Asking for advice about how to approach BPD mother's house and belongings

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I expected the message to be what anyone would say - like "have a safe drive" "it was nice to see you" "thanks for coming".

Has she ever said things like that before?

[Couscous]

I expected the message to be what anyone would say - like "have a safe drive" "it was nice to see you" "thanks for coming".

Has she ever said things like that before?

[Notwendy]

I'm not sure. It just seems like something that could be said to anyone, kind of generic, but has she said it? I can't recall lately.

I think in part there's some denial there, even false hope, on my part of some kind of normal exchange. Once she realized I was upset in front of her relatives, she sent these over the top love bombing messages that were so over the top it was ridiculous. "Have a safe trip " doesn't fit either the love bombing or the angry projection.

[Notwendy]

I notice how you have successfully separated yourself emotionally from it.  You are sad “for her” which is empathetic, without allowing her anger and accusatory comments hurt you.  

They did and they didn't feel hurtful for me. Looking at the family pictures, my mother was so beautiful, and she had a husband who was in love with her, a nice home. Sad for her that her BPD kept her from being able to perceive it as such.

[Couscous]

They did and they didn't feel hurtful for me. Looking at the family pictures, my mother was so beautiful, and she had a husband who was in love with her, a nice home. Sad for her that her BPD kept her from being able to perceive it as such.

Reading this makes me feel sad for little NotWendy. She deserved to have had a loving home, healthy parents and a happy childhood.

[Notwendy]

Me too Couscous, and for all of us here.

There were some tough times, but oddly - I didn't perceive myself as unhappy. There were sad moments, but overall, I was generally happy. Home life was chaotic and revolved around BPD mother's moods, her rages- it was not happy but my father managed to get us out of the house, send us to stay with relatives and thankfully- they provided love and stability, even on a short term basis, which is why I believe that having emotionally stable adults in a child's life does make a difference, even if it's not all the time.

If this is what we grow up with, it becomes our "normal" even if it's not normal, we don't know any different. We don't know what we didn't experience. Seeing loving mothers in the movies, or reading about them in a book - it feels like reading about another country that sounds really great but I haven't experienced being there.