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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: What were your ex's parting words?  (Read 3814 times)
Mutt
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« Reply #60 on: December 23, 2013, 09:52:04 AM »

"Imstronghere2 and I are getting divorced.  I'm datable".   



And she was as happy as I've ever seen her.  19 years married doing everything possible to make her happy and it took getting a divorce to accomplish that.   What a colossal waste of time.

No wasting time eh? I'm dumbfounded as to how easily they move on.

There's no closure from the ex's in this thread.
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"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
babyspook

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« Reply #61 on: December 23, 2013, 09:52:46 AM »

Mine left after a very one-sided dispute over my 7 yr old daughter.  My ex absolutely could not stand her and showed her nothing but contempt.  My daughter was scared of this woman.  Anyway, so she moved out in the middle of the night and sent me a very heartfelt email the next morning:

"I am not angry with you.  I am thankful that you were open to try again however I realize now that this marriage is not for us.  We are better off as friends without the demanding expectations to play the role as wife and husband.  We are better off with our individual freedom to enjoy life without worries, guilt or control.  I have always enjoyed your company and I know we have had more fun times then bad times. I will give you all the time you need and will give you the space you need to consider if a friendship is a possibility for us in the future.  I don't want you to feel like I didn't appreciate what we had because I do and I always will.  I hope we can be civil to each other and respect each other for the wonderful times we have shared.   Wishing the best for both of us because we both deserve it!

Respectfully,

BPD ex"

This is her feeble attempt to let me down easy and to temporarily excuse herself from the relationship while she goes out and plays for a while.  This woman has bailed on me 6 times in just two years.  I've filed for a divorce TWICE but but backed out of it when she returned to recycle me again, claiming that we have a special bond and our love for each other is so strong, blah, blah, blah!.  I fear she'll be back to try again in a month or two.  UGH!

 
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #62 on: December 23, 2013, 10:15:33 AM »

Wow!  This thread got a lot of responses and I thank everyone; the dysfunction is the worst at the end, and all of these parting words have been very helpful to me as I remember how completely off the charts crazy my time with her was, and I'm very sorry you guys had that 'experience' too.  Still stunning to me that I tolerated what I did for so long, but lost is lost, and it took leaving and finding you guys to find myself again.
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maxen
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« Reply #63 on: December 23, 2013, 11:46:23 AM »

There's no closure from the ex's in this thread.

no, none at all.
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Pretty Woman
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« Reply #64 on: December 23, 2013, 11:53:29 AM »

Babyspook,

  That is exactly how mine was only she added "we should see other people".

I knew I had been replaced.

I confronted her this time on it and she proceeded to blame me for everything. I threw it ALL out there... .BPD and that her ex contacted me and told me she is unable to fully love, whatever I did would never fix this.

She blocked me on FB, email and phone. I too, was recycled 6x in about 15 mo.

Be strong and just stay out of her way. NC even checking social media.

My ex is friends with ALL her exes except those who dumped her. Do I think she will contact me? Um this time she is pretty mad, like seething and smearing. Only difference is she hasn't filed a restraining order on me like she thretened last time.

I am just staying out of her way, out of her hair and getting the therapy I need to never attract this garbage again.

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Mutt
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« Reply #65 on: December 23, 2013, 12:05:39 PM »

I am just staying out of her way, out of her hair and getting the therapy I need to never attract this garbage again.

Get the poison out of your system. Don't drink the poison again.

I'm happy for you EA.
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Kallor74
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« Reply #66 on: December 23, 2013, 01:38:49 PM »

"I don't care if you live or die. Its no longer my concern"  Wow that is just... .wow.  Mine was after I told her "This is killing me. i can't do this anymore" she goes on to text me some self-help books that i promptly deleted. She then texts me " I can't stop thinking about you!"  I blocked her after that.
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LilMissSunshine
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« Reply #67 on: December 23, 2013, 04:12:46 PM »

For two weeks, prior to going nc I was asking for the return of my stuff.  He ignored my request the entire time.  Finally, I got a "Lets meet swap what we have and wrap it up?  OK?"

Well, I never met him, he still has a bunch of my personal property.  I'm not sure what he meant by "swap" cuz I have nothing of his.  F him.  He can keep all my girly stuff for all I care.

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« Reply #68 on: December 23, 2013, 09:01:50 PM »

Dear Ex returned to pack her house after doing a midnight move back to her hubi (I didn't even know they were still married). She was at my place and told me that something she had written months earlier was still true (50 reasons she loved me). Really? Maybe she did ... .she got out of my life ... .a true gift!
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DragoN
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« Reply #69 on: December 23, 2013, 09:11:39 PM »

Excerpt
There's no closure from the ex's in this thread.

Last words: I love you.

Closure, I knew about BPD for many years and could not repair the marriage. He refused to work on it. He brought up," you said to me about this BPD" , which he had in past alternately admitted to and then denied. Far too late for me to even try again. 10 years. Letting go over the last years, even while detached and aware is still extremely painful.
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Turkish
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« Reply #70 on: December 23, 2013, 09:19:07 PM »

Excerpt
There's no closure from the ex's in this thread.

Last words: I love you

I'm sorry MeganK. That seems the worst to me, even if you had detached a lot by that point.
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Johan
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« Reply #71 on: December 23, 2013, 09:59:43 PM »

"We have nothing in common"

"We don't share the same friends"

"I love you but am not in love with you"

"You will always mean something to me, I'll never forget what you have done for me, you were my 1st love"

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doubleAries
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« Reply #72 on: December 23, 2013, 10:30:32 PM »

Years ago I had a tumultuous r/s with an NPD guy. One day I confronted him with a big ball of lies he'd told me (about his secret slinking around on the side) and asked him why he lied to me, telling me I was the only one, I was his soul mate, blah, blah, blah. He became haughty and told me "I only told you what you wanted to hear. You should be grateful. Instead, you are treating me like this." Then he slammed his way out the door. When he got to the car (one of his other girlfriends car, a woman he'd told me was "just a friend" he turned around and said "the best way to forget one woman is on top of another one."

Wow.
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We must come to know we are more than anyone's opinion--including our own
starshine
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« Reply #73 on: December 23, 2013, 10:40:39 PM »

"That's it we're done!"

That, after a 5 year relationship.  He was actively and openly pursuing a physical relationship with my replacement 4 days later.

"Get over it."

wow.  No closure.  Nothing.  The END.
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Turkish
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« Reply #74 on: December 23, 2013, 10:51:45 PM »

"That's it we're done!"

That, after a 5 year relationship.  He was actively and openly pursuing a physical relationship with my replacement 4 days later.

"Get over it."

wow.  No closure.  Nothing.  The END.

Two kids, a home, a life, "we had a good six year run!" She said it like she was proud we lasted si long. She probably was.
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Calm Waters
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« Reply #75 on: December 24, 2013, 05:37:21 AM »

just to follow up... .after she threatened to send the police I phoned her brother who is a very senior police officer. I had met him during her suicide attempt and he and i got on well, he never thought the attempt was my fault and seemed like a good sensible guy, Itried to explain to him that his sisters behaviour and suicide attempt might be as a result of BPD. He was sympathetic and saw that my concern was that she might still be vulnerable to trying again to kill herself. Nevertheless a day later a police women called on me and said that she wants no contact the ex, and that i could be arrested if i go near her. I never got a reply from the brother and i went in to a paranoid tailspin. I imagined i was being followed by the police and that my phone was being tracked, all of her families profiles dissapeared from facebook, i felt they were locking down against me, maybe they were a year on its hard to say. having thought long and hard I did nothing wrong I was concerned for her well being she did nearly die, i was a part of it, but not part of the family that closed ranks. Her daughter is anorexic, the grand daugter at 5 is showing signs of anorexia, the sister is very strange, a hoarder who has adopted foreign children to escape the safeguards in place in the uk, her husband i think may be a 'groomer' as he is very peculiar, i think the adopted children may be at ' risk', Her father was a spy and was suicidal after the war ( the formula she used to try and kill herself was in his handwriting, she kept it after he died 6 months before we started our relationship. The brother seems very ok but aparrantly was convinced I was the crazy one. At least I tried
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broken3
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« Reply #76 on: December 24, 2013, 07:42:21 AM »

Thank you for making meatballs and dinner for the kids. When are you getting out!

ME: I am not going anywhere.

Then I will call the police.

Me: For what.? Ok here. you can use my phone.

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Surnia
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« Reply #77 on: December 24, 2013, 10:23:29 AM »

Staff only

This thread has reached the page limit and is now locked.  Feel free to pick one of the topics from the thread to start a new one.

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