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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Ended 2.5 Year Relationship-Struggling With If I Did the Right Thing  (Read 2501 times)
SaltyDawg
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Moderately High Conflict Marriage (improving)
Posts: 1239



« Reply #30 on: December 19, 2022, 02:48:56 PM »

Rev,

Agreed.  I will likely start another conversation on this after the new years, after the holiday rush is over.  I will also look at the other new posts, and I respond if there is relevant issues to bright to light.

SD
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Rev
Ambassador
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced and now happily remarried.
Posts: 1389


The surest way to fail is to never try.


« Reply #31 on: December 19, 2022, 05:08:52 PM »

Rev,

Agreed.  I will likely start another conversation on this after the new years, after the holiday rush is over.  I will also look at the other new posts, and I respond if there is relevant issues to bright to light.

SD

Awesome... Have a great week.
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Hamster411

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 26


« Reply #32 on: December 23, 2022, 02:30:28 PM »

Others that have been in my position, how were you doing 4 months down the road? Is it extremely uncommon that we have not spoken or had any contact in that time? Whenever I mention that to anyone they always seem very surprised and that makes me question if I should have tried to reach out.

I'm at 4 months of no contact right now. I have seen my ex a couple of times and when I did she flaunted my replacement.

She lives in my neighbourhood but is hermitting. I suppose she only goes to grocery store to buy cigarettes because you can't get them ordered to your door like groceries. I am trying to shake off my addiction of checking out her social media (she has blocked me everywhere but her profiles are public). From checking out her socials it seems she mostly spends time at home, putting on make-up and dressing up to feel better.

The only bit of contact she made after we started NC was pay me a part of the money app she owed me via a mobile payment app. She seems to have changed her mind about payment, I haven't received a payment for months now. It wasn't a lot of money so I don't mind really.

I still feel conflicted about the prospect of her "coming back". I want to at least have sex with her again because I used sex to relieve the anxieties of the relationship. It's not a nice place to be in, wanting your abuser.

Hey TS thanks for sharing. Mine also lives in my neighborhood but we have not run into each other yet, I know when we were together she was very much a homebody so that's probably why. I feel like I get triggered when I look at her social media bc I see things about her that I miss (like her photography). I should probably not look but I can't help it bc it feels like the only piece of her I have left.

I also feel conflicted about her coming back. I blocked her number when this all happened 4 months ago and have left it that way. She has not tried to come over or mail me anything. I feel like if I were to go back I would be in a very weak position. However, if she did try to make contact I can't say I wouldn't feel relief. Maybe it's bc of the Christmas holiday, but I've just been missing her more recently. Can anyone share their thoughts? Or how they were able to handle similar feelings in a similar situation? I'm trying to cope with it the best I can.
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Brave girl1999
Fewer than 3 Posts
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 1


« Reply #33 on: June 01, 2023, 11:12:39 AM »

Hi Hamster411, hope you are ok now.  I can echo a lot to ur story. I’m 25 and my exBPDbf is 21. I think he is high functioning BPD cus he seldom put his bad mood  onto me and always blame himself a lot. I also helped him quit weed as he said I changed his life.
Everything was good before I go back to my own country where we are 10000 km apart from each other. Before I meet him I also stay alone and have few friends. It’s also hard for me to build up close relationships with males because have trust issue. He is the person who gives me security, company and tolerance. I also care about him a lot and really want to help him get better.
Things became worse after I moved. The 7 hrs time gap make both of us stressed, anxious about the future. I’m so helpless because it’s so hard for me to move to him. Only I can do is waiting for him. He’s facing great pain and burden as he is still young. He is so overwhelmed and finally give up on me. I can understand. we both love each other. But now he try to push me away which makes me so so said as we can’t even be friends. Very heartbreaking and helpless. I feel that I lose my best friend in my life and now I need to live alone. I really can’t move on.
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gaherna3

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Wife
Posts: 23


« Reply #34 on: June 22, 2023, 05:16:08 PM »

Hello Hamster,
I hope  you are doing fine now. Your story rhymed with mine so much except for the fact that we have a daughter. Reading through your raw emotions lets me know I am not alone. Just wondering. How are things for you now?
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