My new husband's ex-wife has been harassing, stalking, slandering, attempting to shame and threatening me for over two years. We just got married in April and then had a backyard ceremony where a friend posted a photo on instagram that she follows. She sent my husband a screenshot of me from the night of our wedding with snarky remarks. That friend blocked her on instagram and that led to an explosion in our friend group which really hurt me. Last night when she dropped her daughter after visitation she sent a text demanding that she be let inside our home and next time will just come inside no matter what. I texted our family counselor the screenshot and she said to answer and say something like we'd love for you to come see our home. We'll let you know when that would be a good time for us. My husband sent that this morning and she replied she would come in if her kids asked her to no matter what next time. What kind of crazy is this and where do we go from here?
Hi Shifty,
Very sorry to hear about all the serious drama going on with the ex-wife of your new husband! When you're just trying to settle down after getting married the (blank) hitting the fan certainly does not help.
The instagram thing is no good. I know from experience with my uBPDw that social media can cause extreme sensitivity to those affected by BPD. My w gets jealous at the drop of a hat if she is not included and that has caused some major family drama that I'm happy to say is finally behind us. She is back on Facebook which is a little alarming but I think she's learned some big lessons along the way. Sorry for the blow up in your friendship group. That can really hit close to home and hurt a lot.
What kind of crazy is this? I don't know if you can call it crazy, exactly, but it sounds like there are some extreme jealousy and resentment at play. She is trying to get back at you, or him or both of you using whatever means necessary. It certainly has some of the hallmarks of BPD - being suspicious, behaving irrationally, and a high level of anger.
Do you know any family friends that practice law or have a lawyer? Get a clear sense of what could happen if she enters your home. Practice empathy when communicating but say what the consequences will be if she does that. "I know you want to come in and you might feel that it would be wrong not to be able to, but I wanted to let you know what might happen if you do".