She referred to me as "love of her life"

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My ex told me "we are soul mates" so many times I lost count. Did his words match his actions - Absolutely not! Why did I stay? Why did I believe the words and not the actions? Big question

[Clearmind]

My ex told me "we are soul mates" so many times I lost count. Did his words match his actions - Absolutely not! Why did I stay? Why did I believe the words and not the actions? Big question

[Dutched]

YEP,  Heard it all in so many yrs, even the day before exw blew it up in an outburst in front of the kids.

‘We come along for so long, nobody understands me like you’

-> ‘you never understood me!

‘I could never be with another man! Even those thoughts would make me sick!’

-> a 65yr old soother with tattoos and the shape of a Michelin puppet, amazing ‘that thoughts’…

For years it was: ‘You are the best that’s ever happened to me’

Wait a minute…  I must be wrong, when D was a 5 yrs old… it was to D:

‘You are the best that’s ever happened to me’

Really now, I think there is a twist in my head…  it was my Son, he even got al lovely nickname…

‘You are the best that’s ever happened to me’

Thinking again, so much feelings and facts… NO, after I was dumped as garbage exw wrote to BOTH kids

‘You are the best that’s ever happened to me’

Wait again…, of course! Soother must be THE only ‘You are the best that’s ever happened to me’


'they love without measure those whom they will soon hate without reason'

[tim_tom]

all of the above and then some, basically within a few weeks of talking to her.

And stupid me thought karma was repaying me for staying in a bad marriage for the kids, I bought into it hook line and sinker

[tim_tom]

I'm sorry, but I sometimes feel like you confuse a BPD with a psychopath/sociopath. Not everything they do is done consciously. I know you were hurt like ___, I was as well. But please don't describe them as the evil satan child or whatever.

You have a right to feel hurt and angry, but does it really help to talk about them like they planned all of this in the beginning to ruin us? Some of them have antisocial-traits, yes, so some might be conscious about some things, but not all BPDs are antisocial.

I don't believe that they (at least the majority) consciously told you lies to hook you.

I do believe they meant EVERYTHING they said the exact moment, because they felt this way this exact moment, but their feelings are like the weather and they change. We assume them to have constant feelings like we do. But that's the problem.

I don't want to take away your pain and anger, really not. I'm sorry for all of you who've been hurt. One should never experience abuse in any form. And I also don't want to justify their behaviour. They still do have a choice. But that they act consciously all of the time is just not true.

I grew up with a borderline sister. I saw her inner turmoil. She abused me, yes, and I don't like being in contact with her so I stay in LC and that's a good thing. But it doesn't help to accuse her of doing all of the things purposely because then I could have never gotten out of my bubble of anger and contempt towards her.

Try to forgive these people, not for them, but for you. They aren't really able to act properly regarding emotional things, but if you are then you should at least do. This is not me trying to point the moral finger. I just want to tell you that you should try to let go of the anger. You know why I like Star Wars? Because of this: "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

So to get back to the topic: I really do believe they mean what they say. They even believe theirselves. But their emotions and feelings change like every second and they suddenly feel different about you.

I think they buy into the fantasy they are selling, and they do "feel" these things. But I also believe they consciously lie and embellish and act like they haven't said/done the same things with the SO before you.

Mine told me she was never like this with anyone, always hesitant to open up to people or be vulnerable... Bunch of BS she made up to suck me into the fantasy further.

I read some of the old texts recently, and I sound as ___ing batty as she did... now that I'm not in the situation anymore

[newtothis28]

all of the above and then some, basically within a few weeks of talking to her.

And stupid me thought karma was repaying me for staying in a bad marriage for the kids, I bought into it hook line and sinker

me too. because he was an older guy I believed the idealization because I thought he was serious and ready to settle down.  It's a mistake we make and you kind of have to look at it like hey we live and learn, right?

[Its My Time Now]

I was the love of his life. a good woman. I was also the one who choose to ignore all the red flags.

Very soon after I got to know him, on line, he would say things like I would make everything right, I would make him happy. I did tell him that I could never do that, that he himself was the only one who could do that. He would ignore my remark and remain on his little cloud.

He would also say things about my then toddler child, such as "I love that little guy", even though he had never even met my child. He would have this image of a perfect family: He, I, his youngest daughter and my child. Even though his youngest daughter had serious jealousy issues, even before she met my child and myself.

In his confabulated world, everything was going to be okay now, I would make everything that hurt and was wrong okay. And when I failed, that is when he started hating me.

[mrwigand]

Yeah, in fact my BPDexgf was particularly fond of calling me the "love of her life". She was using that term of endearment pretty frequently 3 months into the relationship.

[Agent_of_Chaos]

Before she left and we wanted to try a l/d relationship:

You have my heart so keep it safe!

I can't wait to grow old with you... .have babies, furry babies, and love you every day.

I love you more!

30 days later... .her feelings had changed And she needed to move on with her life.

[ogopogodude]

wow, ... .look at how many replies in so very little time-->  4 pages of replies in only 1 and 1/2 days. 

This topic is going to be locked (I think) as I believe that after 5 pages of replies then the thread is locked automatically.

Anyways, ... I have been referred to as the all of the above (soul mate, love of her life, blah blah blah) and I have realized it is all bs, ... .only to "suck me right back in" (like Al Pacino in The Godfather 3).

BPD's are soo very convincing but they are only con artists to get what they want (and that is to abuse those around them).

[FlSunshineGirl]

I got:

"I've been around the block and I know there no one else out there like you."

"You're my angel."

"I'll die without you in my life."

"I don't need anyone else in my life. I just need

you."

Also he called me his "goddess" when I was in the idealization phase and that always made me uncomfortable.

Heard I was his soulmate.

"A life without you in it is no life at all."

It is creepy how they all say such similar things.

[zundertowz]

I was probably the 20th love of her life

[tim_tom]

I was probably the 20th love of her life

Yep... the seem to have 1 every 18 months or so...

[Vatz]

I was probably the 20th love of her life

Hilarious. Also kinda sad.

I was the fourth, but while she was with me I think she also met #5-8 or so. Meh.

[BorisAcusio]

I was probably the 20th love of her life

My ex still used the "soul mate" crap long after she departed and clearly stated that doesn't love me anyomore. After bad day or a date gone wrong, she needed soothing so throw it in to keep me hooked.

It is parroting. It is a skill learned in childhood to tell people what they want to hear. If it worked once on you, it will work again on him. I know it is painful, but actions are more important that words. Do not cling to the words that were said. Words are what people with BPD use to objectify themselves. When they find the willing recipients of this objectification, they feel better- but the words are empty. You see, it wasn't about love. It was about need. BPD is "the need to feel good" through the use of another human being.

[zundertowz]

I was told I was 4 also im just assuming shes been doing this since she was very young so I probably dont even know half the story.

[Mr.Downtrodden]

"I can see myself firmly ensconced in your arms, forever and ever... ."

"You are a rose among thorns"

Ouch.  I'm a faded bloom.

[dobie]

"I've always felt we were meant to be "

"I've never met a man like you "

"Your my perfect man "

"Even after six years no other man compares to you "

"I'd kill myself if something happened to you " (two weeks before telling me she had not loved me for years)

[Technique]

First few months of the year we spent together... .

"The best thing that ever happened to me"

"The love of my life"

"The man who showed me what real love was all about"

Blah Blah. Other crackers included

"I feel like a little girl who is trying to grab a balloon in the sky with you. It's wonderful. I can't get enough."

"I'm envious of your Bohemian spirit."

"Why does it take you so long to answer my morning texts? Are you fed up with me"

Final six months of the year we spent together... .

Of course once she had applied the love bombing with a huge sprinkle of "I've not been treated at all well by men in the past" victim status, it didn't take long for my knight in shining armour elements to come to the fore. 'I'll show those idiots how to treat a woman as gorgeous and sexy as this' and 'I'll show her all the love and attention those fools failed to' (In hindsight, they were the smart ones. Figured her out straight away. A valuable lesson I had to learn for myself I guess.)

Once she had control the 'attraction' subsided. "I know I said I had a high sex drive, but once, maybe twice, a week is more than enough."

Lock suddenly appeared on her phone. (Not that I was checking. I was simply helping her set up a hands free kit)

She went out on a Sunday morning for an event. By this time I had my suspicions and having checked online the event was in fact, cancelled. I didn't mention or make a big deal of the matter. Simply thought she had some personal business to take care of. Fair enough. Although she should have known me well enough by then to know I would have been an ear for her and not someone who would accuse or think bad of her if she had told me the truth (had it simply been a personal matter, and not a date with the new boy)

In Hindsight she was already lining up my replacement in March.

She always went on about how morals and honesty were her bedrock. Being 'open and honest' with each other. Ha!

All these things I had no knowledge of. I learned all about them right here!

[ShadowIntheNight]

Man technique you're absolutely right. Morals and integrity my eye. Depending what she was doing determine how she reclassified her morals. As for integrity, that's just a word in her vocabulary of which she obviously has no idea of the meaning.

[newtothis28]

God brought us together... .

[Maternus]

I think you all heard something like this: "This was the best sex I ever had in my life."

[Mutt]

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