Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
January 20, 2021, 02:39:41 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Things we can't afford to ignore
Depression: Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts
Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has BPD
My Definition of Love. I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
Codependency and Codependent Relationships
89
Pages: [1] 2 3  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: What were your ex's parting words?  (Read 3815 times)
fromheeltoheal
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« on: December 22, 2013, 04:12:35 PM »

Just had a telling flashback.  I went on a cruise with my borderline ex, supposedly a romantic trip to the Caribbean we were both looking forward to, but in reality was continuous fighting, to the point she kicked me out of the cabin and was being 100% caustic, no resolution to anything as usual, so I spent the better part of the week avoiding her on a cruise ship.  Wasn't too hard with 3500 people on board, but I was lonely as hell and the whole thing felt like incarceration.  I made the best of it, met a lot of people, won some money in the casino.

Finally the day came we finally got to get off the damn boat, I hadn't seen or spoken to her for 3 or 4 days at this point, but we shared a rental car to get to the port, so there had to be a reunion of sorts; I was pissed off enough to strand her 300 miles from home, but my better judgement talked me out of it, didn't want regrets or guilt later.  I changed plans and decided to fly out of an airport that was close, so we ended up spending 20 minutes together in the car, barely spoke, no eye contact.  As I got to the airport and was leaving her with the car to drive home, I told her I loved her and she said "I'm sorry you're not having a good time right now".  Unbelievable!  I didn't know about BPD yet, but having learned, what a complete and total shirking of responsibility, per usual, and why the hell did I stay so long again?  Just made that connection, one of those aha moments we get as we detach.

What were your partner's parting words?  Were they telling?
Logged
mango_flower
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 689


« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2013, 04:21:36 PM »

I'll always love you, you'll always have a little piece of my heart, you were my first love... .

You know I'll pay you back the money... .

I'll send you flowers every day on our "getting together" anniversary, like I did on day 1.

Crap, crap and more crap!
Logged

necchi
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 376


« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2013, 04:33:15 PM »

You,I will always love you --this sentence is programed in their bios, like the karma thing or any behaviors they have!

Sometime it feels like an experimental,genetically modified virus went abound!

They are similar,it's scary even similar doesn't come close when we compare them.

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post), I'm not being to paranoid here ?
Logged
BlushAndBashful
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 642



« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2013, 04:36:47 PM »

Oh, the irony.

Similar story, but not. We took an amazing Caribbean vacation, had a marvelous time, he insisted he was fully committed to making it work... .things got a little hairy on the way back home due to flight delays, bad weather, missed connections... .so we were kinda tense when we landed at the airport. We drove back to our little town, and when we got to my apartment and I got out of his car, I said:

Me: okay, well, I love you. See you later.

Him: Yup!

And then he vanished. He didn't even have the decency to break up with me.
Logged
Aussie0zborn
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 803



« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2013, 04:37:41 PM »

After ringing her lover, a convicted drug dealer and heavily steroid-built thug, in front of me at 1.00am to tell him "it's time", her parting words to me were... .

"You better get out of here before he gets here".

What a f@cking classic!

Logged
Calm Waters
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: married living together
Posts: 219



« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2013, 04:38:11 PM »

I'm calling the police! no I'm not joking, when i confronted her about her undiagnosed BPD
Logged
Waifed
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1026



« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2013, 04:40:45 PM »

I'm calling the police! no I'm not joking, when i confronted her about her undiagnosed BPD

WOW. Same exact thing but she went to the police station and the police called me. I had to google the number because I couldn't believe it!  I wonder why so many of them do this. Loss of control I guess.
Logged
Perfidy
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Divorced/18 years Single/5 months that I know of.
Posts: 1594



« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2013, 04:43:02 PM »

Every single word she ever spoke to me. All parting words. She didn't bother to have "the talk" with me until she had been in another relationship for I don't know how long. Maybe six months, a year? No clue. The fact is she was not planning to stay with me from day one and wouldn't let me end the r/s. she knew that was her job.
Logged
happylogist
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 163



« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2013, 04:45:37 PM »

A long and broad conversation with the following concluding points on his side:

1) sorry he had to leave me at the difficult point of my life, but otherwise he needed to be responsible for me and be commited to me, which he couldn't do

2) everyone is at the end will get better - referring to his ex leaving him and how bad he felt, but eventually he was doing fine. Also bringing an example of a woman he slept with recently.

Both were right points. I am doing much better now and things are only getting better, and he needed to be commited in order to be with me, which he did not want.

Logged
arn131arn
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: living apart
Posts: 826



WWW
« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2013, 04:50:53 PM »

which time?
Logged
Ironmanrises
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1774


« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2013, 04:51:50 PM »

A little background, she initiated the relationship:

At the end of round 1 discard, she tells me "My feelings and love for you were an illusion." and "There is nothing I really like about you Ironmanfalls."

She then comes back 3 months of NC  later, begging and crying for me to let her back in. I do.

At the end of round 2 discard, she tells me "Your love for me was fake." and "There is nothing I really like about you Ironmanfalls."

Note she said the same ___ing thing to me in both rounds and than twisted the first reason backwards from round 1 to round 2. A reflection of the Janus-faced entity.
Logged
fromheeltoheal
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #11 on: December 22, 2013, 04:52:47 PM »

And then he vanished. He didn't even have the decency to break up with me.

Yuck.  That's harsh, I'm sorry that happened.  Mine didn't either, just another incidence of no real communication, ever really, but definitely towards the end.

I'm calling the police!

If I'd acted on what I was feeling, absolutely seeing red, I'd have gone to jail, no question.  Fortunately I took the high road, and am grateful now, no regrets or guilt.
Logged
necchi
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 376


« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2013, 04:52:56 PM »

All the reasoning truth I had for getting out of this none sense ,she mirrored it to me ! She told me she ended it for so and so which were my reason ?

But I got the fucĀ£ out, how can you say you did? Crazy ! Bug of course I didn't reply, I had enough dealing with kids in my life  
Logged
necchi
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 376


« Reply #13 on: December 22, 2013, 04:55:14 PM »

Sorry for the misspelling,it's my BPD phone's fault !
Logged
Mutt
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10278



WWW
« Reply #14 on: December 22, 2013, 04:56:08 PM »

After 8 years I got:

Excerpt
I'm just done. I'm moving on.

That's all that I got from when she said she was leaving until she left 3 1/2 months later.

Simple. To the point. She doesn't have to give an explation. The exact same words came back to me through mutual friends. Thta's what she told them too.

At the time, I thought she was a just stubborn person, albeit the most stubborn person I had met ever, she would never  budge on anything.

I knew it was pointless to try and get her to say anything else. I could tell from the tone of her voice she was convinced and wouldn't be derailed or reasoned with.
Logged

"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
Mutt
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10278



WWW
« Reply #15 on: December 22, 2013, 05:02:26 PM »

"You better get out of here before he gets here".

Man I'm sorry. I would lose it if I heard that.
Logged

"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
so#overit

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 28


« Reply #16 on: December 22, 2013, 05:04:53 PM »

Him:  "Please let me come make it up to you, I'll do anything for you".

Me: "No, its over move on with your life".

Him:  "How long does the paperwork take?"

Not joking, he literally swapped poles within seconds when I didn't give him the response he wanted.

Logged
RecycledNoMore
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 457



« Reply #17 on: December 22, 2013, 05:05:16 PM »

It was the day I got the restraining order, he had followed me to the library where I was waiting for the formalities to be completed, hed walk past, behind me and whisper " this isint over bi***",and smile creepily at me from across the room, he must have got bored because after an hour of this, he stood up and walked towards me, I stood too, ready, I braced myself, I thought he might charge and tackle me to the ground like so many times in the past, he walked over to me, just a few metres between us, he put out his arms, his head slightly cocked to one side, making a hugging gesture, he had the expression of a hurt child, all I could do wad shake my head no.

He dropped his arms, the black shark eyes appeared again, he said " Im guna get you bit**"

He sauntered off out the door, giving me the finger as he left.
Logged
Mutt
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10278



WWW
« Reply #18 on: December 22, 2013, 05:06:23 PM »

Him:  "Please let me come make it up to you, I'll do anything for you".

Me: "No, its over move on with your life".

Him:  "How long does the paperwork take?"

Not joking, he literally swapped poles within seconds when I didn't give him the response he wanted.

Oy.  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
Logged

"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
mango_flower
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 689


« Reply #19 on: December 22, 2013, 05:17:13 PM »

Oh - and I forgot this one:

"You don't make me feel safe anymore"

I HATED that she said that... .it broke my heart.  I swore I'd always look after her and love her, and hearing that made me feel like I'd failed  

There is an element of truth in it too, as I did find myself detaching a bit, as I was stumbling upon things that didn't add up (lies, debt letters etc).

But I never would have left her.  Ever. 

So yeah - the fact that towards the end, I wasn't 100% over-blown romantic, in your face supportive, ignoring all her dark deeds... .means that I didn't make her feel safe anymore.

I still hate myself for that.
Logged

Pretty Woman
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1682


The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« Reply #20 on: December 22, 2013, 05:17:40 PM »

Mine was in an email.

I finally had enough of her blaming me for everything wrong in our relationship.  I told her one of her exes contacted me and I finally had the closure I needed.  She is incapable of fully loving and no matter what I would have done this never could be fixed.  

She responded with " I don't know why you felt the need to contact all my exes but whatever"

(I did not contact all her exes)

"You betrayed me by broadcasting my life story to everyone (I inadvertently warned her new girlfriend who was my friend at the time that she goes back to exes).  I will NEVER EVER trust you again.  I am gone from your life for good"

And she's kept her word.
Logged

Iwalk-Heruns
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 261


« Reply #21 on: December 22, 2013, 05:25:44 PM »

Last spoken words. " IT WOULD BE FUN TO F**k OTHER WOMEN! THIS IS WHY MEN CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES! " Btw we were not married. Looking back this is the only thing he has ever said to me that I know for sure he wasn't lying to me about.

By text : "YOU ARE CRAZY AND INSECURE THERE IS NO ONE ELSE AND I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU." I found out for a fact he did.

Logged
Mutt
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10278



WWW
« Reply #22 on: December 22, 2013, 05:31:10 PM »

By text : "YOU ARE CRAZY AND INSECURE THERE IS NO ONE ELSE AND I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU." I found out for a fact he did.

I read projection. It's the other way around.

The louder and more defensive that they are is to drown out the truth.
Logged

"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
maxen
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2252



« Reply #23 on: December 22, 2013, 05:37:18 PM »

my w lived in deceit with me for (i now believe) seven weeks. came home from work one friday in june, announced that the marriage wasn't working for her, that "there's somebody else," insisted that, by reason of mental reservation, she didn't technically lie while doing this (although in fact she did), said "if you can't take care of her the dog is welcome where i am going", and drove off to move in with the other party.

3 months later, after going home to think about things with her family (who apparently did not make an issue of the fact that she had deceived her husband and was living in adultery), she suggests a dinner to discuss "the possibility of returning home." my heart leapt of course, but it was a sham: "i missed you and just wanted to see you." when i faced her with her deceit she pursed her lips and said "i didn't handle that well." nonetheless, she also said (in between wracking her brains thinking of all the ways i hurt her) that she "didn't know what to do," that she hadn't yet filed for divorce, that "oh no no, i'm not gay" although she left me for a woman and "it's not a fling", and that she would consider going to MC with me (while living with someone else while married to me). (also, she surely didn't tell her homewrecking friend that she was going to dinner with me to discuss leaving her, and that if she isn't gay (and i don't think she is) then she cannot really give emotionally to the person she's moved in with and who thinks that she has a relationship with my wife.)

ten days later, ripped completely in half by my desire for us to get back together and by my violation by her deceit and lack of apology for it, i sent a note whose gist was "you sordid, unappreciative swine, i'm leaving the door open a crack." she answered that she got the note but wasn't going to read it (it was an attachment), and that she was very confused. those were her last words to me, "i'm very confused." my T said, "those are the only true words she's spoken to you this summer."

so yes, telling parting words. by that time my T had put me onto BPD, and a few weeks later i arrived here. there could be little better demonstration of the lack of a core. she doesn't know what to do, she's in a same-sex relationship but isn't gay, she wants to live with a paramour while not divorcing her husband (the paramour, who was fully complicit in all this, has ... .uh ... .a strong personality and tbh may be willing to treat my w in the babied way i couldn't.) also, lack of responsibility/victim complex: "i didn't handle that well" was the most i got out of her about the infidelity. previous attempts to get her to face what she did to me resulted first in silence, than a shrug (literally, a shrug), then "i'm not proud of it!" she pities herself for deceiving her husband!

(ps - popular topic!: "Warning - while you were typing 17 new replies have been posted."
Logged

ShadowDancer
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 502


WWW
« Reply #24 on: December 22, 2013, 05:40:12 PM »

After a couple of months of myself not answering calls or texts I receive this E-mail.  Quote;

                     "I am so happy you are FINALLY letting go of me. Maybe now you can come out of the closet and embrace your true self. I am so excited you arent denying it anymore... I wish you only the best. You go boyyyyy"

I changed ALL of my contact information the very day I received it. Location shortly thereafter. Miles from nowhere.

Anyway all quiet in my life since, other than the occasional typical and yet still painful filtered information I receive about that person, which again reminds me of a life I don't want.

I now still keep this e-mail missive for times like this to remind me just where THAT one was going. Do you suppose she misunderstood my reluctance to "share"? LOL!

Can anyone say pretzel?    

Logged
emotionaholic
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 226



« Reply #25 on: December 22, 2013, 06:08:19 PM »

"I want you to leave right now.  Don't ever call me.  Don't try to reconcile.  This is all on you.  You did this."

You know what I had done.  I had invited my friends to go sailing with me for the afternoon.  I guess she did not feel like #1.  You ask me it was a load of #2
Logged
Jbt857
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 271


« Reply #26 on: December 22, 2013, 06:23:59 PM »

"I met someone else. She's really good to me." (forgetting the tens of thousands of pounds I'd spent making sure he had the best education, the best holidays to all the places he wanted to see, a champagne lifestyle, supporting his family not to mention the hoops I'd jumped through bringing him to my country and the decade of my life I'd given him).

"I don't care if you live or die. Its no longer my concern."

Nice, huh?



Logged
ShadowDancer
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 502


WWW
« Reply #27 on: December 22, 2013, 06:25:24 PM »

The last actual words previous to my last lovely e-mail were by telephone;

She: I am here and I want to see you. I miss you and still love you very much.

Me: I don't think that is a good idea.

She: Why not? I think your just chicken.

Me: Chicken? As in I'm yellow?

She: Yes

Me: O.K... .CLICK!
Logged
ShadowDancer
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 502


WWW
« Reply #28 on: December 22, 2013, 06:29:52 PM »

"I met someone else. She's really good to me." (forgetting the tens of thousands of pounds I'd spent making sure he had the best education, the best holidays to all the places he wanted to see, a champagne lifestyle, supporting his family not to mention the hoops I'd jumped through bringing him to my country and the decade of my life I'd given him).

"I don't care if you live or die. Its no longer my concern."

Nice, huh?


You sound like a mans dream come true! Forget that idiot!... .clink!  
Logged
Jbt857
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 271


« Reply #29 on: December 22, 2013, 06:36:04 PM »

[/quote]
You sound like a mans dream come true! Forget that idiot!... .clink!  [/quote]
Oh, I am. Just not that particular man.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1] 2 3  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
Ahquei3s
alphabeta
Amethyste
Angie59
ArtistGuy70
AskingWhy
assumezero
At Bay
Avanzando
Baglady
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
calmboom
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
FaintTheGoat
FaithHopeLove
FindingMe2011
Forgiveness
freespirit
GaGrl
ggGreg
Gift to Myself
gotbushels
Harri
hopeandchoices
I Am Redeemed
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Jonthan
Katrinalove
Kwamina
l8kgrl
LLgreen
Longterm
lorymac
lovenature
loyalwife
lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Meridius
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
Mutt
narcdaughter2
needPeace
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
once removed
Only Human
otherlife
palynne
PeacefulMom
Pedro
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
Sad4Her
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SBBayArea
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Silverhope
Skip
songbirdtwo
StillStuck
Swimmy55
Teno
townhouse
truthbeknown
turtleengine501
Ventak
vinnie77
Violet00
wavewatcher
wendydarling
WhatJustHappened?
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zachira
zaqsert

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!