I met up with my ex and I feel even worse

[ucmeicu2]

This woman made me feel alive and that's one of the reasons I'm so addicted to her. Without her I feel completely dead. The whole world seems flavorless to me.  I don't care about anything.  Nothing interests me anymore.  I have no idea how I'm going to move on from this.  It's just too hard.

i am in the same boat.  WOW yes yes yes she made me feel ALIVE in a way that i've never experienced before.  ever.  with anybody. 

sometimes i'm so flippin' flabbergasted at how what is called "a serious mental disorder" ie BPD, could make me ~ and countless others here ~ feel that way. that just doesn't make sense to me!   

is it really truly JUST mental illness, childhood issues, attachment disorders etc etc?  frankly, that seems inconceivable. 

then again, the major alternative runner-up seems a bit inconceivable too: Twin Flames.  anybody heard about that?  i read about it this week ~ watched some videos on youtube by mel and nicole called goldraytwinflames who claim to be twin flames ~ and it seems eerily similar to a r/s w a pwBPD... .   bizarre.

icu2

[ucmeicu2]

Spend some time reading the thrills of marriage on the staying board 

If that doesn't scare you and force the Red pill down your throat, I don't know what will. Your feelings and hurt is real and painful. Add a few more years of that crap and you would not be missing her with love in your , but spending time trying to break through trauma and betrayal bonds, along with the delight of cognitive dissonance, which you are struggling with right now. 

<cut>

You know all that stuff about "taking care of yourself"? Do it. Run, train, eat right, exhaust yourself physically so you can sleep at night. Stay busy. Cry when you want, cry when you run whatever it takes. Rewire your brain and the heart will follow.

your 2nd paragraph i quoted that's really excellent advice, IMO.  i want to also say that in the same way we Nons can rewire our brains, so can the pwBPD!

according to a T i spoke with, as well as some things i've read, the work of DBT actually changes the brain, rewires it essentially, repairing it/making it more normal.  according to my source, they have seen the changes in cat scans/brain imaging.  this is indesputable evidence that changes can and do/are occurring in the brain.

i'm not trying to spread undue optimism, and DBT is certainly not a magic bullet *but* it's important to put the facts out there and, according to the experts, DBT does work when applied properly.  it's not just a "band-aid" for a wound, it's actual healing of the wound, so to speak. 

willingness of the pwBPD of course is key and YMMV b/c obviously a DBT course does not and can not come w/a guarantee.  my own xBPDgf did take DBT several yrs before i even met her and she still spiraled downwards into what could be described as almost insanity (fueled, or caused, by mass alcohol consumption).  then again, i cannot say how hard she tried or how much willingness she had to get better... .getting better can be very scary for many folks!

icu2

[PhoenixRising15]

Instead of twin flames, look up karmic relationships.  That's closer to BPD.

Karmic relationships are relationships where basically you enter into to finish unfinished business from a past life (ie childhood)

I found it long ago when I began questioning if daisy was my soulmate, and if she was why things would go this way.

[caughtnreleased]

hmmm karmic relationships really does describe it well. I find that it also presents our whole experience with pwBPD in a very positive light... .ie: we need to learn some hard lessons before we can actually find love, and these BPD relationships are obstacles that when we come out of them, only makes us stronger, and more open to be loved and really love someone else.  Anyway, the way they describe it makes complete sense! thanks for sharing.

[starshine]

It does feel like a karmic relationship, for sure!  Hopefully we are stepping off the relationship wheel with our BPD partners.  I don't want a repeat of that in this lifetime, or any subsequent ones this soul signs up for. 

[ucmeicu2]

questioning faith, unhooked, starshine, (anybody else) do you have a favorite website or author about karmic r/s's?  there sure are an awful lot of them out there ~ reading/wading/sifting through them all ~ hard to know which one's most reliable... .i'm getting tired .

[PhoenixRising15]

I don't have a favorite.  Honestly, I found it during one of my many breakups.  I was googling "do soulmates ever break up and get back together" and all that jazz.

It truly does embody the nature of the relationship with me.

My childhood was a past life.  I had a karmic debt to myself to stand up for myself, love myself, and protect myself.

I paid that debt.  I settled the score with my victim child.  I need to build trust in myself now.  That same trust that I fantasized about rebuilding with her.  All those promises need to be made to myself now.

It's hard work, and its worth it.  I'm worth it.  You're worth it.

[caughtnreleased]

I also don't have a favourite. I read 5 or 6 sites that describe it... .what I retained was:

1.very intense, either positive or negative, relationship - with a magnetic feeling to it

2.very familiar feeling, as if you've already shared a life or childhood together (I know he also had this feeling as he told me my smell reminded him of his childhood... .talk about TRIGGER fest!)

3.the relationship generally ends badly, and cause a great deal of pain.

4.the relationship allows you to confront things about yourself which have hindered you in your personal growth, and in your ability to truly connect and love someone.

5.once you've addressed the issue which the relationships has forced you to address, you are able to move on to a more fulfilling life, with more fulfilling relationships.

6. Most relationships we have in life (romantic, friendship, family, etc) are karmic as we seek out people who perhaps share our "issues" or are complimentary to them as we try and resolve and heal our own wounds, however the more intense the relationships the greater pain you go through and the steeper the learning curve.

I can say that my relationship with my pwBPD turned my world upside down. I felt like I got sucked into a tornado.  It forced me to confront many many things as I experienced so much anxiety, adrenaline, confusion, conflicting emotions, and perhaps most difficult of all, did not recognize myself in all of this.  I'm looking at it all now, and I've probably grown more in 6 months aftermath than I have in (or the aftermath of) any of my longer lasting non BPD relationships. I know myself so much better than I did a year ago... .It's one thing I am grateful for.

[DragoN]

then again, the major alternative runner-up seems a bit inconceivable too: Twin Flames.  anybody heard about that?  i read about it this week ~ watched some videos on youtube by mel and nicole called goldraytwinflames who claim to be twin flames ~ and it seems eerily similar to a r/s w a pwBPD... .   bizarre.

Heard about it, but I put my money on the Gods placing bets on what their pet humans are going to do with Free will.

Or

This dimension is actually a Penal colony for demented souls who didn't get it right the first few times.

*prays* Karma please don't back the bus up, I'm barely crawling as it is.

[Waifed]

It seems to me that the pwBPD uses people from past relationships to bridge the gap between new ones. I think it is as simple as that. You have basically already been permanently devalued but are a safe fallback to temporarily eliminate their loneliness until they find their NEXT true love.

Because this is the case, why subject yourself to further episodes of their insanity?  All you are doing is 100% subjecting yourself to more pain and misery.  It is insanity. No other outcome is possible.

[DragoN]

I'm guessing the God of Chaos makes a killing with each roll of the dice. 

[goldylamont]

It seems to me that the pwBPD uses people from past relationships to bridge the gap between new ones. I think it is as simple as that. You have basically already been permanently devalued but are a safe fallback to temporarily eliminate their loneliness until they find their NEXT true love.

Because this is the case, why subject yourself to further episodes of their insanity?  All you are doing is 100% subjecting yourself to more pain and misery.  It is insanity. No other outcome is possible.

I have to second this notion by Waifed. I think it's moving into dangerous territory by feeling as if we have a cosmic r/s with this person. It sounds romantic, but yeah really after devaluation all they want to do is use you to build up their next "cosmic" relationship. In fact they try to jam down our throats how "cosmic" their next r/s is, when it's just stupid, actually. if our BPDx's were part of a karmic r/s, wouldn't that mean that actually they have like 10, 20, 30, 50? or more of these in their lifetimes with all the people they sleep and fall in "passionate" love with?

[caughtnreleased]

I agree that it's not good to consider these relationships as cosmic.  But if you read about Karma, that is somewhat more accurate. Apparently karma relationships can be painful, every relationship we, they, have are karmic generally speaking.  It essentially boils the relationship down to growing pains... .and the more you resist change, perhaps the more painful it is? just a thought... .

[caughtnreleased]

It seems to me that the pwBPD uses people from past relationships to bridge the gap between new ones.

but generally, as we know, there are no gaps between relationships with pwBPD. Just lots of overlap.  Back and forth, etc.  So they use everyone to bridge the gap... .to nowhere!

I guess that's why it never works out, unless they decide to change and start building a shoreline on the other side. But that takes so much more work

[goldylamont]

It essentially boils the relationship down to growing pains... .and the more you resist change, perhaps the more painful it is? just a thought... .

i definitely vibe with this thought. i feel the more we resist change the more suffering we go through. i was reading somewhere that people only suffer when they perceive that "something isn't right"--and so i am (in this moment  ) focusing my energies on the fact that this past r/s was abusive perhaps, but what's right about it is that i survived it (and pretty proud of how i behaved throughout!) and now i'm free of it. i really want to challenge myself to not resist any changes and welcome whatever is coming next. my suffering now, after this r/s is over, i do feel is linked in some way of feeling wronged, like something is wrong. but really, it's just the way of the world. bad things happen to good people, that's just life. and i'm so thankful for the good things that are happening. so, really, what's "wrong" about it? it was just something that happened... .