All,
This is an awesome thread, thanks to everyone for their sharing and heartfelt stories of tribulation and healing.
I know my 2bx BPDw loves me. There are multiple ways in which the love is distorted and I always felt whip lashed by the heartless comments she would make and then a follow through of heartfelt actions that indicated how she really felt. It was/is all very confusing and kept me off balance for a long time (still regaining or just establishing for the first time my footing).
I wanted to add something to this thread. I am struck by how many topics are brought up about the BP that I feel are personally applicable. The whole business of feeling empty and needing/wanting someone to complete me resonates. I feel guilty in labeling her BP when I see the same characteristics in me. I did not see her as an object but I did at times objectify her.
Additionally this quote hits me hard:
People with BPD are intense by nature: one of the disorder’s basic structures is mood lability (definition:Apt or likely to change). But the force of our love – and our hate, though never indifference – comes from something altogether different: from the deep emptiness inside us, where no warmth seems to reach. It’s an absense of a sense of self, a sense of being a good person, and comes from a lack (or perceived lack) of getting our primary needs met when we were children, for whatever reason: abuse, neglect, trauma, difficult innate temperaments, invalidation, loss of a caretaker, harsh environment, whatever it may be.
YES! That is what I felt, deep emptiness inside from not getting my needs met as a child. I did not see my wife as a CURE, but I did see the relationship as a end in itself. The part that everyone else had that I always saw through the looking glass and fantasized about what it was like to have this.
Anyway, i know this is not a thread for questions, but wanted to add this to the discussion.
Thank you all, on my way to healing, perhaps this is another item I will need to place on my 'to be healed' list.
Joe
