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Author Topic: Do you ever feel sorry for them?  (Read 3947 times)
Changingman
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« Reply #30 on: December 26, 2013, 01:06:23 PM »

No,

They are sadistic and enjoy it.

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Perfidy
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« Reply #31 on: December 26, 2013, 01:14:28 PM »

     

“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian”--- Dennis Wholey

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musicfan42
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« Reply #32 on: December 27, 2013, 11:33:45 AM »

No. I was disgusted by his behavior.
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Grace58
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« Reply #33 on: December 28, 2013, 02:43:56 PM »

When I see all the damage and pain she has inflicted on others, the abuse she leveled at me, and the pleasure she took in hurting others, scamming them, getting people (especially me) to believe her lies, I have to say that I don't feel sorry for her at all. 

I find it disturbing because I know with certainty that she is severely mentally ill, I should feel compassion, and yet... .I will never forget her joyful grin when she would describe actions that would essentially ruin someone's life.  I think she is a monster.
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« Reply #34 on: December 28, 2013, 04:10:09 PM »

I just watched Prozac Nation and it's an real eye opener into how people with BPD think. I know they hurt people and are quite cruel but do you ever feel sorry for them?

I do feel sorry for her. I hate BPD (as everyone else here does). If PD was out of the equation, I'm positive there's a good person in there  It's so sad that she won't help herself and there's nothing that I can do. C'est la vie.
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« Reply #35 on: December 29, 2013, 05:56:33 AM »

Feeling sorry for her? Yes I a way I so deeply loved this woman for 30+ yrs.

Feeling sorry for her?  I was the one smashed down by that same person (my anger).

Borderline is a disorder, it is not an excuse.

I have a sister with Down Syndrome. I don’t feel sorry for her as she is living her life (controlled in a house with a few others) within her world in which see has joy, activities and sorrow.

Yes I deeply love and care for her!

Yes my sister gives and returns love in the most sensitive way!

Yes I wished she was “normal” so I would have a sister to really interact with on an adult level.


What is normal for the spider    is     chaos for a fly tangled in the spiders web.

 
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« Reply #36 on: December 29, 2013, 08:44:18 AM »

Sorry... .no way.

In some ways I think she knows what she has done, and is doing.

Did she care about my feelings then, or even now... .I seriously doubt it. Even today she contacts me with ridiculous reasons to want to talk to me, says I'm the only one she can talk to since I know so much of her personal history... .but the times I gave in to talk to her... .she took advantage of that to just bash me once again.
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« Reply #37 on: December 29, 2013, 09:41:09 AM »

I am very conflicted with this... On one hand, I feel bad for the way he was mistreated/neglected/abandoned as a child and I feel that set up the foundation for why he is BPD... .on the other hand, he has put me through 17 months of hell... he has admitted he is broken, damaged, has issues, etc... and he has picked fights, put me down, cheated and a million other terrible things... I don't know if he can even help it or not bc that is how his brain is wired? I am not sure on this.
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« Reply #38 on: December 29, 2013, 09:41:39 AM »

I felt sorry a lot before, even after the break-up, but not any more (6 months NC).

The reasons:

1) he is a high-functioning one - he has a good career, good network of people around him - the only thing he needs to have a bit of willpower to change things, but for many reasons he prefers not to (it is a convenient escape!).

2) he lives on discomfort, hurt and drama of others, somehow his motto "if I feel pain - others have to pain as well!", of course he doesn't say it, but it turns out that.

3) he always finds a caregiver willing to feed his ego. I did before, paid too much - starting with almost losing my family and friends and ending with having so much projected self-hate and guilt.

I feel sorry for being stupid and having so many false beliefs and I am working on becoming proud of myself. I am sure he doesn't feel sorry for me, so why should I now?

Did we date the same person?
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ScotisGone74
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« Reply #39 on: December 29, 2013, 10:41:18 AM »

For her, no I don't feel 'sorry' for, I feel more along the lines of pity for her, actually now I just feel sad for the type of life she really lives.

I feel sorrow for:   her family, her new baby, and her new husband-who has no idea what all she has done to me and her ex husband,  and was doing while she got him to become engaged to her.   

It is truly a sad way to live a life. 
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« Reply #40 on: December 29, 2013, 10:54:07 AM »

I feel sorry for her in that she denies herself the very thing that would make her happy... .I was told that she feared being alone, but at the same time she pushed so many people away.

So yea, I also feel sorry for those people that got close to her only to be painted black and kicked away whenever she got scared.  I know I wasn't the first & I doubt I'll be the last.
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« Reply #41 on: December 29, 2013, 11:06:24 AM »

I feel sorry for anyone that gives a damn about these psychos.
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« Reply #42 on: December 29, 2013, 11:07:56 AM »

I feel sorry for anyone that gives a damn about these psychos.

I LOVE your statements. Worthless psychos!
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« Reply #43 on: December 29, 2013, 11:29:12 AM »

I feel sorry for anyone that gives a damn about these psychos.

eh, I wouldn't call mine a psycho, despite how much hurt she put me through. I'm fairly sure that she doesn't realise what she's doing & doesn't understand why she keeps ending up at the same place with people. She leaves a trail of broken people behind her. The only person she wants back in her life is the one that dumped *her* first.

I admit tho... .part of me will feel validated if she does stay alone the rest of her life. I hate that I think that way at the moment & long term I hope I don't but... .yeah.

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Bananas
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« Reply #44 on: December 29, 2013, 11:30:00 AM »

I don't feel sorry for my ex.  I do feel compassion that he is mentally ill.  When I see him I see a lot of sadness surrounding him and it makes me feel sad.  But I don't really feel sorry for him, no.  
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« Reply #45 on: December 29, 2013, 11:33:44 AM »

Mr confused

They exactly know what they are doing and often enjoy it. You will reach this point too, it takes a very long time to reach level of non BPD level of intelligence to work everything out.
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« Reply #46 on: December 29, 2013, 11:38:04 AM »

I suppose... .mine kept going on about wanting a simple, non drama filled friendship but did everything she could to cause it. Say we're great friends and then treat me the exact opposite, only to get annoyed when I'd call her out on it. The only times I had her full attention outside of seeing her was when we argued or disagreed on something.

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love4meNOTu
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« Reply #47 on: December 29, 2013, 08:08:23 PM »

No, I do not feel sorry for him. He is an adult, and takes no notice of the harm he causes others.

I feel sorry for his victims.

I wonder if they will be so broken by him that they commit suicide.

Now that would be a tragedy.
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Perfidy
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« Reply #48 on: December 29, 2013, 09:34:20 PM »

I wonder if they will be so broken by him that they commit suicide.

I hate this part. I'm better. I stayed too long. I tried too hard. She took delight in watching me fall apart. I suppose it gave her some sick pleasure. It disgusted me to think that I wanted her.
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santa
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« Reply #49 on: December 29, 2013, 09:38:27 PM »

I wonder if they will be so broken by him that they commit suicide.

I hate this part. I'm better. I stayed too long. I tried too hard. She took delight in watching me fall apart. I suppose it gave her some sick pleasure. It disgusted me to think that I wanted her.

Bingo.

That's exactly what happened. It's amusing to her to watch you unravel. Fortunately for you, YOU WON. She failed to destroy you. You successfully got through it. Now you get to have a life without someone trying to push you to the edge of insanity everyday.
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Perfidy
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« Reply #50 on: December 29, 2013, 09:44:04 PM »

I wonder if she hated me or if it was just business
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santa
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« Reply #51 on: December 29, 2013, 09:50:03 PM »

I wonder if she hated me or if it was just business

My ex says she hated me everyday, so I'm assuming it's universal with these BPDs. Obviously she didn't, but if she thinks she did now, then that's how it was.
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caughtnreleased
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« Reply #52 on: December 29, 2013, 10:04:06 PM »

I wonder if they will be so broken by him that they commit suicide.

I hate this part. I'm better. I stayed too long. I tried too hard. She took delight in watching me fall apart. I suppose it gave her some sick pleasure. It disgusted me to think that I wanted her.

It's true.  My ex took delight in hearing about the failures of a friend he had once claimed was his "best" friend, whom he loved deeply.  If they take delight in seeing us fail, then, what is it they feel when we succeed?  

I have a distant NPD relative, who drove her first step daughter to attempt suicide twice, her own daughter died of cancer at 34 after refusing ALL treatment (her mother agreed not to have her treated), and her husband, on his deathbed, told his son that the end couldn't come fast enough to release him from his wife.  I don't feel sorry for the NPDs because I think they are the devil incarnate... .but I do for some of the BPDs... .that is the ones who recognize there is something wrong.  Mine sniffed me out... .but in the end he let me go.  Whether it was because he understood I was hurt and decided to spare me, or because he realized he couldn't control/keep me and so it was pointless, or was simply too ashamed of himself, I guess I will never know.
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« Reply #53 on: December 30, 2013, 02:39:26 AM »

I feel sorry for mine because she uses drugs to self soothe.  She's addicted to pain killers and recently got back involved with crack, cocaine, heroin, crystal meth... .the WORST stuff!  I don't do drugs myself and try to steer her away from them, but if she wants to destroy herself with them that's her decision.  I don't like it, I don't approve of it, it's sad to see, but it's her decision.  Just like it's my decision to stay with her, which is also sad, but it is my decision.

Tonight she asked me to leave for 5 hours so she could smoke crack with a friend of hers who is nothing but trouble.  She asked me to come back at midnight to break up the party so she wouldn't end up on a 3 or 4 day binge.  I said okay, came back at midnight, but she blew me off.  Now it looks like she'll be on that 3 or 4 day binge.  It's so sad to see.  It's even sadder that I want to be with someone who does things like that and am willing to tolerate things that I would never tolerate with anyone else.
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« Reply #54 on: December 30, 2013, 12:18:35 PM »

Traumatized

There is a very fine line between "tolerating" and "enabling".  If you are traumatized now, you know the worst is yet to come.  Are you prepared to deal with her death and say it is ok... because it was her decision?

Is this really the life YOU want?  Please get some help.  If not for her, for yourself.

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Iwalk-Heruns
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« Reply #55 on: December 30, 2013, 01:23:53 PM »

I used to. It's what kept me stuck and incur more damage.

Now I don't and i am free. Hurting still. But free. The hurt will end in due time. It would not had I stayed.
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« Reply #56 on: December 30, 2013, 01:32:08 PM »

I feel sorry for mine because she uses drugs to self soothe.  She's addicted to pain killers and recently got back involved with crack, cocaine, heroin, crystal meth... .the WORST stuff!  I don't do drugs myself and try to steer her away from them, but if she wants to destroy herself with them that's her decision.  I don't like it, I don't approve of it, it's sad to see, but it's her decision.  Just like it's my decision to stay with her, which is also sad, but it is my decision.

Tonight she asked me to leave for 5 hours so she could smoke crack with a friend of hers who is nothing but trouble.  She asked me to come back at midnight to break up the party so she wouldn't end up on a 3 or 4 day binge.  I said okay, came back at midnight, but she blew me off.  Now it looks like she'll be on that 3 or 4 day binge.  It's so sad to see.  It's even sadder that I want to be with someone who does things like that and am willing to tolerate things that I would never tolerate with anyone else.

Traumatized, oh yes, that is sad.  i've had to look at the same stuff within myself. tough questions to ask and tackle.   

yes it is your decision to stay or go.  if i understood you correctly, you've decided to stay?   this board (L3) is for those who have and/or are ending the r/s.   

[L3] Leaving: Disengaging from a Partner with Borderline Personality

Support for those that have decided that it is best to end the relationship   

Members that have evaluated the emotional health of their relationship and relationship partner [L2] and have decided that it is best to end the relationship. To accept that when you leave a relationship (or are spurned), the most important thing for you is to get over the x-partner and move on to the next phase of your life.

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since you have decided to stay, folks who've decided to stay find support here:

[L5] Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner

Support for those committed to making the relationship work

Members that have evaluated the their relationship and personal situation [L2] and have decided to put forth their best effort to make the relationship work. Objective - to mitigate the challenges and put the relationship onto a healthier life track. us.

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you may also want to check out the undecided board:

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Members that believe their partner exhibits significant BPD traits and are now trying to understand what this means, and what to do about it. This is a place to work through the confusion that has besieged your life and understand the reality and choices before you.

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« Reply #57 on: December 30, 2013, 05:28:11 PM »

I felt sorry fory ex BPD girlfriend. I would try everythimg I could to show her I was there for. Her. It would break my heart when she would cry and ask me what was wrong with her brain... .to then treat me like a doormat. It was so confusing amd draining. I thought to myself... ." just keep being there for her" I was under the impression that mayne she would one day realize that I didnt deserve that type of treatment. Then after she would say things like... ."im going to try harder to love you"... .she would say things like... ."its going to keep happening (refering to her "splitting". She would say this with such an unpleasant demeaner, as though she was ok with her BPD. It was weird, creepy, and hurtful all at the same time. Almost as if she all of the sudden forgot about wanting to try harder to make things better between us. I knew about BPD, but I just couldnt comprehened how this could be happening. I continued to love her and be there for her and she ended up leaving me from one day to the next.  This may not make sense to many but I love her and hate her all at once and its tearing me apart.  I still find myself feeling sorry for her at times... .that is until feelings of hate start to overpower. She has done quite a number on me.
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« Reply #58 on: December 30, 2013, 05:50:47 PM »

Excerpt
yes it is your decision to stay or go.  if i understood you correctly, you've decided to stay?   this board (L3) is for those who have and/or are ending the r/s.   

Yes, I am aware of that.  I started on the staying board when I first joined this website, then moved to the leaving board when I was coldly and abruptly dumped and absolutely could not deal with it.  My partner only recently came back into my life, so I haven't packed my bags to leave the leaving board yet.  Odds are I won't be gone too long, so is it okay if I leave a toothbrush behind?
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« Reply #59 on: December 30, 2013, 10:48:39 PM »

It's hard for me to feel sorry when she left me when I needed her most. Apparently my own insecurities were a trigger for her. She always thought I would leave her for a man.

Sometimes I beat myself up over my insecurities but in a healthy relationship we would have talked it out. 

I never bailed on my ex. She bailed on me.

Maybe someday I will feel sorry for her.  Not today. 
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