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Author Topic: How good was your BPD at hiding cheating?  (Read 13202 times)
vangirl60
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« on: December 11, 2013, 11:51:54 PM »

I'm just wondering…... would like to hear stories from people out there about finding out that their exBPD cheated and how they hid it, etc.?
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Iwalk-Heruns
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« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2013, 11:55:58 PM »

I'm just wondering…... would like to hear stories from people out there about finding out that their exBPD cheated and how they hid it, etc.?

extremely extremely well! I really have to go to bed now but will share my story tomorrow vangirl. We'll talk!
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« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2013, 12:06:34 AM »

Looking forward to it Iwalk-Heruns! Actually looking very forward to the discussion on this board cause I'm sure there's some great stories out there. I've been apart from uBPDexbf for 2 years and I'm just now piecing a few things together with everything I've learned here and going wow…... I'll bet he was cheating when he was going ballistic on me that time….putting the pieces together
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Octoberfest
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« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2013, 12:13:51 AM »

A better question for me is: how badly did you want to be loved that you ignored all of the signs and evidence and your friends just to live your fantasy a little while longer.

I'm not going to go into my stories of my BPDex cheating again. I don't want to relive it again.
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vangirl60
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« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2013, 12:27:52 AM »

yep Octoberfest, I sometimes think I always knew something was up but it was so cleverly cloaked and yes i chose to ignore a lot of things.
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MrFox
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« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2013, 12:40:57 AM »

She was pretty good but I knew something wasn't right.  I knew her history.  I knew that she had even pursued me while being in other relationships.  And, I know that I ignored my own instincts.  I just didn't know the extent until after the relationship ended.
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hurtbyboderline
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« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2013, 01:27:42 AM »

Vangirl60, The first 2 months I was with my exBPDGF I had no idea she was cheating until 2 days before she left me to go back with her ex. BUT , I was not looking for signs. I just assumed she was being faithful even though I knew she had a past history of cheating.  She came over at 6 am, jumped in bed with me naked & I saw what sure looked like & I'm sure was, semen... .Anyway, she left me for 2 months to be with him, then came back to me for 4 years. 2 months after we were back together I was suspicious so I went to her ex BF's house at her lunch time (parked down the street in my Dad's car). She called me & asked me where I was & I said "at home" (yes I lied, one on my pet peeves). Home was 25 miles away so she knew if I was there she'd have time. So as we were talking I saw her car turn the corner & park in front of her ex BF's house. She then in a cool, calm & collected voice said; "I just cashed my check, I'm pulling into the gas station to get gas & then I'm going back to work. I'll call you later". She then went in his house for 17 minutes. She came out hand in hand with him, they kissed & she drove off. She immediately called me, I didn't answer & she left a message accusing me of being in a motel f****** another girl. I then got several more calls & texts accusing me of this. SO, #1) I'd say after they cheat they 'project' in onto you by accusing YOU of cheating. Also #2) Every time she'd call & insist on knowing where I was she was up to something... .Fast forward to the last time I caught her & she went to his house at 8 am on a Sunday morning. I'm usually asleep then so she figured I wouldn't find out. Well, it's a 25 minute round trip drive & she stayed 10 minutes. Plus text messages sent between them for the week before this were erased from her phone. I'm 99.999% sure she had not seen him in many months, maybe a year. I just don't believe you go to an ex's house when you haven't seen him in a long time & stay 10 when it's a 25 minute round trip drive. Unless it's a quickie. Oh, & when confronted she denied going there. I had a GPS system in her car. I don't recommend doing the detective type things I did. It's like I was sicker than her to do some of the stuff. For awhile I had a spy program on her phone. I had a spy program on her computer. GPS system in her car. Checked her undies with this stuff called CheckMate. It detects male semen. Had a voice activated recorder in her car. I see now it's better to leave when it reaches this point! They are very sneaky & excellent liars. Quickies are there specialty. She used to brag that if she wanted to cheat she was so smart that I'd never catch her. So I think this made it a challenge. I guess I was just smarter than her. Or she had no idea the lengths I'd go to to catch her. And with modern technology there's NO way someone can cheat if you want to catch them bad enough... .Oh, before I did all the high tech stuff I'd check the milage on her car. One time (actually at the time she had a motorcycle) I had to drive my Dad to the doctor so she knew I was tied up. She was a creature of habit when it came to driving places so it was easy to check milage. After I got back from the doctors I went to the room we were renting & I could tell she showered. Even though that morning she had already showered. Then I checked her phone bill & she had a call to him for 1 minute that was made right after a call to me to see if I was on the road with my Dad. Then the milage was perfect for going to ex's & back. I told her (whoops another lie) that I left the doctors office & drove by her ex's house & saw her bike there. She believed me & admitted it. Oh admitted going there, of course she'd NEVER sleep with him while we were together! A day or so after this she suspected that I trapped her into admitting being there! It was funny, although I never told her I trapped her... .I'm tired of writing... .  zzz
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« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2013, 01:50:06 AM »

#1) I'd say after they cheat they 'project' in onto you by accusing YOU of cheating.

This was a red flag for me as well.  Shortly before the relationship ended she began to get very paranoid that I was cheating on her.  Folded up money in my pocket was a condom.  She had nightmares about it at night.  Started texting more frequently and becoming worked up if responses didn't come quick enough.

On the other hand, she is glued to her phone yet suddenly there were periods were she "forgot her phone in the car" or "must not have heard it" or it  "turned itself off", cause, you know, it's a damn wizard.
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imstronghere2
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« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2013, 05:22:31 AM »

A better question for me is: how badly did you want to be loved that you ignored all of the signs and evidence and your friends just to live your fantasy a little while longer.

I'm not going to go into my stories of my BPDex cheating again. I don't want to relive it again.

My sentiments exactly. 
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Calm Waters
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« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2013, 05:55:29 AM »

I was a week in to my relationship with myBPD ex gf when some flowers arrived at her house.  - asked who they were from and she said... ."Oh thats the guy I have been going out with for a year. We met on Guardian Soulmates", He made the mistake of taking his daughters on holiday to Israel and that left her abandoned enough to hook me when I was vulnerable. "Should I be worried I said", "no she said he asked me to marry him but I am going to dump him for you". "Phew I said!" and what a joke I felt honoured. then she invited me to move in with her as I was homeless after the break up of my marriage, again I thought wow! it turns out she was massively in debt and wanted me to help wit the rent but I only found that out after she tried to kill herself.

3 months later I left as she was such hard work, then she attempted suicide, that dragged me back in, then when she recovered 3 months later with my help i was turned black and then the joke was on me, I think she had the next guy in g

her sights or she might even have been two timing me by then. I expect there is some new poor bast**rd who will eventually get the same treatment and end up with his life in ruins. These are very dangerous people, loveable, beguiling but FU***ed up and dangerous, so sad.
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« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2013, 06:00:59 AM »

Mine locked down her cell as the relationship progressed. She also started talking a lot about the person she was cheating with... .usually an ex.  There were many signs. She wasnt great at hiding anything really.  She was pretty open about who she was hanging with. 

I just trusted someone who was not trustworthy. 
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« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2013, 06:19:31 AM »

I dont know if my exUBPDgf cheated on me but in devaluation phase in round 2, there were signs that pointed to that. It was an LDR(she in Boston, me in Long Island), and her cell would constantly be attached to her as devaluation progressed, passenger side seat head rest was raised for a "taller" person when she would come pick me up at bus stop(im not tall), became more secretive, and the orbiting guy "friends" would make more and more inappropriate comments on her fb/ig postings. Not that any of that is direct evidence of cheating per say, but the unease that i was feeling skyrocketed as a direct consequence. I literally want to vomit as i remember this stuff.

I asked her on the day she left me the second time, "Are you speaking to someone else?" And she replied "No." In my logical mind, i asked her this thinking, well she has nothing to technically lose by telling me the truth if she was cheating because she already had hurt me more then enough as is, why lie to me now that you are leaving me yet again i thought; the paradoxical realm of being with someone with BPD, i dont know if even that logical thinking would apply.
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« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2013, 06:30:06 AM »

This whole thread makes me wonder if my ex had other guys sometimes. She would go periods of a few months where she'd be depressed, devalue me, not sleep with me, and then break up. She'd have a few "guy friends" but I'm not the jealous type. I didn't want to get possessive. This was of course prior to finding out that she had BPD.
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« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2013, 07:37:45 AM »

Getting a new gym membership.

Recent frequent trips to new hairstylist.

Frequent trips to have new nails done.

Running errands every day for several hours.

over 180 calls and texts in one day to a males cell phone.

password protection on her cell phone.

trying to hide phone when I walked into room.

Missing bank account statements.

etc.etc.
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Calm Waters
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« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2013, 08:25:07 AM »

She -

didnt tell me about on going BF

didnt tell me she had serious debts

didnt tell me she had not put her tax return in

didnt tell me she was having panic attacks

didnt tell me she was self medicating with combination of sleeping pills anti depressants

didnt tell me that she was feeling suicidal

did tell me she couldnt trust me

did tell me I was making her stressed

did tell me the sex was great

did tell me i was ' the one'

did tell me never to doubt how much she loved me and always would

did tell me i was ' her one love'

after suicide attempt

she didnt tell me that she had told her daughters we were through, it lasted another 3 months

didnt tell me she was chasing down a new suitor

kept me from her grand daughter who i had bonded with

kept the xmas presents i gave her to give to her family

called the police on me when i tried to tell her i was so worried about her after she dumped me

refused to give me any closure or explanation

told all our mutual friends never to speak to me, some wont

bhit liar deceitful heartless cruel destructive vindictive beautiful adorable damaged beguiling vulnerable calculating

I still love her

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Changingman
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« Reply #15 on: December 12, 2013, 09:06:12 AM »

Amazingly good at hiding it,

From the beginning to the end, there was never a time when she wasn't cheating emotionally or physically. I now suspect/know. Triangulation constant.

"They are my friends!"

She has no friends

I've invited 30 friends to my party, 1 turns up. The other 35+ people my friends.

Sex is the ONLY way to attract people to her... .sad, very sad.

Thought nothing acquaintances were her best friends. Really thought it, no emotional intelligence at all, apart from her own pitiful tiny little life.


Particularly during times of high stress, job changes particularly. New set of work people etc. her need to be accepted and dominate the group meant sleeping with the most powerful in the group.

Only realized after coming out of the fog, but it was all there to see once I accepted it as a possibility... .it became a probability... .then an absolute.



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Turkish
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« Reply #16 on: December 12, 2013, 10:27:18 AM »

A better question for me is: how badly did you want to be loved that you ignored all of the signs and evidence and your friends just to live your fantasy a little while longer.

Some of my friends freaking saw it through FB before I did. When she called it "quits" with us, others thought (even our T) that there was another man. I was in denial. I had emotionally detached from her anyway the past few months before this came out (the perceived "abandonment" of her... .which has some truth to it). She even told me about the guy she met at a local club (a doorman) and I said "why did you exchange numbers with the guy? That isn't right, he just wants one thing." And she replied, "you mean I can't have guy friends?" Uh, no, I didn't say that... .But I think that was/is the guy.

I looked at her phone and saw the text string two weeks after she called us "done". Took me 7 tries to finally get her to admit to it, even after I quoted back to her his last message "I miss kissing your face".

Fast forward after I called it quits (I did try very hard, and she admitted it) after I found out she was still texting and emailing even if she backed off seeing him (was I supposed to "win her back"?), then she went full throttle. After I called off her going out and partying at night, she went deeper underground to see him on her own time.

Then I got the text meant for him, but sent to me, "Love, I'll be there soon... ." I confronted her and she said, "he's not my boyfriend! I don't know what I have with him." Well, no young dude is going to let you call him "Love" unless you are in a r/s!

Then he called our dinner table a few days later as we were eating with our kids. Crying, some kind of apology, admitting she was [mentally] "sick." No matter.

Last night, she was skyping him on her phone as I walked into the spare room (I opened the door and walked in to tell her something... .it's my freaking house, I don't care). She hid the phone like a little kid and said, "hold on for a minute!"

At least her cheating father would walk out of the house to go talk to his lover. Mine has NO shame. Except for the physical abuse her dad meted out upon her mom years ago, I think she is WORSE than her father as far as her love addiction and the emotional abuse towards me goes.

Last night, she emailed the doctor about we thinking our S3 might have ADD or something. I wanted to all but scream, "that's a risk with mothers who have your disorder!"

So depressing. I am spent.
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« Reply #17 on: December 12, 2013, 10:27:42 AM »

I never caught mine cheating but sure was signs. I caught her in lots of lies. Im my opion you only lie when you've done something you shouldn't have. But I know she was up to something shady on several occasions.

One time she called my house phone and I remember I was suspicious because she never called my house phone. She lived in another state, it would take me about 1.5 hours to get there. She called about 10 at night. She said she was at friends playing cards. But these friends are very loud people and one of them would always get on the phone and talked to me when she called but didn't that night. There was no back ground noise at all. so the next morning I texted her " good morning as we normally would I got not response. I texted her you must of had a good time last night, I drove over to surprise you and you never came home. I immediately got a call quizzing me what time I came over. Then she went crazy about how I tricked her and blah blah blah. She never came clean but I knew. She told me she stayed the night with those friends she was playing cards with. But a year later it came up and she then said she stayed the night with her cousin. The truth never changes only the lies.

another occasion was her email. she gave me her password so I could check her email for her at my job since she didn't have internet at her work. out of the blue one day she started getting paranoid about me having her password, made up some kind of crazy excuse and then I started noticing that when she went to the bathroom she took her cellphone with her never left it laying around anywhere. Make long story short she left me after all that to go and be with her ex boyfriend. Then she came back to me and admitted that he had been contacting her by email and cellphone so she was getting paranoid. she did all that to keep me from catching her.

so she was very hard to catch in the act but very easy to catch when she was acting shady

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« Reply #18 on: December 12, 2013, 10:33:48 AM »

Calm Waters,

  Some of your statements echo mine.

Mine told me:

-I can't trust you

-You don't know what to do with me

-You were never present in our relationship

-You are more a friend than a lover

After all the verbal assaults and leaving me six times, yeah I was turned off by the sex.  She wanted to spend every moment with me and I started to feel suffocated. You can run off to your ex for sex and come back to me and then leave me again, and again and again.

Her new GF is very clingy and needy and wants to spend every moment with her. I didn't spend every moment with her and she was a tyrant. She treated me like shyt. I thought maybe because she felt rejected by me but I have realized the last three relationships she has had no one ever moved her in. The ones that did seem to be the ones she keeps recycling but it never works out.

She is an angry person with severe trust issues. Towards the end as much as I loved and cared she had broken me so badly I had no idea what to do. I was isolated from friends and family hiding this shyt so coming out of the fog you feel alone because you cast off the people who were actually good TO you.

Then you have to deal with her being "victimized" and you painted as a nut job.

Yeah it's fun.
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« Reply #19 on: December 12, 2013, 04:01:43 PM »



Mine was pretty adept at his cheating,  But ONLY, because we were long distance.  In hindsight all the signs were there.  The going to the gym 2 times a day, new diet fads so he could have a better physique, his obsession with vitamin supplements to "up his libido", the time lapses where we had no contact and he was "at his married friend's house" on a Saturday night,  later found that he met my replacement through said married friends.


There were no signs of emotional withdrawal until the second he dumped me on my head (and even afterwards he stalked me online and reached out a few times... .All the while he had moved on to my replacement and I didnt know yet), I literally never saw it coming. 

I had a gut feeling though... .I just knew there was someone else because that was the ONLY way hed ever leave me.  I knew in my bones.  I even asked if there was someone else and like always, he lied and said no... I believed otherwise, I just needed proof.  I got it 3 weeks later when he posted pics of them cuddled up on vacation together on facebook.

He didnt hide things very well after the fact.  But then they never do.

Good riddance Im much happier without his loser ass in my life. 

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« Reply #20 on: December 12, 2013, 04:23:59 PM »

Mine was a pro. She always told me she would never cheat cuz her ex husband cheated on her and she would never do that to someone else... .I believed her

Then she told me she was confused and working on herself cuz she hated herself and needed time... .given her upbringing and the abuse she went thru I believed her

Then just give her time for her divorce to be final and then we will spend more time together... .idiot I believed her

And then yesterday she asked me what I was doing in the evening. Mind you she knows I have therapy... .She said darn I wanted to go shopping for the holidays.  She said I am going shopping for the kids... .I believed her until I saw her picking up her boyfriend as I was driving.

My favorite is that afternoon she told me about a dream she had the night before. In the dream I was cheating on her. She told me she was so angry and cried when she woke up.  I find it ironic that later that night I catch her cheating on me. Of course when I confronted her about the cheating all she could say was I am a bi*tch.  No remorse no acknowledgement no nothing.
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« Reply #21 on: December 12, 2013, 07:08:58 PM »

Amazingly good at hiding it,

From the beginning to the end, there was never a time when she wasn't cheating emotionally or physically. I now suspect/know. Triangulation constant.

"They are my friends!"

She has no friends

I've invited 30 friends to my party, 1 turns up. The other 35+ people my friends.

Sex is the ONLY way to attract people to her... .sad, very sad.

Thought nothing acquaintances were her best friends. Really thought it, no emotional intelligence at all, apart from her own pitiful tiny little life.


Particularly during times of high stress, job changes particularly. New set of work people etc. her need to be accepted and dominate the group meant sleeping with the most powerful in the group.

Only realized after coming out of the fog, but it was all there to see once I accepted it as a possibility... .it became a probability... .then an absolute.


Didn't want to write this but I think it's important to everyone here... .

The last 6+ months she was in a relationship that I think was as deep/shallow as ours, I didn't know but once I realised, I reread her texts cross referenced them with her email ( sorry needed closure ).

And realised the sadistic nature of the abuse. Little hints, enjoying the betrayal, hints that would haunt me and castrate me, I've never know this kind of ( let's say it ) evil before. Like her sexual intensity was just about my goodness. Definition of sadism, the corruption of innocence was a thrill. I now know how a usher at the doors of gas chambers lead children to their deaths and went home bhiting about the salt on their table at the evening meal. Chilling


Love, the ability to feel it is an honour for us all.

Breath in your pain you deserve it. You lucky people, to be able to feel it.


Are they happy? Ha ha ha ha
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« Reply #22 on: December 12, 2013, 07:19:12 PM »

She always told me she would never cheat cuz her ex husband cheated on her and she would never do that to someone else... .I believed her

My favorite is that afternoon she told me about a dream she had the night before. In the dream I was cheating on her. She told me she was so angry and cried when she woke up. 

Is there some kind of handbook?  I got both of these lines as well.
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« Reply #23 on: December 12, 2013, 08:17:19 PM »

She always told me she would never cheat cuz her ex husband cheated on her and she would never do that to someone else... .I believed her

My favorite is that afternoon she told me about a dream she had the night before. In the dream I was cheating on her. She told me she was so angry and cried when she woke up. 

Is there some kind of handbook?  I got both of these lines as well.

Mine would tell me dreams where I  would abandon her.  told me one like that just last month. I  said,  just like mommy,  never trusted daddy!  kids were in the room... .S3  told me a dream he had the other week that me,  his mom and D1  were dancing together.  broke my  damaged heart... .
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« Reply #24 on: December 12, 2013, 08:25:27 PM »

Excerpt
How good was your BPD at hiding cheating?

good enough  :'(
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« Reply #25 on: December 12, 2013, 10:03:07 PM »

Just thought of something. When I left my exBPDGF I got a new phone & number that I use but still have the old phone & number. I just check it every few days, if someone has called, I call them back on the new phone... .Anyway, I have some voice messages saved that I'd like to put up on-line somehow & let folks on this site listen to. Unbelievable messages. Well, actually folks here would believe! One night I was in a meeting so I turned my phone off. After the meeting I didn't turn my phone on for 30 minutes & WOW! Quote; "Where are you? Why isn't your phone on? Your F****** Susie (not real name), I just know it! Your in a Hotel! You Mother F***** I never want to see or talk to you again". And on & on & on... .She knew the meeting ended at 8:30 & when I turned my phone on at 9:00 this is what I listened to! Actually, there were several messages, all pretty much saying the same thing... .Unbelievable! Ah, unless you also have a Borderline in your life!   zzz
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« Reply #26 on: December 12, 2013, 10:39:17 PM »

Sorry in advance for the long post but have been wanting to get this off my chest. Well you asked!lol.

So my ex, when the subject had come up about others cheating was adamant that he would never ever do that. That he hated cheaters. He said that's the kind of ___ that ruins people lives. You can trust me that is something you never have to worry about. He would say I know I can be a pr*ck sometimes but I am not a cheater. His father was a cheater and he described how he would bring him as a small child to his mistresses home and have him and one of his siblings sit in the living room and play games while they went in the bedroom. And other stories. The father eventually when my ex was 12 moved the family to some dumpy house way out in the country and shortly left for another women and started up a new family leaving the mother and children devastated and poor while he was a big tech exec. Living the high life.  I believed him. So I guess when red flags arose I dismissed them.

We were together almost everyday (so when would he cheat? ) Well except after his rages he would give me the silent treatment sometimes for days. I started to suspect that something was going on during these times but he would say he just gets "locked up" and doesn't know how to fix it meanwhile I am texting him during these times trying to get him to snap out of it. Telling him how much I love him etc. finally he would snap out of it. We used to live in the same building ( although he moved halfway through our relationship) so I would see his truck at home at night and thought ok. He does have a problem with this so called getting locked up but nothing is going on.

He abruptly discarded me 1.5 yrs into our relationship for 10 mo. I was confused and heartbroken for months... He comes back and says he made a huge mistake and attributed it to all the stress he was under and should have never left. I was the love of his life. Yada yada! So he was seeing someone during this time but says he didn't leave me for her but thought we were over and started seeing someone but she was nothing and basically said she made him hit rock bottom. Described her as a horrible person!

Back together for a year during which there were a couple mini break ups that he instigated for stupid reasons. Stupid me always took him back.

Last and final discard a couple of days before my birthday where we were set to go away on a little trip we are making dinner having a nice night. Laughing ... .He starts telling me he was a little jealous of the guy we know who came to look at my air conditioner that day. I said oh that's kind of cute you never really show jealousy and I basically said you never have anything to worry about that. He says I know but I couldn't even deal with the fact if you even wanted to be with anyone else. You are the love of my life and can't imagine life without you. Again I bent over backwards assuring him that would never happen. And it wouldn't. So he then starts to tell me about this woman at work, who he has told me in the past sleeps with a married guy at work. He says she was flirting with him and wants him to come and do some construction work at her house but he said I just kind of ignored her and blew her off. So I was like ok. Cool no problem. Then he pulls out his phone looking for a picture of her but can't find one. There was a picture of people at a work bday party and then starts showing me a picture of this other woman at work that I heard him mention before and who has called him while I'm there wanting him to do work at her house (that is his calling card or currency doing work at women's houses). He keeps wanting me to look at her picture putting it in my face kind of forcing me to see and something just wasn't sitting right with me so I kind of shrugged it off and kind of made a face.

Well that was all it took. He went ballistic. Said I was jealous and insecure and someone must have really messed me up... .Raged. Drove me home raging that it would be fun to f**k other woman and this is exactly why men cheat on their wives.

Dropped me off and that was basically the last time I ever spoke to him again. (If you could call it that) I of course at first was texting him for a few days being loving and trying to snap him out of it once again but nothing. I was so upset that he would do this again and on my birthday and when we were set to go away for it. Finally! ( he always found a way to cancel trips.) He had taken the whole week off for it. My birthday arrived and I texted him that I needed to come and get my things thinking that might at least prompt him to talk to me. I mean it's my birthday right.

He texted me you can come and get your things I won't be here. No happy birthday nothing. A couple weeks before I made a major fuss for his birthday.

I went to get my things at his house and decided to look in his calendar that he writes down what he did and thoughts on matters. Kind of a journal but not really. I had to know once and for all what the hell was going on and what he was up to so I could finally pull away from him for good. I usually respect people's privacy but felt this was the only way to save myself. I knew about this calendar because he used to first go around leave it out.

He had entries that dated back to his first discard of me. He had entered his first date with this new person just a few days after he left me ( he was working on her for a while and when he secured her I was promptly dumped without as much as a goodbye.) Read all the ups and downs of their relationship until the day she dumped him. Same pattern as us. (He told me he left her). The day he came looking for me was an entry " still mad at insert ow name" now this is the day he supposedly reconnected with the love of his life. Me! Not a word about me! Nothing! I was obviously just a recycle and using me till someone else came along. The calendar didn't go to present time so didn't find anything about what was going on this time.

So back to last discard. I am texting him because at this point I am pretty darn sure this was about the woman at work he is trying to jam a picture of down my throat. I am telling him that I know this is about "ow name". Only responds a couple of times shortly. " There is no one else. I never cheated on you. You are crazy." Which I never accused him of cheating I thought at this point he was just monkey branching like he does. Which was bad enough for me.

So I think I am right and need to see it for myself so I google her name and get her address and drive by a couple of times and sure enough his truck is there. So I am extremely upset and I tell my girlfriend. She calls me back a few hours later and tells me because her mom works at the adjoining facility that it has been common knowledge that he had been seeing this woman during the same time as me! (Not sure why the mom never told me before).

So I am so upset I text him that I know this and that basically he is a piece of s**t and I copy members of his family because they all think he is this great guy even though all his relationships explode in a terrible way. He then goes to the police for textual harrasssment. Lol.

I guess I just decided I was going to go out with a bang this time and make sure he never ever tried to come back to me again. ( I hope I succeeded) . Not really like me to do that but I don't feel bad one bit.

Anyway, talked to his sisters friend and supposedly he has not even brought new woman around and claims I am crazy because then he would have to admit to his family he lied about me and he lied about cheating. He said he basically just goes to work and stays in bed all the time depressed. (Yeah,  I'm sure he is in bed all the time).

I wonder how long the replacement is going to put up with being the dirty little secret. He works with her so I wish I could pull up a chair with some popcorn when the ___ hits the fan on this one. He must not value his job.

To think he was pushing the woman's picture into my face baiting me into a fight while telling me I am the love of his life while all this is going on. They work 10 minutes from his house so it was probably her in his bed at lunch and me for dinner. Yuck!

My mind is still piecing together all the little things that seemed off and are now making sense that something was up in other situations.

I now think that some of his rages were just ruses to cheat.  Duh! Right!

I see him around town driving now and then when I walk and he has the nerve to wave at me and has even tried to words with friends me. I took him up on his game. I sent back the word "daft" with the message. Can you spell f**k off!

The end! For good!

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Iwalk-Heruns
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« Reply #27 on: December 12, 2013, 10:55:09 PM »

The really sick part is I am almost positive his plan was to pull this  ___ and scr*w around for a while and come back to me when he was done.

I was bound and determined to foil that plan.
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starshine
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« Reply #28 on: December 12, 2013, 11:01:09 PM »

My chronically depressed unemployed ex all of a sudden started cleaning up a couple weeks before the breakup- I'm sure he was lining up my replacement who was absolutely vile towards me when they started up 4 days after we broke up.  I bet you they were already pursuing a relationship.  He couldn't stand not being intimately affirmed.
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KE151
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« Reply #29 on: December 13, 2013, 12:14:41 AM »

"you mean I can't have guy friends?"

Aaahh, the male friend trump card. Mine used to play it to shift the blame effectively to me. It was suddenly me who was at fault for being jealous and not understanding enough that women can have guy friends.

Earlier, she had told me the friend (on-off boyfriend of many years) is a narcissistic a||hole and she has cut all contact to him. Then suddenly it changed to: "the guy is still after me for some reason, I don't know why b/c I'm with you now and I'm not interested anymore but he is only a friend now" and "he called me and asked me to go for lunch". One Saturday morning the guy even showed up at her doorstep, while I was there.

Towards the end, she did the phone hiding in the pocket instead of on the table as always, turning her imac off (which she never did before) and in our final text exchanges she declared "he isn't [note "isn't" in present] narcissistic at all, just selfish, not crazy like you KE".

A few weeks later her daughter tells me the guy was at their house visiting with his kids. I had been replaced and all the withdrawing and weird stuff was now explained. And he had been recycled once again.

Ouch. It still hurts to think about this.

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