The forging of The Path

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My therapists input on the situation - " She was more than likely baiting you with the Niagara Falls comment. She was doing a temp check because your neutrality made her nervous. She probably hopes that you were just waiting for her to come back and that you would say all the things like how much you've missed her and how it's been awful since shes been gone. I'm sure it threw her right off."

[OKrunch]

My therapists input on the situation - " She was more than likely baiting you with the Niagara Falls comment. She was doing a temp check because your neutrality made her nervous. She probably hopes that you were just waiting for her to come back and that you would say all the things like how much you've missed her and how it's been awful since shes been gone. I'm sure it threw her right off."

[SinisterComplex]

Its definitley a step in the right direction.

Do i still want her to apologize, reach out, miss me, etc?
 Yea.

Do I care if she doesn't?
Not really anymore.

This shows real growth. That is ultimately indifference. You would prefer for her to apologize, etc, but you will be happy regardless. It is a process, but you are progressing. In that sense if no one else says it...I am proud of you. However, you should also be proud of YOU.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

[Pook075]

I fully agree and I'm proud of you as well.  You're on the right path in life and it's really nice to see.  Keep your head up buddy!

[OKrunch]

Spidey sense went nuts at like 12:30am last night, which is super odd. that usually never happens late at night.

They have strongly persisted into today.
There is more coming down the pipes, but im not paying it any mind.

[Pook075]

Spidey sense went nuts at like 12:30am last night, which is super odd. that usually never happens late at night.

They have strongly persisted into today.
There is more coming down the pipes, but im not paying it any mind.

At this point, you know that you can handle it maturely and avoid escalation.  That's a good thing and it will eventually change her behaviors as well in future interactions.  So let the spidey sense scream away.

I get similar feelings sometimes; I'd describe them different because my wife will suddenly come into my mind and I'll get really sad, actually hurt.  But at the same time it doesn't feel like my hurt, it's like I'm hurting for her.  A few of those times I almost called her to ask, "Is everything okay?"  Then I'll dismiss it as just a random vibe/emotion that came out of nowhere.  It's happened a few times in the past when my kids were in trouble as well, something just feels off and I can't shake it.

[OKrunch]

I will say, that her reaching out the other day has me paying way more attention to if she might again, checking my phone etc.
Gonna work on that.

[OKrunch]

Im wondering if I should reply back and tell her I looked for the passport, and don't have it, or just ignore it and let her ask again if she actually cares.
She was angry when she called on Sat, and seemed to regret her venom, hense the apology the next morning. If I had to guess, she was already pissed about other things and felt embarresed about coming off as "lacking control".
Thoughts?

[Pook075]

Im wondering if I should reply back and tell her I looked for the passport, and don't have it, or just ignore it and let her ask again if she actually cares.
She was angry when she called on Sat, and seemed to regret her venom, hense the apology the next morning. If I had to guess, she was already pissed about other things and felt embarresed about coming off as "lacking control".
Thoughts?

Could we look at this from a different perspective for a moment?  Forget about her feelings, her venom, her instabilities, etc.  All that's on her and if you've moved on, that stuff doesn't matter.  You're choosing not to accept it, which is a healthy move.

So for just a moment here, forget about her feelings and what contacting her will do for her/to her.  What do you want to do?  If you want to reply about the passport, then reply.  If you don't want to, then don't.

All these rules we've talked out here dealing with BPD loved ones only applies if you're continuing to seek a healthy relationship.  In other words, if you've truly moved on then say whatever the heck you want to say that aligns with who you are as a person.  If she doesn't like it, that's her problem...not yours.

This section of the forums is about learning after walking away.  You've really made some strides the past month or two.  This is about you and your mental health, not about hers.  So focus on you- what do you want to do?  That's what matters here.

[OKrunch]

Could we look at this from a different perspective for a moment?  Forget about her feelings, her venom, her instabilities, etc.  All that's on her and if you've moved on, that stuff doesn't matter.  You're choosing not to accept it, which is a healthy move.

So for just a moment here, forget about her feelings and what contacting her will do for her/to her.  What do you want to do?  If you want to reply about the passport, then reply.  If you don't want to, then don't.
I wasnt asking to confirm an vibe on her end, more so what would be best for my peace of mind. I do not like leaving a thing half finished.

All these rules we've talked out here dealing with BPD loved ones only applies if you're continuing to seek a healthy relationship.  In other words, if you've truly moved on then say whatever the heck you want to say that aligns with who you are as a person.  If she doesn't like it, that's her problem...not yours.
I agree, much in line with what i mention above

This section of the forums is about learning after walking away.  You've really made some strides the past month or two.  This is about you and your mental health, not about hers.  So focus on you- what do you want to do?  That's what matters here.
I want to put all the clerical BS to bed, that way there are ZERO reasons for either of us to reach out unless there is intent of actual conversation, sharing, etc.
Which is something I will not be doing. Any future conversation will need to be started by her, and depending on the topic, i May not answer.

[Pook075]

Good for you brother, I'm in the exact same position in my journey.  It's not my job to try to save someone that can't love me for me, so why focus any effort towards it?  I've accepted it and moved on.

[OKrunch]

Well, she ended up texting me back, and then started talking about the dogs.
We had a bit of conversation last night, and she messaged me again this morning continuing the conversation.
I have not brough up anything of the past, or really anything about me or us.
I have not said I missed her, or anything of the sort.

She has started telling me a lot of "woe is me" type stuff, which is normal. Its all coated with a "But im doing ok, im getting by" type vibe.
She is telling me about the issues with her daughter, and mentioned that doing both the dogs has been hard.
I asked How she had been doing, she said shes been reading, gardening, and focusing on herself and her daughter.

Im surprisingly fine with whatever happens, its got my nerves up a bit to talk to her, but, its not making me freak out, and I don't have much invenstment in whatever way the conversation does or doesn't go.
I've reached a point of "whatever"
there are things id LIKE to happen, but Im fine if they dont.

[OKrunch]

my guard is most assuredly up. Definitley feels like she is fishing for supportive statements, and I have responded in supportive ways, without offering any of my emotions, time or power. I am not letting this get my hopes up, convince me that she has changed, or make me shift how I have been thinking acting and feeling. The things she did to hurt me are still there, and I will not forget them.

[Pook075]

Well, she ended up texting me back, and then started talking about the dogs.
We had a bit of conversation last night, and she messaged me again this morning continuing the conversation.
I have not brough up anything of the past, or really anything about me or us.
I have not said I missed her, or anything of the sort.

She has started telling me a lot of "woe is me" type stuff, which is normal. Its all coated with a "But im doing ok, im getting by" type vibe.
She is telling me about the issues with her daughter, and mentioned that doing both the dogs has been hard.
I asked How she had been doing, she said shes been reading, gardening, and focusing on herself and her daughter.

Im surprisingly fine with whatever happens, its got my nerves up a bit to talk to her, but, its not making me freak out, and I don't have much invenstment in whatever way the conversation does or doesn't go.
I've reached a point of "whatever"
there are things id LIKE to happen, but Im fine if they dont.

Hey buddy, I am so stinkin' proud of you and the point you're reaching in your life.  I'll share a little advice I've picked up from my journey and I hope it helps.

First, a part of you still wants to love this woman.  But what is real love?  It's putting someone else before you, being there for them, and being patient as they work through things in their life.  You know she's hurting and confused, so you just being there for her without talking relationship is a massive step in the right direction.  Like you said, if it leads to love again that's great.  If it doesn't, then it's also great because you're supporting her when she needs support.  Only good can come from that as long as you're protecting your heart and not getting pulled back in to the unhealthy aspects of the relationship.

Second, the past is dead.  Nobody can change it and there's no sense in focusing on it.  Yes, I know she's hurt you...and you've hurt her.  It's unfortunate but the past is the past.  From your recent responses, it feels like you're well on your way to forgiving her and living in the present.  That's awesome and it's a very healthy place to be.  The past is dead but the future is wide open, so live in the present and let all that past pain go.

Third, talking about the dogs is huge!  You love the dogs and miss them.  Talking about her daughter is also huge- you love her daughter and miss her.  The fact that she's opening up to you about this stuff means that she still trusts you, still values your opinions.  That's awesome brother and it's letting you heal.  Just don't get sucked back in too quickly, take baby steps and just be there for her as a friend.

Again, I am so proud of you and your entire journey.  You've got this, my man, and I can't wait to see where you end up six months from now.  Maybe it's with her, maybe not, but you're going to be your authentic you and past all this pain and confusion.

[tina7868]

I’ll join Pook in highlighting your amazing progress. Your mindset and perspective is a concrete example of a balanced way of navigating such a situation. Thank you for sharing.

But what is real love?  It's putting someone else before you, being there for them, and being patient as they work through things in their life.

This touched me too.

Good vibes all around  

[OKrunch]

The conversation has continued, and is still about her, the garden there, the dogs, her daughter etc.
I am just listening, being kind, while still keeping myself at a safe distance.

Im not sure if this will continue, if she will ghost again, or what.
I am refraining from saying anything remotely romantic or flirty, and I will not ask her about any guy she is still dating, or anything like that. I have not asked about any of her other personals, like work, gym, volunteering, etc.
I am letting her set the tone of the conversation.

I am honestly surprised she has not asked me about where I moved, or if I am seeing someone. Maybe shes being careful, maybe she doesn't care.

She did mention "my" strawberry patch I had planted last year.

Im trying not to get any hope or excitmenet from this, but ill be honest.
It feels good.

I just know what is on the other side of the coin, and I am keeping myself VERY aware of that.
I will not have my heart shredded again.

[Pook075]

Im trying not to get any hope or excitmenet from this, but ill be honest.
It feels good.

That's awesome brother and I wanted to call out this one point you made- it feels good.  Who cares is she's dating someone else, or if you're dating someone else.  The other stuff doesn't matter at all at this point.  You're talking, you're connecting, and it feels good.  She keeps calling so it feels good to her as well.  All you're doing is figuring out how to be friends again.

That's enough for now, just enjoy it.  So proud of you!

[OKrunch]

That's awesome brother and I wanted to call out this one point you made- it feels good.  Who cares is she's dating someone else, or if you're dating someone else.  The other stuff doesn't matter at all at this point.  You're talking, you're connecting, and it feels good.  She keeps calling so it feels good to her as well.  All you're doing is figuring out how to be friends again.

That's enough for now, just enjoy it.  So proud of you!

youre absolutely right, it still burns a tad to know i was "replaced" and that he is still around, but i've not been idle on the dating scene either, and its been 8 months, so its not like its fresh out the breakup.
I have freedom, choice, the sun is warm and its friday
Good day to be alive

[OKrunch]

We continued chatting late into last night. We ended up brining up our shared favortie novel, of which many inside jokes and references have been made between us in the past. She has still had an air of "Im doing the best I can with my damaged mind" kind of attitude in her conversation

There is a female charecter in this book who has a traumatic past, is aloof, flighty, guarded, and avoidant.
She has joked in the past that she is like this charecter.
Last night she said in seriousness "I really understand her now, like, she makes so much sense to me"
The main charecter in this book loves this woman, and over time learns she is not to be chased, cannot abide being "Beholden" to anyone, and can certainly be Cruel. He uses this word to describe her, differentiating between something that is evil, or malicious, to something that, by its very nature, is cruel. He compares it to a thunderstorm. You dont get mad at a thunderstorm for causing damage, as it is only acting according to its nature.

The closest thing ive said so far to something eluding to our relationship was
"Yes, and he understands her like nobody else does. Normal people are normal, but for all that, they lack your fire."

Still trying to stay above my emotions here.
im surprised how well im handling this.
2 months ago this would have totally Eff'ed me up.

[Pook075]

We continued chatting late into last night. We ended up brining up our shared favortie novel, of which many inside jokes and references have been made between us in the past. She has still had an air of "Im doing the best I can with my damaged mind" kind of attitude in her conversation

There is a female charecter in this book who has a traumatic past, is aloof, flighty, guarded, and avoidant.
She has joked in the past that she is like this charecter.
Last night she said in seriousness "I really understand her now, like, she makes so much sense to me"
The main charecter in this book loves this woman, and over time learns she is not to be chased, cannot abide being "Beholden" to anyone, and can certainly be Cruel. He uses this word to describe her, differentiating between something that is evil, or malicious, to something that, by its very nature, is cruel. He compares it to a thunderstorm. You dont get mad at a thunderstorm for causing damage, as it is only acting according to its nature.

The closest thing ive said so far to something eluding to our relationship was
"Yes, and he understands her like nobody else does. Normal people are normal, but for all that, they lack your fire."

Still trying to stay above my emotions here.
im surprised how well im handling this.
2 months ago this would have totally Eff'ed me up.

So proud of you brother, regardless of what happens next.  I can't say that enough!  

It is encouraging that she's also seeing some of her destructive tendencies and realizing that she needs to deal with it.  That's 90% of the battle, which I know from watching my daughter suffer for over 10 years.  One day she finally got tired of it, decided to take therapy seriously, and she was a completely different person about 9 months later.  I love her so much and I am so proud of her as well.  Just know that despite what everyone says here, there's always a little bit of hope.  

My BPD daughter is my best friend in the world today and we share everything...that was IMPOSSIBLE the first 22+ years of her life since I always had to be the tough parent (since my wife also had BPD and we had no idea).  The crazy thing is that I never walked on eggshells with the kid, yet always walked on them with the wife.  One relationship is flourishing, the other is dead.  Hopefully that's a lesson for everyone here- pushing back with love and compassion can change everything.

Keep your head up brother and stay grounded, don't get sucked back in too quickly!  Love her as much as she's able to love you, and I have a gut feeling that in time this is going to be a great love story here.

[OKrunch]

 Well, the boyfriend is gone. But the fact that she asked to come hang out last night tells a very different story. We spent about 3 hours hanging out, at my house. We did not hook up, we just spent 3 hours shooting the breeze. We had talked throughout the day before. We discussed briefly that we arent "getting back together" and that things would not be like they were in January. She said some of the most self critical, but rational, self aware stuff ive ever heard her say yesterday during our text chats. Here is the big takeaway, I WASNT EMOTIONALLY ALL OVER THE PLACE. I was chill, it didnt get me all hyped up or anxious, and I thought long and hard after she left "WHAT IF THIS WAS A ONE TIME THING?" and im OK with that. I understand her flighty nature, and I have my own pad and life, so her presence in it isnt a NEED, its a want.

[Pook075]

Well, the boyfriend is gone. But the fact that she asked to come hang out last night tells a very different story. We spent about 3 hours hanging out, at my house. We did not hook up, we just spent 3 hours shooting the breeze. We had talked throughout the day before. We discussed briefly that we arent "getting back together" and that things would not be like they were in January. She said some of the most self critical, but rational, self aware stuff ive ever heard her say yesterday during our text chats. Here is the big takeaway, I WASNT EMOTIONALLY ALL OVER THE PLACE. I was chill, it didnt get me all hyped up or anxious, and I thought long and hard after she left "WHAT IF THIS WAS A ONE TIME THING?" and im OK with that. I understand her flighty nature, and I have my own pad and life, so her presence in it isnt a NEED, its a want.

Keep it up brother, you're doing just fine.  No rush on anything.  So proud of you!

[OKrunch]

Keep it up brother, you're doing just fine.  No rush on anything.  So proud of you!

Not only no rush, but no hope of a certain outcome either.
I said to her last night, Im not concerned with yesterday or tomorrow.
Im just enjoying my life as it is.
If she chooses to continue to be around for it, we will see what happens, but I am not asking for that to happen or banking on it.
I've said ages ago at the start of my journey here, a true couple CHOOSES eachother, everyday.
She is not at the point where she can be relied on to make that choice everyday, for years on end, but for now I'll see if she continues to CHOOSE to reach out to me, and she will have to be the one to ask to hang out for now. I will not chase her, both for my own mental health, and she doesn't like being chased.
She is like a cat.

[Pook075]

Not only no rush, but no hope of a certain outcome either.
I said to her last night, Im not concerned with yesterday or tomorrow.
Im just enjoying my life as it is.
If she chooses to continue to be around for it, we will see what happens, but I am not asking for that to happen or banking on it.
I've said ages ago at the start of my journey here, a true couple CHOOSES eachother, everyday.
She is not at the point where she can be relied on to make that choice everyday, for years on end, but for now I'll see if she continues to CHOOSE to reach out to me, and she will have to be the one to ask to hang out for now. I will not chase her, both for my own mental health, and she doesn't like being chased.
She is like a cat.

That's all you can do- all of us are in the same boat.  If my ex reaches out, I'm kind and compassionate.  If she doesn't reach out, I'm living my life and my focus is on what's right in front of me at the moment.  It's a very healthy place to be.

I'll admit, I'm a little jealous of you right now.  But I'm also so happy for you and so incredibly proud.  Keep doing what you're doing, don't have a moment of weakness where you let your emotions spill out, and just enjoy the here and now.  You're blessed, my friend, and I couldn't be prouder.

[OKrunch]

That's all you can do- all of us are in the same boat.  If my ex reaches out, I'm kind and compassionate.  If she doesn't reach out, I'm living my life and my focus is on what's right in front of me at the moment.  It's a very healthy place to be.

I'll admit, I'm a little jealous of you right now.  But I'm also so happy for you and so incredibly proud.  Keep doing what you're doing, don't have a moment of weakness where you let your emotions spill out, and just enjoy the here and now.  You're blessed, my friend, and I couldn't be prouder.

My therapist caustioned me against the possibility she is just using me as a band aid again, and I am not putting myself in a place of  vulnerability for that. Therapist also brough up future ability to trust given all that has happened, which is also 1000% valid.
I told her we arent getting back together, and that I am going into this expecting her to be flighty, I am not investing in anything unless i see consistancy and progress.
That being said, I am very accepting to this if I am where she chooses to spend her time.

This is the last chance too, if I am left for another person, or treated poorly, I am walking, blocking and never again talking.
I support her pathway to mental health, I want nothing more in the world for her. She is showing clarity and self awarenss I have never seen from her, but I will not allow myself to be crushed by this again.
I will be peceptive enough to see the tower falling if it begins to fall again, and I will get out of the way.

That said, its delightful to speak to her again. Other peoples wit, and personality simply dont compare.

[jaded7]

My therapist caustioned me against the possibility she is just using me as a band aid again, and I am not putting myself in a place of  vulnerability for that. Therapist also brough up future ability to trust given all that has happened, which is also 1000% valid.
I told her we arent getting back together, and that I am going into this expecting her to be flighty, I am not investing in anything unless i see consistancy and progress.
That being said, I am very accepting to this if I am where she chooses to spend her time.

This is the last chance too, if I am left for another person, or treated poorly, I am walking, blocking and never again talking.
I support her pathway to mental health, I want nothing more in the world for her. She is showing clarity and self awarenss I have never seen from her, but I will not allow myself to be crushed by this again.
I will be peceptive enough to see the tower falling if it begins to fall again, and I will get out of the way.

That said, its delightful to speak to her again. Other peoples wit, and personality simply dont compare.

Been following along, OK. Fascinating story so far.

I was going to warn about what your therapist told. you. She may be using you for emotional support. You mentioned earlier a page or two ago that when you did have a contact from her she didn't really ask you anything about your life, what you were up to, how she might have made YOU feel. It was all about her.

I say that because in one of my 'breaks' in my relationship I was just fed up with being verbally abused and taken for granted, and then a huge explosion happened from her with name calling and put-downs that just made me take a big step back, emotionally. She later texted me to meet her for dinner at 'our' place, and I did. I observed carefully how the conversation went- it was completely about her, her life, her son, his activities. She didn't ask me one thing about me, didn't apologize for the massively abusive attacking, didn't even acknowledge how hurtful it was. Like it never happened.

If I may offer a thought, feel free to dismiss it. It feels to me like you are feeling pretty good about all this because you're much more in control now- she is reaching out to you, she is showing need for you, she is even acknowledging some of her faults. This must feel good, validating.

But, she is the same person who did ALL the things before, when you thought you two were in love, had each other's backs, your guard was down.

[OKrunch]

Been following along, OK. Fascinating story so far.

I was going to warn about what your therapist told. you. She may be using you for emotional support. You mentioned earlier a page or two ago that when you did have a contact from her she didn't really ask you anything about your life, what you were up to, how she might have made YOU feel. It was all about her.

I say that because in one of my 'breaks' in my relationship I was just fed up with being verbally abused and taken for granted, and then a huge explosion happened from her with name calling and put-downs that just made me take a big step back, emotionally. She later texted me to meet her for dinner at 'our' place, and I did. I observed carefully how the conversation went- it was completely about her, her life, her son, his activities. She didn't ask me one thing about me, didn't apologize for the massively abusive attacking, didn't even acknowledge how hurtful it was. Like it never happened.

If I may offer a thought, feel free to dismiss it. It feels to me like you are feeling pretty good about all this because you're much more in control now- she is reaching out to you, she is showing need for you, she is even acknowledging some of her faults. This must feel good, validating.

But, she is the same person who did ALL the things before, when you thought you two were in love, had each other's backs, your guard was down.

Jaded, get yourself a 1-800 number for psychic readings.
Your post mirrors my very thoughts this evening.
She has asked about my stuff, but VERY minimally, and as you described, there was nothing resebling an apology.
She knows that I would be receptive to communication.
I do feel good, and it is validating, but it is also showing me that she is just putting out feelers again.

The saturday before last, she called and was yelling and screaming at me.
this week she talks like normal, and eventually comes over.
It felt like a temp check looking back. She got an assesment of my situation.

Heres the interesting part. She told me her relationship "failed" recently. This was in a text on Friday.
I had to know, so I asked a friend to see if she still had a relationship status on facebook. As I am still blocked.
She does.
So, she knows her relationship failed.
He just doesn't yet.

I am confident similar things happened to me behind my back.

Im not couch surfing anymore. I dont live in a camper.
I have my own life, and my own dating options.
Im not chasing her, begging her or anything resembling that.
I don't think she realizes how keenly I am watching her behavior.
I am pleasantly surprised how much this ISNT setting me off my emotional stability.
I am fine, and I see the situation for what it is.

If she wants to talk, she will have to seek me.
Same with seeing me, and I am not going to be a secret side guy. No way in hell.
So the next few weeks will be pretty decisive.

I'm nobodys option.

[OKrunch]

Came to the conclusion that I am yet again the 2nd option. She is still with her BF, or just hasnt dumped him yet, and doing sneaky crap behind his back. I suspect she may have even targeted a new person this weekend at the renn faire she went to. She already seems much more aloof in the last few days since Sat when she came over. She was simply testing the waters. I know what it looks and feels like when she is actually interested, and being in touch with her again put my blinders on, the only difference this time is they didnt stay on. I am backing off, not pursuing, and letting her do all the messaging and asking to hang out (if she does at all).
She was sending me messages of our trail last night, and I imagine going to Niagra will certainly bring up some feelings. She needs to commit, and decide to PLEASE READ or get off the pot. Yet again.
I am not waiting around to be 2nd fiddle.

[once removed]

I am not waiting around to be 2nd fiddle.

do you think you may be getting ahead of things here?

her relationship may, or may not be on the rocks, but you say they are still an item.

shes talking to you, but both of you have clearly stated to each other "we are not getting back together". more than once.

i dont see the issue here, or what she is doing that is upsetting.

even if they broke up this minute, and she wanted to get back together i dont think it would be wise to jump head first into a relationship again - it would likely be over before it started.

why? the relationship ended for important reasons. reasons that, if they are overcomeable, need a careful, thoughtful strategy when it comes to how theyre going to be resolved.

[OKrunch]

do you think you may be getting ahead of things here?

her relationship may, or may not be on the rocks, but you say they are still an item.

shes talking to you, but both of you have clearly stated to each other "we are not getting back together". more than once.

i dont see the issue here, or what she is doing that is upsetting.

even if they broke up this minute, and she wanted to get back together i dont think it would be wise to jump head first into a relationship again - it would likely be over before it started.

why? the relationship ended for important reasons. reasons that, if they are overcomeable, need a careful, thoughtful strategy when it comes to how theyre going to be resolved.

I couldnt agree more with your last sentence.

Insofar as what is upsetting? She knows how I feel, and how strongly, and the visit the other day was very clearly a temp check. Just to guage my interest level.

How do you think im getting ahead of myself? Legit question, I'm curious to know. This is uneasy ground and I want the best footing I can have.

I am most certianly not jumping back into a R/S with her,
However, she has strung me along in the past.
She needs the emotional validation when whomever she is currently with is boring, or if she is lonely for too long.

Im just not interested in being kept secret (specific words she chose, she said to protect her daughter who she doesn't want to know were speaking yet, but I knows its also because she's still dating someone and doesn't want them to know were talking. this is the 3rd time she has done this with me over the years.)

Im not interested in being the 2nd choice if she cant find something better.
She has to choose to seek me out, to speak with me.

That is all, I am just not chasing her. I owe MYSELF more than that, I have bent over backwards to save this relationship, only to have been lied to, cheated on, and strung along.

I am owning my own self respect, If she wants to be part of my life, there needs to be trust, transparancy, and honesty.
This isnt going to happen overnight, and If we were discussing relationship again, couples therapy would be top of my requirement list.

[OKrunch]

Her level of interest is shifted quite a bit over the weekend. She was very chatty and eager to come over on saturday, and then she went to a big local event on Sunday, and this is purely speculation on my part, but I think she may have met somebody new there.
She reached out to me because she was getting bored with the person she was dating, and just as we began talking again, she probably met someone else and his backing off again. This is exactly what she did in January