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Author Topic: Last thing you or BPD said before going no contact  (Read 8195 times)
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« on: October 06, 2014, 04:19:03 PM »

And would you change it?

After mine replaced me for a second time while lying about it the entire two months it was happening. One week after they were "official" she actually texted me to see how I was doing. I responded by telling her to never contact me again or I will tell the new supply everything about her. Then told her I never want to hear or see her again and she never cared about me at all.

That was a month ago. Haven't heard from her since. Wouldn't change a thing.
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JRav59
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« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2014, 04:29:25 PM »

The last thing I said to her before I blocked her (a month ago):

"I don't want someone like you in my life. You are a liar. This relationship was a mindf*** for me. Best of luck."

Too harsh? She told me I would regret saying that. I don't regret anything. If anything, I regret not leaving her sooner.
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Springle
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« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2014, 04:55:19 PM »

I think the last thing she said to me was that she was going to email me some tickets for an event we had planned to go to together (which she was now conveniently now bailing out of), so that I could go with someone else or alone.

She never emailed them to me > meaning I had to wait in line for 4 hours by myself to re-buy tickets I had already purchased, not happen.

She then dropped me like a stone, never spoke to me again, then I find out a month later that she and my non-ex are together. She probably bailed on me so she could go jump in bed with him.
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fred6
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« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2014, 04:57:52 PM »

And would you change it?

After mine replaced me for a second time while lying about it the entire two months it was happening. One week after they were "official" she actually texted me to see how I was doing. I responded by telling her to never contact me again or I will tell the new supply everything about her. Then told her I never want to hear or see her again and she never cared about me at all.

That was a month ago. Haven't heard from her since. Wouldn't change a thing.

In person or text message?

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« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2014, 05:01:07 PM »

I have pictures and your baby book. lets make a trade. (ex)

I said keep it and leave me alone let me heal. (me)

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rickdeckard
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« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2014, 05:20:16 PM »

The last thing I said to her before I blocked her (a month ago):

"I don't want someone like you in my life. You are a liar. This relationship was a mindf*** for me. Best of luck."

Too harsh? She told me I would regret saying that. I don't regret anything. If anything, I regret not leaving her sooner.

How exactly were you supposed to regret it?
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« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2014, 05:23:42 PM »

It was a text message.
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« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2014, 05:26:27 PM »

After raging about me being in the shower and not responding to a text right away. (He had a bad dream in which I cheated and he now was paranoid I actually would)

We had been on the phone 2 times before that day, he hung up on me twice and acted passive aggressive the whole day. He said he would take a nap to overcome is moodiness, so I went about my day and was in the shower. I received a dozen messages within minutes... .One of the last onces:

He:

You're acting weird, you're cold and distant. You dont want me in your life, im not important. I dont see a future for us if you keep acting this way

Me:

Im sorry you feel that way. I am not acting any different. I have told you when you rage, i choose not to respond. I didnt mean to upset you.

He;

You dont care about my feelings. Im not allowed to have feelings in this rs. You need to be with a guy as cold and distant as you. I dont see us working out with all this BS of yours.

Me:

I am sorry you feel that way, but honestly at this point I have my doubts to. We keep coming back to the same issues, no matter how hard we try.

He:

F*ck you, you never loved me or cared for me. Im wasting my time. There's somebody else... .You wanna hang out with your friends more, bla bla bla Im done

Me:

Ok

Went NC and received texts and youtube links to musicvideo's.

He wanted to undo the push and pull me in again.

After a million recycles I was done and stayed NC
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freedom33
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« Reply #8 on: October 06, 2014, 05:47:02 PM »

In a mixed state of desperation, hopelesness and anger I said to her 'don't call me, don't talk to me ever again, you are finished' and walked out. Then over time she kept contacting me through every possible social medium and by now I have her blocked everywhere (Phone, Skype, Viber, Whatsapp, Instagram, Facebook). I don't regret any of it.
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« Reply #9 on: October 06, 2014, 06:44:57 PM »

Happen in the gym at her VB practice when i walked in with flowers and tried to give it one more shot. She grabbed the flowers from me, called it inappropriate and as i tried with all my heart, she brought up so much minor stuff, most i never new bothered her, some items like not calling her or being with her, i owned some of those and told her i would do better and im in counseling, she then said save it for your next girlfriend or your wife Molly (my daughter home from college). Yep. Then told her son whose is friends with mine, that im not capable of love or of emotion. That was 10 days ago and was my last contact. Shes moved on with the replacement and Im here going What the heck just happened.
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hope2727
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« Reply #10 on: October 06, 2014, 06:50:46 PM »

Mine called me a lying manipulative "Bad word". He promptly took another woman away for the weekend a few days later.

Then when we saw each other months later told me I had done all these horrible things he actually had done. I used SET and that helped but its amazing how they can project.

Yikes what a mess. Now we are NC until I am strong enough to deal with it without tears. That may come or may not. We shall see.
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« Reply #11 on: October 06, 2014, 09:19:16 PM »

We had gone to see a Financial planer he got mad and pouted all through the Appt then after told me that I didn't say us and we enough What? He told me that he couldn't be with me because I was only thought of myself uggg and that his friends told him that he would wind up in jail or dead ! Why because he drives too fast or maybe he eats too much or maybe it would be because she stands in the middle of the street and rages. What a waste of 3 years if my life. They are so good at leading you on thinking they will change if only I could get the script on what to say and not say ., Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) oh I forgot it changes min to min.
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Nicolai

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« Reply #12 on: October 06, 2014, 11:51:02 PM »

Last thing she said "I need to think about it! we shall talk about this next week!". Never heard from her again.
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« Reply #13 on: October 07, 2014, 12:21:29 AM »

"I hate you for your lies and manipulations and painful things you have said and done to me.  I never want anything to do with you ever again. I hate you"

Next minute "I just don't understand why you hate me and won't talk to me"

This came after I told her in what was a remarkably kind and caring email that I couldn't stand by and watch her ruin her life anymore and that I loved and cared about her but I couldn't remain.  And I refused the friendzone thing because her reasons made no sense to me "I love you but need to see if my new rs works I don't think it will and then we will be together but please be my friend until then"


Er... .what
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« Reply #14 on: October 07, 2014, 12:32:42 AM »

Her: "All is well now. It's peaceful and quiet"

Me: "Too bad you don't want to talk. I miss your company"
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Tiepje3
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« Reply #15 on: October 07, 2014, 02:55:50 AM »

Me: "Why do you hate me so much or give me the impression that you hate me?"

Him: "I do not hate you, I do not love you either. I feel nothing for you."

... .after a six year r/s (married for four years)... .

It hurts!
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« Reply #16 on: October 07, 2014, 03:15:17 AM »

Me: "Why do you hate me so much or give me the impression that you hate me?"

Him: "I do not hate you, I do not love you either. I feel nothing for you."

... .after a six year r/s (married for four years)... .

It hurts!

Ouch
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Bak86
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« Reply #17 on: October 07, 2014, 03:26:45 AM »

Me: "Why do you hate me so much or give me the impression that you hate me?"

Him: "I do not hate you, I do not love you either. I feel nothing for you."

... .after a six year r/s (married for four years)... .

It hurts!

Mine said that too... .there's no love, no hate, i don't feel anything... .
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FoolishMan
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« Reply #18 on: October 07, 2014, 03:32:04 AM »

"I hate you for your lies and manipulations and painful things you have said and done to me.  I never want anything to do with you ever again. I hate you"

Next minute "I just don't understand why you hate me and won't talk to me"

This came after I told her in what was a remarkably kind and caring email that I couldn't stand by and watch her ruin her life anymore and that I loved and cared about her but I couldn't remain.  And I refused the friendzone thing because her reasons made no sense to me "I love you but need to see if my new rs works I don't think it will and then we will be together but please be my friend until then"


Er... .what

It's disgusting. Mine tried something similar. They spent a while baiting me afterwards, which showed me exactly how little she cared for him while publicly loving him more than anyone. I've since beat him up quite badly in a boxing ring. I felt a little sorry for him but he did try to belittle me in public so hey ho.

I won't look at them again now it's done. Freedom is the goal.

She rang my phone later that nite but i didn't answer.
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« Reply #19 on: October 07, 2014, 04:43:04 AM »

Last thing in person, she said: I'll make it up to you next time baby. (after throwing me out while visiting her in her country)

Last thing in text, I said: I'm tired of being controlled! Sit, stay, good dog! No! No! No!
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« Reply #20 on: October 07, 2014, 06:02:48 AM »

Me: "Why do you hate me so much or give me the impression that you hate me?"

Him: "I do not hate you, I do not love you either. I feel nothing for you."

... .after a six year r/s (married for four years)... .

It hurts!

I kind of got the same thing. "Me: Wow, I guess you really do hate me dont you?

                                          " Her: Stop. You have alot of good qualities. I just dont feel that way about you anymore. I finally know what

                                            I want"

Yep. Im the rebound guy. Now off to the next guy. Guess I'll get some popcorn and watch the show as he's lead down the road to perdition.
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brokenbutalive
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« Reply #21 on: October 07, 2014, 06:05:54 AM »

Last thing in person, she said: I'll make it up to you next time baby. (after throwing me out while visiting her in her country)

Last thing in text, I said: I'm tired of being controlled! Sit, stay, good dog! No! No! No!

Smiling (click to insert in post)

If I'd said that to mine there would have been a brick through my window the next day
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Algae
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« Reply #22 on: October 07, 2014, 06:58:57 AM »

Why does everyones last message here sound like THEYRE the ones that broke it off Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  It's so different from my last words... which were...


ME:  Hello?  You haven't even said hi to me since you got back from your family camp trip, are you there?

Her: I don't care, I hate you, Bye. *Blocked me on everything*

Me:  What?  What the hell?  Hello?



And she goes riding off into the sunset with a new boy she met and only knew for 9 days before dating!  Not even thinking about how fked up it was to do that to me... especially after how Much I meant to her prior to her going on that camping trip.

what the hecks up with that huh?  Now she's still with him... and HAPPIER than every apparently.  They talk 24/7 even though they have NOTHING in common.
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Deeno02
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« Reply #23 on: October 07, 2014, 07:49:27 AM »

Algae,

They are always happier with the new person. Because you got painted black and now shes been rescued by her "real" hero. Give it time, he will screw up to and become downgraded. They place soo much expectation on a person, that its impossible to keep up with and, like me, become a shell of yourself. This year and a half with my BPD/gf was worse than my 18 year marriage. Im mentally destroyed. She will do the same thing to, unless this dude is smarter than me and sees through it and runs. Keep venting and reading these posts. They are so helpful.
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brokenbutalive
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« Reply #24 on: October 07, 2014, 07:57:15 AM »

Why does everyones last message here sound like THEYRE the ones that broke it off Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  It's so different from my last words... which were...


ME:  Hello?  You haven't even said hi to me since you got back from your family camp trip, are you there?

Her: I don't care, I hate you, Bye. *Blocked me on everything*

Me:  What?  What the hell?  Hello?



And she goes riding off into the sunset with a new boy she met and only knew for 9 days before dating!  Not even thinking about how fked up it was to do that to me... especially after how Much I meant to her prior to her going on that camping trip.

what the hecks up with that huh?  Now she's still with him... and HAPPIER than every apparently.  They talk 24/7 even though they have NOTHING in common.

Horrible. Had the relationship been on the ropes by that point or was it completely out of the blue?
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Deeno02
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« Reply #25 on: October 07, 2014, 07:59:19 AM »

Algae,

They are always happier with the new person. Because you got painted black and now shes been rescued by her "real" hero. Give it time, he will screw up to and become downgraded. They place soo much expectation on a person, that its impossible to keep up with and, like me, become a shell of yourself. This year and a half with my BPD/gf was worse than my 18 year marriage. Im mentally destroyed. She will do the same thing to, unless this dude is smarter than me and sees through it and runs. Keep venting and reading these posts. They are so helpful.

However, my biggest fear is recycling... .scares me to death.
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freedom33
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« Reply #26 on: October 07, 2014, 08:00:10 AM »

Why does everyones last message here sound like THEYRE the ones that broke it off Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  It's so different from my last words... which were...


ME:  Hello?  You haven't even said hi to me since you got back from your family camp trip, are you there?

Her: I don't care, I hate you, Bye. *Blocked me on everything*

Me:  What?  What the hell?  Hello?



And she goes riding off into the sunset with a new boy she met and only knew for 9 days before dating!  Not even thinking about how fked up it was to do that to me... especially after how Much I meant to her prior to her going on that camping trip.

what the hecks up with that huh?  Now she's still with him... and HAPPIER than every apparently.  They talk 24/7 even though they have NOTHING in common.

Horrible. Had the relationship been on the ropes by that point or was it completely out of the blue?

A relationship with a pwBPD is on the ropes from day one in their eyes. It is just us that we fail to notice and/or take seriously.
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brokenbutalive
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« Reply #27 on: October 07, 2014, 08:08:05 AM »

Why does everyones last message here sound like THEYRE the ones that broke it off Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  It's so different from my last words... which were...


ME:  Hello?  You haven't even said hi to me since you got back from your family camp trip, are you there?

Her: I don't care, I hate you, Bye. *Blocked me on everything*

Me:  What?  What the hell?  Hello?



And she goes riding off into the sunset with a new boy she met and only knew for 9 days before dating!  Not even thinking about how fked up it was to do that to me... especially after how Much I meant to her prior to her going on that camping trip.

what the hecks up with that huh?  Now she's still with him... and HAPPIER than every apparently.  They talk 24/7 even though they have NOTHING in common.

Horrible. Had the relationship been on the ropes by that point or was it completely out of the blue?

A relationship with a pwBPD is on the ropes from day one in their eyes. It is just us that we fail to notice and/or take seriously.

True, very true. But even by their standards algae's breakup was cold and brutal.
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« Reply #28 on: October 07, 2014, 08:10:58 AM »

Mine said After 8 weeks of steady and solid progress, CBT and DBT, "I've changed my mind, its over" That was 8 days ago. Not a peep since. Oh and she just posted on her facebook page "She needed a hero, so she became one"

I'm not sure if she's serious, or it's just a new threat to add the previous 20 times she has said it. The law of averages says it's not serious. But if she was, it would free me up considerably in so many ways Smiling (click to insert in post)


. Then told her son whose is friends with mine, that im not capable of love or of emotion. That was 10 days ago and was my last contact. Shes moved on with the replacement and Im here going What the heck just happened.

What she's actually saying is that "She thinks she's not capable of love and emotion"

And rather than face the pain of that truth with you, it's easier for her to move on and start the honeymoon phase with someone else, INAAY Its Not All About You.

Mine called me a lying manipulative "Bad word". He promptly took another woman away for the weekend a few days later.

Then when we saw each other months later told me I had done all these horrible things he actually had done.

So sorry hope2727, this must have hurt so much!

"I love you but need to see if my new rs works I don't think it will and then we will be together but please be my friend until then"

Er... .what

Sorry, but that's just hilarious BPD crazy logic. She is just trading pawns on a chess board.  How did you keep a straight face?

I've since beat him up quite badly in a boxing ring.

This = my favourite post on BPDfam! Smiling (click to insert in post) How on earth did you get him in the boxing ring?
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« Reply #29 on: October 07, 2014, 08:13:42 AM »

my ex was apparently frustrated that i refused to sleep with him again (in a recycle attempt). i told him, "look how you talk to me" (after being raged at for a few hours). he said, "because i don't want anything to do with you! i have nothing to say to you because i don't want to be with you!" i ended up having to block him because he wouldn't stop texting me that day.

those words have haunted me for over a week now. i can't stop replaying them in my head.
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Algae
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« Reply #30 on: October 07, 2014, 08:14:46 AM »

Why does everyones last message here sound like THEYRE the ones that broke it off Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  It's so different from my last words... which were...


ME:  Hello?  You haven't even said hi to me since you got back from your family camp trip, are you there?

Her: I don't care, I hate you, Bye. *Blocked me on everything*

Me:  What?  What the hell?  Hello?



And she goes riding off into the sunset with a new boy she met and only knew for 9 days before dating!  Not even thinking about how fked up it was to do that to me... especially after how Much I meant to her prior to her going on that camping trip.

what the hecks up with that huh?  Now she's still with him... and HAPPIER than every apparently.  They talk 24/7 even though they have NOTHING in common.

Horrible. Had the relationship been on the ropes by that point or was it completely out of the blue?

Completely out of the blue.  The week prior (before the camp trip)... she was so in love with me that she was giving me gifts... begging me to come over to see me... crying in front of me in amazement at how spectacular I was to her.  When I was upset, she would call me to talk for 10+ hours at a time and everything.  She even moved for me!  Into her aunts house since her mother hated me (we're college kids.)

This girl LOVED me.  And all of a sudden "I hate you bye!"

Algae,

They are always happier with the new person. Because you got painted black and now shes been rescued by her "real" hero. Give it time, he will screw up to and become downgraded. They place soo much expectation on a person, that its impossible to keep up with and, like me, become a shell of yourself. This year and a half with my BPD/gf was worse than my 18 year marriage. Im mentally destroyed. She will do the same thing to, unless this dude is smarter than me and sees through it and runs. Keep venting and reading these posts. They are so helpful.

Eh, idk.  She started liking him before she dumped me.  But she only knew him for 2 days before she decided to dump me.  (I'm 150% sure it was only 2 days.)  So I don't know how she could be 'rescued'. :/  It's so odd.  But yes I agree.  Whenever I have a bad day, or feel Like I'm about to freak out and have a panic attack or something... I just come here and read.  It may of only been 4 years... and theres many people on here with WAY worse problems than me I'll admit... because I'm a younger member of the site.  But perception of love... completely destroyed.
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FoolishMan
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« Reply #31 on: October 07, 2014, 09:22:32 AM »

Mine said After 8 weeks of steady and solid progress, CBT and DBT, "I've changed my mind, its over" That was 8 days ago. Not a peep since. Oh and she just posted on her facebook page "She needed a hero, so she became one"

I'm not sure if she's serious, or it's just a new threat to add the previous 20 times she has said it. The law of averages says it's not serious. But if she was, it would free me up considerably in so many ways Smiling (click to insert in post)


. Then told her son whose is friends with mine, that im not capable of love or of emotion. That was 10 days ago and was my last contact. Shes moved on with the replacement and Im here going What the heck just happened.

What she's actually saying is that "She thinks she's not capable of love and emotion"

And rather than face the pain of that truth with you, it's easier for her to move on and start the honeymoon phase with someone else, INAAY Its Not All About You.

Mine called me a lying manipulative "Bad word". He promptly took another woman away for the weekend a few days later.

Then when we saw each other months later told me I had done all these horrible things he actually had done.

So sorry hope2727, this must have hurt so much!

"I love you but need to see if my new rs works I don't think it will and then we will be together but please be my friend until then"

Er... .what

Sorry, but that's just hilarious BPD crazy logic. She is just trading pawns on a chess board.  How did you keep a straight face?

I've since beat him up quite badly in a boxing ring.

This = my favourite post on BPDfam! Smiling (click to insert in post) How on earth did you get him in the boxing ring?

I was a boxer in my youth. Nothing really special but I hit hard. Anyway I'd gotten out of shape and when I met her (13 yrs younger than me) I was in training to get back into it. I told her all about it, the struggle to get back in proper shape etc she was saying I was fit enough, strong enough etc so I slacked off a bit. Then at the end my fitness and strength etc was brought into question and she dropped the bombshell of my replacement being an active boxer at my old club. 15 yrs younger than me. I was devastated. I had three weeks of pure hell, dreams about her, dreams about getting beat up by him etc etc it was so weird. I eventually got my ___ together started training and then got really motivated again. I then got my pal to arrange for some sparring up at the club and of course my goal was to do what I did. He lasted two rounds and I completely smashed his ribs and nose. I'm well known down there so none of his pals said anything. He's not been back and neither has she. She has since been contacting me and I've been ignoring her. She tried to speak to me in the street two days ago and I told her I'd go to the replacements new club if she kept on. She told me she loved me and I laughed and crossed the road. I admit I was shaking with adrenaline afterwards but I'm even better now.

Detachment had only been possible by reading this site and having strong friends around. I also wish her the worst in life and don't feel bad for doing so. If I told the whole story on here I'd prob pass out.

Lying, cheating, devious, perverted b___. Honestly if i could have got her in that ring I'd have been so much happier. He tried to belittle me once in public but I held back knowing I'd get a chance to do it without police involved.

She honestly must have knew this would happen. That's why I know she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She basically set it up this way. She knew me well. I don't let people away with making a fool of me or trying to destroy me. She did it before with her ex and I was lucky to get away with it as she threatened to go to the police etc, then two days later was threatening my ex! Madness. To think I just put it all down to her being in love with me! Hahaha it's so good to feel no pain about her antics. It's her, not me!
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Wastedyears25

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« Reply #32 on: October 07, 2014, 09:54:05 AM »

In person: I was packing my things to leave after the last recycle he said "you never took responsibility for me leaving last time." (He left for a replacement who turned out to be a bigger nightmare than he is) 

Me: WTH? You chose to leave.

Him: but you made me unhappy.

Me: I am not responsible for your happiness, you are.

By text. Him: Wanna hook up?

Me: no response

Him: I see you're taking your time and thinking about it.

Me: no response

Him: I promise I won't tell anyone.

Me: no response.

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pieceofme
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« Reply #33 on: October 07, 2014, 10:14:02 AM »

In person: I was packing my things to leave after the last recycle he said "you never took responsibility for me leaving last time." (He left for a replacement who turned out to be a bigger nightmare than he is) 

Me: WTH? You chose to leave.

Him: but you made me unhappy.

Me: I am not responsible for your happiness, you are.

i was blamed for his leaving and subsequent cheating, too! he said i "made him mad." never clarified why exactly, but i've been told the same excuse multiple times 
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hurting300
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« Reply #34 on: October 07, 2014, 10:14:30 AM »

"I love you, I'm at Wal-Mart" then she vanished. Six months ago.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
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« Reply #35 on: October 07, 2014, 01:35:00 PM »

Mine said After 8 weeks of steady and solid progress, CBT and DBT, "I've changed my mind, its over" That was 8 days ago. Not a peep since. Oh and she just posted on her facebook page "She needed a hero, so she became one"

I'm not sure if she's serious, or it's just a new threat to add the previous 20 times she has said it. The law of averages says it's not serious. But if she was, it would free me up considerably in so many ways Smiling (click to insert in post)


. Then told her son whose is friends with mine, that im not capable of love or of emotion. That was 10 days ago and was my last contact. Shes moved on with the replacement and Im here going What the heck just happened.

What she's actually saying is that "She thinks she's not capable of love and emotion"

And rather than face the pain of that truth with you, it's easier for her to move on and start the honeymoon phase with someone else, INAAY Its Not All About You.

Mine called me a lying manipulative "Bad word". He promptly took another woman away for the weekend a few days later.

Then when we saw each other months later told me I had done all these horrible things he actually had done.

So sorry hope2727, this must have hurt so much!

"I love you but need to see if my new rs works I don't think it will and then we will be together but please be my friend until then"

Er... .what

Sorry, but that's just hilarious BPD crazy logic. She is just trading pawns on a chess board.  How did you keep a straight face?

I've since beat him up quite badly in a boxing ring.

This = my favourite post on BPDfam! Smiling (click to insert in post) How on earth did you get him in the boxing ring?

I was a boxer in my youth. Nothing really special but I hit hard. Anyway I'd gotten out of shape and when I met her (13 yrs younger than me) I was in training to get back into it. I told her all about it, the struggle to get back in proper shape etc she was saying I was fit enough, strong enough etc so I slacked off a bit. Then at the end my fitness and strength etc was brought into question and she dropped the bombshell of my replacement being an active boxer at my old club. 15 yrs younger than me. I was devastated. I had three weeks of pure hell, dreams about her, dreams about getting beat up by him etc etc it was so weird. I eventually got my ___ together started training and then got really motivated again. I then got my pal to arrange for some sparring up at the club and of course my goal was to do what I did. He lasted two rounds and I completely smashed his ribs and nose. I'm well known down there so none of his pals said anything. He's not been back and neither has she. She has since been contacting me and I've been ignoring her. She tried to speak to me in the street two days ago and I told her I'd go to the replacements new club if she kept on. She told me she loved me and I laughed and crossed the road. I admit I was shaking with adrenaline afterwards but I'm even better now.

Detachment had only been possible by reading this site and having strong friends around. I also wish her the worst in life and don't feel bad for doing so. If I told the whole story on here I'd prob pass out.

Lying, cheating, devious, perverted b___. Honestly if i could have got her in that ring I'd have been so much happier. He tried to belittle me once in public but I held back knowing I'd get a chance to do it without police involved.

She honestly must have knew this would happen. That's why I know she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She basically set it up this way. She knew me well. I don't let people away with making a fool of me or trying to destroy me. She did it before with her ex and I was lucky to get away with it as she threatened to go to the police etc, then two days later was threatening my ex! Madness. To think I just put it all down to her being in love with me! Hahaha it's so good to feel no pain about her antics. It's her, not me!

Dude I feel bad for saying this but what you did actually makes me happy inside. I used to box also my BPD ex used to think I could whoop anyones tail. That is not true I can be and have been beaten before but Im no slouch. I do think it is definitelt immature thinking on my part but I would love to get my hands on a replacement of hers. Mine is having trouble replacing me though not saying she has nothing becuz Im sure she has some type of person she is using but nothing that she publicly displays. If she did she is so spiteful she would have let me see it fof sure. Her facebook woulda been filled with I love you crap with the quickness. Violence is not the way to go but trust me I woulda loved taking my anger out on one of those Salsa dancers she hangs around. Im glad you got urs off bro but hope you just leave it at that and keep yourself out of trouble. If I were in front of u id buy you a drink right now bro Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).
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FoolishMan
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« Reply #36 on: October 07, 2014, 01:45:19 PM »

Mine said After 8 weeks of steady and solid progress, CBT and DBT, "I've changed my mind, its over" That was 8 days ago. Not a peep since. Oh and she just posted on her facebook page "She needed a hero, so she became one"

I'm not sure if she's serious, or it's just a new threat to add the previous 20 times she has said it. The law of averages says it's not serious. But if she was, it would free me up considerably in so many ways Smiling (click to insert in post)


. Then told her son whose is friends with mine, that im not capable of love or of emotion. That was 10 days ago and was my last contact. Shes moved on with the replacement and Im here going What the heck just happened.

What she's actually saying is that "She thinks she's not capable of love and emotion"

And rather than face the pain of that truth with you, it's easier for her to move on and start the honeymoon phase with someone else, INAAY Its Not All About You.

Mine called me a lying manipulative "Bad word". He promptly took another woman away for the weekend a few days later.

Then when we saw each other months later told me I had done all these horrible things he actually had done.

So sorry hope2727, this must have hurt so much!

"I love you but need to see if my new rs works I don't think it will and then we will be together but please be my friend until then"

Er... .what

Sorry, but that's just hilarious BPD crazy logic. She is just trading pawns on a chess board.  How did you keep a straight face?

I've since beat him up quite badly in a boxing ring.

This = my favourite post on BPDfam! Smiling (click to insert in post) How on earth did you get him in the boxing ring?

I was a boxer in my youth. Nothing really special but I hit hard. Anyway I'd gotten out of shape and when I met her (13 yrs younger than me) I was in training to get back into it. I told her all about it, the struggle to get back in proper shape etc she was saying I was fit enough, strong enough etc so I slacked off a bit. Then at the end my fitness and strength etc was brought into question and she dropped the bombshell of my replacement being an active boxer at my old club. 15 yrs younger than me. I was devastated. I had three weeks of pure hell, dreams about her, dreams about getting beat up by him etc etc it was so weird. I eventually got my ___ together started training and then got really motivated again. I then got my pal to arrange for some sparring up at the club and of course my goal was to do what I did. He lasted two rounds and I completely smashed his ribs and nose. I'm well known down there so none of his pals said anything. He's not been back and neither has she. She has since been contacting me and I've been ignoring her. She tried to speak to me in the street two days ago and I told her I'd go to the replacements new club if she kept on. She told me she loved me and I laughed and crossed the road. I admit I was shaking with adrenaline afterwards but I'm even better now.

Detachment had only been possible by reading this site and having strong friends around. I also wish her the worst in life and don't feel bad for doing so. If I told the whole story on here I'd prob pass out.

Lying, cheating, devious, perverted b___. Honestly if i could have got her in that ring I'd have been so much happier. He tried to belittle me once in public but I held back knowing I'd get a chance to do it without police involved.

She honestly must have knew this would happen. That's why I know she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She basically set it up this way. She knew me well. I don't let people away with making a fool of me or trying to destroy me. She did it before with her ex and I was lucky to get away with it as she threatened to go to the police etc, then two days later was threatening my ex! Madness. To think I just put it all down to her being in love with me! Hahaha it's so good to feel no pain about her antics. It's her, not me!

Dude I feel bad for saying this but what you did actually makes me happy inside. I used to box also my BPD ex used to think I could whoop anyones tail. That is not true I can be and have been beaten before but Im no slouch. I do think it is definitelt immature thinking on my part but I would love to get my hands on a replacement of hers. Mine is having trouble replacing me though not saying she has nothing becuz Im sure she has some type of person she is using but nothing that she publicly displays. If she did she is so spiteful she would have let me see it fof sure. Her facebook woulda been filled with I love you crap with the quickness. Violence is not the way to go but trust me I woulda loved taking my anger out on one of those Salsa dancers she hangs around. Im glad you got urs off bro but hope you just leave it at that and keep yourself out of trouble. If I were in front of u id buy you a drink right now bro Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Don't feel bad. It's life. I wanted to literally kill him at first. We are just creatures of the earth we can't hold back our natures when another beast tries to destroy us. I've seen the guy since he's terrified just a jab and move guy. I trained for those supposed 3 rounds for months though. I can and have been beaten too. But he had asked me "how it felt to be loser?" When I first seen them out. I said "you will be begging to speak to me in about a year but by then I will be way off your radar" and walked away. I'd heard he'd asked about me but I also found out he had been lied to as well by her and her mother. So I've kinda exposed her family as devious Liars too. I don't want anything to do with them.

Btw I could go on about the good times, her smell and beauty, how she felt but no, I just imagine being betrayed and how I won't ever eat that crap again.

I could get her back now. What a rotten person she is to want the guy who smashed her "love of her life". Dude, I found out three weeks ago she calls him the same pet names! So twisted I can't and won't have anything to do with that garbage.
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Lion Fire
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« Reply #37 on: October 07, 2014, 01:49:53 PM »

me by email- "I've transferred the mobile account into my name and all outstanding amounts have been paid". That was 105 days ago.

She has reached out several times in various ways, all of which I blanked... .the last was "I love you, i miss my friend. I hope you will reach out in friendship to me". She also attached two pics of her diary... .1st entry of when we met, the 2nd an entry of when I first told her I loved her... ". Classic recycle tactic. I blanked this. That was 8 weeks ago today.

It's just too dangerous for me to engage.









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AG
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« Reply #38 on: October 07, 2014, 02:27:16 PM »

Mine said After 8 weeks of steady and solid progress, CBT and DBT, "I've changed my mind, its over" That was 8 days ago. Not a peep since. Oh and she just posted on her facebook page "She needed a hero, so she became one"

I'm not sure if she's serious, or it's just a new threat to add the previous 20 times she has said it. The law of averages says it's not serious. But if she was, it would free me up considerably in so many ways Smiling (click to insert in post)


. Then told her son whose is friends with mine, that im not capable of love or of emotion. That was 10 days ago and was my last contact. Shes moved on with the replacement and Im here going What the heck just happened.

What she's actually saying is that "She thinks she's not capable of love and emotion"

And rather than face the pain of that truth with you, it's easier for her to move on and start the honeymoon phase with someone else, INAAY Its Not All About You.

Mine called me a lying manipulative "Bad word". He promptly took another woman away for the weekend a few days later.

Then when we saw each other months later told me I had done all these horrible things he actually had done.

So sorry hope2727, this must have hurt so much!

"I love you but need to see if my new rs works I don't think it will and then we will be together but please be my friend until then"

Er... .what

Sorry, but that's just hilarious BPD crazy logic. She is just trading pawns on a chess board.  How did you keep a straight face?

I've since beat him up quite badly in a boxing ring.

This = my favourite post on BPDfam! Smiling (click to insert in post) How on earth did you get him in the boxing ring?

I was a boxer in my youth. Nothing really special but I hit hard. Anyway I'd gotten out of shape and when I met her (13 yrs younger than me) I was in training to get back into it. I told her all about it, the struggle to get back in proper shape etc she was saying I was fit enough, strong enough etc so I slacked off a bit. Then at the end my fitness and strength etc was brought into question and she dropped the bombshell of my replacement being an active boxer at my old club. 15 yrs younger than me. I was devastated. I had three weeks of pure hell, dreams about her, dreams about getting beat up by him etc etc it was so weird. I eventually got my ___ together started training and then got really motivated again. I then got my pal to arrange for some sparring up at the club and of course my goal was to do what I did. He lasted two rounds and I completely smashed his ribs and nose. I'm well known down there so none of his pals said anything. He's not been back and neither has she. She has since been contacting me and I've been ignoring her. She tried to speak to me in the street two days ago and I told her I'd go to the replacements new club if she kept on. She told me she loved me and I laughed and crossed the road. I admit I was shaking with adrenaline afterwards but I'm even better now.

Detachment had only been possible by reading this site and having strong friends around. I also wish her the worst in life and don't feel bad for doing so. If I told the whole story on here I'd prob pass out.

Lying, cheating, devious, perverted b___. Honestly if i could have got her in that ring I'd have been so much happier. He tried to belittle me once in public but I held back knowing I'd get a chance to do it without police involved.

She honestly must have knew this would happen. That's why I know she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She basically set it up this way. She knew me well. I don't let people away with making a fool of me or trying to destroy me. She did it before with her ex and I was lucky to get away with it as she threatened to go to the police etc, then two days later was threatening my ex! Madness. To think I just put it all down to her being in love with me! Hahaha it's so good to feel no pain about her antics. It's her, not me!

Dude I feel bad for saying this but what you did actually makes me happy inside. I used to box also my BPD ex used to think I could whoop anyones tail. That is not true I can be and have been beaten before but Im no slouch. I do think it is definitelt immature thinking on my part but I would love to get my hands on a replacement of hers. Mine is having trouble replacing me though not saying she has nothing becuz Im sure she has some type of person she is using but nothing that she publicly displays. If she did she is so spiteful she would have let me see it fof sure. Her facebook woulda been filled with I love you crap with the quickness. Violence is not the way to go but trust me I woulda loved taking my anger out on one of those Salsa dancers she hangs around. Im glad you got urs off bro but hope you just leave it at that and keep yourself out of trouble. If I were in front of u id buy you a drink right now bro Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Don't feel bad. It's life. I wanted to literally kill him at first. We are just creatures of the earth we can't hold back our natures when another beast tries to destroy us. I've seen the guy since he's terrified just a jab and move guy. I trained for those supposed 3 rounds for months though. I can and have been beaten too. But he had asked me "how it felt to be loser?" When I first seen them out. I said "you will be begging to speak to me in about a year but by then I will be way off your radar" and walked away. I'd heard he'd asked about me but I also found out he had been lied to as well by her and her mother. So I've kinda exposed her family as devious Liars too. I don't want anything to do with them.

Btw I could go on about the good times, her smell and beauty, how she felt but no, I just imagine being betrayed and how I won't ever eat that crap again.

I could get her back now. What a rotten person she is to want the guy who smashed her "love of her life". Dude, I found out three weeks ago she calls him the same pet names! So twisted I can't and won't have anything to do with that garbage.

Omfg when I first seen some dude my ex was trying to replace me with she was doing the same colored heart emoji thing I used to send her. I was so disgusted. That was very personal and when I do something special for someone it is exclusive for them and never gets done again. Her favorite color was purple so I would send a purple heart. She sent this guy a green one obviously his favorite color and blatent she wanted me to see it. He was also throwing public cheap shots for me to see. Little short sloppy bald low self esteem type of guy. Once I saw those cheap shots I wanted so badly to put hands on this guy but he was so small it would have been abuse also I dont want to go to jail fornonsense. Needless to say he tried posting a pic of her and him and his a## was dropped concidently the next day or so. She apparently didnt want people knowing or especially me knowing she was with that guy. They seem to have no shame in theyre game . Smh. Im not going to get violent but now that u say how it happened it would have def been go time for me as well with a comment like hows it feel to lose. Jab and move guy those guys do that ish cuz they are scared to take some hits. Running around the ring while u chase them down smh
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Mr Hollande
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« Reply #39 on: October 07, 2014, 04:02:49 PM »

Can't remember the exact sequence but my words were:

"You're a sick person and you hurt the ones who love you."

"I offered you a way out of debt, illness and abuse and you chose to be with an addict. I accept that and I've moved on."

And a lot of "none of your business" and a few "what do you want?".

That was in July. I think the last attempt from her was in August on FB. I never replied. Didn't even open the message and I deactivated that account today. I've also deleted her phone numbers. Not sure if I'll hear from her again and if I do I'll most likely hang up and failing that I will have nothing kind to say. I have not forgiven her and I never will. I'm fine with that.
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coolioqq
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« Reply #40 on: October 10, 2014, 09:59:55 PM »

I said "... .Have a great week!" And never contacted her again or answered any of her contact attempts. I'd never do that to a partner, but she was no ordinary partner; difficult situations call for difficult moves... .
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letmeout
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« Reply #41 on: October 11, 2014, 12:57:33 AM »

His famous last words (in a rage) "Why didn't you fix me?"

You know that saying, You can't fix stupid

Well... .you can't fix crazy either



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Aussie JJ
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« Reply #42 on: October 11, 2014, 03:42:01 AM »

Mine,

Well, I told her I would pay for any and all therapy that she thought appropriate so she could resolve her issues. 

She yelled at me, crazy yelling. 

I sighed, didn't respond.  She yelled again.  I said "If that's how it is I understand, goodbye."  She yelled more, i then said, "regulate your emotions."

I then hung up the phone, went for a massive bloody run. 

101 days ago :D


Since then contact about our son, she has tried a few times and I have been verrrrry solid with my boundary's.  I have pushed her a couple of times as well by just basically ignoring her.  My attitude, her emotions, her problem. 


AJJ. 
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Chunk Palumbo
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« Reply #43 on: October 11, 2014, 05:19:12 AM »

Yeah, I heard the "I don't dislike you; I'm just indifferent" line many times over a near ten year period. Believe me, most of the time, it's a lie to hurt you. Usually, by the time they say that, they're fully aware that you not only care for them, but you want them to care about you. 

It's lie, because she'd go from saying that, to contacting me at 8am every day -- whether she had a boyfriend or not.

Last words:

We had another long argument (she was raging/cold shouldering). Long before, I'd decided to myself: one more rage, and I'm gone for good.   

She raged and played games, even though I gave her compassionate hints that I wasn't going to tolerate it. So I said: "I love you ____. Take care." Then I left for good. Haven't spoken to her for nearly a year.

She apologized two months after the fact (she suspected I was gone for good), and sent a few texts a few months a apart up until now, and on my birthday. But as much as I still care, I can't bring myself to lower my standards of relationships anymore. I just think of all the crap I did (and didn't) put up with over the years and I can't do it.

My advice: if you think you're gonna break NC, remind yourself of all the betrayals. Hers were deep and vile. Imagine nearly TEN YEARS of it.

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brokenbutalive
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« Reply #44 on: October 11, 2014, 09:37:55 AM »

She said, "brokenbutalive that's f****** ridiculous", slammed the car door, and walked away

... .this was just 2 hours ago btw, so a little early to say she's gone for good but I live in hope   Smiling (click to insert in post)

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Pingo
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« Reply #45 on: October 11, 2014, 12:22:02 PM »

After hearing some of the heartless things these people have done, God knows how we would cope without this board!  How else could you make sense of any of it?  It is just so insane!

My last exchange was by email Sept 02 in response to my calling him out on lying and cheating that I found out about after our second BU which I initiated. 

Him:

"I knew this would happen... .you are trying to justify what you did by making me out to be the bad guy... .and you being the Victim... .and you can stay mad... .

You do what you have to so you feel better... .

You can try and play the Victim in all this but it boils down to YOU GAVE UP ON US. 

I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU... .I LOVED YOU WITH ALL MY HEART and would have given up my life for you... .And I never gave up on us... .YOU DID... .

And actually it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS  what I did after you told me to leave both times...

YOU DIDN'T WANT ME ANYMORE and YOU DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME ANYMORE

You told me to leave... .I left with nothing... .not sure what you thought I would do for a place to live,but I am SURE you DIDN'T care the same as you SHOULDN'T care what I do in any other aspect of my life... .

So stop trying to make me out to be a bad guy... .

Yes I ___ED up and I admit it to you and everyone else... .have you said that to me...    NO

You claim to be going to councilling to better your self... .a psychologist might be a better choice... just sayin

As far as the woman I was talking about at the reunion... once again NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS... .

FYI the only lover I have had is my hand... .

DO YOU UNDERSTAND... .YOU GAVE UP THE RIGHT TO MY LOVE AND FEELINGS when YOU GAVE UP ON US

NO one else is to blame for that but... .     YOU

And as usual you didn't address anything I said in my email to you... .typical... .I figured you might have mellowed a bit and we could have a civil conversation... .but alas I was wrong once again... .stop trying to get and be mad at me... .like I have told you the feelings will catch up eventually...

I don't believe you are seeking councilling... .you like to wallow in self pity"

My response:

"Wow, that is an email full of denial and projection.  Not unexpected considering you are an abuser.  This is typical according to the book I'm reading.  My psychologist is Dr. ____.  Her number is ____.  What about yours?  Who is your psychologist and what is his/her number?  I'd like to speak to him/her.  And while we're at it maybe you could give me <his ex gf's> number.  And your ex wife's.  I have some questions.

The book I'm currently reading, in case you are interested:

www.amazon.ca/Does-Inside-Minds-Angry-Controlling/dp/0425191656

Very enlightening.  Wish I found it years ago."

... .And I never got a response, surprise, surprise.
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AwakenedOne
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« Reply #46 on: October 11, 2014, 01:14:37 PM »

"Last thing you or BPD said before going no contact?"

I'd rather not repeat it actually... .

She mocked me verbally and with hand gestures in a heartless way.

SICK.
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« Reply #47 on: October 11, 2014, 01:34:28 PM »

My BPD left me a VM wanting to talk, out of the blue just last week after I respected her "no contact" request for over six months, with the exception of sending her a card after her mom passed away.  (She never acknowledged it.)  So with great trepidation gave her a time to call me, and found out she wanted "closure", which to her meant (more) no contact - "That part of my life is over."  Along with the request were a couple of veiled threats:  long ago I had installed a program called LogMeIn on her computer, which allowed me to "drive" it when she had problems and/or got frustrated... .which was often.  She accused me of hacking her email, etc etc, but said she didn't want to do anything with this alleged "information",  just wanted "closure".

What did I say?  I agreed - she has been a toxin in my life for far too long, but being a "savior" type, I tried to help her smashed-up inner kid, only to get dropped on my head when she split black time and time again.  It took me far too long to learn that the closer I felt to her, the more of a threat I became.

So after setting the ground rules for said-closure and no contact, I thanked her sincerely for the good times we'd shared - and there were many - and said I would always remember them, and that I couldn't have had them without her.  I said that I'd always care about her, and always wish her well.  This was met with complete silence.  She sort of tried to get angry with me at this point, but I shut her down again by saying that it seemed like it was time to go.  And it was.

I could have unloaded on her - I'm still bitterly angry and terribly hurt about many of the things she said and did - but there seemed no point, and indeed it seemed like it would more striking if I said all the positive things she could never hear when we were together.  She is so damaged inside, so full of self-loathing and shame, and she can't accept love from me or anyone else, just temporary elation.  She has multiple health problems now; it's not going to end well for her.

And, if you are interested, I took a long walk, then came home and cried my eyes out.  Being civil and loving and truthful in what may have been our last conversation  - things I learned NOT to do with her - enabled me to remember the good times, fleeting as they were, and the person she so briefly was, and to grieve.  I still am.  I know that we had all there was to be had, given who she is, but that doesn't ease the loss, not yet anyway.
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« Reply #48 on: October 11, 2014, 01:43:31 PM »

My BPD left me a VM wanting to talk, out of the blue just last week after I respected her "no contact" request for over six months, with the exception of sending her a card after her mom passed away.  (She never acknowledged it.)  So with great trepidation gave her a time to call me, and found out she wanted "closure", which to her meant (more) no contact - "That part of my life is over."  Along with the request were a couple of veiled threats:  long ago I had installed a program called LogMeIn on her computer, which allowed me to "drive" it when she had problems and/or got frustrated... .which was often.  She accused me of hacking her email, etc etc, but said she didn't want to do anything with this alleged "information",  just wanted "closure".

What did I say?  I agreed - she has been a toxin in my life for far too long, but being a "savior" type, I tried to help her smashed-up inner kid, only to get dropped on my head when she split black time and time again.  It took me far too long to learn that the closer I felt to her, the more of a threat I became.

So after setting the ground rules for said-closure and no contact, I thanked her sincerely for the good times we'd shared - and there were many - and said I would always remember them, and that I couldn't have had them without her.  I said that I'd always care about her, and always wish her well.  This was met with complete silence.  She sort of tried to get angry with me at this point, but I shut her down again by saying that it seemed like it was time to go.  And it was.

I could have unloaded on her - I'm still bitterly angry and terribly hurt about many of the things she said and did - but there seemed no point, and indeed it seemed like it would more striking if I said all the positive things she could never hear when we were together.  She is so damaged inside, so full of self-loathing and shame, and she can't accept love from me or anyone else, just temporary elation.  She has multiple health problems now; it's not going to end well for her.

And, if you are interested, I took a long walk, then came home and cried my eyes out.  Being civil and loving and truthful in what may have been our last conversation  - things I learned NOT to do with her - enabled me to remember the good times, fleeting as they were, and the person she so briefly was, and to grieve.  I still am.  I know that we had all there was to be had, given who she is, but that doesn't ease the loss, not yet anyway.

so you two have not talked in over six months? Is that the longest you've went?
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« Reply #49 on: October 11, 2014, 02:08:19 PM »

Yes.  She sent me an email in March asking me to stop emailing and posting or "liking" on her FB account.  So it was six months and never expected to hear from her again, when she popped up this week - only to ask for MORE separation.  Go figure.
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« Reply #50 on: October 11, 2014, 03:08:12 PM »

OV-105,

For me, this sounds like one big power play. To reiterate NC after already being NC in the guise of looking for "closure" is ridiculous. I see this as her looking to twist the knife once again. It's manipulating and mean in my opinion.

It is often said here that BPD's are into control. This is a classic example. They do not play fairly.

I won't let my ex within a mile of me... I know her game and I'm not playing anymore, ever. 

Do not open yourself up to this again if you can bro.
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« Reply #51 on: October 11, 2014, 03:20:56 PM »

Last thing she said on the phone... .you're bald and you're ugly.  She then went to court and got a restraining order on me.  That was 9 months ago.  Haven't heard from her since and glad the nightmare is over.
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« Reply #52 on: October 11, 2014, 03:44:44 PM »

Of course they want control. They have a false sense of self and fear of abandonment. So yes, they LOVE control. Take the control away.
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« Reply #53 on: October 11, 2014, 05:14:16 PM »

OV-105,

For me, this sounds like one big power play. To reiterate NC after already being NC in the guise of looking for "closure" is ridiculous. I see this as her looking to twist the knife once again. It's manipulating and mean in my opinion.

It is often said here that BPD's are into control. This is a classic example. They do not play fairly.

I won't let my ex within a mile of me... I know her game and I'm not playing anymore, ever. 

Do not open yourself up to this again if you can bro.

I was out walking and thinking about that myself.  Why call me and basically threaten me to keep me doing what I'm already doing?  She took pains to make sure I "understood" that NC meant NC with her, her friends, LinkedIn contacts, etc.  I don't know any of her friends and we have only two LI connections in common.  I'm guessing she's worried that I might blab to friends or family about all that she shared with me when things were good, like drunk driving arrests, affairs, alcohol abuse... .stuff she hides extremely well, as I guess many high-functioning BPDs do, but things that could be ruinous if they came out in the wash.  The irony of course is that it's classic Cold War doctrine: Mutual Assured Destruction.  She made it clear several times that she doesn't want to do anything with her alleged hacking information... .and I replied, clearly, that there was enough on BOTH sides to ruin lives.  Wild.  Honestly, though, this didn't feel like a knife twist, more like a gentle shot across the bow. 
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« Reply #54 on: October 11, 2014, 05:27:57 PM »

Even when disappearing, they want to feel like they still exist.
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« Reply #55 on: October 11, 2014, 05:34:27 PM »

Even when disappearing, they want to feel like they still exist.

So it seems.  Although she "unfriended" me on FB, she didn't block me.  And we're still "connected" on LinkedIn. I'm guessing this is a variant on when she originally trashed me over a year ago - anger, outright scorn at my own feelings of hurt and disbelief... .but later that day she played the sympathy card - her husband had been diagnosed with cancer.  And it was push/pull, go-away/I'm still here for months thereafter.  She could never really cut the cord.  I'm wondering if she will this time. 
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« Reply #56 on: October 11, 2014, 06:01:17 PM »

Mine deactivated her Facebook. She use to always block me. My ex is doing things so different this time.
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« Reply #57 on: October 11, 2014, 06:14:47 PM »

This wasn't the last thing but a selection of the better ones.

- I love you so much have a great day (AM) I rented an apt I can come have sex with you one last time then I am gone for good. I am never coming home (PM by text)

- IF I say stop you have to promise to say no. ? What the heck Its a line from a foo fighters song

- You are lucky to be with me if you think you can do better feel free to try. (UMMM I can and I will or I will be alone and happy on my own thanks)

- I am trying to decide if I still love you

- you should just know what I need all the time without my telling you

- I think love should be a fairy tale all the time

- I don't want to be needed I want to be wanted ... .followed short time later by  ... .I need you to need me.

- I knew you would understand me better than my (ex)wife ... .referring to his cheating

- I waited my whole life to be a part of a family like yours ... .I hate you and your family

- come to the therapist so I can tell you how you have hurt me ... .followed by you will never ever meet my therapist cause thats all about me

- I want you to come to this (insert event here) ... .I will never take you to that event as is is for me and my friends alone

- you are so beautiful ... .you are old and fat and ugly

- I love you pls make love to me ... .You are molesting me/ or molested me I feel forced to have sex with you

I could go on but whats the point. Do any of you ever get things like these? I miss him so profoundly but seriously I can't go back to that kind of madness. He has to get lasting help this time. He is in therapy but as far as I can tell with a replacement and triangulating with MY friends and lying his face off about me. Sigh.

I am so not a patient person

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« Reply #58 on: October 12, 2014, 06:01:59 AM »

I have maintained NC for a long time, but occasionally I hear from someone who has met or run into my ex, that he is still waging a smear campaign of lies against me.

I guess that is normal behavior for someone who has BPD.

It only serves to reinforce my determination to maintain no contact, forever!

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« Reply #59 on: October 12, 2014, 06:28:45 AM »

let me out

that is scary and sad  :'(

I am so sorry. I worry about that with my pwBPD too. But I have no hard evidence as yet. Not sure what I would do if I did find out. How do you handle it?
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« Reply #60 on: October 12, 2014, 08:49:20 AM »

I told her that I wasn't going to allow her to hurt me anymore.  She replied, "I promise I won't."  That's what she said the time before and before that and before that.  It just became a vicious circle. 
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« Reply #61 on: October 12, 2014, 11:13:25 PM »

Last thing she said "I need to think about it! we shall talk about this next week!". Never heard from her again.

I was told the exact same thing! Not even sure if my wife has BPD, but she left five weeks ago, barely any explanation, wouldn't tell me where she was moving to, and no word from her since. I found out from others she had been having an affair for a couple months before she left. Right before the affair started, she told me that she had been sexually abused as a child, but did not want to talk about it or tell me anymore. I know that she is "out there" at least because I have seen her drive by several times (our balcony overlooks a main road in town) and on her website she is posting about upcoming gigs she has (she's a musician). All attempts to email her or call/text have been ignored.

Does this sound like someone with BPD? I don't know what (if anything) I should be doing. I am so hurt and angry about the affair, but also genuinely concerned for her if she is mentally ill. We were together 7 years, married 5, and she's still technically my wife. I just feel totally lost and I miss her so much.
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« Reply #62 on: October 13, 2014, 12:03:17 AM »

Background:  Last night I called the police on her because she was at my house, a violation of the restraining order against her (not the first time she violated it).  She saw the cop, sped off and wasn't arrested.  She continued to text me until 2:36 a.m. knowing that I had to wake up at 5 a.m. (I didn't). 

10:37 am:

Her:  I still want to talk to you

Me.  I missed community service... .thanks a lot

Her: Can you please stop seeking revenge against me?

Me:  XXXXXX, we don't have anything to talk about except visitation with Hudson (our child)

Her:  Even if you can't do it for me, stop for XXXX (her other child) and Hudson.

Her:  Everthing we do to each other good or bad to each other has an impact on Hudson.  We can't change the past.  We are adults and can do better than we've both done

Me:  XXXXXX, it's over.  It's been over.

Her:  I'm not trying to get back together with you

Me:  XXXXXX, we don't have anything to talk about except visitation with Hudson

Her:  Why do you think that talking about what's necessary to give Hudson a better life isn't worth talking about?

Me:  XXXXXX, we don't have anything to talk about except visitation with Hudson

Her:  If you're really wanting to leave this world a better place than when you got here, stop wreaking havoc into it

Me:  XXXXXX, we don't have anything to talk about except visitation with Hudson

Her:  I refuse to repeat this cycle of dysfunction.  If you ever want to get to the point of really being able to co-parent with me you have to face this.  Otherwise, you're exactly right all we will discuss is visitation.  You won't really have much to do with his life.  I'm not sure why you don't see this. 

Her:  Think about please.  One day when you're old and pondering on your memories you may regret not being more involved with Hudson.  If things remain this way between us it will be impossible for you to really be his father.  I hope you understand what I'm saying>

Her:  I say all this because I love my son.  I want him to have the best life I can provide for him.  Our war has an impact on him

Me:  XXXXXX, we don't have anything to talk about except visitation with Hudson

Her:  You're not a person that has the ability to reason.  I've known this but thought just maybe you'd try for Hudson.  At least I know that I did attempt to make things better.

Her:  I hope you completed your paperwork for Safe last week.  I called to make sure they had everything they needed for me.

The last message was received at 11:06 am.

She will soon be charged with multiple felonies and misdemeanors stemming from her violations of the restraining order, assault, impersonation, and failure to comply with my court-ordered visitation.

She petitioned the court asking to make me pay for a supervisor during visitation with my son.  Can you believe that?  After all she's done, she petitioned the court accusing me of child abuse.  I don't even believe in spanking.  She is pure evil. 

The modification hearing on my visitation is on the 29th.  She will probably be in jail at that time.

In the meantime, I will continue to ask her to comply with my visitation on every scheduled visitation day only to receive irrational and irrelevant responses.  Ultimately, my visitation with my son will not happen.

This will never end.  There will be no "final communication."

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« Reply #63 on: October 13, 2014, 10:22:33 AM »

Mine had run off with new supply a week before Christmas (we lived together 5 yrs)... .lying to everyone... her family, me, the new guy... .everyone... .

I was in shock and upset and could not understand what was going on... and she turned into someone I did not know... and the rest of the story is like so many here.

... .So... .I had this loss... .then I had to move out of our home (only one income), and my Mom got sick and died over a period of a year. It was a tough time... .I had to handle all of this by myself... I got into therapy and got into a self-help group which made a big difference. I instituted NC and really stuck with it.  I move to my hometown and found out that that was where she decided to locate with new supply? (It was not her hometown?)... .

She had put a note on my car (knows where I live) the night before my Mother's funeral (7th grade? or am I being too generous?)... .I tore it up and did not read it.

... about 6 months go by... .and I am out in front of my apt. putting my MTB on my car and she does a 5x drive-by (I have shades on and give away nothing, but I know that I have incoming!)... .She pull in behind me (I am up on wheel ... strapping my bike in on the roof)... she starts to get out of the car... say "hi" and I say... ."are you still with the guy you ran off with?"... .she says "yes" and I say "Goodbye!".   It was actually kind of comical (but the situation was not!) because she never even got out of the car... .it looked like someone pulled her back in on a string and she drove off.  I was VERY upset and emotional... .I loved her so much and it just was painful.  So then I made my mistake.  I though I had been mean... .and decided to call her.  Her main reason for coming by was that she: "wanted to take a walk with me, but that it would not change anything".?  I (was in therapy)... .said ... "so let me get this straight, you want me to take a walk with you and right up front you are absolving yourself of any emotional responsibilities for the interaction. So I should talk to you, get close to you, want to be with you and then you are going to leave and go sleep with XXXX, and I am going to go home alone? Right?" She says... ."well, yeah... ." I said ... ."um... that is absolutely not going to happen. I would not be being a very good friend to myself if I did that, now would I? Absolutely not!" ... .I got ... .Silence.

The conversation was really bad and creepy... .(she said some mean thing about my Mom (My Mom liked her and treated her respectfully) ?)basically there was this person on the phone that I did not know who just appeared that she wanted to "F" with me.  Nothing more. There was certainly no love there.

So I went to see my therapist and talked to her about all of this.  I was REALLY upset.  Then I recorded the following voicemessage and sent it to her phone:

" I talked this situation over with my therapist last night... .During our phone conversation last Sat. you made the statement that: "different people handle situations differently"... .You are right... .Some people handle situations with selfishness, lies and deceit... .and some people handle them  with character, dignity and honesty. I know which person I am... .Which one are you?

You know XXXX, you can't love anybody else until you love yourself... and for you to stop by my house the other day and suggest that I take a walk with you, "that it won't change anything", is just so selfish, arrogant and downright cruel.

I used to think that you were this certain kind of person, and I invested my love, trust and faithfulness in you... and as it turns out, you are not the person that I thought you were at all.  Not even close.  So you have a nice life out there. Stay out of mine.

The last four words got stuck in my throat... but they came out.  Those are the last words that I ever spoke to her.  She haa moved somewhere else... and I think she married my replacement... .but I don't try to find out ANYTHING about her... .she has never contacted me again via any media (I am not on FB or anything)... .nor me her... .but she still tries to walk up to me in public if she is alone... .and I just have none of it... .I turn and walk away. Always. It still bothers me in my heart and soul... .but I just have nothing to say to her.  Nothing.  What... does she want to tell me about the life she is having with the guy she ran off with?   Maybe someday I will shake the hurt... .

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« Reply #64 on: October 13, 2014, 03:42:40 PM »

After she cut contact with me (mostly because she found another man sucker), and after leaving a couple messages that she never returned (knowing full well that she hit ignore, sending me to voice-mail), I sent her this final text:

"Okay, X, I tried being there for you, but abandonment me was your choice. I won't contact you again, but my door is always open to you. I do wish you well and I hope everything with your DUI* works out."

*she never told me about her DUI, even though I knew, so I may have been mean by dropping that bomb in her lap, sorta' like "you thought you were keeping that from me, but I knew all along. Ha!", but whatever. I also chose my words carefully, since she had her own abandonment issues, I made sure to point out she was doing it to me.

The only coda to this is what I heard from mutual friends, that 6 months later, she got a 2nd DUI and had to spend a month in jail. I can't imagine how a young, pretty blonde girl like her would've fared there. But at least I dodged a bullet, right? I think she's with the same dude though, so I'm sure he must be more resilient than me. I hear he's a good guy, but man, I wouldn't wish her evil on an enemy.
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« Reply #65 on: October 13, 2014, 03:54:54 PM »

Me: "Why do you hate me so much or give me the impression that you hate me?"

Him: "I do not hate you, I do not love you either. I feel nothing for you."

... .after a six year r/s (married for four years)... .

It hurts!

I also had the 'I feel nothing' speeches a few times.

But the last words I ever heard her utter were screeched through my letter box... .

'You ugly little man, I hope you die of cancer.'

I hope I never hear her voice or see her face again.
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« Reply #66 on: October 13, 2014, 04:29:15 PM »

Foolish man:

':)etachment had only been possible by reading this site and having strong friends around. I also wish her the worst in life and don't feel bad for doing so. If I told the whole story on here I'd prob pass out'

I completely understand this quote of yours. This site is a huge support and I also wish her the worst and feel nothing in doing so. And that's hard when yiuve loved someone unconditionally for 7 years, but that's how they can make you feel.

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« Reply #67 on: October 13, 2014, 04:48:28 PM »

The day I caught by exBPD gf lying and cheating I told her that I never wanted to see or talk to her again. She left a letter of apology asking for my forgiveness in my mailbox that afternoon to which I did not respond or react. The next day and since then she has been using a friend of mine to attempt to communicate and provoke a response or reaction from me. NC is driving her crazy and she is using whatever means possible to determine if I am still hooked.

I have maintained NC for almost two months and the hurt has finally subsided. It's actually been kind of entertaining now to see her try to work her old magic.
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« Reply #68 on: October 14, 2014, 01:43:38 AM »

Her last words: "I want you to leave me alone finally" and just days before she told me she never wanted me out of her life (because I said something like: "At some point you have to let me go.". It was always a struggle and I just wanted out in the beginning. So I said that we maybe should stop hurting each other, that this thing between might not be good, then she turned it around and said her last words.
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« Reply #69 on: October 14, 2014, 01:44:15 AM »

In the beginning = in the end
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« Reply #70 on: October 14, 2014, 03:14:47 AM »

Haha wow, gtjosefs! What a flashback from my parents divorce I got by reading what you wrote. Wow. I have some of their phone calls recorded from when I was ten. My dad sounds just like you. My mom was so vicious! Telling me such bad things about my father, trying to make him unemployed, telling my sister he was molesting her in her sleep. Argh! I feel for Hudson... !
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« Reply #71 on: October 14, 2014, 06:35:03 AM »

Haha wow, gtjosefs! What a flashback from my parents divorce I got by reading what you wrote. Wow. I have some of their phone calls recorded from when I was ten. My dad sounds just like you. My mom was so vicious! Telling me such bad things about my father, trying to make him unemployed, telling my sister he was molesting her in her sleep. Argh! I feel for Hudson... !

So my question is... ."Why would I EVER want to attempt to have a partnership/relationship with creatures that are capable of this evil, abusive, self-centered behavior?"

... .and everyone of them is capable.

I am so done.  
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« Reply #72 on: October 14, 2014, 07:59:40 AM »

... .because we all try to recreate the familiar aspects of our childhoods - no matter how toxic.  I've learned that I try to recreate the crazy making relationships I had with my parents and with my first true love, one that had to be kept out of sight for all kinds of reasons.  Being in a "normal", healthy relationship feels strange; being with my BPD ex in some ways felt comfortable.  Not always pleasant and certainly not healthy, but it was something that felt "normal." 
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« Reply #73 on: October 14, 2014, 08:02:29 AM »

Or to put it another way, and it's not an original thought, but when it was terrific with my BPD i never felt so alive - even when it was truly awful... .at least it was something.  And by focusing on her problems and pathology, it handily kept me from considering or working on my own.  Even now that she's gone I have to work hard to keep the focus on myself and healing rather on her and the feelings of emptiness, yearning, and of course anger.
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sirius
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« Reply #74 on: October 14, 2014, 08:12:30 AM »

via text after i asked her "how are you?" (7 months post b/u and 5 months LC)

her reply : " Just forget about everything that had happened. Take the opportunity to start a new life. Whatever that happened in the past should remain where they r"
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Deeno02
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« Reply #75 on: October 14, 2014, 08:22:11 AM »

Or to put it another way, and it's not an original thought, but when it was terrific with my BPD i never felt so alive - even when it was truly awful... .at least it was something.  And by focusing on her problems and pathology, it handily kept me from considering or working on my own.  Even now that she's gone I have to work hard to keep the focus on myself and healing rather on her and the feelings of emptiness, yearning, and of course anger.

I loved my BPDgf to the best of my ability and with all my heart and soul, as I was taught to love. Wasnt good enough. Not enough time spent, never got her a gift (?), not capable of showing emotion, never fought for her... .yada, yada, yada. To my BPDgf, I say to you that you never opened your eyes... .or your heart. If you had, you would have seen it.
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freedom33
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« Reply #76 on: October 14, 2014, 08:26:55 AM »

Or to put it another way, and it's not an original thought, but when it was terrific with my BPD i never felt so alive - even when it was truly awful... .

Echo that. I am detached now and life has a different, more mellow and objectively better taste to it but yes. When I was with her I thought I could conquer the world. My endorphin, dopamine, adrenaline levels were off the charts. I have tried a few drugs in my life but none has given me that rush and high that I had with while with her 24/7. What goes up must come down eventually - in this case in flames.
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Mutt
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« Reply #77 on: October 14, 2014, 03:43:38 PM »

Staff only

Thanks for participating in the discussion. Unfortunately the thread has reached it's post limit. You are welcome with opening and starting a new thread. Thank you.
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