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THE PSYCHOLOGY OF PERSONALITY DISORDERS
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Author Topic: BPD BEHAVIORS: Did she ever love me? [romantic partners]  (Read 92833 times)
pest


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Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 37


« Reply #80 on: December 24, 2017, 08:16:07 AM »

Hello,

Guys lets dont make drama here, I may understand 3 months of relationship but 1+ years of relationship beleiving that he/she didnt love you is just believing in drama. You cannot even stay with someone after one night stand and how come it is possible that you live 1 2 3 years.

Please keep in mind that they loved your, they did it truly with passion. However how easy they love how easy they kill the love. My ex she killed her ex love, and her ex bfs with me she did it. I was believing finally she saw the truth no she FINALLY DEVALUED THEM. I mean consumed it. The way they experience the love is different than us and they do suffer because of it too.

You are fool (me too, all of us unfortunately) to invest a lot it, just because almost we have no choice and non of us knew it before. Dont blame yourself, she wont come back even she comes she will come lots of guilt. She is not a devil but she is a child, love her like this and move on your life with a better women/men.

I dont say delete it completely some of them are really our soulmates, give them time they can date you can date and most probably you have a better chance to get someone you can date in more stable way. Even if you dont if you communicate with them after some certain time I dont think they will refuse.
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joeramabeme
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Gender: Male
Person in your life: Romantic partner
Posts: 993



« Reply #81 on: January 01, 2018, 08:34:26 AM »

All,

This is an awesome thread, thanks to everyone for their sharing and heartfelt stories of tribulation and healing.  

I know my 2bx BPDw loves me.  There are multiple ways in which the love is distorted and I always felt whip lashed by the heartless comments she would make and then a follow through of heartfelt actions that indicated how she really felt.  It was/is all very confusing and kept me off balance for a long time (still regaining or just establishing for the first time my footing).

I wanted to add something to this thread.  I am struck by how many topics are brought up about the BP that I feel are personally applicable.  The whole business of feeling empty and needing/wanting someone to complete me resonates.  I feel guilty in labeling her BP when I see the same characteristics in me.  I did not see her as an object but I did at times objectify her.

Additionally this quote hits me hard:

Quote from: oceanheart
People with BPD are intense by nature: one of the disorder’s basic structures is mood lability (definition:Apt or likely to change). But the force of our love – and our hate, though never indifference – comes from something altogether different: from the deep emptiness inside us, where no warmth seems to reach. It’s an absense of a sense of self, a sense of being a good person, and comes from a lack (or perceived lack) of getting our primary needs met when we were children, for whatever reason: abuse, neglect, trauma, difficult innate temperaments, invalidation, loss of a caretaker, harsh environment, whatever it may be.

YES!  That is what I felt, deep emptiness inside from not getting my needs met as a child.  I did not see my wife as a CURE, but I did see the relationship as a end in itself.  The part that everyone else had that I always saw through the looking glass and fantasized about what it was like to have this.

Anyway, i know this is not a thread for questions, but wanted to add this to the discussion.

Thank you all, on my way to healing, perhaps this is another item I will need to place on my 'to be healed' list.

Joe
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