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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: Will he contact me? Do they come back?  (Read 7772 times)
lovethebeach
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« on: November 03, 2014, 05:09:31 PM »

How do you know if they'll contact you?

My ex seems to have been caught in too many lies to be back. He painted me black and placed all the blame on me; yet, he was the one caught lying and on dating websites etc... .

He blames me for snooping and last night (after 12 days of NC) said some pretty mean and hurtful things.

It's like he's a completely different person. I've never seen that person before and he seemed totally checked out.

I wish there was something I could do.
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Raybo48
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« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2014, 05:17:20 PM »

How do you know if they'll contact you?

My ex seems to have been caught in too many lies to be back. He painted me black and placed all the blame on me; yet, he was the one caught lying and on dating websites etc... .

He blames me for snooping and last night (after 12 days of NC) said some pretty mean and hurtful things.

It's like he's a completely different person. I've never seen that person before and he seemed totally checked out.

I wish there was something I could do.

In my personal experience catching my ex in lies didn't make her stay away.  I'd catch her red handed on some very substantial lies and she would either deny it or talk her way right around the issue, but at no time did she appear to be shamed enough or feel exposed and then bolt.  I honestly don't think they are wired that way so that would not be an issue in my mind for him to stay away.

The painting black explanation is more likely why he's staying away and there are members on here that can explain the black/white splitting far better than I can, but if he's getting supply from somewhere else (like the dating site;dates) you likely won't hear from him until that goes south, and it will eventually.  If he's using snooping as a reason he's just making excuses and projecting back onto you to make you look like the bad guy.  It's what they do.
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AG
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« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2014, 05:22:13 PM »

My experience is yes but the behavior again from my experience only is that it gets worse. Once you catch them doing something they start the devalue and push the blame on you. No matter the circumstance its always your fault. There isnt anything you can do to stop it. Trust me I wish there were but there isnt. Again thats my experience might I add I had a high functioning ex who turned low functionong. Im not sure what spectrum yours is on so anything is possible but Id start taking care of u. Thats the best you can do. Hell probably come back from my experince but u really never know they are irratic
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lovethebeach
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« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2014, 05:26:17 PM »

My ex can't face the shame or the guilt of what he's done. He can't deal with hurting me, so he's choosing to stay away. I've reached out twice and gotten nowhere. I asked him to call me last night for closure and he did. But, what I got made me feel even worse. He devalued me and our relationship and told me what an awful girlfriend I was.

He always used to back peddle out of lies. But in the past three weeks, I've caught him so many times. Craigslist. OkCupid and now lying about his whereabouts.

I wish we could rewind time before this last month, but I know that's not possible. I just miss him so much and us. Not whoever this monster is... .although, I'm starting to realize they're one in the same.

This is so painful.
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Raybo48
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« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2014, 05:29:45 PM »

My ex can't face the shame or the guilt of what he's done. He can't deal with hurting me, so he's choosing to stay away. I've reached out twice and gotten nowhere. I asked him to call me last night for closure and he did. But, what I got made me feel even worse. He devalued me and our relationship and told me what an awful girlfriend I was.

He always used to back peddle out of lies. But in the past three weeks, I've caught him so many times. Craigslist. OkCupid and now lying about his whereabouts.

I wish we could rewind time before this last month, but I know that's not possible. I just miss him so much and us. Not whoever this monster is... .although, I'm starting to realize they're one in the same.

This is so painful.

Interesting, because what you are explaining here is empathy and compassion for your feelings and that just isn't the typical BPD that I know. In fact, it's the exact opposite.
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lovethebeach
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« Reply #5 on: November 03, 2014, 05:39:11 PM »

Then what do you think? He suddenly painted me black and bolted. I want to hear from him, but after last night I'm so angry and hurt by what he said. I think it finally made me realize his warped perception. It has some validity, but I didn't even get a sincere apology for any of his actions even after I apologized for mine.

I'm so confused!
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Raybo48
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« Reply #6 on: November 03, 2014, 05:48:10 PM »

Then what do you think? He suddenly painted me black and bolted. I want to hear from him, but after last night I'm so angry and hurt by what he said. I think it finally made me realize his warped perception. It has some validity, but I didn't even get a sincere apology for any of his actions even after I apologized for mine.

I'm so confused!

These are just my experiences and the experiences I've taken from others and their BPD rs, but they don't usually ever apologize for much of anything. If you ever do get an apology from them it has to be drawn out of them and it's rarely voluntary. 

I think you are looking past one very telling red flag.  You said he was on a dating site.  If that's the case he could have easily found someone else or is getting enough attention from that to bolt, yes.  He painted you black because you accused him of what he did, but I don't believe for a second he left because he felt bad because he hurt your feelings.  That's just not how they are wired, and empathy isn't their strong point to put it mildly. 
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lovethebeach
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« Reply #7 on: November 03, 2014, 06:06:32 PM »

After I found him on Craigslist three weeks ago, he begged and pleaded and basically bent over backwards to make me stay. I eventually agreed.

After two more weekends of "working on things" it went south again. When he left here that Sunday, Sunday evening he created a blank online dating profile. No picture and no information and a paypal account. We got into a heated argument about it. He kept saying "I just want you to believe me, this once." I didn't. I called him out and he eventually admitted it.

Two days later, another argument after he was caught out at an Italian restaurant after I did snoop and checked his online banking.

WHY LIE ABOUT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING? I don't know who he was with or what he was doing, but once I confronted him ... .he bolted.

I deserved some kind of apology and explanation. Instead, I got the reverse. It was all my fault.
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Caredverymuch
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« Reply #8 on: November 03, 2014, 06:09:28 PM »

My ex can't face the shame or the guilt of what he's done. He can't deal with hurting me, so he's choosing to stay away. I've reached out twice and gotten nowhere. I asked him to call me last night for closure and he did. But, what I got made me feel even worse. He devalued me and our relationship and told me what an awful girlfriend I was.

He always used to back peddle out of lies. But in the past three weeks, I've caught him so many times. Craigslist. OkCupid and now lying about his whereabouts.

I wish we could rewind time before this last month, but I know that's not possible. I just miss him so much and us. Not whoever this monster is... .although, I'm starting to realize they're one in the same.

This is so painful.

I followed your earlier post today and the subsequent thread. I am very sorry for your pain. A pain we know well here as many have experienced the very same.  Its hurtful and so confusing, until you are able to embrace that your partner has an attachment disorder.

The behaviors are difficult to depersonalize.  Especially being replaced with no closure.

You mentioned on the other thread that your partner indicated the r/s was over in your last communications. I realize how hurtful that feels. I was in your very situation.

Are you able to take some of the learning and support you have gained here to understand that you did nothing to cause this?   Knowing that we understand your pain.  

Its very hard on the heart.

Are you able to see a pattern in learning of the disorder? If so, how do you feel about returning to this type of r/s?

Sending support and  

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lovethebeach
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« Reply #9 on: November 03, 2014, 06:30:49 PM »

It was the weirdest thing. I was willing to work on things and then once confronted AGAIN, seemingly out of no where ... .he bolted. I think he has new supply or else he'd be back.

I miss him. I miss us. The memories keep flooding back. We had so many amazing times together. But, in truth I don't think I could take him back I want him to care and show that but I don't think I'll ever get that at this point. I value trust and at this point there just isn't any.

It's hard to not feel that I'm not somewhat responsible on an emotional level. Most of the relationship, I was his "mother" or so he feels. It's what he "needed." When I first met him, he was doing drugs, excessively drinking, not caring about life and ultimately, he got kicked out of college soon after we met.

He also entered the military and came home after six months. He claims to be with me, but who really knows. Once home, with my help, he got a car, a job, A's in school and back on track to enter the university that he was expelled from. It was a lot of work but I thought helping him would help us. I gave him 110%. Sure, I may have been a bit much at times, but I truly wanted the best for him. He needed some sort of structure.

While with me, he changed or mirrored me. He became this amazing person. No more drinking, drugs and negative behavior (mostly). I never thought he'd leave and yet here I am, he left and I doubt he'll be back.
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neverloveagain
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« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2014, 06:35:40 PM »

I prayer for you shut the doors lock em close the windows pull the curtains batton all the hatches, if you lucky enough to be the blackest of black in their minds eye you may never hear off them again. It sounds hard but that would make you one  of the lucky ones when the connection is severed leave it walk away dont try to fix it it can never work , it never would and never can. Look after yourself dont dwell too long you might drown with em.
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lovethebeach
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« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2014, 06:50:00 PM »

I just miss him. It hurts feeling like he doesn't care and is out "living it up."

No one will ever love him the way I did.
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Raybo48
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« Reply #12 on: November 03, 2014, 07:57:07 PM »

It was the weirdest thing. I was willing to work on things and then once confronted AGAIN, seemingly out of no where ... .he bolted. I think he has new supply or else he'd be back.

I miss him. I miss us. The memories keep flooding back. We had so many amazing times together. But, in truth I don't think I could take him back I want him to care and show that but I don't think I'll ever get that at this point. I value trust and at this point there just isn't any.

It's hard to not feel that I'm not somewhat responsible on an emotional level. Most of the relationship, I was his "mother" or so he feels. It's what he "needed." When I first met him, he was doing drugs, excessively drinking, not caring about life and ultimately, he got kicked out of college soon after we met.

He also entered the military and came home after six months. He claims to be with me, but who really knows. Once home, with my help, he got a car, a job, A's in school and back on track to enter the university that he was expelled from. It was a lot of work but I thought helping him would help us. I gave him 110%. Sure, I may have been a bit much at times, but I truly wanted the best for him. He needed some sort of structure.

While with me, he changed or mirrored me. He became this amazing person. No more drinking, drugs and negative behavior (mostly). I never thought he'd leave and yet here I am, he left and I doubt he'll be back.

It sounds like you really put a lot into the relationship.  Did he give back anywhere near what you gave him?  It situations like this it makes it even more difficult because when they leave so abruptly and you gave it everything you are left feeling really empty and confused.  I'm sorry I was kind of hard on you today, but I was trying to make you see that he likely has a disorder there isn't a lot you can do about that, or for that matter change his behavior.   Even if you could 'rewind' the outcome would have likely been the same. 
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thatwasthat
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« Reply #13 on: November 03, 2014, 08:10:49 PM »

I just miss him. It hurts feeling like he doesn't care and is out "living it up."

No one will ever love him the way I did.

I know exactly how that feels.

And... .I'm pretty sure no one ever will. You being on this forums, trying to understand, having put all this into the r/s... .that shows what type of person you are.

As weird as it may sound right now... .but it is his loss. Not yours.

You are capable of true love and compassion. And a great deal of empathy. I don't think there are many people out there that would even bother trying to understand like you did/do when the problems arise.

HE threw that away. Not you.

Now it is time to look after yourself. Or this loving, compassionate human will be tortured even more. And that would be heart breaking in itself.

And yes. He will most likely be back. As difficult as this might be... .be very careful. Wether he sees "who you are" or not... .the reason for being back at your door step will lay within himself and will not having to do with the two of you.

I've been there. Had very minimal contact. And even though it was only minimal contact she managed to let me down again and inflict a great deal of pain.

You are strong. Very strong. You have already shown this. You have already shown what you are capable of doing for your love.

But now... .your strength is within the mend. Not the pain you endure.

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lovethebeach
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« Reply #14 on: November 03, 2014, 08:15:35 PM »

It's alright. I needed it.

I think I may have been able to change things on my end. But, I think in the end he still would've self sabotaged it and us.

If I gave him control back, he would've been back to his old ways. I only wish I would've been more validating at the end, but it's difficult to do with someone who is so angry all the time.

The last month, October, he was no longer the same person I fell in love with. From the moment I caught him on Craigslist, everything changed.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Thatwasthat:

Thank you for all your advice and kind words. They help so much.

From here, I just move on?

I guess last night I got some answers. Even if they were nasty and hurtful. I got the answer, I didn't want. But it was closure.
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lovethebeach
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« Reply #15 on: November 03, 2014, 08:16:46 PM »

I was the once who brought up BPD to him. I guess its been about a year now. I could see the pain in his eyes when he talked about his family. How much his mother hated him and was abusive when he was younger. His father too weak to stand up and his sister idolized for no reason.


I researched for hours and found NPD/BPD. I even bought him a book on how to deal with parents who have BPD. Then, found him a therapist and figured we were on the right path.


One thing that will always stick with me. The therapist asked me in one session, if there is only one thing that Ethan will get out of this ... .if he gets nothing else ... .what do you want him to know. You know what I said... .I said "I want him to know that he's worth it. He's worth the fight."

I can't pretend to imagine the pain but I never wanted to give up on him. Still brings tears to my eyes knowing how hard I fought for him. Sure we had arguments and maybe I was too much at times, but I truly thought it was what he needed. With me, he was doing so well. Back in school. Doing well. No drugs/drinking. Everything seemed to be coming together for a life for us.

He'll never get the approval he so desperately seeks from his mother and his father will never fight back. I think he's come to terms with it but the young boy in him will never understand why mommy doesn't love him. But, I did. With everything I had. Every single inch.

Sure, we may have had mini break ups and at times I got fed up ... .but I always came back. I wanted to be by his side. I saw the love in his eyes and the appreciation he had. It's why this is all so hard to swallow for me as I'm left wondering what happened.


He's rebelling against his mom? Or taking his anger out on me? Or just being a young, dumb boy? I'll never know. I never expected him to be this way.
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« Reply #16 on: November 03, 2014, 08:31:37 PM »

I was the once who brought up BPD to him. I guess its been about a year now. I could see the pain in his eyes when he talked about his family. How much his mother hated him and was abusive when he was younger. His father too weak to stand up and his sister idolized for no reason.


I researched for hours and found NPD/BPD. I even bought him a book on how to deal with parents who have BPD. Then, found him a therapist and figured we were on the right path.


One thing that will always stick with me. The therapist asked me in one session, if there is only one thing that Ethan will get out of this ... .if he gets nothing else ... .what do you want him to know. You know what I said... .I said "I want him to know that he's worth it. He's worth the fight."

I can't pretend to imagine the pain but I never wanted to give up on him. Still brings tears to my eyes knowing how hard I fought for him. Sure we had arguments and maybe I was too much at times, but I truly thought it was what he needed. With me, he was doing so well. Back in school. Doing well. No drugs/drinking. Everything seemed to be coming together for a life for us.

He'll never get the approval he so desperately seeks from his mother and his father will never fight back. I think he's come to terms with it but the young boy in him will never understand why mommy doesn't love him. But, I did. With everything I had. Every single inch.

Sure, we may have had mini break ups and at times I got fed up ... .but I always came back. I wanted to be by his side. I saw the love in his eyes and the appreciation he had. It's why this is all so hard to swallow for me as I'm left wondering what happened.


He's rebelling against his mom? Or taking his anger out on me? Or just being a young, dumb boy? I'll never know. I never expected him to be this way.

See, you had a better understanding already. I knew nothing of BPD until after I was dumped. Since my divorce, Ive journaled. When I met my BPDgf, I journaled it from day one, so I had a complete record. When it finally came to a head and I was dumped, I was crushed like you. I sent my journal to an old HS girlfriend who happens to bd a Psychologist.  I thought I was crazy. Within an hour, she had called me back saying I dodged a bullet. What I was dealjng with was possibly BPD or even NPD. Thats when I found this forum and its been a help to me. Hope its a help too. Whenever you need to vent, do so. Its so helpful. Hopefully you will get a T as well. We are here for you... .
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lovethebeach
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« Reply #17 on: November 04, 2014, 07:10:59 AM »

I think I'm most upset that I'm painted black.

That he really believes that I didn't do anything throughout the relationship. Some of the things he said were true just blown out of proportion and the. He used those to negate anything he ever did.
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« Reply #18 on: November 04, 2014, 07:53:02 AM »

I think I'm most upset that I'm painted black.

That he really believes that I didn't do anything throughout the relationship. Some of the things he said were true just blown out of proportion and the. He used those to negate anything he ever did.

 That's what they do. My ex BPD could twist the truth around to where i  didn't know weather to $hit or have a tooth pulled. Completely confusing !
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« Reply #19 on: November 04, 2014, 08:02:51 AM »

On the thread that got moved to Staying, Skip emphasized that the reaction you're seeing is almost surely to do with the shame that was invoked when you confronted and called him out. Skip suggested a particular non-judgmental way of approaching him to try to neutralize the shame and give him a place to just talk with you about what's going on and what he wants.

What's your reaction to that? If you have a viscerally negative reaction to engaging him in that kind of neutral way about these topics that are understandably charged for you, this r/ship will be very volatile and dramatic. Saying "you need to change what you're doing because it really hurts me" may work in a regular r/ship but not here. You might spend some time with the tools on the Staying board if you haven't, and decide if that is a way you could see yourself engaging with him.

For what it's worth I tried mightily to apply the tools, didn't always succeed but mostly I did ... .And my ex still did things that crossed my personal boundaries and caused me to need to end things. It's no magic wand. But if you think you'd like to Stay, make sure you know what is entailed in that.

This is rough stuff. I know how hard it is.
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lovethebeach
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« Reply #20 on: November 04, 2014, 08:35:06 AM »

I haven't because we're over. He's done. He hasn't reached out too me, once in two weeks.

I've tried twice and it was a 4 text message conversation. He called me the other night, after I asked... .which I was surprised over. He said "I couldve not answered or blocked your number, but I answered. I was civil. I don't know what more you want from me. I can't act like nothing happened between us." I was so confused, because he was the one caught in the lie.

I just wanted to know how we got from "trying to work on things" to him being disengaged He said he didn't know and then got enraged and took most of the rest of the conversation to dump everything on me.

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Raybo48
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« Reply #21 on: November 04, 2014, 08:38:51 AM »

I haven't because we're over. He's done. He hasn't reached out too me, once in two weeks.

I've tried twice and it was a 4 text message conversation. He called me the other night, after I asked... .which I was surprised over. He said "I couldve not answered or blocked your number, but I answered. I was civil. I don't know what more you want from me. I can't act like nothing happened between us." I was so confused, because he was the one caught in the lie.

I just wanted to know how we got from "trying to work on things" to him being disengaged He said he didn't know and then got enraged and took most of the rest of the conversation to dump everything on me.

Sounds like you are still painted black.  My ex has been willing to talk to me while I was black at times and the conversations always started out somewhat civil, but it didn't take long for her to become enraged and the rest of the conversation was what you just described.  You end up hanging up (if she didn't terminated the call first) more frustrated then before the conversation started.  
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« Reply #22 on: November 04, 2014, 08:44:03 AM »

lovethebeach, nobody can say if they will or will not contact you but i would bet you will hear from him. I was where you were many many many times and mine always called or texted and then here we would go again. but i was only asking for more pain and sufferring and thats just what i got. I just heard from mine after two months of nc abd of course it was like ripping out stitches. she is now once again in love with me, im the best, she was wrong ( not for what she did of course) but other things, she founds god etc... .and this was not the first time she said that. only thing is ive bit before and after about 4 weeks its back to the old her. teh raging, lying, cheating, accusations etc... .the push way. me being sad, lonley and confused again.
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Raybo48
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« Reply #23 on: November 04, 2014, 08:45:32 AM »

lovethebeach, nobody can say if they will or will not contact you but i would bet you will hear from him. I was where you were many many many times and mine always called or texted and then here we would go again. but i was only asking for more pain and sufferring and thats just what i got. I just heard from mine after two months of nc abd of course it was like ripping out stitches. she is now once again in love with me, im the best, she was wrong ( not for what she did of course) but other things, she founds god etc... .and this was not the first time she said that. only thing is ive bit before and after about 4 weeks its back to the old her. teh raging, lying, cheating, accusations etc... .the push way. me being sad, lonley and confused again.

This sounds beyond familiar here, on every point.   
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« Reply #24 on: November 04, 2014, 08:56:29 AM »

My ex can't face the shame or the guilt of what he's done. He can't deal with hurting me, so he's choosing to stay away. I've reached out twice and gotten nowhere. I asked him to call me last night for closure and he did. But, what I got made me feel even worse. He devalued me and our relationship and told me what an awful girlfriend I was.

He always used to back peddle out of lies. But in the past three weeks, I've caught him so many times. Craigslist. OkCupid and now lying about his whereabouts.

I wish we could rewind time before this last month, but I know that's not possible. I just miss him so much and us. Not whoever this monster is... .although, I'm starting to realize they're one in the same.

This is so painful.

Interesting, because what you are explaining here is empathy and compassion for your feelings and that just isn't the typical BPD that I know. In fact, it's the exact opposite.

Mine seemed to show empathy and compassion for her actions. I don't know if it was real though. The weeks following her breaking up with me she told me she was sorry for being too unstable to stay in a relationship, told me I was great, and wanted to know if I was ok. But we go to the same college (very small college) and she hasn't tried to see me to really see if I am okay or anything, nor has she called a bunch or messaged a bunch trying to get closure or too really make sure I'm ok. All Ive gotten is a couple of calls one day, a text message, email, and fb message.

I think it is all an  act and not real remorse because she keeps saying she still wants me in her life…basically as a backup person. And I am one of the only people on this planet who put up with her behavior and loved her through it.


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lovethebeach
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« Reply #25 on: November 04, 2014, 09:21:04 AM »

He'll talk if I text him. But it's always pointless. So, I stopped. After that enraged phone call, I promised myself I wouldn't contact him again. I didn't deserve any of that. I wasn't yelling or screaming.

I'd love to talk,but I'm painted black currently and every attempt I make just pushes him further away.


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Raybo48
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« Reply #26 on: November 04, 2014, 09:21:24 AM »

My ex can't face the shame or the guilt of what he's done. He can't deal with hurting me, so he's choosing to stay away. I've reached out twice and gotten nowhere. I asked him to call me last night for closure and he did. But, what I got made me feel even worse. He devalued me and our relationship and told me what an awful girlfriend I was.

He always used to back peddle out of lies. But in the past three weeks, I've caught him so many times. Craigslist. OkCupid and now lying about his whereabouts.

I wish we could rewind time before this last month, but I know that's not possible. I just miss him so much and us. Not whoever this monster is... .although, I'm starting to realize they're one in the same.

This is so painful.

Interesting, because what you are explaining here is empathy and compassion for your feelings and that just isn't the typical BPD that I know. In fact, it's the exact opposite.

Mine seemed to show empathy and compassion for her actions. I don't know if it was real though. The weeks following her breaking up with me she told me she was sorry for being too unstable to stay in a relationship, told me I was great, and wanted to know if I was ok. But we go to the same college (very small college) and she hasn't tried to see me to really see if I am okay or anything, nor has she called a bunch or messaged a bunch trying to get closure or too really make sure I'm ok. All Ive gotten is a couple of calls one day, a text message, email, and fb message.

I think it is all an  act and not real remorse because she keeps saying she still wants me in her life…basically as a backup person. And I am one of the only people on this planet who put up with her behavior and loved her through it.

I still find that at least in my case 'words almost never meet actions'.   It's been the one reoccurring theme I can count on time and time again.  It certainly helps with NC because I know nothing will likely ever change.   I'd love it to change don't get me wrong, but not when words don't meet actions every single time.  
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Raybo48
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 413



« Reply #27 on: November 04, 2014, 09:24:40 AM »

He'll talk if I text him. But it's always pointless. So, I stopped. After that enraged phone call, I promised myself I wouldn't contact him again. I didn't deserve any of that. I wasn't yelling or screaming.

I'd love to talk,but I'm painted black currently and every attempt I make just pushes him further away.

The only person you can control right now is you, and you deserve to be happy and to heal from this ordeal.  I think you have a good handle on things, even better than just yesterday.  Stay strong!
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Deeno02
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« Reply #28 on: November 04, 2014, 09:31:48 AM »

He'll talk if I text him. But it's always pointless. So, I stopped. After that enraged phone call, I promised myself I wouldn't contact him again. I didn't deserve any of that. I wasn't yelling or screaming.

I'd love to talk,but I'm painted black currently and every attempt I make just pushes him further away.

The only person you can control right now is you, and you deserve to be happy and to heal from this ordeal.  I think you have a good handle on things, even better than just yesterday.  Stay strong!

40 freaking Days NC... .7 weeks after B/U... .
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Raybo48
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 413



« Reply #29 on: November 04, 2014, 09:34:57 AM »

He'll talk if I text him. But it's always pointless. So, I stopped. After that enraged phone call, I promised myself I wouldn't contact him again. I didn't deserve any of that. I wasn't yelling or screaming.

I'd love to talk,but I'm painted black currently and every attempt I make just pushes him further away.

The only person you can control right now is you, and you deserve to be happy and to heal from this ordeal.  I think you have a good handle on things, even better than just yesterday.  Stay strong!

40 freaking Days NC... .7 weeks after B/U... .

My ex contacted me drunk on Sunday twice by phone and texted.  I ignored, but it doesn't feel like NC as it triggered more emotional crap.  40 days is awesome!

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