Month 4: BPD d13 in residential treatment center

[lbjnltx]

greetings friends,

as of yesterday my d13 has been at the residential treatment center for exactly 3 months.  so we are on our 4th month.  we had our family therapist session yesterday...no new topics covered really.  i did absolutely and joyfully recognize a new sense of ownership for her behaviors, past and present. like:  admitting the reason why she did not get very many hugs from us was because she didn't want them...because she "hated" us.  not anymore!  

i asked her how we can best support you if you are having a difficult time?  she gave me a list of 4 things:  hug me even if is say I don't want a hug, listen to me express my feelings, speak to me in a calm voice, remind me of my tools like visualization.

 

i walked around all day yesterday with a huge smile on my face!

just thinking about it now I have a cheesy   !

lbjnltx

BPD d13 in residential treatment center «

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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Togetheritispossible]

yea! 

[kcc.victoria]

What huge, marvelous progress, lbjnltx! 

I am so happy to hear your news.

Savor these moments and remember them.

Mega compliments to your daughter. She is doing awesome!

 

victoria

[qcarolr]

lbj - this is such great news. Makes all the sacrifice worth the pain. When is your visit?

Thanks for sharing your life with us.

qcr

[LionDreamer]

just thinking about it now I have a cheesy  !

thanks for sharing, you sure made my day!

LD

[peaceplease]

Good to hear, lbjnltx.      I am so glad that things seem to be progressing so well for your DD.



,

peaceplease

[lbjnltx]

dear friends,                     

thank  you for celebrating with me.  I know so many of  you are having an especially difficult time right now.  I have been in that state in the past far too many times to ever forget the pain, confusion, frustration and fear.

we leave on sept. the 15th and will see her the next am early.  we will have our days there filled w/family and group therapy events.  she has gotten caught up in her math and is working hard to finish up a few past assignments in her other 3 classes.  she is taking full responsibility for the possibility that she will not be allowed to leave the campus with us for some "free" time due to being behind in school work and is trying to reverse the damage she may have caused for herself and US!  she sees that her choices have affects on others. 

at our last family therapist session the individual therapist told us that BPDd-13 was allowed to "work" at the rv park across the road.  this is seen as a huge privilege that must be earned.  most of the time the girls take 5-6 months to earn that privilege...my d has earned it in 3 months!

my reply to d:  "you must have proven yourself to be very trustworthy to have earned that privilege so soon."  BPDd-13:  "yes. I worked hard."          her sense of entitlement seems to have vanished due to the structure and steel beam boundaries of the residential treatment center.  I hope that all this will continue when she gets home.

BPDd-13 also told me that she is in charge of the care taking of all the small animals at the residential treatment center.  cats, dogs, rabbits, chickens, and I think she said a goat.  she is allowed to ask another girl to help her if she wishes but usually just has them help her carry the feed.  she sounds so very happy with herself...i am humbled by how blessed we are.

lbjnltx

[qcarolr]

lbj - so thankful for all the good choices your D13 is making. she is so young and you have been such a great advocate - successfully - for her. There is also gratitude that you have the resources to make this happen for her.

qcr

[LionDreamer]

BPDd-13 also told me that she is in charge of the care taking of all the small animals at the residential treatment center.  cats, dogs, rabbits, chickens, and I think she said a goat.  she is allowed to ask another girl to help her if she wishes but usually just has them help her carry the feed.  she sounds so very happy with herself...i am humbled by how blessed we are.

Besides all the great work she is doing (and her wonderfully supportive family   ) this gives me such a sense that your daughter can and will make it - a love of animals and really taking care of them seriously is such a sign of a loving heart!

Have a great visit on the 15th, I'll be thinking of you,

LD 

[lbjnltx]

just talked to my BPDd-13 for our weekly social call.

they have told  her she will be ready for a home visit soon!  

we agreed that it would be awesome if she could be home for her birthday  next month.

she did express her fear to fly.  she has only flown once and that was to get to the residential treatment center...it was a bit of a rough flight and she was definitely uneasy.  i just validated that it was indeed a rough flight and that most of the people on the plane probably felt a little stressed. I also pointed out that  she made it through and landed safely on the ground.  i'm sure she will have more to say about this as the time to come home gets nearer.

she told me that the Positive Peer Culture leader promised to put in some good words for  her to be able to go off campus during our family weekend if she would work hard in Positive Peer Culture group therapy.  she says "i am working really really hard".  i am so looking forward to spending some time with her.  

lbjnltx

we will have our family therapy session on thurs.  i pray that it will be another great one!

[Togetheritispossible]

I sure hope you have a blessed visit...does it feel like the twilight zone? She probably takes after you in some ways..kind heart ... all we can do is keep on trying to find the real people they are behind the emotions. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

my saying has always been "i want my real daughter back"

dh saying:  "she is still in there somewhere"

[lbjnltx]

family therapy session # 11

after starting the session today w/chit chat about a book she is reading "The Ultimate Gift" we talked about boundaries once more.

BPDd-13 announced that she working w/her project horse Little Doc yesterday and that she was very assertive w/him!  she is so proud of herself for being assertive.  she has been working on that for a few weeks.  she has been reluctant to be assertive and establish boundaries w/her horse for fear that he would reject her and not "love" her anymore.  when the therapist explained to her that healthy boundaries strengthen relationships and BPD understood her explanation BPDd-13 had another  moment!  she said "OH!  I see now" "i get how my parents feel when I don't respect their boundaries"  "they set boundaries for my safety because they love me"  "that feels really good". 

the therapist said that the change in my daughter is amazing.  she is happy, glows, energetic and delightful...  my BPDd-13 said "it feels good to be happy" therapist replied "you didn't want to be happy before did you?"  BPDd-13 said "no. I want to be happy now though".

t asked for book recommendation on dbt for adolescents...said she has not been able to find any...?  I had ordered 2 last year for therapist at home to learn dbt for my d.  I emailed her the books available on amazon.com...there were at least 5 for dbt/adolescents...guess they were not looking in the right place... ?

this week and until we see her next thursday-sunday BPDd-13 is working on being in her Wise Mind and keeping her emotions in check.  she thinks she will be all caught up in her school work by the end of today and says she has been working really hard in Positive Peer Culture group therapy as well as getting along on the unit w/staff and other girls.  she and I are so excited to see each other.  she is happy, she is proud of herself, she is becoming my beloved daughter, my real daughter again.

i can only praise God for leading me to falcon ridge ranch, for providing the financial means to put and keep her there, for giving me the courage to follow through with this plan, for touching her and healing her, for opening her eyes to the truth, and for keeping me near to Him when I am discouraged, doubtful, or sad.

i hope that one day very very soon all of you will know this feeling.  I don't kid myself into believing she is perfect...she is still a teen after all and she still has disorders...that doesn't mean she can't be healthy though...it is just harder for her to manage her life...now she has the skills...now she knows they work because she is using them successfully...now she wants to live...now she wants to be happy...now she is educated above and beyond what most adults are in her awareness and mindfulness of self and others...she is great!

lbjnltx

[swampped]

DEar LBJ:  What wonderful news!  Your friends here are so happy for you and your DD and your entire family---I especially appreciate your logging your journey for us to follow.  You give me hope that this BPD thing is not a psychological "death sentence", and that with enough energy, prayer, luck and perseverance, there can indeed sometimes be a happy ending.  Or at least some brighter days ahead.  You are giving everybody hope that things might get better for our dear ones with BPD and their families.  You are an inspiration.  May God continue to guide you, your DD, her therapists, and her wonderful horse, who is surely a part of her progress!   Love,  Swampped  

[qcarolr]

lbj - I agree with swammped - your story gives us all hope that better things are always possible with our troubled kids. Gotta keep letting them know we love them and that we believe they can do what needs to be done to get a better life.

Thanks so much for sharing your story. qcr

[lbjnltx]

getting ready to leave for visit w/BPDd-13 at the residential treatment center.   

take good care of yourselves dear friends...

will be back monday.

don't forget to pay it forward ... check the new members board when you have time and welcome the new parents who come here looking for help.



lbjnltx

[lbjnltx]

greetings moms,

just wanted to pop in and say wow!  we are having such a great experience here with our daughter.  she is doing awesome...she's glowing with joy and confidence in herself.  the residential treatment center has allowed her to go off campus with us today for 5 hours and tomorrow for 7 hours.

we shopped, swam, ate and played an impromptu game of basketball at the city park!  so much fun!  BPDd-13 is open, honest, concerned for others (including us).

we have had family therapy, family equine therapy, parent group meeting, Positive Peer Culture parent meeting and tomorrow am we go to the graduation ceremony and performance.  4 girls are graduating the program.

the saddest thing is the lack of support of many of the moms here at the residential treatment center.  they have no one outside their core family who understands their lives, feelings, thoughts,...  I wish I could send them all the love and support that I have received from this site.. :'(




lbjnltx

[LionDreamer]

we shopped, swam, ate and played an impromptu game of basketball at the city park!  so much fun!  BPDd-13 is open, honest, concerned for others (including us).

How fun, loving and inspiring!   Enjoy the rest of the visit with equal joie de vive.

LD

[calmbutfragile]

So heartwarming and thank you for sharing. Imagining my girl happy right now seems a million miles away until you spent the time to write this up. Thank you so much x x x

[qcarolr]

lbj- so happy for all of you that D13 has blossomed so. Can tell it feels wonderful to be a 'mom' for a little while. Hope saying good-bye, see you later is not too hard.

qcr  

[lbjnltx]

the rest of our trip was wonderful.  the graduation ceremony was 3 hours long and the girls all performed as a group w/a few having individual performances.  BPDd-13 was so very confident that she did not shy away from expressing herself in a positive way!  I shed many many tears listening to the staff member, graduate, and parents speak about each graduate.  they have all worked so hard to get to that day.

after the ceremony we went to springdale, utah and walked around the town a bit...got TOO hot for husband so we went down to st. george and bought a coat and some shoes for BPDd-13.  she and her dad had a blast trying on the highest heels she could find to see if she could still do the "touch and go" move they have for basketball...it was so cute.  we took BPDd-13 to get her bangs trimmed and went to a "create your own yogurt" place where BPDd-13 filled up!  then we went to the arcade and she and her dad did "dance dance revolution"  hilarious to watch him try to keep up w/her.  I couldn't participate as I am still suffering from a broken toe...ouch.

time to take her back. 

at the grad ceremony I asked her therapist if she could go to church w/us the next am...it was not a scheduled off campus day ...yet they said "OK".

pu BPDd-13 and went to breakfast (she was ready to go when we got to falcon ridge) and then headed to the little church in hurricane.  BPDd-13 was eyeballing the little kids sitting up at therapist he front of the church and I asked her if she would like to go sit w/them...she said "can I?" I suggested she ask the adult lady there w/the children...i could read  her lips from where I was and the lady replied OH YES...PLEASE.  when therapist he sermon began BPDd-13 went to the common area w/the kids...i was a bit concerned that she would somehow find trouble unsupervised...after the service I found her sitting against the wall watching the kids be pu by their parents...waiting patiently.

we had to get back to las vegas to catch our flight home so we had to take BPDd-13 back to falcon ridge right after church.  there were no lengthy tear filled goodbyes...BPDd-13 just wanted to go get a nap.  (probably didn't happen as the girls have to stay together at all times).  a hug and a kiss and an "i love you" w/the encouragement to keep working hard.

i worked through the emotions of having to leave her again and go home all on sat. night.  I did cry on the way to the airport...couldn't let go because ... I was driving while husband slept...cried when the plan took off...cried when the plane landed...cried when I took the transport to remote parking...cried on the drive home...just a few tears each time...thinking about getting further and further away from my daughter.  it is so much harder to leave her the healthier she gets!  it's all good though...one day she will be home and be healthy enough to be happy and enjoy her life...

lbjnltx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[LionDreamer]

i worked through the emotions of having to leave her again and go home all on sat. night.  I did cry on the way to the airport...couldn't let go because ... I was driving while husband slept...cried when the plan took off...cried when the plane landed...cried when I took the transport to remote parking...cried on the drive home...just a few tears each time...thinking about getting further and further away from my daughter.  it is so much harder to leave her the healthier she gets!  it's all good though...one day she will be home and be healthy enough to be happy and enjoy her life...

Sounds like good healing tears to me,     certainly tears of love,

LD

[qcarolr]

lbjnltx - I call these 'God's tears' as they come straight from the heart. so happy for you that all went so well. Such hope. You see her again in December?

Lots of    

qcr

[lbjnltx]

thanks ld, and qcarol for your encouraging words...so happy to have someone to help me celebrate these milestones on this very long road to healthy.

the next parent "weekend" is in december...20,21 I think.  it is such a short time...not sure why as this past "weekend" was thurs-sunday.  anyway...had social call w/BPDd-13 today and her therapist told her that if she continues to do well she will get to come home w/us on the 21st of december for a family visit.  wow!  if that happens we will continue at the pace of being 3 months ahead of the normal falcon ridge schedule. 

still trying to figure out how to work this next visit...we could drive but don't know what kind of road conditions we would run into...could fly...cost is a major factor...BPDd-13 hates long road trips...if we drive we could bring her little wiener dog to keep her company on the long drive...i don't know...much to consider! 

during our family therapist session on thursday when we got there I asked BPDd-13 if she was still being "bothered" by the voices and seeing shadows...her response..."well, I think maybe I was just mishearing things and turning my head so it looked like things were moving"...don't know what to make of it...could be that the depression has lifted and elevated these symptoms...could be that the change (decrees in abilify) has alleviated these symptoms...could be that this is BPDd-13s way of getting out of a big whopper that she told...either way it was good to hear that she has a better grip on what is real.

lbjnltx

[pallavirajsinghani]

:-)

My blessings...

[lbjnltx]

yesterday was our weekly family therapy on the phone

family therapy session #13

started the session by talking about our visit w/BPDd-13 and any concerns we had...basically none.  talked about our favorite part of the visit.  BPDd-13 was basketball in the park and going to church.  she asked therapist how she could go to church every sunday...they are going to work on that.

t said that BPDd-13 is still hearing the voices ... when it is quiet...not as often...no more shadows of late.   ?  here we go again.  therapist said pdoc wants to increase the abilify again...we just decreased it 2 months ago...don't see how that is going to address the issue as she was on the abilify (even stronger dose) when she first started seeing shadows and hearing the voices calling her name.  BPDd-13 says it is scary to her.  :'(

t asked BPDd-13 why she was so sad and quiet when she met w/the pdoc the day before.  she gives pdoc the impression that she is much more depressed than she actually is.  the nurse explained to pdoc that she had been laughing and joking just before he saw her...anyway...BPDd-13 said that she was upset by an inappropriate comment made by a male teacher in class...seeing the pdoc (a man) triggered her uncomfortable memory.  therapist had not been told of this incident even though BPDd-13 filed an official complaint w/a support staff member as soon as the class let out. 

GOOD FOR HER!  the way I see it...she recognized that the comment was inappropriate...before going to frr she would have probably enjoyed that! ,

she realized her feelings ment that her boundary had been violated...she was not afraid to stand up for herself...she acted appropriatly and filed the complaint instead of having any kind of a confrontation...GOOD GOOD GOOD !

we talked about school options when BPDd-13 comes home...she doesn't want to go to the very small private high school I found...but is willing and excited to change public schools...Good too!  therapist asked her not to throw out the option of a private education just yet...she said to BPDd-13:

"in your small town options are limited...the more option_____" and BPDd-13 finished her sentence "the more opportunities".  we are tabling the issue for now and letting BPDd-13 think about her options once more.

t also informed us that BPDd-13 will be able to have a 3 day entirely offcampus visit w/us next month in preparation for her home visit most likely at Christmas...that is a suprise to us!  hope we can work it out.  husband is concerned about taking so much time off from work and the expense of the trip, cars, hotels, food, ...  every time we go up I am afraid we will spend the $ needed to keep BPDd-13 at the residential treatment center until she is FINISHED!

we said our goodbye.

20 min. later the therapist called to tell me that she spoke w/senior staff and the male teacher is being reprimanded for his comment. I learned that the comment was not directed at my d or any of the other girls...it was just a general statement that was inappropriate in a classroom full of teen girls.

also, therapist told me that the authors of the book "i don't have to make everything all better" ...Gary and Joy Lundberg are scheduled to be the guest speakers at the family weekend in march.  this will be the official kick off for making their book one of the ones that is required reading for falcon ridge ranch.  this march family weekend will most likely (God willing) be the weekend that my d graduates from the program!  how fantastic! especially since I am working so hard to get this book out there for people to read and benefit from here at ftf.  if you haven't read it yet order it!  if you have...please answer the poll question on the book review board.  this book is the feature article on the home page.  I have asked skip to place it on the recommended reading list for ftf.

t and I agreed to schedule a conference call w/BPDd-13's pdoc when he next visits falcon ridge.  I have a difficult time communicting w/him over the phone.  that will give me some time to do some research on meds./addressing the "voices".  was reading some excerpts from a book "little girl lost" written by a BPD...she also heard voices...

when I came online, there was an email from the t.  here it is:


I just wanted to let you know that right after our phone call ****went out to equine therapy and told Carolle and Mike the phone call was the best phone call she had every had and your compliments about her progress made her year! They said they have never seen her so happy.


thanks for reading and taking this miraculous journey with me.



lbjnltx

[qcarolr]

lbj - it is just so excellent that your D is working so hard at this -that she really wants to be OK and can see a good life in front of her. The 'voices' stuff is concerning, and I personally don't like abilify, though it is used a lot. For some people it can be a very agitating med. Glad you have time to do some research before they make a change.

And I also want to give you a giant size    . You are a very wise woman and we are all blessed to be able to share this journey with you. Thank you for sharing in such detail.

 

[Jemima]

It is really great to hear about your daughter's progress in treatment. 

[calmbutfragile]

Hope you continue to be blessed with the positivity. Have a great weekend x x x

[GameGirl]

the rest of our trip was wonderful.  the graduation ceremony was 3 hours long and the girls all performed as a group w/a few having individual performances.  BPDd-13 was so very confident that she did not shy away from expressing herself in a positive way!  I shed many many tears listening to the staff member, graduate, and parents speak about each graduate.  they have all worked so hard to get to that day.

after the ceremony we went to springdale, utah and walked around the town a bit...got TOO hot for husband so we went down to st. george and bought a coat and some shoes for BPDd-13.  she and her dad had a blast trying on the highest heels she could find to see if she could still do the "touch and go" move they have for basketball...it was so cute.  we took BPDd-13 to get her bangs trimmed and went to a "create your own yogurt" place where BPDd-13 filled up!  then we went to the arcade and she and her dad did "dance dance revolution"  hilarious to watch him try to keep up w/her.  I couldn't participate as I am still suffering from a broken toe...ouch.

time to take her back. 

at the grad ceremony I asked her therapist if she could go to church w/us the next am...it was not a scheduled off campus day ...yet they said "OK".

pu BPDd-13 and went to breakfast (she was ready to go when we got to falcon ridge) and then headed to the little church in hurricane.  BPDd-13 was eyeballing the little kids sitting up at therapist he front of the church and I asked her if she would like to go sit w/them...she said "can I?" I suggested she ask the adult lady there w/the children...i could read  her lips from where I was and the lady replied OH YES...PLEASE.  when therapist he sermon began BPDd-13 went to the common area w/the kids...i was a bit concerned that she would somehow find trouble unsupervised...after the service I found her sitting against the wall watching the kids be pu by their parents...waiting patiently.

we had to get back to las vegas to catch our flight home so we had to take BPDd-13 back to falcon ridge right after church.  there were no lengthy tear filled goodbyes...BPDd-13 just wanted to go get a nap.  (probably didn't happen as the girls have to stay together at all times).  a hug and a kiss and an "i love you" w/the encouragement to keep working hard.

i worked through the emotions of having to leave her again and go home all on sat. night.  I did cry on the way to the airport...couldn't let go because ... I was driving while husband slept...cried when the plan took off...cried when the plane landed...cried when I took the transport to remote parking...cried on the drive home...just a few tears each time...thinking about getting further and further away from my daughter.  it is so much harder to leave her the healthier she gets!  it's all good though...one day she will be home and be healthy enough to be happy and enjoy her life...

lbjnltx

Falcon Ridge is a first rate facility.  I am so glad that it is working out for your DD.