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Author Topic: Last thing you or BPD said before going no contact  (Read 8196 times)
Algae
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« Reply #30 on: October 07, 2014, 08:14:46 AM »

Why does everyones last message here sound like THEYRE the ones that broke it off Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  It's so different from my last words... which were...


ME:  Hello?  You haven't even said hi to me since you got back from your family camp trip, are you there?

Her: I don't care, I hate you, Bye. *Blocked me on everything*

Me:  What?  What the hell?  Hello?



And she goes riding off into the sunset with a new boy she met and only knew for 9 days before dating!  Not even thinking about how fked up it was to do that to me... especially after how Much I meant to her prior to her going on that camping trip.

what the hecks up with that huh?  Now she's still with him... and HAPPIER than every apparently.  They talk 24/7 even though they have NOTHING in common.

Horrible. Had the relationship been on the ropes by that point or was it completely out of the blue?

Completely out of the blue.  The week prior (before the camp trip)... she was so in love with me that she was giving me gifts... begging me to come over to see me... crying in front of me in amazement at how spectacular I was to her.  When I was upset, she would call me to talk for 10+ hours at a time and everything.  She even moved for me!  Into her aunts house since her mother hated me (we're college kids.)

This girl LOVED me.  And all of a sudden "I hate you bye!"

Algae,

They are always happier with the new person. Because you got painted black and now shes been rescued by her "real" hero. Give it time, he will screw up to and become downgraded. They place soo much expectation on a person, that its impossible to keep up with and, like me, become a shell of yourself. This year and a half with my BPD/gf was worse than my 18 year marriage. Im mentally destroyed. She will do the same thing to, unless this dude is smarter than me and sees through it and runs. Keep venting and reading these posts. They are so helpful.

Eh, idk.  She started liking him before she dumped me.  But she only knew him for 2 days before she decided to dump me.  (I'm 150% sure it was only 2 days.)  So I don't know how she could be 'rescued'. :/  It's so odd.  But yes I agree.  Whenever I have a bad day, or feel Like I'm about to freak out and have a panic attack or something... I just come here and read.  It may of only been 4 years... and theres many people on here with WAY worse problems than me I'll admit... because I'm a younger member of the site.  But perception of love... completely destroyed.
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FoolishMan
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Posts: 124


« Reply #31 on: October 07, 2014, 09:22:32 AM »

Mine said After 8 weeks of steady and solid progress, CBT and DBT, "I've changed my mind, its over" That was 8 days ago. Not a peep since. Oh and she just posted on her facebook page "She needed a hero, so she became one"

I'm not sure if she's serious, or it's just a new threat to add the previous 20 times she has said it. The law of averages says it's not serious. But if she was, it would free me up considerably in so many ways Smiling (click to insert in post)


. Then told her son whose is friends with mine, that im not capable of love or of emotion. That was 10 days ago and was my last contact. Shes moved on with the replacement and Im here going What the heck just happened.

What she's actually saying is that "She thinks she's not capable of love and emotion"

And rather than face the pain of that truth with you, it's easier for her to move on and start the honeymoon phase with someone else, INAAY Its Not All About You.

Mine called me a lying manipulative "Bad word". He promptly took another woman away for the weekend a few days later.

Then when we saw each other months later told me I had done all these horrible things he actually had done.

So sorry hope2727, this must have hurt so much!

"I love you but need to see if my new rs works I don't think it will and then we will be together but please be my friend until then"

Er... .what

Sorry, but that's just hilarious BPD crazy logic. She is just trading pawns on a chess board.  How did you keep a straight face?

I've since beat him up quite badly in a boxing ring.

This = my favourite post on BPDfam! Smiling (click to insert in post) How on earth did you get him in the boxing ring?

I was a boxer in my youth. Nothing really special but I hit hard. Anyway I'd gotten out of shape and when I met her (13 yrs younger than me) I was in training to get back into it. I told her all about it, the struggle to get back in proper shape etc she was saying I was fit enough, strong enough etc so I slacked off a bit. Then at the end my fitness and strength etc was brought into question and she dropped the bombshell of my replacement being an active boxer at my old club. 15 yrs younger than me. I was devastated. I had three weeks of pure hell, dreams about her, dreams about getting beat up by him etc etc it was so weird. I eventually got my ___ together started training and then got really motivated again. I then got my pal to arrange for some sparring up at the club and of course my goal was to do what I did. He lasted two rounds and I completely smashed his ribs and nose. I'm well known down there so none of his pals said anything. He's not been back and neither has she. She has since been contacting me and I've been ignoring her. She tried to speak to me in the street two days ago and I told her I'd go to the replacements new club if she kept on. She told me she loved me and I laughed and crossed the road. I admit I was shaking with adrenaline afterwards but I'm even better now.

Detachment had only been possible by reading this site and having strong friends around. I also wish her the worst in life and don't feel bad for doing so. If I told the whole story on here I'd prob pass out.

Lying, cheating, devious, perverted b___. Honestly if i could have got her in that ring I'd have been so much happier. He tried to belittle me once in public but I held back knowing I'd get a chance to do it without police involved.

She honestly must have knew this would happen. That's why I know she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She basically set it up this way. She knew me well. I don't let people away with making a fool of me or trying to destroy me. She did it before with her ex and I was lucky to get away with it as she threatened to go to the police etc, then two days later was threatening my ex! Madness. To think I just put it all down to her being in love with me! Hahaha it's so good to feel no pain about her antics. It's her, not me!
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Wastedyears25

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« Reply #32 on: October 07, 2014, 09:54:05 AM »

In person: I was packing my things to leave after the last recycle he said "you never took responsibility for me leaving last time." (He left for a replacement who turned out to be a bigger nightmare than he is) 

Me: WTH? You chose to leave.

Him: but you made me unhappy.

Me: I am not responsible for your happiness, you are.

By text. Him: Wanna hook up?

Me: no response

Him: I see you're taking your time and thinking about it.

Me: no response

Him: I promise I won't tell anyone.

Me: no response.

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pieceofme
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« Reply #33 on: October 07, 2014, 10:14:02 AM »

In person: I was packing my things to leave after the last recycle he said "you never took responsibility for me leaving last time." (He left for a replacement who turned out to be a bigger nightmare than he is) 

Me: WTH? You chose to leave.

Him: but you made me unhappy.

Me: I am not responsible for your happiness, you are.

i was blamed for his leaving and subsequent cheating, too! he said i "made him mad." never clarified why exactly, but i've been told the same excuse multiple times 
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hurting300
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« Reply #34 on: October 07, 2014, 10:14:30 AM »

"I love you, I'm at Wal-Mart" then she vanished. Six months ago.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
AG
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Posts: 269


« Reply #35 on: October 07, 2014, 01:35:00 PM »

Mine said After 8 weeks of steady and solid progress, CBT and DBT, "I've changed my mind, its over" That was 8 days ago. Not a peep since. Oh and she just posted on her facebook page "She needed a hero, so she became one"

I'm not sure if she's serious, or it's just a new threat to add the previous 20 times she has said it. The law of averages says it's not serious. But if she was, it would free me up considerably in so many ways Smiling (click to insert in post)


. Then told her son whose is friends with mine, that im not capable of love or of emotion. That was 10 days ago and was my last contact. Shes moved on with the replacement and Im here going What the heck just happened.

What she's actually saying is that "She thinks she's not capable of love and emotion"

And rather than face the pain of that truth with you, it's easier for her to move on and start the honeymoon phase with someone else, INAAY Its Not All About You.

Mine called me a lying manipulative "Bad word". He promptly took another woman away for the weekend a few days later.

Then when we saw each other months later told me I had done all these horrible things he actually had done.

So sorry hope2727, this must have hurt so much!

"I love you but need to see if my new rs works I don't think it will and then we will be together but please be my friend until then"

Er... .what

Sorry, but that's just hilarious BPD crazy logic. She is just trading pawns on a chess board.  How did you keep a straight face?

I've since beat him up quite badly in a boxing ring.

This = my favourite post on BPDfam! Smiling (click to insert in post) How on earth did you get him in the boxing ring?

I was a boxer in my youth. Nothing really special but I hit hard. Anyway I'd gotten out of shape and when I met her (13 yrs younger than me) I was in training to get back into it. I told her all about it, the struggle to get back in proper shape etc she was saying I was fit enough, strong enough etc so I slacked off a bit. Then at the end my fitness and strength etc was brought into question and she dropped the bombshell of my replacement being an active boxer at my old club. 15 yrs younger than me. I was devastated. I had three weeks of pure hell, dreams about her, dreams about getting beat up by him etc etc it was so weird. I eventually got my ___ together started training and then got really motivated again. I then got my pal to arrange for some sparring up at the club and of course my goal was to do what I did. He lasted two rounds and I completely smashed his ribs and nose. I'm well known down there so none of his pals said anything. He's not been back and neither has she. She has since been contacting me and I've been ignoring her. She tried to speak to me in the street two days ago and I told her I'd go to the replacements new club if she kept on. She told me she loved me and I laughed and crossed the road. I admit I was shaking with adrenaline afterwards but I'm even better now.

Detachment had only been possible by reading this site and having strong friends around. I also wish her the worst in life and don't feel bad for doing so. If I told the whole story on here I'd prob pass out.

Lying, cheating, devious, perverted b___. Honestly if i could have got her in that ring I'd have been so much happier. He tried to belittle me once in public but I held back knowing I'd get a chance to do it without police involved.

She honestly must have knew this would happen. That's why I know she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She basically set it up this way. She knew me well. I don't let people away with making a fool of me or trying to destroy me. She did it before with her ex and I was lucky to get away with it as she threatened to go to the police etc, then two days later was threatening my ex! Madness. To think I just put it all down to her being in love with me! Hahaha it's so good to feel no pain about her antics. It's her, not me!

Dude I feel bad for saying this but what you did actually makes me happy inside. I used to box also my BPD ex used to think I could whoop anyones tail. That is not true I can be and have been beaten before but Im no slouch. I do think it is definitelt immature thinking on my part but I would love to get my hands on a replacement of hers. Mine is having trouble replacing me though not saying she has nothing becuz Im sure she has some type of person she is using but nothing that she publicly displays. If she did she is so spiteful she would have let me see it fof sure. Her facebook woulda been filled with I love you crap with the quickness. Violence is not the way to go but trust me I woulda loved taking my anger out on one of those Salsa dancers she hangs around. Im glad you got urs off bro but hope you just leave it at that and keep yourself out of trouble. If I were in front of u id buy you a drink right now bro Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).
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FoolishMan
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Posts: 124


« Reply #36 on: October 07, 2014, 01:45:19 PM »

Mine said After 8 weeks of steady and solid progress, CBT and DBT, "I've changed my mind, its over" That was 8 days ago. Not a peep since. Oh and she just posted on her facebook page "She needed a hero, so she became one"

I'm not sure if she's serious, or it's just a new threat to add the previous 20 times she has said it. The law of averages says it's not serious. But if she was, it would free me up considerably in so many ways Smiling (click to insert in post)


. Then told her son whose is friends with mine, that im not capable of love or of emotion. That was 10 days ago and was my last contact. Shes moved on with the replacement and Im here going What the heck just happened.

What she's actually saying is that "She thinks she's not capable of love and emotion"

And rather than face the pain of that truth with you, it's easier for her to move on and start the honeymoon phase with someone else, INAAY Its Not All About You.

Mine called me a lying manipulative "Bad word". He promptly took another woman away for the weekend a few days later.

Then when we saw each other months later told me I had done all these horrible things he actually had done.

So sorry hope2727, this must have hurt so much!

"I love you but need to see if my new rs works I don't think it will and then we will be together but please be my friend until then"

Er... .what

Sorry, but that's just hilarious BPD crazy logic. She is just trading pawns on a chess board.  How did you keep a straight face?

I've since beat him up quite badly in a boxing ring.

This = my favourite post on BPDfam! Smiling (click to insert in post) How on earth did you get him in the boxing ring?

I was a boxer in my youth. Nothing really special but I hit hard. Anyway I'd gotten out of shape and when I met her (13 yrs younger than me) I was in training to get back into it. I told her all about it, the struggle to get back in proper shape etc she was saying I was fit enough, strong enough etc so I slacked off a bit. Then at the end my fitness and strength etc was brought into question and she dropped the bombshell of my replacement being an active boxer at my old club. 15 yrs younger than me. I was devastated. I had three weeks of pure hell, dreams about her, dreams about getting beat up by him etc etc it was so weird. I eventually got my ___ together started training and then got really motivated again. I then got my pal to arrange for some sparring up at the club and of course my goal was to do what I did. He lasted two rounds and I completely smashed his ribs and nose. I'm well known down there so none of his pals said anything. He's not been back and neither has she. She has since been contacting me and I've been ignoring her. She tried to speak to me in the street two days ago and I told her I'd go to the replacements new club if she kept on. She told me she loved me and I laughed and crossed the road. I admit I was shaking with adrenaline afterwards but I'm even better now.

Detachment had only been possible by reading this site and having strong friends around. I also wish her the worst in life and don't feel bad for doing so. If I told the whole story on here I'd prob pass out.

Lying, cheating, devious, perverted b___. Honestly if i could have got her in that ring I'd have been so much happier. He tried to belittle me once in public but I held back knowing I'd get a chance to do it without police involved.

She honestly must have knew this would happen. That's why I know she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She basically set it up this way. She knew me well. I don't let people away with making a fool of me or trying to destroy me. She did it before with her ex and I was lucky to get away with it as she threatened to go to the police etc, then two days later was threatening my ex! Madness. To think I just put it all down to her being in love with me! Hahaha it's so good to feel no pain about her antics. It's her, not me!

Dude I feel bad for saying this but what you did actually makes me happy inside. I used to box also my BPD ex used to think I could whoop anyones tail. That is not true I can be and have been beaten before but Im no slouch. I do think it is definitelt immature thinking on my part but I would love to get my hands on a replacement of hers. Mine is having trouble replacing me though not saying she has nothing becuz Im sure she has some type of person she is using but nothing that she publicly displays. If she did she is so spiteful she would have let me see it fof sure. Her facebook woulda been filled with I love you crap with the quickness. Violence is not the way to go but trust me I woulda loved taking my anger out on one of those Salsa dancers she hangs around. Im glad you got urs off bro but hope you just leave it at that and keep yourself out of trouble. If I were in front of u id buy you a drink right now bro Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Don't feel bad. It's life. I wanted to literally kill him at first. We are just creatures of the earth we can't hold back our natures when another beast tries to destroy us. I've seen the guy since he's terrified just a jab and move guy. I trained for those supposed 3 rounds for months though. I can and have been beaten too. But he had asked me "how it felt to be loser?" When I first seen them out. I said "you will be begging to speak to me in about a year but by then I will be way off your radar" and walked away. I'd heard he'd asked about me but I also found out he had been lied to as well by her and her mother. So I've kinda exposed her family as devious Liars too. I don't want anything to do with them.

Btw I could go on about the good times, her smell and beauty, how she felt but no, I just imagine being betrayed and how I won't ever eat that crap again.

I could get her back now. What a rotten person she is to want the guy who smashed her "love of her life". Dude, I found out three weeks ago she calls him the same pet names! So twisted I can't and won't have anything to do with that garbage.
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Lion Fire
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« Reply #37 on: October 07, 2014, 01:49:53 PM »

me by email- "I've transferred the mobile account into my name and all outstanding amounts have been paid". That was 105 days ago.

She has reached out several times in various ways, all of which I blanked... .the last was "I love you, i miss my friend. I hope you will reach out in friendship to me". She also attached two pics of her diary... .1st entry of when we met, the 2nd an entry of when I first told her I loved her... ". Classic recycle tactic. I blanked this. That was 8 weeks ago today.

It's just too dangerous for me to engage.









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AG
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« Reply #38 on: October 07, 2014, 02:27:16 PM »

Mine said After 8 weeks of steady and solid progress, CBT and DBT, "I've changed my mind, its over" That was 8 days ago. Not a peep since. Oh and she just posted on her facebook page "She needed a hero, so she became one"

I'm not sure if she's serious, or it's just a new threat to add the previous 20 times she has said it. The law of averages says it's not serious. But if she was, it would free me up considerably in so many ways Smiling (click to insert in post)


. Then told her son whose is friends with mine, that im not capable of love or of emotion. That was 10 days ago and was my last contact. Shes moved on with the replacement and Im here going What the heck just happened.

What she's actually saying is that "She thinks she's not capable of love and emotion"

And rather than face the pain of that truth with you, it's easier for her to move on and start the honeymoon phase with someone else, INAAY Its Not All About You.

Mine called me a lying manipulative "Bad word". He promptly took another woman away for the weekend a few days later.

Then when we saw each other months later told me I had done all these horrible things he actually had done.

So sorry hope2727, this must have hurt so much!

"I love you but need to see if my new rs works I don't think it will and then we will be together but please be my friend until then"

Er... .what

Sorry, but that's just hilarious BPD crazy logic. She is just trading pawns on a chess board.  How did you keep a straight face?

I've since beat him up quite badly in a boxing ring.

This = my favourite post on BPDfam! Smiling (click to insert in post) How on earth did you get him in the boxing ring?

I was a boxer in my youth. Nothing really special but I hit hard. Anyway I'd gotten out of shape and when I met her (13 yrs younger than me) I was in training to get back into it. I told her all about it, the struggle to get back in proper shape etc she was saying I was fit enough, strong enough etc so I slacked off a bit. Then at the end my fitness and strength etc was brought into question and she dropped the bombshell of my replacement being an active boxer at my old club. 15 yrs younger than me. I was devastated. I had three weeks of pure hell, dreams about her, dreams about getting beat up by him etc etc it was so weird. I eventually got my ___ together started training and then got really motivated again. I then got my pal to arrange for some sparring up at the club and of course my goal was to do what I did. He lasted two rounds and I completely smashed his ribs and nose. I'm well known down there so none of his pals said anything. He's not been back and neither has she. She has since been contacting me and I've been ignoring her. She tried to speak to me in the street two days ago and I told her I'd go to the replacements new club if she kept on. She told me she loved me and I laughed and crossed the road. I admit I was shaking with adrenaline afterwards but I'm even better now.

Detachment had only been possible by reading this site and having strong friends around. I also wish her the worst in life and don't feel bad for doing so. If I told the whole story on here I'd prob pass out.

Lying, cheating, devious, perverted b___. Honestly if i could have got her in that ring I'd have been so much happier. He tried to belittle me once in public but I held back knowing I'd get a chance to do it without police involved.

She honestly must have knew this would happen. That's why I know she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She basically set it up this way. She knew me well. I don't let people away with making a fool of me or trying to destroy me. She did it before with her ex and I was lucky to get away with it as she threatened to go to the police etc, then two days later was threatening my ex! Madness. To think I just put it all down to her being in love with me! Hahaha it's so good to feel no pain about her antics. It's her, not me!

Dude I feel bad for saying this but what you did actually makes me happy inside. I used to box also my BPD ex used to think I could whoop anyones tail. That is not true I can be and have been beaten before but Im no slouch. I do think it is definitelt immature thinking on my part but I would love to get my hands on a replacement of hers. Mine is having trouble replacing me though not saying she has nothing becuz Im sure she has some type of person she is using but nothing that she publicly displays. If she did she is so spiteful she would have let me see it fof sure. Her facebook woulda been filled with I love you crap with the quickness. Violence is not the way to go but trust me I woulda loved taking my anger out on one of those Salsa dancers she hangs around. Im glad you got urs off bro but hope you just leave it at that and keep yourself out of trouble. If I were in front of u id buy you a drink right now bro Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Don't feel bad. It's life. I wanted to literally kill him at first. We are just creatures of the earth we can't hold back our natures when another beast tries to destroy us. I've seen the guy since he's terrified just a jab and move guy. I trained for those supposed 3 rounds for months though. I can and have been beaten too. But he had asked me "how it felt to be loser?" When I first seen them out. I said "you will be begging to speak to me in about a year but by then I will be way off your radar" and walked away. I'd heard he'd asked about me but I also found out he had been lied to as well by her and her mother. So I've kinda exposed her family as devious Liars too. I don't want anything to do with them.

Btw I could go on about the good times, her smell and beauty, how she felt but no, I just imagine being betrayed and how I won't ever eat that crap again.

I could get her back now. What a rotten person she is to want the guy who smashed her "love of her life". Dude, I found out three weeks ago she calls him the same pet names! So twisted I can't and won't have anything to do with that garbage.

Omfg when I first seen some dude my ex was trying to replace me with she was doing the same colored heart emoji thing I used to send her. I was so disgusted. That was very personal and when I do something special for someone it is exclusive for them and never gets done again. Her favorite color was purple so I would send a purple heart. She sent this guy a green one obviously his favorite color and blatent she wanted me to see it. He was also throwing public cheap shots for me to see. Little short sloppy bald low self esteem type of guy. Once I saw those cheap shots I wanted so badly to put hands on this guy but he was so small it would have been abuse also I dont want to go to jail fornonsense. Needless to say he tried posting a pic of her and him and his a## was dropped concidently the next day or so. She apparently didnt want people knowing or especially me knowing she was with that guy. They seem to have no shame in theyre game . Smh. Im not going to get violent but now that u say how it happened it would have def been go time for me as well with a comment like hows it feel to lose. Jab and move guy those guys do that ish cuz they are scared to take some hits. Running around the ring while u chase them down smh
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Mr Hollande
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« Reply #39 on: October 07, 2014, 04:02:49 PM »

Can't remember the exact sequence but my words were:

"You're a sick person and you hurt the ones who love you."

"I offered you a way out of debt, illness and abuse and you chose to be with an addict. I accept that and I've moved on."

And a lot of "none of your business" and a few "what do you want?".

That was in July. I think the last attempt from her was in August on FB. I never replied. Didn't even open the message and I deactivated that account today. I've also deleted her phone numbers. Not sure if I'll hear from her again and if I do I'll most likely hang up and failing that I will have nothing kind to say. I have not forgiven her and I never will. I'm fine with that.
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coolioqq
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« Reply #40 on: October 10, 2014, 09:59:55 PM »

I said "... .Have a great week!" And never contacted her again or answered any of her contact attempts. I'd never do that to a partner, but she was no ordinary partner; difficult situations call for difficult moves... .
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letmeout
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« Reply #41 on: October 11, 2014, 12:57:33 AM »

His famous last words (in a rage) "Why didn't you fix me?"

You know that saying, You can't fix stupid

Well... .you can't fix crazy either



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Aussie JJ
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« Reply #42 on: October 11, 2014, 03:42:01 AM »

Mine,

Well, I told her I would pay for any and all therapy that she thought appropriate so she could resolve her issues. 

She yelled at me, crazy yelling. 

I sighed, didn't respond.  She yelled again.  I said "If that's how it is I understand, goodbye."  She yelled more, i then said, "regulate your emotions."

I then hung up the phone, went for a massive bloody run. 

101 days ago :D


Since then contact about our son, she has tried a few times and I have been verrrrry solid with my boundary's.  I have pushed her a couple of times as well by just basically ignoring her.  My attitude, her emotions, her problem. 


AJJ. 
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Chunk Palumbo
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« Reply #43 on: October 11, 2014, 05:19:12 AM »

Yeah, I heard the "I don't dislike you; I'm just indifferent" line many times over a near ten year period. Believe me, most of the time, it's a lie to hurt you. Usually, by the time they say that, they're fully aware that you not only care for them, but you want them to care about you. 

It's lie, because she'd go from saying that, to contacting me at 8am every day -- whether she had a boyfriend or not.

Last words:

We had another long argument (she was raging/cold shouldering). Long before, I'd decided to myself: one more rage, and I'm gone for good.   

She raged and played games, even though I gave her compassionate hints that I wasn't going to tolerate it. So I said: "I love you ____. Take care." Then I left for good. Haven't spoken to her for nearly a year.

She apologized two months after the fact (she suspected I was gone for good), and sent a few texts a few months a apart up until now, and on my birthday. But as much as I still care, I can't bring myself to lower my standards of relationships anymore. I just think of all the crap I did (and didn't) put up with over the years and I can't do it.

My advice: if you think you're gonna break NC, remind yourself of all the betrayals. Hers were deep and vile. Imagine nearly TEN YEARS of it.

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« Reply #44 on: October 11, 2014, 09:37:55 AM »

She said, "brokenbutalive that's f****** ridiculous", slammed the car door, and walked away

... .this was just 2 hours ago btw, so a little early to say she's gone for good but I live in hope   Smiling (click to insert in post)

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« Reply #45 on: October 11, 2014, 12:22:02 PM »

After hearing some of the heartless things these people have done, God knows how we would cope without this board!  How else could you make sense of any of it?  It is just so insane!

My last exchange was by email Sept 02 in response to my calling him out on lying and cheating that I found out about after our second BU which I initiated. 

Him:

"I knew this would happen... .you are trying to justify what you did by making me out to be the bad guy... .and you being the Victim... .and you can stay mad... .

You do what you have to so you feel better... .

You can try and play the Victim in all this but it boils down to YOU GAVE UP ON US. 

I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU... .I LOVED YOU WITH ALL MY HEART and would have given up my life for you... .And I never gave up on us... .YOU DID... .

And actually it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS  what I did after you told me to leave both times...

YOU DIDN'T WANT ME ANYMORE and YOU DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME ANYMORE

You told me to leave... .I left with nothing... .not sure what you thought I would do for a place to live,but I am SURE you DIDN'T care the same as you SHOULDN'T care what I do in any other aspect of my life... .

So stop trying to make me out to be a bad guy... .

Yes I ___ED up and I admit it to you and everyone else... .have you said that to me...    NO

You claim to be going to councilling to better your self... .a psychologist might be a better choice... just sayin

As far as the woman I was talking about at the reunion... once again NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS... .

FYI the only lover I have had is my hand... .

DO YOU UNDERSTAND... .YOU GAVE UP THE RIGHT TO MY LOVE AND FEELINGS when YOU GAVE UP ON US

NO one else is to blame for that but... .     YOU

And as usual you didn't address anything I said in my email to you... .typical... .I figured you might have mellowed a bit and we could have a civil conversation... .but alas I was wrong once again... .stop trying to get and be mad at me... .like I have told you the feelings will catch up eventually...

I don't believe you are seeking councilling... .you like to wallow in self pity"

My response:

"Wow, that is an email full of denial and projection.  Not unexpected considering you are an abuser.  This is typical according to the book I'm reading.  My psychologist is Dr. ____.  Her number is ____.  What about yours?  Who is your psychologist and what is his/her number?  I'd like to speak to him/her.  And while we're at it maybe you could give me <his ex gf's> number.  And your ex wife's.  I have some questions.

The book I'm currently reading, in case you are interested:

www.amazon.ca/Does-Inside-Minds-Angry-Controlling/dp/0425191656

Very enlightening.  Wish I found it years ago."

... .And I never got a response, surprise, surprise.
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AwakenedOne
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« Reply #46 on: October 11, 2014, 01:14:37 PM »

"Last thing you or BPD said before going no contact?"

I'd rather not repeat it actually... .

She mocked me verbally and with hand gestures in a heartless way.

SICK.
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« Reply #47 on: October 11, 2014, 01:34:28 PM »

My BPD left me a VM wanting to talk, out of the blue just last week after I respected her "no contact" request for over six months, with the exception of sending her a card after her mom passed away.  (She never acknowledged it.)  So with great trepidation gave her a time to call me, and found out she wanted "closure", which to her meant (more) no contact - "That part of my life is over."  Along with the request were a couple of veiled threats:  long ago I had installed a program called LogMeIn on her computer, which allowed me to "drive" it when she had problems and/or got frustrated... .which was often.  She accused me of hacking her email, etc etc, but said she didn't want to do anything with this alleged "information",  just wanted "closure".

What did I say?  I agreed - she has been a toxin in my life for far too long, but being a "savior" type, I tried to help her smashed-up inner kid, only to get dropped on my head when she split black time and time again.  It took me far too long to learn that the closer I felt to her, the more of a threat I became.

So after setting the ground rules for said-closure and no contact, I thanked her sincerely for the good times we'd shared - and there were many - and said I would always remember them, and that I couldn't have had them without her.  I said that I'd always care about her, and always wish her well.  This was met with complete silence.  She sort of tried to get angry with me at this point, but I shut her down again by saying that it seemed like it was time to go.  And it was.

I could have unloaded on her - I'm still bitterly angry and terribly hurt about many of the things she said and did - but there seemed no point, and indeed it seemed like it would more striking if I said all the positive things she could never hear when we were together.  She is so damaged inside, so full of self-loathing and shame, and she can't accept love from me or anyone else, just temporary elation.  She has multiple health problems now; it's not going to end well for her.

And, if you are interested, I took a long walk, then came home and cried my eyes out.  Being civil and loving and truthful in what may have been our last conversation  - things I learned NOT to do with her - enabled me to remember the good times, fleeting as they were, and the person she so briefly was, and to grieve.  I still am.  I know that we had all there was to be had, given who she is, but that doesn't ease the loss, not yet anyway.
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« Reply #48 on: October 11, 2014, 01:43:31 PM »

My BPD left me a VM wanting to talk, out of the blue just last week after I respected her "no contact" request for over six months, with the exception of sending her a card after her mom passed away.  (She never acknowledged it.)  So with great trepidation gave her a time to call me, and found out she wanted "closure", which to her meant (more) no contact - "That part of my life is over."  Along with the request were a couple of veiled threats:  long ago I had installed a program called LogMeIn on her computer, which allowed me to "drive" it when she had problems and/or got frustrated... .which was often.  She accused me of hacking her email, etc etc, but said she didn't want to do anything with this alleged "information",  just wanted "closure".

What did I say?  I agreed - she has been a toxin in my life for far too long, but being a "savior" type, I tried to help her smashed-up inner kid, only to get dropped on my head when she split black time and time again.  It took me far too long to learn that the closer I felt to her, the more of a threat I became.

So after setting the ground rules for said-closure and no contact, I thanked her sincerely for the good times we'd shared - and there were many - and said I would always remember them, and that I couldn't have had them without her.  I said that I'd always care about her, and always wish her well.  This was met with complete silence.  She sort of tried to get angry with me at this point, but I shut her down again by saying that it seemed like it was time to go.  And it was.

I could have unloaded on her - I'm still bitterly angry and terribly hurt about many of the things she said and did - but there seemed no point, and indeed it seemed like it would more striking if I said all the positive things she could never hear when we were together.  She is so damaged inside, so full of self-loathing and shame, and she can't accept love from me or anyone else, just temporary elation.  She has multiple health problems now; it's not going to end well for her.

And, if you are interested, I took a long walk, then came home and cried my eyes out.  Being civil and loving and truthful in what may have been our last conversation  - things I learned NOT to do with her - enabled me to remember the good times, fleeting as they were, and the person she so briefly was, and to grieve.  I still am.  I know that we had all there was to be had, given who she is, but that doesn't ease the loss, not yet anyway.

so you two have not talked in over six months? Is that the longest you've went?
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« Reply #49 on: October 11, 2014, 02:08:19 PM »

Yes.  She sent me an email in March asking me to stop emailing and posting or "liking" on her FB account.  So it was six months and never expected to hear from her again, when she popped up this week - only to ask for MORE separation.  Go figure.
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Lion Fire
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« Reply #50 on: October 11, 2014, 03:08:12 PM »

OV-105,

For me, this sounds like one big power play. To reiterate NC after already being NC in the guise of looking for "closure" is ridiculous. I see this as her looking to twist the knife once again. It's manipulating and mean in my opinion.

It is often said here that BPD's are into control. This is a classic example. They do not play fairly.

I won't let my ex within a mile of me... I know her game and I'm not playing anymore, ever. 

Do not open yourself up to this again if you can bro.
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irishmarmot
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« Reply #51 on: October 11, 2014, 03:20:56 PM »

Last thing she said on the phone... .you're bald and you're ugly.  She then went to court and got a restraining order on me.  That was 9 months ago.  Haven't heard from her since and glad the nightmare is over.
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hurting300
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« Reply #52 on: October 11, 2014, 03:44:44 PM »

Of course they want control. They have a false sense of self and fear of abandonment. So yes, they LOVE control. Take the control away.
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« Reply #53 on: October 11, 2014, 05:14:16 PM »

OV-105,

For me, this sounds like one big power play. To reiterate NC after already being NC in the guise of looking for "closure" is ridiculous. I see this as her looking to twist the knife once again. It's manipulating and mean in my opinion.

It is often said here that BPD's are into control. This is a classic example. They do not play fairly.

I won't let my ex within a mile of me... I know her game and I'm not playing anymore, ever. 

Do not open yourself up to this again if you can bro.

I was out walking and thinking about that myself.  Why call me and basically threaten me to keep me doing what I'm already doing?  She took pains to make sure I "understood" that NC meant NC with her, her friends, LinkedIn contacts, etc.  I don't know any of her friends and we have only two LI connections in common.  I'm guessing she's worried that I might blab to friends or family about all that she shared with me when things were good, like drunk driving arrests, affairs, alcohol abuse... .stuff she hides extremely well, as I guess many high-functioning BPDs do, but things that could be ruinous if they came out in the wash.  The irony of course is that it's classic Cold War doctrine: Mutual Assured Destruction.  She made it clear several times that she doesn't want to do anything with her alleged hacking information... .and I replied, clearly, that there was enough on BOTH sides to ruin lives.  Wild.  Honestly, though, this didn't feel like a knife twist, more like a gentle shot across the bow. 
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myself
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« Reply #54 on: October 11, 2014, 05:27:57 PM »

Even when disappearing, they want to feel like they still exist.
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« Reply #55 on: October 11, 2014, 05:34:27 PM »

Even when disappearing, they want to feel like they still exist.

So it seems.  Although she "unfriended" me on FB, she didn't block me.  And we're still "connected" on LinkedIn. I'm guessing this is a variant on when she originally trashed me over a year ago - anger, outright scorn at my own feelings of hurt and disbelief... .but later that day she played the sympathy card - her husband had been diagnosed with cancer.  And it was push/pull, go-away/I'm still here for months thereafter.  She could never really cut the cord.  I'm wondering if she will this time. 
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hurting300
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« Reply #56 on: October 11, 2014, 06:01:17 PM »

Mine deactivated her Facebook. She use to always block me. My ex is doing things so different this time.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
hope2727
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« Reply #57 on: October 11, 2014, 06:14:47 PM »

This wasn't the last thing but a selection of the better ones.

- I love you so much have a great day (AM) I rented an apt I can come have sex with you one last time then I am gone for good. I am never coming home (PM by text)

- IF I say stop you have to promise to say no. ? What the heck Its a line from a foo fighters song

- You are lucky to be with me if you think you can do better feel free to try. (UMMM I can and I will or I will be alone and happy on my own thanks)

- I am trying to decide if I still love you

- you should just know what I need all the time without my telling you

- I think love should be a fairy tale all the time

- I don't want to be needed I want to be wanted ... .followed short time later by  ... .I need you to need me.

- I knew you would understand me better than my (ex)wife ... .referring to his cheating

- I waited my whole life to be a part of a family like yours ... .I hate you and your family

- come to the therapist so I can tell you how you have hurt me ... .followed by you will never ever meet my therapist cause thats all about me

- I want you to come to this (insert event here) ... .I will never take you to that event as is is for me and my friends alone

- you are so beautiful ... .you are old and fat and ugly

- I love you pls make love to me ... .You are molesting me/ or molested me I feel forced to have sex with you

I could go on but whats the point. Do any of you ever get things like these? I miss him so profoundly but seriously I can't go back to that kind of madness. He has to get lasting help this time. He is in therapy but as far as I can tell with a replacement and triangulating with MY friends and lying his face off about me. Sigh.

I am so not a patient person

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« Reply #58 on: October 12, 2014, 06:01:59 AM »

I have maintained NC for a long time, but occasionally I hear from someone who has met or run into my ex, that he is still waging a smear campaign of lies against me.

I guess that is normal behavior for someone who has BPD.

It only serves to reinforce my determination to maintain no contact, forever!

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« Reply #59 on: October 12, 2014, 06:28:45 AM »

let me out

that is scary and sad  :'(

I am so sorry. I worry about that with my pwBPD too. But I have no hard evidence as yet. Not sure what I would do if I did find out. How do you handle it?
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