Boundaries - Henry Cloud PhD, John Townsend PhD

[JoannaK]

Boundaries Author: Henry Cloud PhD, John Townsend PhD Publisher: Zondervan; Rev Ed edition (April 1, 2002) Paperback: 304 pages ISBN-10: 0310247454 ISBN-13: 978-0310247456

Book Description
Many people have drawn overly flexible boundaries (unwilling to say no, always accommodating others' needs) or overly rigid boundaries (to the point of being righteous and judgmental). Psychologists and inspirational speakers Cloud and Townsend show readers how to set reasonable boundaries in order to follow the true path of Christianity.
 
This book has become immensely popular, most likely because it makes personal boundaries easier to define and is filled with spiritual purpose. Some cautions: the format can be overly self-helpish for such a complex discussion and the authors at one point imply that judicious spankings may be an acceptable form of setting boundaries with children.
 
Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us, mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts, emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions.
 
About the Author
Henry Cloud is a clinical psychologist with a unique ability to connect with his audiences. He is a graduate of Southern Methodist University, having earned a BS in psychology with honors. He completed his PhD in clinical psychology at Biola University and his clinical internship at Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health. His philanthropic interests lie in the area of homelessness and the inner city, as well as Third World missions and development. He serves on the board of the Los Angeles Mission, a rescue mission on Skid Row in downtown Los Angeles.
 
Cloud has written or co-written nineteen books, including the million-seller Boundaries. In his consulting practice, he works with leaders of organizations and corporations, from family-held firms to Fortune 25 companies and non-profit organizations.
 
John Townsend is a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist.  Born and raised in North Carolina, Dr. Townsend earned his BA in psychology at North Carolina State University, graduating with honors. He went on to obtain his Master of Theology degree from Dallas Theological Seminary, again with honors, and then his Masters and PhD in clinical psychology from Biola University in California.
 
A prolific writer, he has authored or co-authored eighteen books, and has sold over four million copies.

[turtle]

I've read the book entitled "Boundaries" (the cover looks different than your photo) about five or six times.  I still refer back to it when I feel I'm having trouble setting or maintaining appropriate boundaries.

The thing that I liked most about this book was that it started off with a day in the life of a woman without any, or very few, boundaries. Her life is total chaos. She is overweight, she is over committed, she's doing ALL the household chores and raising the children, plus she works full time and is getting pushed around there too. Then, the book goes on to discuss why boundaries are needed, what they look like, and why they work for EVERYONE involved!  Then they end the book with a day in the life of this same woman with her boundaries now in place.  It's a pretty drastic difference and it makes you want to get your own boundaries lined up.

I think this book is EXCELLENT!

Turtle

[Mollyd]

Yeppers - the cover of this book listed here isn't the one I've seen.

What I like about the book is it does a nice job of dis-entangling some of the judeo-christian myths that feed some of the codependent behaviors that are mirrored in the non-pd relationship.  It addresses how one in an unhealthy relationship thinks they "should" treat others and themselves, and attempts to make a solid case (supported by Christian scripture) of what healthy boundaries really look like - and personal responsibility that really takes. 

From a psychological perspective, Cloud and Townsend attempt to make the Bowenian concept of differentiation understandable.  From my pov, they do a nice job, while they overlay the Christian perspective onto healthy/unhealthy relationships.

Molly

[gingie]

Has anyone read Better Boundaries?

I have picked up this book a hundred times and cant get past the first chapter. 

[surrealist]

Hi Gingie,

Why aren't you getting past the first chapter?  Is it packed with info that's really hitting you and it feels thick?  Or does it lose you?

surrealist

[gingie]

No, nothing that I cant handle... .maybe it is the style of writing that I am not enjoying... I really cant put my finger on it. I dont want to waste my time trying to read a book that others read and got the same feeling about.  If someone knows about a good boundaries book, let me know. 

[Skip]

You may want to explore this book series:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=59097.0

We have some references to the actual work in our workshop from Tammy (former moderator):

https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries

This material is as much spiritual as it is self help - but not preachy.  The authors have videos on their site so you can get a goof feel for the style:

www.cloudtownsend.com/

Hope this helps.

Skip

[gingie]

Thank ya much Skippy!

[turtle]

Gingie --

"Boundaries" - Townsend and Cloud or Cloud and Townsend -- can't remember right now.

This book was a great turning point for me.

I think I've read it three times and STILL refer to it sometimes.

The beginning of the book opens up showing a day in the life of a woman without boundaries.

The end of the book shows a day in the life of that same woman with good boundaries in place.

Sometimes, I just read the beginning and the end to remind myself to stay on track.

Turtle

[AXA]

I have read both this book and "Boundaries in Dating".

I come from a non-Christian upbringing and non-Western faith, yet this book was very easy to relate to because it was "REAL" in the method and deliverance  of "God's" words to the readers.

Both of these books from the authors have given me the backbone I needed, since  living with a very domineering, tyrant uBPD mother with an Enabling father who's behavior I modeled,  letting my uBPD mother get away with EVERYTHING doomed the way I dealt with people in my 20s.

I found this book accidentally at the library in my late 20s and wish I could get a copy of it.

Though I do have  "Boundaries in Dating" which I purchased early this year, and re-read it frequently for reinforcement.

[Skip]

We have a great book shopper on the website - it will search all the sources for you and find the best price.

Go to https://bpdfamily.com/book_review/index.htm and select "Best Price" for any book.  Then enter the ISBN for this book which is: ISBN-13: 9780310200345

Hope this helps!

Skippy

[Abigail]

They have several different "Boundary" books out.  I just recently got the audio book version from my library of "Boundaries in Marriage".  It was excellent!  A great resource for nons married to someone with BPD.

Abigail

[dhow]

Meh.

I voted fair.

Personally, I felt there's too much emphasis on the biblical reference. Hard to get to the meat of the subject. That being said, the information, after filtering is good.

[sandpiper]

I haven't seen this book but I did get a copy of 'Better Boundaries: Owning and Treasuring Your Life' by Black and Enns, I think it was.

I got a lot out of it and it was one of those books that people kept seeing on my coffee table, reading while I was making them a cuppa and then deciding after a flick that they wanted their own copy.  It wound up going through my diverse circle of friends, their families, their workmates and friends, and got good reviews from all.

Ginge, I'm not sure what it is about the book that doesn't appeal to you, I guess its just one of those things that you need to find something that suits you and works for you and this may not be  it.

I gave a copy of the book to the library at my carer's group, somebody there grumbled that they thought that the book was repetitive.

I asked my group of friends for feedback and they all said that they thought that it reinforced a number of points but that this was done to build on what was being learned.

I chuckled when I read the review saying that the other book showed at first the life of someone with no boundaries and then it went back and showed what her life was like with boundaries in place and working well... .as I haven't read it and suspect its not specifically targeting the BPD family demographic, I'm picturing someone who's been split in back and shoved into the doghouse and then has to deal with smear campaigns and smokescreens all over town... .oh, and then there's the pitting of children and siblings, relatives and total strangers against you... .boundaries firmly in place, and chaos reigns outside that magic circle.

Seriously, I did find the book very useful.

[AXA]

If you already own the book and would like to read articles by the authors, here is a list of their online articles on relationships, etc.



www.cloudtownsend.com/library/articles.php

[LtL]

We have a great book shopper on the website - it will search all the sources for you and find the best price.

Go to https://bpdfamily.com/book_review/index.htm and select "Best Price" for any book.  Then enter the ISBN for this book which is: ISBN-13: 9780310200345

Hope this helps!

Skippy

Men; Don't be intimidated by the cover for the book Making Dating Work Boundaries in Dating. It's also a new cover, and now apeals to the women consumers more. And works for marketing identity, relating the books to the others. The old cover works better; giving a sense that boundaries HELP our relationship, and can bring us together. I have the old cover, and thought the book was great. We are here to discuss the content of the books not the covers.

Boundaries I need to finish reading. I will speak honestly here. I have been having dificulty starting it.

Maybe it is not my time to read it. Maybe I will read the chapters that I find more interesting first.

The book titled Safe People kicks butt.

[LtL]

Yup, I just opened up the book Safe People again. I feel it's like night and day compaired to Boundaries. For me it seems to read better, I have more interest in it, and it applies directly to BPD.

[briefcase]

I just finished Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend and am halfway through their later Boundaries in Marriage.  Both books are excellent at explaining some pretty fundamental principles and helping readers focus on changing themselves not other people.  The biblical references that appear throughout the book are more illustrations of their psychological points and not very heavy handed.  I am not particularly religious and don't like to be "preached at" or "converted" and the authors biblical references didn't bother me in the least. 

These books (and probably anything else by these authors) is worth the read. 

--BC

[healinghome]

i've just read this book, and although they have many suggestions on how to enforce personal boundries, i found it too preachy and constant references to certain religions and bible quotes.  i have nothing against people having religious beliefs... .but felt they layed it on too thick.  i returned the book today. a bit of a let down to be honest.

[1bravegirl]

I read both of those books. Boundaries and Better boundaries and I really got a lot out of both as well.

Especially Better boundaries...    Excellent read!   Loved it!  Two thumbs up...

I got it from the library both of them actually and wish i had my own copy to go back and read and reread regularly.

Definitely a turning point in my thinking.    xoxo

[blackandwhite]

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

by Henry Cloud and John Townsend




Book Description

Mod note: Boundaries explores the topic from an explicitly Christian perspective.

Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances — Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions — Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others — Spiritual boundaries help people of faith to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator — Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

About the Authors

Dr. Henry Cloud is a speaker and co-host, with Dr. John Townsend, of the nationally broadcast radio program, and cofounder of Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources.  

Dr. John Townsend, clinical psychologist, speaker, and co-founder of Cloud-Townsend Resources, has authored or co-authored nineteen books.

   * Pub. Date: March 2002

   * Publisher: Zondervan

   * Format: Paperback, 304pp

   * ISBN-13: 9780310247456

   * ISBN: 0310247454

[Aurylian]

This is the book that started it all for me.  I was codependent and had no boundaries, completely enmeshed with my wife.  I read the "Boundaries in Marriage" version, which has more specific content to couples.  Highly recommended.  Maybe the most impactful book in my life at that time.

It goes through a solid description of what boundaries are, why they are important, what they should look like, and how to interact with people that don't like boundaries.

It is written by Christians, but don't let that set anyone back.  The book has great tools that are general in nature. 

Highly recommended.