Well, many people displaying BPD traits have a tendency to jump from one relationship to the next.  However, if you've lived apart for nearly a year then in today social climate that's not all that surprising.

Most states follow the no-fault divorce process where infidelity isn't even a factor for divorce.  If you're asking whether you should inform the attachment guy that you're in a divorce or give him clues, there is a risk of things getting sticky if you speak out.  Maybe others here can speak out about the pros and cons, but my inclination would to be cautious and let them live their lives.

No children together, married only about 5 years.  She has employment, likely little basis for her to seek alimony since these days alimony is usually only short term for the disadvantaged spouse to transition into post-marriage life.  Is there basis for the divorce still not completed?  Many people with BPD traits perceive themselves as victims so her making unrealistic claims is not surprising.

No I live about five minutes from campus and she lives about thirty minutes away. She still has one year left and will live on campus during the school year and I work literally a couple blocks away from campus.

The past couple weeks have been just stagnant. I’ve been waiting and living my life. Until yesterday, her birthday, where she still has me blocked on iMessage and I liked a post on instagram of hers and then she blocked me. Besides the actual deans office meeting she has never talked to me or texted me. It seems that these blocks are purely emotional and just reactions to what I do. I just thought she would be less reactive to only a like at this point but I guess not.

Thanks.

Sending you hugs  
Had a conversation with our 19 year old last night (not BPD, but her mom has many traits). She wants to make permanent, life altering changes to her body, that I just cannot support or validate. I had to remind myself that at least she was talking to me, maybe she felt heard, and I did the best I could by not turning it into a big argument. And, every day that she does not make those changes, she is one day closer to being older with a more mature brain, that will maybe think twice.
It helped me last night to know that you were going thru something similar. It is hard having a young adult child when BPD is in the mix!
I hope you get some moments of peace today. We are road tripping with our youngest and a friend to camp for a night, and the two of them are being pretty funny, so I am just enjoying having non stressful time with a kid.
How does your weekend look?

My daughter is 35 years old married  diagnosed with BPD. I undergo lot of stress dealing with her. I myself was suffering  with many depressive disorders during my children's birth and during their growing years

Hi Popcorn27,
Good to hear that the stuff at the dean’s office is resolved.
Now that graduation is over, do you have plans to move away, or does she, as far as you know?
Fill us in some more on how the last few weeks have been for you;
kells76

It has been a while since I've updated here, I have been mostly at peace with my situation since I filed for divorce over a year ago and my uBPD spouse moved out.    There has been an ongoing legal struggle over money, she is basically trying to get as much as she can and is making claims that are probably going to fail in court but it is still distressing.   

And there is something troubling me, maybe not a whole lot, but it is weird and I just wanted to talk about it somewhere.   She attached herself to another guy that is kind of a key figure in my community, and seems to be making a point of advertising to everybody that she is with someone else though public displays of affection.   I think she is just rebounding and trying to hurt me, and I also know this guy has no idea what he is getting into but he is a friend of mine.   Not a close friend, but someone I have known for a while.  He said nothing to me about it.  I am not sure what I am feeling about this.    I don't know if he knows what she is doing on the legal side with me either.   But it doesn't seem like there is anything I can do or say about it, so I am having to process this privately.

Anybody have experiences like this?

988 is a Suicide and Lifeline support number.

Much about the Borderline experience is about perceptions, prejudices, moods and feelings.  Facts and reality get overwhelmed and denied.

The triggers for a person with BPD traits can vary.  It often can be worsened by perceived childhood traumas but not always.

Having children together can make ending all contact impossible after a failed relationship since there are custody and parenting schedules.  That was my story.  I was clueless that I was dealing with serious mental dysfunction and hoped having a child would make my then-spouse happy with a new life to share.  That backfired big time.  As much as children are blessings, it can end the adult relationship sooner.


Time will reveal all, usually.  Getting our lives back is a process, not an event, and can be compared to struggling through a long dark tunnel but there's a bright spot ahead to focus upon and life will then get much better.

I'm sorry for her... This is very very heartbreaking

Hello, all. This is my first time here, so thank you for reading through. I'll try to be brief.

My husband and I are both trans and queer and we have been together for 15 years. We have done our transitions together, faced family estrangement together, and have stayed together despite a lot of setbacks.

About a year and a half or two years ago, my husband was diagnosed with BPD. We've always fought a lot and trigger each other sometimes (both of our mothers were also BPD), but we have always tried to work through it.

Lately, though, it feels as though things just won't improve anymore. I see 2 therapists regularly--a talk therapist and then a DBT therapist. I work hard to try and implement all the things I learn, but my husband is currently not seeking therapy (although he has for many years).

Each time we fight, I try to use the things I learn to take accountability, reassure him, express my feelings, but every time I improve on one skill a new issue pops up. First, he would go into a rage because I 'never apologized'. When I started apologizing more, it was because I 'didn't share my feelings with him'. When I shared my feelings more, it was 'you need to validate my feelings, not talk about yours'. Continue that cycle into infinity. It often feels that every time I improve, the goal post gets moved further along. Sometimes it feels as though I will never improve enough for him.

Meanwhile, I'm struggling as the only one working, making sure our apartment stays clean, managing all of our bills, and ensuring that he has the right kinds of food in the house to avoid his splitting.

I'm feeling so lost. I have few friends and all of my family is estranged because I am trans. We love each other very much and I know that this illness must weigh so heavily on him. But I also feel as though my own feelings and worth have been completely overshadowed by his extreme needs. I admit that I am not healed from my own mental health issues and I know that there are definitely things I need to improve on.

I supposed I'm curious if others have been in this kind of situation and what, if anything, worked for them to improve their situation. I think I'm also just looking for other people who have experienced this so that I don't feel quite so alone.