I don't have a narcissistic disorder, but I did test high for some of its traits, but I can't say that I understand it. All I know is that I do intellectualize as a form of a defense mechanism, and it was something I learned when I had to fend for myself in an abusive childhood. No one took care of me... .There is a lot of it here on the board…  :P

I am into my good looks, but I don't need them to go to the store or walk the dog, but once I was into them in a big way to hide my low self-esteem. I used to get dressed as my therapy (and not trashy), if I looked better I would feel better about myself.  It gave me confidence when my beauty was admired, it help distract me from the damage I felt from my childhood, but I was not a flirt nor a prowler for men.  After I worked on my hang-ups I am now more into having a man who truly loves me for whom I am.  I can tell when a man looks at me for sex as oppose to a man who connects with me on a spiritual level.  Ummm, I am intellectualizing.  

I have been asked a couple of times by experts if they could write about me, but I always turn them down because I don't want the attention. My Christian-psychological-upbringing did not allow me to develop the taste to manipulate people as a sport, or to get my way.  I do love to go inside of my head; the benefit is I come up with so many solutions to my problems that I get respect from my peers. I've been told I am a "smarty pants" (warmly), but dBPDH never liked how smart I was. Hated it because he could not control me when I was right (I really was), he got frustrated because it made it harder for him to knock me down.  I had so much faith in myself, I did not argue, I just keep trucking all the while wondering what was eating at him. He always made me feel bad, and I seconded guessed myself: "Was I mean. Unloving, Rude to him". He was always angry that I exercised my freedom of consciousness and freewill that he could not control.  

What I think he liked about me, he was a typical man who liked a beautiful woman, and SEX... .he could care less about my brains. Darn my once low self-esteem problem. This is an interesting post, it gave me something to explore for about five minutes  (The last statement is a joke of what a Narcissist would say).  

Ann

I will admit that I am a Cerebral Narcissist,  not officially diagnosed,  but I have evaluated my behavior and thought processess after discovering that my stbxw is uBPD,  I believe that she is also extremely narcisistic,  nearly everything has to be her idea, or her way.

When we met,  everything fell right into place.   I needed someone to appreciate me,  she needed someone to need her. Same religious background, and she became a zealot.

My parents fit this pairing,  I believe that both of my brothers have relationships that fit this as well.  

The article I cited also says:

"A BPD who also has HPD (Histrionic) will be attracted to both kinds of narcissists.

But a BPD with narcissistic traits (overlay) is likely to be attracted to the cerebral narcissist.

A BPD who is also codependent would be attracted to the type of narcissist that her parent was. "

So there you have it cerebral narcissists. You can attract the following (on my interpretation of the above paragraph):

*BPD's with N traits;

*BPD's with Histrionic traits (though you'll have to compete with non-cerebral narcissists for these); and

*BPD's that are also codependents - you'll have a 50/50 chance with these, depending on whether their parent was a cerebral narcissist.

I'd be interested to know how the author (Sam Vaknin) arrived at such precise conclusions. I'm sure he is a very clever man (he is a cerebral narcissist after all), but he gives no evidence for these comments.

So, I've been giving this a lot of thought lately - especially after I came to the conclusion that my ex is both BPD and NPD.  Stronger in the BPD category, but also has a heavy dose of NPD.  And I'd always suspected this, from the moment I met her.  Always looking at herself in the mirror, taking photos of herself, an unhealthy concern for how she looked when she went out in public, what she was wearing, etc, etc.  She is extremely attractive yes, but seems to ride on this feature a little too much.  Using it to her advantage as a way to manipulate men into getting what she wants from them.  I like to call it "helpless hot girl" syndrome.

Anyway, while doing my researching on NPD, I'd also read that NPD's and BPD's tend to be drawn to one another.  I've asked my T about this, as I started to suspect that perhaps I was NPD.  She told me that yes, I probably have some N traits (most people do) but that I am definitely NOT NPD as I maintain a very strong sense of empathy and compassion for the feelings and well-being of people in my life.  NPD's lack this completely.

According to everything I've read, NPD's are incapable of real love.  They THINK they are.  But what they're actually doing is confusing love with narcissistic supply/adoration.  If someone adores them, puts them on a pedestal (i.e. puts up with their bull___) then they see this as the greatest thing ever and believe it to be love.

But it's not love.  They're incapable of Love.  

BPD's apparently, as I understand it, are very similar.  Also incapable of love.  In their case, they confuse CONTROL with love.  Having control over someone's emotions is equated with love for a BPD.  But, again, it's not REAL love.

I don't know how NPD I really am.  In some ways, I definitely think that I have Cerebral NPD traits, however I don't think it taints my ability to maintain empathy with the important people in my life.  I do know however, that my ex left me to be with a guy who is well known for being NPD.  

If, according to all that's out there, that Narcissists are incapable of real love.  And, if you think that the BPD you are/were in a relationship with is/was someone you were deeply in love with.   What do you think was actually going on?  Was it love or was it adoration/idolization?  Was it control?

I dunno, I've been thinking of this a lot lately.

Yeah, I would admit to being a "cerebral narcissist." But, I do get tired of all these armchair diagnoses and the "pidgeon-holing." I am curious, if the label or Dx "cerebral narcissist" comes with a judgemental eye from the non-cerebral narcissist? If so, what is the differecne between someone who DOES have a higher intellect (and yes folks, there are smarties and less than smarties in the world, let's not even debate that... .need examples? Asimov, Sagan, Einstein, Piaggliucci, etc... .and no, I am not saying I belong to that high a level or group) and someone who has obvious greater physical attributes? Why is it that those with higher IQ's (and the ability to USE them i.e. WISDOM) are turdized? While the meatheads who throw an oblong ball down a field and beat the hell out of others are held up to be heros? And again, I am an athlete. I grew up in a household of professors and academics. I was born and raised to use the intellect I was fortunate enough to get through those genes. So, I am not sure I like the idea of "cerebral narcissist" to begin with. I do not go around waving a flag of "Hey world... .my IQ is_____" or "Here you go with this theorum, I figured it out!" But i do feel thatr in many MANY situations, my intellect is more advanced than many around me. I am sure it could even be illsutrated, as is what we do when we have athletic competitions.

Okay, that said, yes, I have unfortunately attracted a BPD (and possibly two. The first was certainly a BPD poster child through her behavior and actions, and her upbringing sure stacked the deck in favor of her being BPD, but I will never know for sure) and it was hell on earth!

Eric

My story is the same as most people on her is . the honeymoon was amazing then the push and pull started. she could just not  have one person in her life. she would run to her ex girlfriend when i was not enough for her and then run back to me when the ex was to much for her.

she would tell me  one day how amazing i was

how she loved are life together

loved doing everything that i loved doing.

she remodeled my house .

the inside and the outside.

the neighbor loved her because she did there yards also.

i love the attention she would give me .

when the hell started she would tell me that she hated me

that she cheated because i mad her mad.

that she double the value of my home and how i did not like it or care

how my dog hated me.

you name it she said it.

i told her one day that she fed my ego and this is why i am so addicted to her.

the push and pull put me in the mental hospital.

she devalued me to everybody her son put me in the hospital with physical abuse.

I have been out for 6 months now.

i seen the forum about lonely child and it made sense to me . she was so much like my mother . they could of been twins.

but then i see the forum and it always talks about vulnerable narcissism . now i know the reason she got me was she was all about my ego

i would of did anything for her to tell me i was great as i wished my mother would of.

i became so addicted to her that i gave up my own life for her life.

me and both of her exs have never been able to let her go. i alway thought it was a trama bond or addiction.

i am rambling . sorry

i know i am codepent. that is a giving . but is the vulnerable narcissism what keeps me hooked to her .

god if she came back i would be crazy enough to take her back just for the ego bust. i never cared if she loved me i never cared if she cheeted. i just wanted her . sick very sick.

does anybody have any information on vulnerable narcissism or a book that i can get to give me information.

thanks everybody