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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: I am gobsmacked  (Read 5328 times)
Butterfly03
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« Reply #30 on: April 07, 2010, 01:19:28 AM »

Well I did my short n sweet text to Mr BPD ending it... .

According to him the "idiot" video was a joke (I knew he would say that) and he would rather be dead than me not be his girl... .HO BLOODY HUM!

He had his chance YET AGAIN and he blew it!

Butterfly
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #31 on: April 07, 2010, 11:00:26 PM »

HELP ME MY bpdfamily.com FRIENDS :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( My exBPDbf thinks I have over reacted to the idiot video that he was only joking I wish I could post it on here so you could have a look I am doing my head in this ex of mine is obsessed with me I think I am going to snap soon I am hibinating in my room so my poor mum doesnt cop anything from me... .I did do the right thing? I am going bonkers!

A VERY FOGGY HEAD BUTTERFLY
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Jbird
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« Reply #32 on: April 07, 2010, 11:11:50 PM »

hey girl keep your head up! Think about all the other times and hurts that are still there even if this one "is not a big deal"    And if you feel it is a big deal and you do not want someone who says those things about you or you child as a partner then... .that is your choice, not his! Butterfly, remember the hurt this caused, you are allowed to have those feelings you are allowed to feel something is not right or acceptable even if no one else around you tells you not to. Love you hon, keep your head up and we are here for you!  x
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #33 on: April 08, 2010, 12:07:53 AM »

Thanks so Much J Bird... .you know i just cant describe the feeling i had when i found the video on my phone i really did feel like he treated me as a village idiot and it showedno respect whatsoever to me i just wonder how he wouldve reacted if i did it to him... .it was a huge thing to give him yet another chance after everything most people probably wouldve said see ya later a long long time ago maybe after the first girl i found about or the continual lying over everything he realised that it was a huge chance i was given him and he promised that he would try his best to be a better man and not make me feel the way i did before but there have been hints the last week that he is always going to be Mr BPD and he isnt going to change like the neediness of hearing from me all the time, me not being able to do what i want without the gazillion nonsense questions i was only back with him a month and he was slowly draining me again it just isnt healthy for me the type of person i am to have him in my world... .i have ended up turning my phone off it was ridiculous over last night he blamed me for him hitting the drink last night by text and not going to work today he feels "empty" without me i could imagine the stupid immature crap he would of got up to last night i need someone stable and sain in my life and more importantly in my boys life... .there is no medical reason for treating anybody with disrespect in my book... .he just has to live and learn unfortunately i thought he already had when i went NC for two weeks with him when he found this other girl Vanessa... .i am very dissapointed and disgusted in him... .

Butterfly 
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dilbert
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« Reply #34 on: April 08, 2010, 12:54:01 AM »

wheres he at? anyone calls my kids anything... .ill bust their f'n head with a lead pipe.
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Manon46
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« Reply #35 on: April 08, 2010, 01:01:09 AM »

You are not overreacting at all... .

I know when my ex called me or my kids like idiots or morons i felt humiliated, in the core of my soul... .and it made me   

Let him drown,drink, or whatever he does... you are on the right side... it is all about him... .

There is nothing funny in what he does or says... just stay strong you are doing absolute the right thing for you and your boy... x
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #36 on: April 08, 2010, 04:46:38 AM »

Thank you so much for the support guys... .i will be changing my mobile number yet again tomorrow he sure is trying hard this was his last text

"**** (my name) i am so glad to see the world through a different window. Where glory doesnt colour every move we make. Just a truthfull look at the part you play. **** (my name) I found love and I do not want to lose love. x"

He is a MASSIVE thinker he is trying so hard to get a response from me, the messages are doing nothing to me now I just feel numb to the situation and tired/over it really

Butterfly 
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Want2know
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« Reply #37 on: April 08, 2010, 07:21:02 AM »

Just another supportive note for you about that video... .I get the impression from your posts that this is not the first time he's said nasty things about your son, so even if he was "just kidding" about the video, he's said enough other negative things that should not have been said about him.

You know deep down he was NOT just kidding, and his manipulative tactic to say he was is just that.  Stay strong!
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“The path to heaven doesn't lie down in flat miles. It's in the imagination with which you perceive this world, and the gestures with which you honor it." ~ Mary Oliver
Manon46
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« Reply #38 on: April 08, 2010, 07:49:33 AM »

You and your son... .are all that matters...

The only way to a mothers heart is to love her child... .x
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Auspicious
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« Reply #39 on: April 08, 2010, 08:10:16 AM »

HELP ME MY bpdfamily.com FRIENDS :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( My exBPDbf thinks I have over reacted to the idiot video that he was only joking I wish I could post it on here so you could have a look I am doing my head in this ex of mine is obsessed with me I think I am going to snap soon I am hibinating in my room so my poor mum doesnt cop anything from me... .I did do the right thing? I am going bonkers!

A VERY FOGGY HEAD BUTTERFLY

It ... .doesn't ... .matter ... .what ... .he ... .thinks ... .

It doesn't.

He's allowed to think whatever he wants.

And you are allowed to not agree with him.

You don't need his permission. You don't need his agreement. You don't need anything from him. You get to make your own decisions.

x
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Manon46
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« Reply #40 on: April 08, 2010, 08:18:28 AM »

It ... .doesn't ... .matter ... .what ... .he ... .thinks ... .


You don't need his permission. You don't need his agreement. You don't need anything from him. You get to make your own decisions.

x

When dear Lord, is that finally going through my skull ... .

It doesn't matter... .so so true... .thank you x
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #41 on: April 09, 2010, 03:01:31 AM »

So according to my exBPDbf I treat him second best and I only wanted to know him so I had somewhere to stay out of the city and I havent changed... .where on earth is this all coming from?


Butterfly
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VanessaG
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« Reply #42 on: April 09, 2010, 06:40:40 AM »

It is tempting to try to make sense of what a pwBPD says, I understand that urge, but the fact is that there IS NO making sense of it.

Their emotions are disordered, and as a result, so are their thoughts and conclusions and theories.

You must disengage yourself, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally from the vortex.

NO MORE TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT!  Simply because we can't, and you'll set your brain on a high blender speed trying to do so.

The further and the longer you are truly NC, the more peace you'll get from trying to figure it out. 

At least in my experience ... .

VanessaG
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #43 on: April 10, 2010, 06:24:08 AM »

Well it was my dads 70th bday party today and my exBPDbf was in fine form today sending me messages that he had cut up a beach towel and swimmers that i left there, he ate "my brats" easter egg, he smashed a photo frame i made him and a ornament that i gave him when we got back together, that i dont care less about anything but what i want and dont think about what other people are going through, that he wasnt going to apologise for his behaviour today that i make him sick and act that way that i have to remember that he has got no family and that i am all that he has got that he considers me as family; I simply sent a message "I am not going to argue with you" and left it at that... .

Butterfly
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VanessaG
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« Reply #44 on: April 10, 2010, 06:36:19 AM »

I am confused, Butterfly.

How is it that he is even able to be in touch with you, call you, text you?  Didn't you change your mobile?  Or block him?

I think you've made a decision to cut him out of your life, and I think that's a wise choice.  And yet, you're still engagin with him ... .   Any response to a text is contact, and telling him you're not going to argue with him, is in fact, engaging him.

If you didn't GET these messages, then you wouldn't be tempted to be in touch, or ruminate about WHY he is doing the nonsensical thing that he is doing.

I think the big question you need to ask yourself is if you've decided this person is unhealthy for you and your son and that you need to disengage, why do you keep allowing him entry into your life, cell phone, thoughts, spirit, and peace?

I know it's hard, believe me, but looking at your situation, it seems so obvious to me what you need to do.  Listen to your HEAD, and give your HEART some time to catch up.

x

VanessaG
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #45 on: April 10, 2010, 09:08:12 AM »

No I am not full NC yet I have got my aunty to get me a sim card for my mobile in her name the last time I went NC with him when I ended up going to the police he found out my number somehow which got me absolutely bamboozled I get my sim card tomorrow so I will soon be at peace hopefully he has threatened to come to my house where I live with my parents and son - it wont be a very warm welcoming at all if he does... .he already has two dropped AVO's against his name on file with the police and I have kept all his threats and intimidating texts on my phone... .he is quiet tonight thank god though it is Saturday night probably out on the booze trying to hunt down the next victim

Butterfly
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #46 on: April 10, 2010, 06:19:53 PM »

Well its my birthday today and my aunty has arrived to help me celebrate with my son and parents and Ive got my new sim card so i am really and truely NC what a present... .PEACE... .the best present ever after the wonderfull display of BPD yesterday at my dads party... .going to have a quiet relaxing bday with the ones that really truely care about me and respect me... .

Butterfly
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little doggy
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« Reply #47 on: April 10, 2010, 06:24:23 PM »

HAPPY BIRTHDAY butterfly. I see you have lots or friends on these board and another new one here. I hope its a day all about you.

Best wishes
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #48 on: April 10, 2010, 07:19:44 PM »

Hey Thanks Mate!  Smiling (click to insert in post) Being pretty blessed with the weather it's a sunny Autumn day here in Ole Sydney Town off to enjoy the day in peace... .what a bizarre feeling it will be... .NO STRESS & Peace n Quiet !

Butterfly
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little doggy
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« Reply #49 on: April 10, 2010, 10:08:24 PM »

Sounds great.enjoy every minute of it. Cooler autumn day here in Adelaide but nice enough to take the kids to see the koala and Kangaroos in the hills.
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VanessaG
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« Reply #50 on: April 11, 2010, 08:51:16 AM »

 Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)   Good on you and enjoy the peaceful days!

If you're anything like me, you might be surprised how suddenly you realize you actually kind of MISS the drama ... .  I was shocked by that because I'm the antithesis of a drama queen.  It was fleas  PD traits I suppose, but I recall how surprised (and irritated at myself) I was because there was a very real part of me that WANTED him to contact me.

Lots o' mixed emotions.  Buckle your seat belt.  The bumps in the ride may not be over.

x

VanessaG
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Manon46
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« Reply #51 on: April 11, 2010, 08:59:23 AM »

actually kind of MISS the drama ... .  I was shocked by that because I'm the antithesis of a drama queen.   

Happy Birthday to you

When the drama ends, the adrenaline pump stops... and wauw... .a big hole there!

Feeling empty, starting to miss, idolizing the good times... .we have all been there i guess... at least i was also...

But maybe in your case it s not and you are keeping on enjoying the peace... .keep the strength  x
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #52 on: April 12, 2010, 01:57:40 AM »

My dearest bpdfamily.com friends where would I be without you guys thank you for my well wishes for my birthday x

Without a word of a lie I miss my exBPDbf soo much I really do its like my arm has been chopped off he was a part of my life for four and a half years... .maybe if I didnt have my son it would be a very different situation but I do and my ex is not well and when you are a mum you put your children first I know I cant afford to have my boy around my exBPDbf it is not healthy at all... .as much as I remember the goods times and miss the little things so dearly  :'( I also remember the hurtfull times that no logical thinking healthy man would say and do to me to keep me strong and on the yellow brick road out of oz... .I know I still have a very loong journey till I am fully over this... .Thank you to all of you out there I value your support and opinions so so so much

Butterfly
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Manon46
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« Reply #53 on: April 12, 2010, 02:15:20 AM »

You are brave Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

And yes you and your son are the most important right now... .

You are not alone on your yourney but i know it feels like an amputation...

Sometimes it takes a clean cut to cure the wound... .and take the sick part away before it effects the whole body... .

In a while the pain lessens and you will be healty and happy again... .bless you x
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #54 on: April 12, 2010, 06:30:00 AM »

No Bless You manon46... .you have posted so many times on my thread and I really appreciate you taking the time to do that - I thank you for your support      x

Dont know bout being brave I have my blue moments usually before I go to bed and have a good cry... .it's a brave face I put on in front of my son !

Butterfly
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Manon46
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« Reply #55 on: April 12, 2010, 12:51:03 PM »

Don't need to thank me sweet x

And before bed cry all your tears, it s cleansing... .

You do need a lot of support to make it through, i know i did...

Take good care of yourself, your health,and your son... .you will make it... .

Go on girl, for you and your son... .x
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Koro
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« Reply #56 on: April 13, 2010, 08:54:39 AM »

Actually, I would forget about the txt message and just go NC without saying a word. And if he comes by your house, then let the police tell them some final words. It works!

Seems extreme, but it's not. True, we nons brings issues to the table and this is the reason we stood so much craziness or abuse; but we got enmeshed in a very dysfunctional relationship mostly because we are in denial. As I read this, I am thinking is highly offensive and unbearable the things he say and do to you, but my other thought is: "What, can a person really do this; is this even possible?" And that "denial" is part of what get us so worked up and enmeshed. It really is Oz.
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