a few self care tips

If it helps to talk about how you're feeling, we're here to listen.

RC
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