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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: What were your ex's parting words?  (Read 1245 times)
ShadowDancer
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« Reply #30 on: December 22, 2013, 06:38:53 PM »

"You better get out of here before he gets here".

What a f@cking classic!

Sorry Oz after I choked on my tea upon reading this I just had to chortle... .THIS just cannot be topped!
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oblivian2013
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« Reply #31 on: December 22, 2013, 06:47:55 PM »

"I didn't want it to end like this!"

I didn't know it was over. Didn't learn about BPD until she was gone.

Worst. Mental. Illness. Ever.
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« Reply #32 on: December 22, 2013, 06:52:03 PM »


You sound like a mans dream come true! Forget that idiot!... .clink!  [/quote]
Oh, I am. Just not that particular man. [/quote]
Well said. Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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Oliolioxenfree
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« Reply #33 on: December 22, 2013, 07:08:04 PM »



Last spoken words "I love you and cant wait to see you in a week"

a text 2 days later "Im sick of feeling like im being blamed for my mistakes ive made in the past,  its over"

1 day later he was in a relationship with my replacement and now 10 months later, they live together and are getting married.



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« Reply #34 on: December 22, 2013, 07:13:01 PM »

What slays me is look at us. We are all capable, productive people.  We supported these people who in the end kicked us to the curb like trash. 

All I wanted was closure and now I'm an evil stalker. 
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maxen
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« Reply #35 on: December 22, 2013, 07:24:31 PM »

What slays me is look at us. We are all capable, productive people.  We supported these people who in the end kicked us to the curb like trash.

very true. it's really bitter-making.
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Iamdizzy
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« Reply #36 on: December 22, 2013, 07:42:40 PM »

her parting words were " I will always love you. You showed me what real love was and I wish you the best. I know you can succeed in life and I wish I could of been a part of it. I love you so much"  I then said, then why did you do XYZ to me? why did you always pull the relationship back? why did you hurt me? then she looked at me, read her stupid letter and said "You're also the person who has hurt me the most in this world. NO ONE else has hurt me more than you and whatever pain you felt, whatever pain I made you feel, you knew my history, my past, it's your fault. Not mine. You stayed.  Pretty much it after that.
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« Reply #37 on: December 22, 2013, 07:45:35 PM »

I am Dizzy,

     That is what I got too.  Almost verbatim. 
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« Reply #38 on: December 22, 2013, 09:38:59 PM »

I'll always love you, you'll always have a little piece of my heart, you were my first love... .

You know I'll pay you back the money... .

I'll send you flowers every day on our "getting together" anniversary, like I did on day 1.

Crap, crap and more crap!

When I put $1k down on her new, cheaper car (after losing about $10k on the down I made on the suv I bought her on the cusp of her affair and ending our r/s) she said, "I'll pay you back." I had to do it to get her payments lower than the suv... .which had my name on the title and loan. I know she won't. Her thing is not wanting to feel taken care of and being independent, so people won't throw it in her face later. Whatever.

Though we are still "together" in proximity, her parting words when she ended our r/s were "I'll alwaus have 'a' love for you." Again, whatever. I have several exit speeches ready in my head for the day she finally leaves the house. I might get the opportunity to state some of the content before she leaves. Depending upon how things go that day (like if she rages like the days we were moving into the house), I'll probably do the noble thing and just say goodbye as gracefully as possible, with requisite NC content. This woman I will know for the rest of my life, so I need to take the high road for the sake of our kids. Looking forward to the day when they graduate high school so I won't have to talk toand see her several times per week. That much time changes a lot of things though... .can't write the unwritable future.
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« Reply #39 on: December 22, 2013, 09:49:32 PM »

"Good luck being broke, You're obviously the type of person who Is only worth the amount of money in his pocket"    This is after I lost my franchise from being depressed and having PTSD after I found out about the other 10+ guys behind my back, all while I was paying her rent for her.
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Aussie0zborn
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« Reply #40 on: December 22, 2013, 10:02:08 PM »

"Good luck being broke, You're obviously the type of person who Is only worth the amount of money in his pocket"    This is after I lost my franchise from being depressed and having PTSD after I found out about the other 10+ guys behind my back, all while I was paying her rent for her.

Wow. Just brilliant. What a legend she turned out to be. I'd like to see this posted on the "Undecided - Staying Or Leaving" Board where Ive been told I have been too harsh on those who are still undecided and need some encouragement.

I hope you're making good progress in your healing.
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necchi
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« Reply #41 on: December 22, 2013, 10:35:52 PM »

"Good luck being broke, You're obviously the type of person who Is only worth the amount of money in his pocket"    This is after I lost my franchise from being depressed and having PTSD after I found out about the other 10+ guys behind my back, all while I was paying her rent for her.

Wow. Just brilliant. What a legend she turned out to be. I'd like to see this posted on the "Undecided - Staying Or Leaving" Board where Ive been told I have been too harsh on those who are still undecided and need some encouragement.

I hope you're making good progress in your healing.

Lol! Undecided board,bad of me but I sometime go there like a jehovas witness from hell to pull them here hahahaha!
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TheDude
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« Reply #42 on: December 22, 2013, 11:01:33 PM »

"You have any cigarettes? I'm out." (with the ASPCA abused puppy eyes)

Literally the last words I ever heard from her.

And as a trivial side fact, not once (through 4 "done/over" breaks) has the word 'goodbye' ever been said. *shrug*
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necchi
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« Reply #43 on: December 22, 2013, 11:04:26 PM »

Haw! Dude 
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« Reply #44 on: December 22, 2013, 11:16:28 PM »

Yeah. I guess I consider myself fortunate to get that, as opposed to screaming and lamps flying at my head.

Maybe next time!  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #45 on: December 22, 2013, 11:29:32 PM »

"I didn't want it to end like this!"

I didn't know it was over. Didn't learn about BPD until she was gone.

Worst. Mental. Illness. Ever.

Mine said pretty much the same thing.notice the lack of accountability in those words.  They operate out of a script running in their heads since childhood.

Oh, I forgot the other thing she said, after several tries I finally got her to admit to her affair, "you abandoned me, it felt just like my father! Mentally I slapped my forehead... .I always knew it was this dynamic.

Three months later, she tells me she and her T had a breakthrough because she finally started openinh up about her childhood issues. So in denial... .
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myself
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« Reply #46 on: December 22, 2013, 11:59:45 PM »

The last words she said were meant to hurt me, and they did, so I won't repeat them. They proved we are incompatible. They may not be the last I ever hear from her.
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necchi
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« Reply #47 on: December 23, 2013, 12:00:10 AM »

Do you guys realizes how much time we've put in their limited skills!

Just a thought.
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« Reply #48 on: December 23, 2013, 12:07:48 AM »

Through text... .

"Leave me alone, you've done enough."

Which I responded with, "Why cant you be honest with me?" 

Haven't heard from her since.
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« Reply #49 on: December 23, 2013, 01:12:16 AM »

Oh, I forgot the other thing she said, after several tries I finally got her to admit to her affair, "you abandoned me, it felt just like my father! Mentally I slapped my forehead... .I always knew it was this dynamic.

It took me several tries via e-mail. She admitted, then said no, "but I told you I was leaving you!" It was going on before she told me and we were still living together, sleeping in the same bed for 4 months until she left.

I don't know how she did it, lying, sneaking around with him and not coming home some nights while I was at home with the kids. How do you sleep in the same bed as your husband and lie like that?

I talked to the replacement once. She poisoned him into thinking that too. "I don't appreciate you going around telling people we had an affair! It wasn't an affair!"

Dood. She was sleeping in your bed at your house, while she was still living with me, married and the kids are at home with me!

I got silence. F%cking moron.
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« Reply #50 on: December 23, 2013, 01:26:51 AM »

Oh, I forgot the other thing she said, after several tries I finally got her to admit to her affair, "you abandoned me, it felt just like my father! Mentally I slapped my forehead... .I always knew it was this dynamic.

It took me several tries via e-mail. She admitted, then said no, "but I told you I was leaving you!" It was going on before she told me and we were still living together, sleeping in the same bed for 4 months until she left.

I don't know how she did it, lying, sneaking around with him and not coming home some nights while I was at home with the kids. How do you sleep in the same bed as your husband and lie like that?

I talked to the replacement once. She poisoned him into thinking that too. "I don't appreciate you going around telling people we had an affair! It wasn't an affair!"

Dood. She was sleeping in your bed at your house, while she was still living with me, married and the kids are at home with me!

I got silence. F%cking moron.

It took me several tries until I got her to admit it was an affair. Amazing how they twist thi gs in their minfs to justify the unjustifiable.
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« Reply #51 on: December 23, 2013, 03:44:57 AM »

In a nutshell, came home from work and got this out of the blue.

Ex: I love you but not in love with you, I'm going to move home to my parents.

Me: I don't understand, is there somebody else?

Ex: No, nobody else I just don't want this anymore.

Me: Ok, if that's what you want.

Ex: I would like to keep living here for the next month.

Got up at that point and went to the bar and proceeded to get hammered. Came back a couple hours later.

Me: There is absolutely no way I am living with you the next month.

Ex: I was hoping you would be able to keep this civil.

Me: I am being civil, you can move your crap out while I'm at work. I don't care how long it takes you just make sure you're not here when I come home from work.

Walked away and went upstairs. After about another hour ex comes up and sits next to me on the couch.

Me: What do you want? You think I have anything to say to you?

Ex: No.

Ex goes back downstairs, that was the last conversation we had in person. After about 3 months of no contact, got a text from her last month:

"Miss you"

And the next morning:

"Sorry, drunk"

Thank god I didn't respond. I really want nothing to do with her ever again.
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Aussie0zborn
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« Reply #52 on: December 23, 2013, 06:32:05 AM »

"You better get out of here before he gets here".

What a f@cking classic!

Sorry Oz after I choked on my tea upon reading this I just had to chortle... .THIS just cannot be topped!

Glad you got a laugh out of it. I laugh about it too, now. I should have pointed out this happened because I said no to sex, as she was drunk.  So she picks up the phone and tells her steroid-enhanced lover boy convicted drug dealer thug that "it's time".

I wasn't laughing that night as I felt the full gravity, seriousness and depravity of her illness and what she had been planning that whole month of her dysregulation. Having seen the guy when I walked in on their date one week earlier, I didn't need to be Einstein to realise that it was not safe for me to sleep in my home that night or any other night after that.

What a horrible sickness and I subjected myself to it with a recycle when I had previously gotten way scot free. I hate BPD.
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love4meNOTu
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« Reply #53 on: December 23, 2013, 07:17:07 AM »

Oh these were wonderful and finally I'm beginning to forget the pain I felt when he sent them.

"I'm in love and belong to someone else now"

"So you're in pain, good, because karma's a bitc& and now you are getting yours"

"Now leave me alone"

Nice, huh?

And he's engaged, two months after our divorce. So I guess I know his depth of feeling for me. ZERO.

L
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Changingman
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« Reply #54 on: December 23, 2013, 07:37:46 AM »

'We've not really been together for a year' ( ? )

'People can't stay together because of dogs' (put the dogs down I don't care)

'Yes I've been f*****g' (raging, provoking me to hit her)

I haven't got all the money I owe you ( get it off your new victim )

Fake Crying and raging all through it, me silent so she had to say something

Thank god she's gone, phew!
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ShadowDancer
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« Reply #55 on: December 23, 2013, 07:50:56 AM »

"You better get out of here before he gets here".

What a f@cking classic!

Sorry Oz after I choked on my tea upon reading this I just had to chortle... .THIS just cannot be topped!

Glad you got a laugh out of it. I laugh about it too, now. I should have pointed out this happened because I said no to sex, as she was drunk.  So she picks up the phone and tells her steroid-enhanced lover boy convicted drug dealer thug that "it's time".

I wasn't laughing that night as I felt the full gravity, seriousness and depravity of her illness and what she had been planning that whole month of her dysregulation. Having seen the guy when I walked in on their date one week earlier, I didn't need to be Einstein to realise that it was not safe for me to sleep in my home that night or any other night after that.

What a horrible sickness and I subjected myself to it with a recycle when I had previously gotten way scot free. I hate BPD.

Your assumptions about danger were entirely correct and well founded. I know. My situation was also about not wanting to have sex with her anymore. I actually began to feel I was exploiting her sickness and she was exploiting my affections. Sex without intimacy only lasted so long before taking on that twisted feeling for me. That feeling degenerated into the sensation of the whole relationship becoming nothing more than a "transaction". I did not sit well with that. I did not sit well with the constant overt degrading sexual blackmail and emotional abandonment on her part.

Several months after I moved her out, which by the way required a legal eviction process, she came back with with her chemically dependent boyfriend and cleaned out and damaged my home injuring my little dog whom she claimed she loved "more than anything in the world" in the process. He was kicked so hard that the kick twisted his stomach requiring risky emergency surgery which fortunately was successful to the tune of $2,000.00.

I realized at that point the situation and company was actually dangerous with the added attraction and equation of being "methedup". I shortly after leased out my home and moved to a well hidden location. She actually attempted a recycle after even that.  I changed all contact information after that attempt. I have taken extreme efforts to not be found. To be quite honest I still look over my shoulder to this day. I have come to the conclusion that all the personality disorders have the potential to be considered psychopathic in nature. ANYTHING is possible with these people.

I feel I have reason to be bitter but I also have reason to move on from all that as there is only so much precious time in this one short life. As one of my favorite authors so eloquently says, "We can't stop here, this is bat country", and, "When the going gets weird the strange... .turn pro". Being cool (click to insert in post)
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Moonie75
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« Reply #56 on: December 23, 2013, 07:58:25 AM »

"When you're ready to be more mature, let me know"

Quite a bold line from a woman with emotional maturity arrested at the age of five!

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« Reply #57 on: December 23, 2013, 08:03:31 AM »

Not her "exact" parting words but the ones that stuck in my head was what she texted her "men" when I told her I was contacting a lawyer to see about getting a divorce -

"Imstronghere2 and I are getting divorced.  I'm datable".   



And she was as happy as I've ever seen her.  19 years married doing everything possible to make her happy and it took getting a divorce to accomplish that.   What a colossal waste of time.

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« Reply #58 on: December 23, 2013, 08:14:53 AM »

My ex's last words to me were... .good luck and Godspeed.

It struck me as so odd that I burst out laughing.
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Iamdizzy
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« Reply #59 on: December 23, 2013, 09:32:45 AM »

I wonder if its a common trend that once you call them out on their bs their sappy good bye turns into a blame game.

In my case, my BPDex knew exactly what to say because she used the same lines on other guys in the past.
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