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Author Topic: Miniscule things that caused BPD rage  (Read 5984 times)
clydegriffith
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« on: December 10, 2014, 08:20:57 AM »

Just wondering what kind of minor incidents led to some of you bearing the full brunt of a BPD rage. Off the top of my head the most ridiculous ones were:

1) Using what she thought was too much soap when i was giving our infant daughter a bath

2) Not packing the groceries in the manner she approved

3) Holding an Ipad too low while facetiming her family one thanksgiving morning

These minor incidents didn't just lead to arguments, they led to full blown BPD rages ending in me being pushed, kicked, scratched and punched. Not pretty. Thank god those days are behind me.
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OutOfEgypt
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« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2014, 08:25:57 AM »

There weren't many over the 14 years that I remember.  I think a combination of her being on SSRI's with me being quick to please her and her being a certain kind of BPD kept the rages pretty minimal.  She would throw tantrums, but most of her rage was directed into punishment... .neglect, lying, cheating, etc.  However, the earliest one I remember was during our first year of marriage when she tore into me because I didn't perform to her liking, sexually.  Compared me to past lovers, lectured me, and, as we laid there in bed next to each other, she kicked me in the shins repeatedly and freaked out.  Yeah, way to build some trust and intimacy into your marriage, huh?
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2014, 08:32:13 AM »

I was eating too many Doritos while we were watching a movie, that created a very impressive explosion.

As long as we realize it was not the event, the event was only a trigger for many strong emotions buried just beneath the surface and we don't have to rock the boat much for everything to topple out; what we see is only the tip of the iceberg, to mix metaphors.

Then again I've done that more than once.  I'm pissed off about something and trying to deal with it, and someone unrelated to whatever it was will show up and say the wrong thing, and I'll blow up at them, completely inappropriate and followed by an apology, but I can relate to the mindset.  Borderlines are in that mode much of the time; can you imagine?  Having so much emotional stuff going on that you're ready to blow all the time?  It gives me compassion for my ex when I associate fully to what that must be like, and resolve to not ever get near enough to get any on me.
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« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2014, 08:37:14 AM »

I know this isn't funny but WOW reading your post they are so ridiculous! Here is a few areas of my imperfection according to my ex BPD:

1. changing lanes when he thought it wasn't a correct time, accused of trying to "put him in harms way" screamed for approximately 20 minutes until I dumped him at his house

2. buying at $15.00 drink the last night of vacation (really was like two drinks and we shared) woke me at 4 am screaming at the top of his lungs in the hotel room - scared the crap out of me. I left.

3. handing his son a driver's permit manual - huge rage in front of both his kids how I am not their mother and quit trying to help them

4. Not taking my shoes off immediately when I got to his house and lining them up with the others

5. buying tile that was glass for the bathroom wall

Oh, I could go on and on about what he thought I did wrong and could put him over the top. At 6'2, well built screaming in my face with veins popping - very intimidating, how charming was that Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)


4.
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« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2014, 08:55:02 AM »

i went for groceries and brought him home a small bag of mini chocolate donuts (his favorite) as a surprise. oh, you would've thought i handed him poison.
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EaglesJuju
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« Reply #5 on: December 10, 2014, 08:57:12 AM »

1. My indecisiveness when it came to going out to eat.  If I did not decide right away, he would tell me, "I am not eating," then run into the bedroom and slam the door.

2. Going to the grocery store.  He would rage if I took too long or bought certain types of food.

3. Pausing the DVR while watching a movie or TV.  It made him very angry. Although he liked to make comments/talk throughout the entire show  

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« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2014, 09:01:19 AM »

I know this isn't funny but WOW reading your post they are so ridiculous! Here is a few areas of my imperfection according to my ex BPD:

1. changing lanes when he thought it wasn't a correct time, accused of trying to "put him in harms way" screamed for approximately 20 minutes until I dumped him at his house

Mine used to always say I was putting her in harms way when I drove.  Taking a left hand turn a little tight was almost always world ending.

Other funs things of note:

1.  Chores/odds an ends around the house.  If I didn't do them "correctly" or if I wasn't do my set of chores when she was doing hers, game over.

2.  :)ifferences of opinion as to what "we" wanted to do - we had to be the same.  And if I didn't want to go out with her friends one night, so help me.  She actually used that as one of her reasons she used to tell my why she was leaving.  Heaven forbid we try to be our own person.  

3.  Suggesting restaurants/food that I really like that she didn't particularly care for/wasn't in the mood for.

4.  She took everything personally, it was always about her. Harmless little jokes or stories that I would retell from work or friends would instantly be taken as some sort of indictment against her.  If I ever hear "You always make jokes at my expense" again (especially when the joke/story has nothing to do with her whatsoever), I will run the opposite direction as fast as my legs can churn.

5.  Sort of feeds into number 2 but if we displayed different opinions in public or amongst friends, it would often send her into a depressed sort of state.  

There are many, many other things but these seemed to be the most common.
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ScotisGone74
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« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2014, 09:38:33 AM »

I stopped bye a restaurant we both liked on the way to her house and got her a nice chicken salad with her preferred drink and salad dressing.    After I came inside and gave it to her she threw it in the trash and starts yelling I don't love her because I didn't get the right chicken salad.     In another episode we are out late one night in a town we both live in she starts telling me if I loved her I'd get her a room for the night at this swank hotel, I refuse because there was no need for it and she starts ranting about how I don't love her.   She s driving and pulls in an all night donut shop and starts yelling about what she wants , so I go in and get it and come back to the car and like a dumbace try to calm her down.   She opens the bag and starts yelling 'You were supposed to get 13 of them'.   I go back into the store and get her 13 freaking donut holes and come back to the car and she starts yelling and throwing them at me saying I should have got it right the first time.    I verbally jab back and get out of the car and start walking at this point at nearly 2 am while teenagers watch out of the store window.    I walk blocks in the cold for a cab as she circles around in the car pleading for me to get back in until I finally do.     Off the merrygoround is nice.
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Deeno02
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« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2014, 09:52:04 AM »

Well, bi-monthly I would get the bad boyfriend "treat me special or lose me" speech. That went over well. I would just roll into a ball and suck my thumb while she went into her schtick on how bad I was.

Things that would set her off:

Planning on taking her out. I would be so gun shy because it wasnt what she wanted, that it would lead to:

Not planning on taking her out, letting her choose. Got yelled at for that.

Helping her cut birthday cake for the kids

Helping her serve food to her kids

Taking out the trash

Not taking out the trash

Putting in a trash bag

Not putting in a trash bag

Asking to help with her schedule with her kids taking them to their events, told constantly that "shes got it"

Not asking to help with her schedule with her kids taking them to their events (yelled at for not helping)

And on and on... .until I was a mindless beat down drone
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Lucky Jim
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« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2014, 10:02:10 AM »

The frustrating thing for me was that the triggers had no consistency so it was always a moving target as to what would cause an explosion of rage.  I finally realized that it was impossible to predict what was going to trigger her BPD, which was incredibly stressful.  I used to say that a BPD storm cloud could appear out of a clear blue sky!  Sort of like walking through a minefield in which the location of the mines keeps changing . . .

LuckyJim
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Deeno02
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« Reply #10 on: December 10, 2014, 10:20:34 AM »

The frustrating thing for me was that the triggers had no consistency so it was always a moving target as to what would cause an explosion of rage.  I finally realized that it was impossible to predict what was going to trigger her BPD, which was incredibly stressful.  I used to say that a BPD storm cloud could appear out of a clear blue sky!  Sort of like walking through a minefield in which the location of the mines keeps changing . . .

LuckyJim

Same with texting or calls. I would be anxious when her ring tone went off. Didnt know if it was good gf, or bad gf.
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.cup.car
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« Reply #11 on: December 10, 2014, 10:37:15 AM »

Satellite radio app lagged out.

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clydegriffith
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« Reply #12 on: December 10, 2014, 10:43:15 AM »

Some of these are familiar. The BPDx always complained about my driving habits, saying that i drove too slow or braked too hard all the time. She would always get mad about me not picking a place to eat which i was reluctant to do because she always denied by first and second choice. I figured let's just cut to the chase and go wherever she wanted to go.
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timetobe

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« Reply #13 on: December 10, 2014, 10:45:19 AM »

Favourite one of mine was when I was cooking for us both, and she had these new chopping boards - they were really cheap plastic and flimsy, but of course i scratched it when cutting something on it (like chopping boards do... .), and she went into full rage mode, said she wasn't hungry, proceeded to be in my face about it.

I told her i would buy her some new ones, and she went out, about an hour later i get a txt saying "So?", then i sent her pics of the new ones i brought, of course they weren't good enough, and when she came home i got the silent treatment and she wouldn't even look at me. Then proceeded for the next few days looking for the same exact chopping boards that she brought... .despite the new ones i brought her... .
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captainp

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« Reply #14 on: December 10, 2014, 10:55:11 AM »



I changed the cat litter before she was ready for it to be changed once. 

She was in the middle of going down on me when she noticed.  She punished me by not finishing.  Not joking.  She got mad and sullen and pouted. 

Unreal.
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H Hi
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« Reply #15 on: December 10, 2014, 11:44:09 AM »

Asking for a cuddle in bed in the morning!

Attempting to kiss her on the cheek when I walked in the room. Apparently I looked possessed!
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Tiepje3
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« Reply #16 on: December 10, 2014, 12:04:44 PM »

Being woken up by him turning on the dryer at 06.30 am (which would wake my kids up as well), going downstairs to ask if it was necessary to turn that on right now or if it could wait another hour. Full blown anger in my face, F-word multiple times, name-calling.

Train arrived a bit early so I walked out of the station, trying to meet him there. Found him. He was mad because he had wanted to meet me on the platform so he could carry my luggage and I had deprived him of doing something nice for me.

Going out for dinner with another couple. He was busy reading work related emails. Everyone had already made their choice of the menu. I asked him if he could please order as well and then resume reading his emails, so no one had to wait. I was 'destroying' him, he ran off.

... .and many many more... .
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Deeno02
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« Reply #17 on: December 10, 2014, 12:08:18 PM »

Reading all this ___ and I just have to wonder. What the heck is wrong with us? I NEVER would have tolerated any of this ___ when I was 25. What the heck happened to me over the years? Jeez, what the hell... .Im just as warped putting up with it and other things... .
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antelope
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« Reply #18 on: December 10, 2014, 12:10:40 PM »

mine only outwardly raged towards one thing: anyone disagreeing with her, or showing her evidence of something she believes or says being incorrect

if you called her out or even just suggested an alternative explanation for something, she simply couldn't handle it... .it was a full-blown temper tantrum that a 3 yr old would have... .completely out. of. control. reaction

otherwise, she raged inward... .her eating disorder, drinking, compulsive spending, etc were all manifestations of rage
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clydegriffith
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« Reply #19 on: December 10, 2014, 12:22:19 PM »

mine only outwardly raged towards one thing: anyone disagreeing with her, or showing her evidence of something she believes or says being incorrect

if you called her out or even just suggested an alternative explanation for something, she simply couldn't handle it... .it was a full-blown temper tantrum that a 3 yr old would have... .completely out. of. control. reaction

otherwise, she raged inward... .her eating disorder, drinking, compulsive spending, etc were all manifestations of rage

LOL! This is very true.

I was having a casual converation with the BPDx a few weeks ago and the subject of my new truck came up. I mentioned to her how since it's AWD i'll be able to get through the snow this winter much better than my prior car which was RWD. She immediately went on a rant about how there's no difference between the AWD and RWD to the point that she was getting angry. The thing is that she also recently purchased a truck and i said "i'll take a wild guess and say that the truck you just got is RWD". Of course that was the case.

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AwakenedOne
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« Reply #20 on: December 10, 2014, 12:23:22 PM »

I changed the cat litter before she was ready for it to be changed once.  

She was in the middle of going down on me when she noticed.  She punished me by not finishing.  Not joking.  She got mad and sullen and pouted.  

Unreal.

 

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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whythisgirl
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« Reply #21 on: December 10, 2014, 12:49:06 PM »

Wow its crazy to hear about the smallest things that could piss off a pwBPD.

My exBPDbf would get up set over:

1. If I didn't pick up when he called. Even if I called him seconds back he immediately accused me of cheating or lying.

2. One time I didn't lock the door after I closed it. Although he was closer to the door he made me get out the car to lock the door. Said it was the principle of the matter.

3. If I split a crumb on myself or floor he would scream on me.

4. What really pissed him off is if I didn't answer a question with the who/what/when/where/why. If I simply gave him the answer I was hiding details and he would insult me by saying my communication is bad and he know I'm smarter that what I pretend to be.

5. If I was quiet around him. He would ask "what I was thinking", if I said nothing then he would flip out and accuse me of not telling the truth or being secretive.

6. If I took long in the bathroom at a restaurant he would be waiting outside the door and accuse me of calling my ex.

He is psycho! Makes me mad that I would continuously justify my actions.
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H Hi
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« Reply #22 on: December 10, 2014, 02:11:29 PM »

Reading all this ___ and I just have to wonder. What the heck is wrong with us? I NEVER would have tolerated any of this ___ when I was 25. What the heck happened to me over the years? Jeez, what the hell... .Im just as warped putting up with it and other things... .

Amen to that brother! There's no way I'd tolerate this ___ now or in the future.
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Elpis
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WWW
« Reply #23 on: December 10, 2014, 02:29:05 PM »

Reading all this ___ and I just have to wonder. What the heck is wrong with us?

I seriously laughed out loud when I read this!

We were the frog in the kettle where the heat kept getting turned up slowly so we didn't notice, then suddenly we're frog legs.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

I think I've learned some important lessons here--don't touch their stuff--unless they want you to touch their stuff. Don't talk to their kids--unless they want you to talk to their kids... .And if they insist you take your shoes off immediately and line them up with the others, run like helllllll! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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Shibuya

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« Reply #24 on: December 10, 2014, 02:57:38 PM »

1. She said she wanted to watch something "EASY" on netflix. So I ended up playing Cosmos. all of a sudden she went full on bruce banner saying thats not easy... .

2. I didn't sit next to her while she was in the shower... .(sit on the toilet waiting for her to shower)

3. Whenever I ate cereal.

4. Browsing the internet while she was sleeping, yelling at me for not watching the movie we were watching... .

5. Anytime Id mention waterparks.

6. I paid for my friends hotel room, knowing full well they'd pay me back. which they did later that day. She caused a big scene infront of all our friends during lunch... .

theres so many more I cant believe we had to deal with.

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Pingo
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« Reply #25 on: December 10, 2014, 03:07:40 PM »

WOW, thank you all for the laughs, these are so ridiculous you cannot help but laugh!  But also we can see why the hell we're dealing with PTSD symptoms!  Insane!  I agree Deeno, What the heck?

Mine raged or gave me the ST for the following:

I put chick peas in the chili

Pulling over too close to the edge for an oncoming vehicle on a forest service road

Telling him his daughter says 'happy birthday' on fb

Getting a cramp in the middle of sex and having to change positions

Didn't come help him with a problem on the computer IMMEDIATELY!

My daughter going out for a smoke when she was staying with us at Christmas

Asking for him to pull over so I could pee on a 12 hr drive

Having music on my ipod he didn't like

So many more but I better stop, I'm getting agitated!
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billypilgrim
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« Reply #26 on: December 10, 2014, 03:10:48 PM »

2. I didn't sit next to her while she was in the shower... .(sit on the toilet waiting for her to shower)


4. Browsing the internet while she was sleeping, yelling at me for not watching the movie we were watching... .



theres so many more I cant believe we had to deal with.

Completely forgot about these.  Number 4 was a constant struggle.  She was always ready for bed.  But if I wasn't and tried to read/surf the web in bed, then we had a problem.  And we had an even bigger problem if I wasn't ready to come to bed yet and wanted to stay out in the living room.  This was one of the many no win situations it seems like we are all far too familiar with.
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H Hi
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« Reply #27 on: December 10, 2014, 03:31:00 PM »

Turning over in bed

Accidently bumping into her in bed. Even though her bed was way too small, she refused to get a bigger one. Even though I said I'd pay for half and she had about 30 grand in the bank!

I know it's not really funny, but reading my own examples and every one else's has made me laugh. Just because of how ridiculous it is!
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Deeno02
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« Reply #28 on: December 10, 2014, 03:42:30 PM »

Disturbing was her constant you never spend the night with me thing. I did spend the night, when her 5 kids werent all over the house. As a parent, the last thing I would want is some dude waking up in her house and being there. Always found it disturbing she would even contemplate that as a parent. I respected her kids to much to pull that stunt. She never let me forget it either.
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ghoststory
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« Reply #29 on: December 10, 2014, 03:57:21 PM »

being in a joking mood ... .because my mind reading skills were off that day ... .did not know it was grumpy time
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