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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: if you find yourself going through hell... keep going  (Read 445 times)
lostinkansas
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: single
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« on: March 09, 2010, 09:13:47 PM »

My ex BPD gf was sexually abused by her father for many years. (A sure way to "make" a BPD.)

Do you think they abuse their bf/husbands as a sort of surrogate punishment since they cannot always go back and punish the person that abused them? Sort of like a missplaced retaliation or revenge?
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Im.okay.now
Formerly Whataride
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Relationship status: In a great relationship with someone who isn't nuts !
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« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2010, 03:04:43 AM »

who knows for sure ? but it could be and more than likely
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2010
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« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2010, 04:57:57 AM »

No. The disorder isn't about seeking revenge- it's about fear. But she would likely choose a mate that triggers repressed memories of feared circumstances in a repetition compulsion. www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repetition_compulsion
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Tippy
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« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2010, 06:43:25 AM »

She may be projecting her anger out toward you.  This is an anger which can be triggered by anything real or perceived.  Its a defense mechanism to protect a deeply wounded core within.  Its terribly sad for them but so damaging for us on the outside.
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Manon46
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« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2010, 06:54:14 AM »

destructive right, abused children devellop that, not sure if it is the same with sexual abuse.

Can imagine it is...
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