One step forward... two steps backward

[shenanigan247]

I was doing pretty well after moving into my new place in May. 

Now he starts up again... .with texts asking if I would like some company.  I tell him I am too busy. Then He had some property of mine & brought it over.  I told him I won't sleep with him. He storms off.

He then shows up yesterday (a week later) again wanting to have sex.  I tell him I don't want that kind of relationship. He accuses me of putting him down & comparing him to others... .My head is spinning because I have no idea where he got that out of our conversation. He storms out.  I get a text saying he doesn't have to put up with it... ? Huh?

I tell him he makes no sense & I would rather rationalize with a 2 year old.

Then I get a text an hour later... Saying "You sound tense I should come over & get you naked so I can relax you" 

Everytime I am in contact with him it gets stranger... .

I just want him to go away.  At least I have given in to him like in the past. So I must be making some kind of process... .

[Bioman]

I was doing pretty well after moving into my new place in May. 

Now he starts up again... .with texts asking if I would like some company.  I tell him I am too busy. Then He had some property of mine & brought it over.  I told him I won't sleep with him. He storms off.

He then shows up yesterday (a week later) again wanting to have sex.  I tell him I don't want that kind of relationship. He accuses me of putting him down & comparing him to others... .My head is spinning because I have no idea where he got that out of our conversation. He storms out.  I get a text saying he doesn't have to put up with it... ? Huh?

I tell him he makes no sense & I would rather rationalize with a 2 year old.

Then I get a text an hour later... Saying "You sound tense I should come over & get you naked so I can relax you" 

Everytime I am in contact with him it gets stranger... .

I just want him to go away.  At least I have given in to him like in the past. So I must be making some kind of process... .

can you not block his calls ? why are you texting him back when you have moved on you need to keep that door closed

or you are giving him false hope he might just pick up on one single word and he thinks he is back with you

(you put Every time I am in contact with him it gets stranger... .) you need to try not to respond it might be hard only you have the key

Bioman

[bpdspell]

The classic boundary busting of BPD inappropriateness. The only thing is... .it takes two to play that game of shenanigans. If he's showing up to your door and you're letting him in... .it only signifies to him that you aren't completely finished. We we're done with them; they know because we make it %1000 percent crystal clear.

A BPD can only go as far as you allow them. And the contact isn't strange. It's actually quite crystal clear. He wants to know if he still has power over you. He wants to know if you're still emotionally available to him... .He likes the chase... .he knows you can't resist him... .he knows you're still weak for the love and the relationship.

In his mind it's only a matter of time before you cave in. I know the "loving the chase but not wanting to fully recycle but not wanting to close the door" game. It took me a couple of recycles before I was "stick a fork in it" donzo. We all get up from the table when we're full.

Check your own motivations for not closing the door for good. This is where honesty with yourself lives.

Spell

[Mutt]

In his mind it's only a matter of time before you cave in. I know the "loving the chase but not wanting to fully recycle but not wanting to close the door" game. It took me a couple of recycles before I was "stick a fork in it" donzo. We all get up from the table when we're full.

Spot on BPDspell!

[shenanigan247]

Good point! This is something that baffles me as well.  I can answer some of those questions... .well kind of.  I am paying him a car payment every month but have been mailing it.  And will continue to do so.

He disgusts me & I am so disgusted with myself yet I see so clearly (now more than ever) how he manipulates. I just found out a little over a year ago that he is BPD.  I have been on this rollar coaster for 7 years.  Now it is abundantly clear how he rolls.

And I want nothing to do with him.  But I am a rescuer   I am working on it tho. I have no desire to be with him in any way.

But yes I have alot to learn about myself. Thanks for the insight.  He threw me off track but just for a moment... .so I am learning.

However, goal is not to let him push my buttons ever again.

[SeekerofTruth]

Spot on spell!

247:

Limiting or reducing avenues of contact can make it easier as well.  For example, changing phone numbers could eliminate texts, etc giving you further breathing room.

[Bioman]

Good point! This is something that baffles me as well.  I can answer some of those questions... .well kind of.  I am paying him a car payment every month but have been mailing it.  And will continue to do so.

He disgusts me & I am so disgusted with myself yet I see so clearly (now more than ever) how he manipulates. I just found out a little over a year ago that he is BPD.  I have been on this rollar coaster for 7 years.  Now it is abundantly clear how he rolls.

And I want nothing to do with him.  But I am a rescuer   I am working on it tho. I have no desire to be with him in any way.

But yes I have alot to learn about myself. Thanks for the insight.  He threw me off track but just for a moment... .so I am learning.

However, goal is not to let him push my buttons ever again.

I am paying him a car payment every month but have been mailing it.  And will continue to do so.


is he not working ?

[Emelie Emelie]

Same deal with mine.  He thinks we can just have sex.  I should call when I want to "just get laid".  At least he doesn't show up on my doorstep.

[shenanigan247]

Oh he is working, he is a manager at a company & makes good money.  He paid cash for my car because I have no credit.  So the agreement is that I pay him payments.  This was when we lived together obviously... .

And he constantly reminds me of how he helped me out... However I wouldn't be in the position of needing any help if it wasn't for everything he has put me thru.

I really want nothing to do with him ever again.  It used to be so easy for him to throw out his sad story to reel me in. Now... I am so aware of it & it makes him angry.

So I do see progress on my part... sure I will listen to anyone in need.  But now I have boundries. This last time was a test & I think I passed this time. 

Thanks everyone for the feedback! It keeps me on track.