Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
September 25, 2022, 05:15:15 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Once Removed, I Am RedeemedTurkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, Kells, Mutt, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
PSYCHOLOGY: Help us build this database.
26
Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: BEHAVIORS: Anger and Rage and passive aggression  (Read 739 times)
Person2

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: No contact
Posts: 46



« Reply #30 on: February 05, 2020, 09:17:10 AM »

I’m surprised to learn that passive aggressiveness is not a identifier for BPD.

Although my mother has not been professionally diagnosed with BPD, after learning of the disorder, I feel confident that she has this disorder.

In my experience, her use of passive aggressiveness, as a tool to manipulate others to meet her needs/wants, is her primary way of interacting.

Maybe it is a byproduct of the disorder that is common?
Logged


Crispy Waffle

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced!
Posts: 37



« Reply #31 on: August 26, 2020, 05:24:01 PM »

The lack of frequent outward, stereotypical "rage" from my estranged wife left me questioning, at first, whether she was BPD. But then I started finding more info on "quiet rage" and realized that in fact, she is a very angry person, but it doesn't manifest in the way we typically think of anger and rage. She will cry and emote, going into the overt blaming mode, and while considering all of this I also recalled those moments where she would let out these primal screams and then rail at me, accusing me of being so abusive, damaging, etc. And I realized that typically happened when I really pushed back hard on her when she would be engaging in the heavy blaming and/or insisting on being right, getting her way, etc. I learned to cave and avoid her BS by capitulating over the many years, but in hindsight I realized that often if I pushed back on her more significant (frequent) boundary violations she went ape-$hit! Stand your ground, and they can't handle running out of ammo.
Logged
Blank
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Confidential
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: Other
Posts: 1


« Reply #32 on: April 17, 2022, 05:30:23 AM »

Ok, Hello Everyone! I am new here. Smiling (click to insert in post)

I read most of the comments, I did not read them all, so I apologize in advance if this was already said.

Irritation, anger and rage are very different. I have experience them all, numerous times. That said, BPD rage is different. I am going to give you an inside look at my experience. I am also going to paraphase loosely some other peoples information for ease and clarity. I am also going to put them on a 1-10 scale of where I would personally rate them on an anger scale.

Irritation/Annoyance: We have all felt this. The supermarket line was a good example. 2.5/10

Anger: Physiological changes like jaw clenching, etc. (I liked the example the guys previously used.) 5/10

Rage: Loss of control of your anger. Instability, and impaired reasoning due to emotional overwhelming. 8/10

Obviously these are all on a spectrum, but that is how I would rate them normally.

There are 2 things in my experience that are unique to BPD.
I have BPD raged numerous times as well, and it does not fit these feelings. It is completely different. It scares people. It shifts rooms.

As the person who experienced this, I can tell you my feelings at the time:

Everything was normal, then something was said. Did I hear that right? "What?..."
Everything stops. (Brain going into Hyperdrive) How to react? What just happened? He spit in our face...

Trigger Warning(Violence)



At this moment, Something inside is screaming danger! The path in our brain that the instance is linked to is out of our control. I was unstoppable.

Before I knew it I had them slammed through a wall with their feet dangling. They disrespected me, they assaulted me, and they threatened me. I logically understood that he was a kid. I logically understood that he was a troubled child just like me. It didn't matter. What he did triggered my specific reaction to that situation. The abuse I suffered was humiliation, physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, instability. Him spitting on me was a trigger of disrespect and humiliation. Him and I have no issues now, but this was a long time ago.

This reaction is out of context of what many people with bpd may experience, as I am on the more extreme end. Violence was how I was raised. Please do not think that violence is a normal, or acceptable action with or without BPD.

The Second thing. Splitting
I will tell you what it feels like. and what I have been told it looks like. First, the looks. Consistently people have told me that when i get angry, after a certain point, i go blank. (Blank look on face, no emotion, cold seething hatred, disdain, or any number of descriptions have been applied) This is also something that I can feel.
At this point, when I go "Blank"
This is another shift feeling for me. Of something shifting. The intensity is dependent on the relationship. The last person I split from was my best friend of 25 years. He threatened by job security, my livelihood. Something I never thought he would do. The betrayal was massive! My soul was torn into shreds. The pain of that betrayal was lightning fast, and the rage came instantly. I let go, and launched into full on attack mode arguing(Verbal disagreement, not physical) with him. Him and I have never had a fight in 25 years. But he had never betrayed me like this before. My best friend. I cried, I yelled, I stomped, and paced. But I would not put this into a bpd rage category, just a normal rage. Something happened during the argument that was the final straw. How could he betray me like this? I dont even remember what it was he said, but when he said it, it was like the final confirmation. The argument was me voicing my pain and showing my feelings. That means that it can still be fixed. (We should have taken some time apart before trying to hash it out) Once he said, "Insert whatever you want here, it was personal trigger related." It was a shift feeling. (Kind of like the sound pneumatic tubes make when a tube arrives). I no longer cared. I couldn't afford to. With my emotional sensitivity, losing my best friend would kill me. not just my best friend, but the guy who was my safe place away from home. The guy who taught me everything good in my life. I put up a barrier. He could see it. The sadness in his eyes when he realized it is one of my greatest regrets. He recognized that our friendship was over in that moment. And I didn't care. I couldn't. If the only person who has ever made me feel safe and ok was about to reject me, then I'm gonna die. I cant handle that. {Brain: Shut off all emotion for Best Friend. He is going to hurt us.}

This is the best way I can describe it from my point of view. I hope this helps people who deal with BPD sufferers on a daily basis. The best advice I can give, is to be clear. Set clear boundries. Don't say things you don't mean. We can tell. Don't lie, we can tell. Don't feed the emotions. Arguing with a calm person is difficult. Listen to us, and make us feel valid.

The best way I can describe it in a metaphorical nutshell is like, standing on the beach. Normal people will stand at the edge of the water, and dip their toes in, or maybe wade a bit. Some further will go chest deep. And rarer still, are the ones that swim. Suffering from BPD is like being caught in the undertow. We are just struggling to stay alive even though we are drowning in emotions. Everything is turned up to 100/10.
Logged
Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Links and Information
CLINICAL INFORMATION
The Big Picture
5 Dimensions of Personality
BPD? How can I know?
Get Someone into Therapy
Treatment of BPD
Full Clinical Definition
Top 50 Questions

EDITORIAL DEPARTMENTS
My Child has BPD
My Parent/Sibling has BPD
My Significant Other has BPD
Recovering a Breakup
My Failing Romance
Endorsed Books
Archived Articles

RELATIONSHIP TOOLS
How to Stop Reacting
Ending Cycle of Conflict
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Values and Boundaries
On-Line CBT Program
>> More Tools

MESSAGEBOARD GENERAL
Membership Eligibility
Messageboard Guidelines
Directory
Suicidal Ideation
Domestic Violence
ABOUT US
Mission
Policy and Disclaimers
Professional Endorsements
Wikipedia
Facebook

BPDFamily.org

Your Account
Settings

Moderation Appeal
Become a Sponsor
Sponsorship Account


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!