Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
January 20, 2021, 01:32:01 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: 1 2 [3]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: FAQ: Is there an evil external force involved in a BPD relationship?  (Read 3963 times)
Mindfried
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115


« Reply #60 on: March 27, 2019, 01:27:19 PM »

Thank you JNChell. I understand your point, I just think a dogs brain and a humans brain are different. I am no longer there anymore in regards to cord cutting. As I have stated I have moved on and this was a topic of discussion to consider alternative views. I am perfectly clear you do not like the word evil in relation to someone with BPD. You feel because of some type of trauma the person with BPD suffered they are not responsible for their actions and their actions are a result of that trauma. You feel the reason we stay is because of our own issues that we must explore and face and the BPD person should bear no responsibility.
Logged
JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3519



« Reply #61 on: March 27, 2019, 01:44:11 PM »

I didn’t say that the person with BPD should bare no responsibility. I said the opposite. This thread has grown a great amount of fruit. It’s been very insightful, you think? It’s been kept open by the moderators. That says something. You and I have a different view. That’s all. I think that’s ok. I don’t know how to compare my relationship with your’s. I think that that is ok too. Maybe comparing notes is a good option.

We can argue over evil until our eyes are bloodshot, or we can lay down our swords and agree that we see things differently. Friendships are under the flag of understanding another person. I think that we’ve both made our points.
Logged

“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
Skip
Site Director
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8425


« Reply #62 on: March 27, 2019, 01:50:37 PM »

Is the core of what you are saying is that you believe that that there was an outside source/force involved . The force caused her to do hurtful things. The force pulled you back into the relationship multiple times after you left.

Do I have that right?

Do you agree with this. I'm paraphrasing what you said earlier. Do you feel there was an out force acting on you?  Acting on her?

To me, this is the most significant question. It's not about semantics.

It speaks to our lives going forward - how we navigate the world in the future.
Logged

 
Mindfried
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115


« Reply #63 on: March 27, 2019, 02:05:44 PM »

Yes Skip based on my experience with her I do believe there was an outside force at work on both ends. I have never experienced anything like it in any way shape or form in my life time. I believe there was the psychological aspect as well.

JNChell yes I agree we see things differently and that is okay. I am not looking to argue or debate. Our experiences with our exes are mostly likely similar in some ways and different in others. Differing opinions is what makes the world go round. Like I have repeatedly said this discussion is to look at things from an alternative perspective. IMO we should look at things from all angles or perspectives.

I appreciate the administrators such as yourself keeping the discussion up as it seems to be an important one.
Logged
once removed
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Online Online

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 11506



« Reply #64 on: March 27, 2019, 02:14:14 PM »

the question to me, if there is an outside force that can have that power over us, becomes: what stops it from happening again?
Logged

     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
Mindfried
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115


« Reply #65 on: March 27, 2019, 02:24:53 PM »

Once removed: Do you believe in God? God is an outside force that cannot be seen but billions of people believe in.

Positive and negative energy cannot be seen but billions of people believe in it.

Just because you cannot see something does not mean its not there.

JNChell I believe there was an evil component to her for lack of a better word but not the type of evil that would kill , physically harm or commit heinous crimes. She was a law abiding citizen.
Logged
Skip
Site Director
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8425


« Reply #66 on: March 27, 2019, 02:29:44 PM »

Yes Skip based on my experience with her I do believe there was an outside force at work on both ends. I have never experienced anything like it in any way shape or form in my life time.

Thanks. I asked the question for a reason. And no, I'm not trying to talk you out of your belief - I'm exploring with you.

Do you believe in God?

In Torah the metaphor for evil is darkness. Like darkness, Evil has no power of its own. From where, then, does it derive the power to cause so much pain in the world?

Many religious scholars feel that the power comes from us. We are all exposed to evil on a regular basis. Evil often makes a lot of sense. I need money. There is something I can steal and get away with it. Why not?

That battle is within us... everyday in some cases.

Does this fit or make sense for what you experienced from her?

Does this fit or make sense for the what your experienced with yourself?

PS. I'm not Russian or Jewish - btw - I'm reaching across the span for the common theme.
Logged

 
Mindfried
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115


« Reply #67 on: March 27, 2019, 02:45:37 PM »

Skip the day I met her I shook her hand and we both felt a transfer of energy go through us from the handshake. After months of developing a friendship we went out on a date and she brought up how she felt energy transfer between us. No BS I told her I felt the same thing. I am the most sceptical person you would know when it comes to these things but I cannot deny what I felt that day and unbeknown to me until our first date she felt the same exact thing. She brought it up unsolicited by me. There were many things similar to this that went on throughout our relationship such as calling about or texting the same things simultaneously. Our kids shared same birthdates. Her ex husbands birthday is on the same day my father passed away. There is alot of stuff that made me take pause to question. I am fully aware that there is good and evil inherent in us and it is us who feeds our own demons. I am pasted this relationship but I do enjoy the board and learning more about others experiences and sharing my own in hopes of helping those in emotional pain. I was deeply deeply wounded and I am no kid.
Logged
Skip
Site Director
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8425


« Reply #68 on: March 27, 2019, 02:56:28 PM »

I was deeply deeply wounded and I am no kid.

As were so many of us. I appreciate your thoughts. We are all here to learn and grow.
Logged

 
once removed
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Online Online

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 11506



« Reply #69 on: March 27, 2019, 03:02:29 PM »

Once removed: Do you believe in God? God is an outside force that cannot be seen but billions of people believe in.

i do. so i also believe in an outside force. i believe in evil too.

my question though is, if human beings (your ex, my ex, whomever) have that kind of ability, do we have any power or say over whether all of this happens again?
Logged

     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
Mindfried
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115


« Reply #70 on: March 27, 2019, 03:19:11 PM »

Yes I believe we all have a say and ultimately that is why the relationship ended for good. If an evil component was involved it was beaten in the end and if it happens again I would hope I have the life experience and tools to get out and not let it have the same effect that it did in the past.
Logged
once removed
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Online Online

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 11506



« Reply #71 on: March 27, 2019, 03:28:15 PM »

i think we can all agree on that. hear hear!
Logged

     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
Mindfried
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115


« Reply #72 on: March 27, 2019, 04:05:15 PM »

I think we need to talk about it with like minded people. We can talk to therapists which is fine but I do not think there is any substitute for people who suffer from the same issues and who can shed light and share experiences. Thank you all I think this has been a very informative and productive discussion.
Logged
Enabler
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Living apart
Posts: 2790



« Reply #73 on: March 28, 2019, 05:31:57 AM »

Hello everybody peeps,

Is this perception of an evil force actually our own predisposition to splitting. We take the good parts of a situation, relationship or event and say, "that's real, that's us connecting", then we take the negative elements, and in a cognitive dissonance way (since it conflicts with our perceived idealised view of the individual) reject that these came from the same person. Since we have to apportion 'blame' and 'shame' for these behaviours to someone or something and can't find anything tangible (on the basis we can't apportion them to our partners) we apportion them to an evil 'spirit'. We have in essence split the relationship/event. Acceptance that the bad and the good come from the same individual and the same relationship, and that although we struggle to comprehend the motivations which lead someone to behave in such a way, that good person we idealise is also capable of behaving in incredibly destructive ways. Ultimately we haven't yet perfected the lens with which we are able to "see through their eyes" with.

For me, BPD was like an enigma machine, it explained behaviours and allowed me to adjust my lens such that I could see through her eyes. I could see how at times we connected VERY DEEPLY and at times it would appear that our relationship was thriving. However, at the same time I can see how our relationship in her eyes was disastrous, how I appeared abusive and how I appeared abusive to our children TO HER. Similarly, I can see how and why she behaves in response to this in the way she does. It's behaviour that I might consider being wrong or even evil, but it's her and her unique way she see's her emotional landscape and responds accordingly. The hardest part to work out is how she can maintain the distance between her fantasy (who she thinks she is and how she thinks she behaves) and reality (actual behaviour, facts and events)... that gap is where maybe evil resides.

Enabler 
Logged

Mindfried
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115


« Reply #74 on: March 28, 2019, 10:48:12 AM »

Hi Enabler,

I think everyone has made good points and came at this interesting topic from different perspectives and different types of relationships. I think the struggle has been with the word Evil and how we interpret it as it relates to BPD. All good points and a good way to look at it in your post.
Logged
Red5
^
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 1630


« Reply #75 on: March 28, 2019, 11:43:37 AM »

There were many things similar to this that went on throughout our relationship such as calling about or texting the same things simultaneously.

Our kids shared same birthdates.

Her ex husbands birthday is on the same day my father passed away. There is alot of stuff that made me take pause to question.

I am fully aware that there is good and evil inherent in us and it is us who feeds our own demons.

Hello Mindfried & 99,

I've been following this thread for weeks now… so here is my two cents… as you describe above, matching birthdays/events = numbers… I wrote somewhere the other day, about how I think… the universe we live in, perfect order and all, is all about "numbers"… I have had, in my life the same as you describe, as in; the same numbers, or sequence of numbers, reappearing over and over… I remember before cell phones (first marriage)… picking up the phone to call my wife, and it had no dial tone, because she was doing the same at the other end, at the exact same time… weird?… basically dial, no ring, and she was right there, this happened numerous times… also the "gut instinct"… I'd get "feelings" about something, and it would come true (to an extent)… this still happens to me even today… then there is "dé jà vu"… this happens to me all the time, sometimes transference of dreams…

For example… last Friday, I'm driving back to LaGuardia to catch a plane, from Newburgh… I'm "downtown"… following my iPhone gps… and I'm sitting there at a light, and I look over, and see row houses, apartments, and a vacant lot, its all half torn down, "bad neighborhood"… and that look of that lot, and the wall of the tenant beside it… I was like whoa… I dreamed about this, weeks and week sago… I was walking through and area exactly like this in my dream .. it was vivid… hmmm, riddle me that!

I had never been in this area before in my entire life, in fact that work trip where I arrived and returned to LaGuardia, was the very first time I'd ever been to New York in my life… so yeah, wow...

One more and I'll quit… as far as evil, being in a person, as in perhaps some form of possession… in 2006, I got back from Japan, wife at the time (now ex)… had left me, left our home, and taken the kids to my moms… and she had run off with OM, who had just gotten out of prison… he was her sisters, husbands cousin… yeah I know, sounds like a country song… continuing… so in the midst of all this, I reached out to her… and said "lets get you some help"… this could be a very long story, but not now… she has (had) many many issues, she was abused as a child, I'll stop right there… so I take her to go see a counselor, therapist, an old high school mate of mine, her mother was the counselor… so wife goes to see her, at my behest… it only lasts one session… total meltdown… wife flees… its to much, she freaked out… so I go to see Mrs. "B"… Mrs. "B sits me down, closes the door… this is a Christian Counseling Center… she looks ashen… my heart begins to race… and she says to me…

"Red, I've known you since you were in kindergarten with my daughter… I knew your Grandparents… and I think I know you… this woman, you've been married to, had these kids with… you need to just let her go, I know you don't want to, but I'm telling you, you need to let her go… she was just here, in this office, and she actually scared me… she took her file/notes from right here off my desk, said "she cant do this" and she left, and she took the file, which is indeed strange… now I have to tell you, I've been doing this for over thirty years, and this has only happened a few times, but Red, I felt something here, with her, a presence, a presence of pure evil … ok, do you understand… tell me that you understand Red… (I did)... (then Mrs. "B" says)… LET HER GO!"… Mrs. "B" took my hand and squeezed it, and started praying, right then and there… her eyes shut tight… then she said to "get those kids and get out of here"… and I left her office… I was pretty shook up… even now.

That was in January of 2006… its a true story… take it for what's its worth…

So yes, I believe… there is evil in this world, and it takes victims… my ex wife was, and still is to this very day, still a victim… that family... her family, was evil… all of them… "generational"… I will say one more thing… I think that God gives us missions to fulfill on this earth, my ex was a mission… fwiw… my very existence, how I got here (born) was a total accident, a fluke… never should have happened… I think I took the "last available train" to even have gotten here… even lived so to speak… another long story… this is why I abhor abortion… I'll leave that right there.

I had a gf after the divorce, before I met my current wife… she was a redhead… she was something else… her anniversary (previous marriage)… was the same day as my ex wife's birthday (numbers again)… my current wife, her ex anniversary, previous marriage, is the same day as a very "prominent" event/date in my own life… again; math you see… numbers… its all about numerology… I also think that God has a huge sense of humor… I do.

Red5

Logged

“We are so used to our own history, we do not see it as remarkable or out of the ordinary, whereas others might see it as horrendous. Further, we tend to minimize that which we feel shameful about.” {Quote} Patrick J. Carnes / author,
Mindfried
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115


« Reply #76 on: March 28, 2019, 12:47:22 PM »

Hi Red,

Recurring numbers have to do with your guardian angel trying to communicate with you. Such at 11 11, 222, 333, 444, 555 etc. You can look it up and you will see what they are trying to tell you. Look up recurring numbers and you will see what I mean.

Pure EVIL-Wow. I don't think my ex was pure evil but I do think like you, you have to experience it for people to understand.
Logged
Red5
^
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 1630


« Reply #77 on: March 28, 2019, 01:17:48 PM »

Hi Red, Recurring numbers… 555,

Triple Nickel, or '555' ~> means "Angels overhead", or "near".

~Red5

Logged

“We are so used to our own history, we do not see it as remarkable or out of the ordinary, whereas others might see it as horrendous. Further, we tend to minimize that which we feel shameful about.” {Quote} Patrick J. Carnes / author,
empath
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 842


« Reply #78 on: March 28, 2019, 02:19:15 PM »

Skip, as I understand, evil might be described as an absence of good in the Hebrew scriptures.

Personally, I come from a Christian background and think that there are outside forces that seek to influence people to act in certain ways. (authorities in the spiritual realms) - there is more going on than just what we can perceive with our natural senses. The choice of whether or not to act on those forces always lies within the individual.

I have had friends who have commented to me that my h had a presence of "pure evil", too - they don't think he's a safe person for me to be around. He is an ordained deacon in his former church (long story), and as part of that ordination process, we had to go through a week-long intensive healing prayer ministry. Our ministers mentioned the struggles with a demonic force that he seemed to have. After the week, we were talking about it, and h said he NEVER wanted to go back. He also didn't complete the aftercare to keep those forces at bay. 

About 6 months later, h became very unstable. There was a situation the catapulted us into a new reality. I had a deep sense that there was an evil presence that was intent on death and destruction that was making my h's mental health even worse.

All that said, I don't think that people are just pawns of these forces or that there is not a greater power at work. I also think that there are biological and social factors that are often enough to produce symptoms of BPD in a person.
Logged
Red5
^
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 1630


« Reply #79 on: March 28, 2019, 03:17:54 PM »

Personally, I come from a Christian background and think that there are outside forces that seek to influence people to act in certain ways. (authorities in the spiritual realms) - there is more going on than just what we can perceive with our natural senses. The choice of whether or not to act on those forces always lies within the individual.

...a presence of "pure evil",

...struggles with a demonic force.

...wanted to go back...complete the aftercare to keep those forces at bay.  

...a deep sense that there was an evil presence that was intent on death and destruction that was making mental health even worse.

I have come to believe that some of us, have a "sixth" sense… we have over time, or else been "blessed" with this ability, to "feel"… feel unseen things around us.

Ever pass someone in the store, on the street… and the hair on the back of your neck stands up… ever feel like someone or something is watching you, "just got a feeling" about something.

I am going to go out on a limb here… this may sound a bit "garish'… but I've been in a certain person(s) presence, and it came over me… this person is not long for this world… and a few weeks, months later, they passed... this has happened several times now to me… and quite frankly it scares the $hit out of me ; (

I don't like this… but its there, like a shadow…

As I said… this has happened to me several times over the last decade… at least after I divorced my first wife… ie' I disengaged from her ever present negative "energy"… and I was on my own for a while (five years)…

As empath wrote; there is more going on than just what we can perceive with our natural senses.

This is very true, to me anyways.

I've always been very superstitious as well…

I have started to wonder about (our) souls too, our "inner light"… do they (we) have different ages… meaning our soul, our "energy"… my first wife, I always felt she was much older than me as far as her soul, her energy always seemed "older" to me, when in fact I was older (earthy) than her, by about two years… may sound a bit crazy… my current wife, I feel her soul energy is much younger than mine.

This is just what I feel, cant really "explain it"… it just "is".

Ever come across a complete stranger, say at the bar/lounge at the airport, waiting for your flight to board, and you strike up a conversation with this total and complete stranger… and its though you've know this person before... the conversation just… "flows"… as if you have known each other your whole lives… all very strange (?).

… is there a connection, other than you both "just like to talk"?

Yes, there is way (wayyyy) more going on in this electric, mathematic universe than we can see with our physical senses…

Quick story… I had a cousin to pass away this past summer, she lived in California (we will call her Gina), I live in North Carolina… her Dad, my Uncle, Uncle "E", a Vietnam Veteran who flew jet fighters (Phantoms) in the Air Force, have always been close… he is pushing eighty now… my cousin was his oldest daughter of three… so this time frame… a Saturday morning, early, I am sleeping on the couch in the office at home, and at about seven thirty AM, I bolt wide awake, it was electric… my skin was tingling, I was like what the heck… and immediately… it comes over me that something is wrong, something's happened, and my Uncle "E", the Phantom II pilot… came into my mind full force… I was almost shaking… I had this overwhelming feeling that something has happened to him… bad, I thought, well he is older now… as all my Uncles and Aunts are, so… hmmm, this isn't good ; (

I got up, and walked out onto the back patio… trying to shake this off… about then, my cell rings… its another cousin, she lives in Florida, we will call her Kelly, she says "I hate to be the one to tell you "boot" (this is what she calls me, she used to be in the Navy, and gives he $hit about being a Jarhead)… Kelly says… Gina passed away about twenty minutes ago", (she had lung cancer)… to add more, my cousin's brother (we will call him Gary) is a hospice nurse, and he had been with her, as she had requested, up until the very end, as was my Uncle "E", right there with her.

So, I looked at the clock, noted the time, a little before eight AM east coast time.

I asked Kelly, "what time did Gina actually pass away?, Kelly says about four thirty AM I think, west coast time "boot";… "why"… she asked… I didn't say anything, I told her thank you for telling me, and that I'd pass it along… we hung up~

So there you go… that proves a lot to me… maybe, as we get older, that sense No.6 gets stronger… all I know is that I "felt a disturbance in the force" so to speak, and it woke me from a deep sleep, at about the same time as our beloved Gina slipped away, and I can only imagine the hurt, and extreme anguish that cousin Gary and Uncle "E" must have felt at that very moment, at the same time… it was transmitted out across our families "energy"… our family on has always been very close, sixteen grandchildren, eighteen great grand children... from eight children, the legacy that my Grandparents left us… we were taught love, and compassion, and fear of the Lord… Gary was also present, and listened as Granny's sweet but quite old heart beat its last, and she slipped off into to glory, she was ninety-one… back home in 1997… we are all right there, hanging onto her… after she had gone, we went outside, it was night time, and we picked some azalea blooms off, and placed them around her, they were her favorite… so you see there is a strong bond at work here…

One more line, and I'll shut up… evil, darkness, demonic forces… absolutely hate light, love, nurturing warmth, and absolute pure goodness… evil will seek to destroy this, if it cant, it will runaway... always and without fail… ever heard an old time Preacher "evoke" the name of Jesus… this is powerful stuff here we are talking about… very powerful,

That's all I got to say about that,

Red5

Logged

“We are so used to our own history, we do not see it as remarkable or out of the ordinary, whereas others might see it as horrendous. Further, we tend to minimize that which we feel shameful about.” {Quote} Patrick J. Carnes / author,
empath
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 842


« Reply #80 on: March 30, 2019, 12:47:02 PM »

Not sure what is happening to my post...  

 
Excerpt
evil, darkness, demonic forces … absolutely hate light, love, nurturing warmth, ... and absolute pure goodness … evil will seek to destroy this, if it cant, it will runaway ... always and without fail …

Yes...  destroy, eliminate, or run away and hide ...   It also hates truth spoken in love...  

I know the shadow, too...  
« Last Edit: March 30, 2019, 12:53:31 PM by Harri, Reason: fixed quote » Logged
HostNoMore
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 360


« Reply #81 on: April 03, 2019, 08:11:42 AM »

The person with this disorder has a brain that is programmed with these behaviors and various coping mechanisms.  BPD tactics are very effective so I believe it gets reinforced within themselves as normal.

They are not evil in and of themselves.  My exBPDgf is actually a quite caring woman until you get close to her. 

Could an external evil entity be using a BPD to test and torment you? Possibly, yes

Is a BPD evil? Yes or no, it depends on the individual. 

It naturally seems quite evil to us.  We don't think the way they do.
Logged
Red5
^
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 1630


« Reply #82 on: April 03, 2019, 10:16:04 AM »

Is a BPD evil? Yes or no, it depends on the individual. 

It naturally seems quite evil to us.  We don't think the way they do.
The same could be said about any of the other clusters...over the centuries, many of these were not understood, hence what we read about throughout history… ie' possessions, exorcism were used to "explain", or "treat"… then over the years, many of these folk wound up in "sanitariums", or "asylums"… hidden away, and lost, invisible to society… albeit very interesting to read about today, yet all in all, an extremely sad history of the mentally, and emotionally misunderstood, "Lucy" is declared insane and sent to an asylum, where she endures traumatic shock treatments for her mental breakdown", we certainly have come a long way in the last two hundred years (?).

*paranoid personality disorder
*schizoid personality disorder
*schizotypal personality disorder

*antisocial personality disorder
*borderline personality disorder
*histrionic personality disorder
*narcissistic personality disorder

*avoidant personality disorder
*dependent personality disorder
*obsessive-compulsive personality disorder

Red5

Logged

“We are so used to our own history, we do not see it as remarkable or out of the ordinary, whereas others might see it as horrendous. Further, we tend to minimize that which we feel shameful about.” {Quote} Patrick J. Carnes / author,
Enabler
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Living apart
Posts: 2790



« Reply #83 on: April 03, 2019, 10:24:14 AM »

"Possessed" people no more
Logged

JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3519



« Reply #84 on: April 03, 2019, 08:06:40 PM »

Excerpt
that gap is where maybe evil resides.

Enabler posted some food for thought here. The “gap”. The gray area between black and white. At least that’s how I’m interpreting it. Maybe it’s a void. A blank space in development. Shifting back and forth without reason. Constantly hitting two walls without being able to slow down in between emotions.

Maybe that gap is made by trauma. Maybe that void is hard to step into to face the hard stuff. Some people can. Others can’t.

People become this way for a reason. It can be a multigenerational thing. I wonder why some turn out better than others.


Logged

“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
Beneck
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 105


Brave heart. Braver brain.


« Reply #85 on: April 04, 2019, 03:33:04 PM »

Hey guys. Interesting little thread here. I'd like to chime in!

I'd like to clarify I do not believe in God, if that makes any difference. However, I fully respect those who chose to do so. In my mind, religion, spirituality and belief are strictly personal matters.

There's evil in everybody, and that can be a good thing, too. Now, people with BPD are no more outright malevolent than people without BPD, HOWEVER their personality disorder entails that they fear abandonment and that they are insecure and immature (at least, in terms of instictual reactions). This means that they are more likely to act selfishly or immaturely than the average person. In short, they are less capable of "controling" their "evil" than the average person. This, however, does NOT make them more evil than the average person.

To quote the thread title directly.

In my opinion, no, there is no "evil external force" involved in a BPD relationship.

I can't speak for anybody else, but me? I'm here for a reason.

And I realize than more than a victim, I've been a "conspirator" in my relationship with the person with BPD. I needed to feel needed. So, I felt safe. Why would a woman be with me other than that she needs me?

Had I had been a healthy individual, I would have paid close attention to the red flags and wouldn't have been with that person in the first place. So, I think healthy individuals rarely, if ever, get caught up in such relationships; the red flags stick out like a sore thumb.

Seems more like a ton of internal forces are at play here, rather than external ;)

But who knows?
Logged
JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3519



« Reply #86 on: April 04, 2019, 07:30:36 PM »

Seems more like a ton of internal forces are at play here, rather than external ;)

But who knows?

Just an exert, but very well said. Inside is where the heart of the matter for everything rests. Great post, Beneck.
Logged

“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
Tsultan
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single for 8 mos.
Posts: 159



« Reply #87 on: April 04, 2019, 08:38:17 PM »

I used to think my exUBPDbf was evil.  I thought he planned all of his emotional manipulations to hurt me.  I had never experienced anything like it before.  When I began to learn as much as I could about the disorder for me it was the beginning of the gift of forgiveness. I was able to detach.  I no longer see it as evil.  Just people hurting very deeply inside. If there is one thing I know, hurt people, hurt people.

We had a chemistry between us for sure and he agrees with this. I saw him a few weeks ago and do you know what he said to me?  "If it makes you feel better this isn't easy for me either."  He is struggling too and he has empathy for me. If you listen to some accounts of what relationships are like for them they are just too painful.  We are a mass of triggers for them.  They have a higher emotional baseline with emotional wounds from an abusive childhood which were never resolved.  I do believe that emotions are energy that can get trapped inside us until we learn to acknowledge them and release them.  They will come out sideways and create all sorts of problems.  I used to experience this myself.  I would have sideways anger that would come out to an innocent bystander.  I started to become aware of this through recovery. 

Do I miss him?  Yes!  I miss the laughter we shared, I mostly miss the way I felt around him. With him I felt uninhibited.  I was able to let my guard down around him. I am still trying to understand why I felt like I could let my guard down around him. That doesn't happen with too many people for me.  That is what I miss the most.  Is missing someone evil?  No.  Not for me.  It's being human.  It's knowing that I loved someone with all my heart. 

The pull that was there for me was part being afraid to be alone, part afraid that I won't find someone that I can connect to again like I connected to him and part of my own comfortable co dependent role in relationships.  That's another story I am a work in progress.  Plus, I grew up around BPD so this probably felt normal to me with an instant connection much like I feel with my sister who has BPD diagnosed. She practically raised me. 

One day I know I am going to look back and say phew,  I dodged a bullet.  However, I am very grateful for the lessons that I have learned from this relationship.  I grew from it and I am a better person for it.  These are all good things. 

Keep focusing on the positive and all the lessons to be learned.

Tsultan

Logged
HostNoMore
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 360


« Reply #88 on: April 05, 2019, 05:30:40 AM »

The same could be said about any of the other clusters...over the centuries, many of these were not understood, hence what we read about throughout history


Precisely.

I've some friends who have been a couple for over 20 years. 

As my male friend's alcohol issues grew in magnitude, he became much more narcissistic.  Every single thing he does to my other friend is premeditated for effect.   She ALWAYS reacts exactly as he plans she would.  Nothing has changed in their relationship dynamic over the entire period other than their dysfunction growing worse.

What matters is what we allow others to do to us that we would never do to others. 

Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: 1 2 [3]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
Ahquei3s
alphabeta
Amethyste
Angie59
ArtistGuy70
AskingWhy
assumezero
At Bay
Avanzando
Baglady
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
calmboom
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
FaintTheGoat
FaithHopeLove
FindingMe2011
Forgiveness
freespirit
GaGrl
ggGreg
Gift to Myself
gotbushels
Harri
hopeandchoices
I Am Redeemed
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Jonthan
Katrinalove
Kwamina
l8kgrl
LLgreen
Longterm
lorymac
lovenature
loyalwife
lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Meridius
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
Mutt
narcdaughter2
needPeace
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
once removed
Only Human
otherlife
palynne
PeacefulMom
Pedro
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
Sad4Her
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SBBayArea
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Silverhope
Skip
songbirdtwo
StillStuck
Swimmy55
Teno
townhouse
truthbeknown
turtleengine501
Ventak
vinnie77
Violet00
wavewatcher
wendydarling
WhatJustHappened?
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zachira
zaqsert

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!