Residential Treatment: Journal of 12 Month Journey

[lbjnltx]

Falcon Ridge Ranch Month 1: BPD d13 going into residential treatment


Date: 07-2012Minutes: 5:36
EAGALA In Practice

 I spent March and April researching residential treatment center's and boarding schools for BPDd-13 finally narrowing it down to 2 in Utah that are 20 minutes apart.  My mom and I flew up and visited both the first of May and I chose Falcon Ridge Ranch in Virgin Utah.  The staff is mature, patient, thorough, experienced, gentle yet strong and very capable for helping my BPDd-13.  The main type of therapy is equine and DBT is mixed throughout the program.  Positive Peer Culture is their accountability tool and carries a great deal of weight with teens.  I believe that God has guided my decision and this is the right place at the right time for my BPDd-13.

In the last 6 weeks she has been pretty good at home (no rages). She is still defiant (ODD) and isolates herself to be online in her fantasy relationships w/boys (BPD) and sleeps way too much (MDD). However, her behavior at school is over the top!  She has been in "in school suspension" 4 times in the last 6 weeks - twice for punching 2 different students in the face and twice for leaving the school grounds.  One of those times she was caught by the police in an abandoned house w/ 5 other students.  Apparently there was no sexual activity going on as the police listened outside before entering and also did a drug search (none were found but I had her drug tested anyway and she passed).  She also was given a warning on another occasion for being disrespectful to a teacher and the Vice Principal.

This entire process of acting out behaviors at school has been left (by me) for them to deal with.  I have not engaged in punishment at home. I don't need the stress nor does my BPDd-13 need me to step in and become part of the process. It is between her and the school and if I don't get involved, BPDd-13 must focus on herself and not how I am the cause of her problems.  I guess her "bad" behaviors had to come out somewhere since she was controlling herself at home  ;p .

The search and decision process for the residential treatment center was hard but it could have been easier if I had some support from my husband.  He has been struggling to come to terms w/this decision all the while knowing it is for our precious daughters's sake that we do it.  I see it as a wonderful gift and opportunity to give her the help she truly needs.  I pray that she will take full advantage of this and come away with a sense of her authentic self and healthy life goals w/the knowledge that she has within her power the ability to soar on strong wings with a family who will not do it for her but will be a source of encouragement and belief in her abilities.  The 24/7 therapeutic environment will eventually wear her down and put her in the position of self reflection and recognizing personal responsibility.  I think that she will be there at least 9 months, maybe a year.  at $7300 per month it is a huge sacrifice for us and most likely a one time gift from us to her.

We have not told her yet that she is going.  I plan to tell her on Saturday, the last day of school is Friday (tomorrow).  The plan is to fly to Vegas on Tuesday June 1st,  spend the night there, have a good time, (stepdaughter(21) is coming too) and then on Wednesday pick up the rental car and drive her up to the residential treatment center (2hour drive), then husband, stepdaughter(21) and I will leave my precious child in the hands of strangers and drive back to Vegas, stay another night and then fly home to deal w/the aftermath of our decisions. If BPDd-13 refuses to go to the residential treatment center and participate in this plan our other option is a transport service; strangers showing up in the middle of the night and taking her (restrained if necessary) to the residential treatment center.  Please keep my family and mostly my BPDd-13 and the staff at Falcon Ridge in your prayers.

lbjnltx

 
Update: Dec. 21, 2012  If you have read this far... .thank you.  It will take an investment of your time to read about the complete journey.  If you are considering RTC for someone you love please make that investment.  Choosing a program that is focused on the family  is of the utmost importance as I believe it is the key to recovery.  It has been almost 2 years since my daughter graduated from Falcon Ridge Ranch RTC.  She continues to do very well and we continue to be amazed.  

BPD d13 in residential treatment center «

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Month 9 Month 10

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pennifree]

dear lbjnltx,


The following are not my own words, but they convey the sentiment which I hope will be helpful to you right now.

May God give you... .

For every storm, a rainbow,

For every tear, a smile,

For every care, a promise,

And a blessing in each trial.

For every problem life sends,

A faithful friend to share,

For every sigh, a sweet song,

And an answer for each prayer.

It's a tough decision to entrust your child's welfare to another place, especially a place that is far from home.  I hope that you will rest easy in your decision knowing that you have done the best any parent could to find the proper help for her child.  I hope that your precious D will settle down quickly in her new setting and absorb all she can, like a little sponge, so that she can recover and enjoy a long and healthy life.  I hope that your DH will soon see the benefit of this sacrifice so that he too can be comfortable in the knowledge that this is the best hope for recovery.

Thank you for all you've done for me.  I hope in some small way I may return the favor of a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

Take care,

pennifree     

[ingridp]

lbj, may things go well for you and your family this weekend and on into next week. My thoughts and prayers go with you all.

WIth lots of love

 

Ingrid

[lbjnltx]

I will keep you all posted on how things go when we tell our BPDd-13 that we have found a place for her to go.  

She has repeatedly told us "I would rather live anywhere than here".  Just proves that old adage "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it".  I anticipate an excited "really!" reply initially and then the questions will come.  I will follow my heart and be true to myself in my honest reply.  I will answer specific questions w/specific answers all the while knowing that the details could derail the whole process -- things like you don't need to pack  your clothes because I have already sent all needed items ahead (she doesn't get to choose what she wears) and I hope she doesn't ask how long she will have to stay because all I am prepared to say is "that depends on you".  I could honestly call it a therapeutic boarding school except that she is so looking forward to not going to school for the summer that if she discovers they have year round school the FBI might not even be able to drag her up there!

As with all fears it is the "unknown" that scares me the most.  That's when I start playing the "what's the worst thing that can happen" game with myself.  The worst case scenarios really aren't that bad and I know I can handle it if I must.  For some odd reason this helps my anxiety.  If the worst case scenarios don't scare me, then what's there really to be afraid of?

lbjnltx

[Matt]

LBJ,

This sounds very encouraging.  You showed your love by working hard to find the best place, and the money isn't just money either - its your and your husband's hard work and sacrifice going for what you believe is best for your daughter.  My hat's off to you both!

When and how will you tell your daughter about this?

What conditions will you place for her to come home?

Best wishes,

Matt

[Thursday]

lbjnltx,

If I put myself in your shoes for a moment,

must be heartbreaking

must be scary

must feel like your finances will be hanging on a thread

must be sad

must be frustrating, especially in light of how thourougly you have educated yourself to help her

must be confusing,devastating, overwhelming

and I also imagine the hope you must feel.

With my SD, I know what pains her, what has led her to this place. True that we don't make much headway, even knowing what pains her... .still, there are no mysteries here.

I hope the residential treatment center helps in the big way you are shooting for. What we found after sending my SD to SUWS (theraputic wilderness camp) was that it gave her some small tools, gave us some seperation (we needed that big time), took her out of her comfort zone so that she had a chance to do some work on herself and so she would finally have a chance to see how that felt... .but 9 weeks wasn't enough time to get my SD to a point where she really understands how to take charge of herself, wasn't enough time for her to figure out that her Mom couldn't help what happened to her and that SD isn't to blame... .I am hoping for you that the duration you are facing will be sufficient and will help your daughter. At 13, there is such a real possibility that things can turn around for her and your family.

Here is to a brighter tomorrow

And I truly hope that she will accept your decision to place her and that you and your family will be spared the drama if she won't go willingly.

thursday

[lbjnltx]

The plan is to tell her Saturday when her half brother and sis are here w/us.  The people she is closest too will all be here to support this decision as well as lend her comfort/companionship.

The determining factor on getting to come home will be made between the residential treatment center staff and husband and i.  I know that when she is making real progress the residential treatment center will give us the heads up that she will be ready to come home in 90 days.  That gives my BPDd-13 another 3 months to solidify what she has learned about herself, skills, and new ways to think about her world.  She will transition during that 90 days to a less controlled atmosphere at the residential treatment center and will be given more responsibilities and freedoms to see how she handles them all the while having   the continued therapy, feedback, and support of the staff.

lbjnltx

[lbjnltx]

Dear thursday, you got it all right!  

As far as a wilderness program goes, when I tt her psychiatrist about residential treatment centers he told me "don't mortgage the farm for a 90 day program".  I got the message and thought it through carefully.  I can see the intrinsic value of a behavior modification program yet I view it as a bandaid on something that needs major surgery!  Too little, won't have a lasting affect, essentially $ waisted... .at least in our situation.

Thanks for your support and well wishes.

lbjnltx

[Matt]

Wow, it sounds like you have thought this through really well!

Best,

Matt

[lbjnltx]

Yes Matt,

That's me think think think.  Problem:  I have to shut down my emotions sometimes to be able to think clearly.  I am trying really hard to be "wise" minded (logic and emotions mixed together).  

lbjnltx

[whiletheseasonspass]

lbj,

I have not been posting but occasionally I come to read and I just read about your decision.  I back you up a gazillion percent on your decision and think that you ARE really wise to do this.  I will pray for your daughter - and for you and your family that this WORKS WORKS WORKS.   

What I would not do for another chance to go back and do what you are doing.  Things with my daughter are so bad - so horrendous and insane and beyond reporting on this site ( beyond processing) which is why I had to back away from posting but only occasional reading and I found myself having to simply get into the fetal position for a while. 

I pray for the outcome for your daughter that you seek- and believe that if you feel that God has led you to this decision that there is a wonderful  chance for a better outcome for your daughter- than there was for mine.

I give you lots of credit for pushing for this in spite of your husband not being completely on the same page.  When my D was 13 my H stuck his head in the sand and I was left alone to deal with a D who saw ME as the bad guy and H as the good guy while his actions or INactions not to mention enabling and endorsing and wanting to be the "friend" were helping sending our D down the drain.  Now he is on the same page for the most part but it is when they are your daughter's age- that you have control- not when they are older- above age.  It took forever for my H to get his head out of the sand. I know your husband is not the same- as my H was- he is maybe reticent a bit but you are going ahead and doing this... .and that is what matters. 

I know this is a very painful decision - the way you have described it- but you are putting your emotions aside all the while- as best you can- and using "Wise Mind" and again- you feel led by God as telling you this is the right thing to do.

Anyway- I wanted to give you huge     's and tell you once again- that in my opinion- you are very wonderful as a mother.  You knew it was time to take action and you did LOTS AND LOTS OF RESEARCH and now putting into action what you believe to be best.

My heart is with you.  Best of luck.

wtsp

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Well, it is playing out just like I suspected it would. My husband told BPDd-13 and at first she was excited saying "really?"  Unfortunately he put a little too much emphasis on the "ranch" part of Falcon Ridge Ranch and she became defiant saying "i'm not going!". (we live on a ranch so she would much rather go to an urban setting)She became some what accepting and then defiant and then back to acceptance... .so we will just ride this out.  I expect more intense defiance once we begin to pack and she realizes that she doesn't need to take her wardrobe... she is focusing on taking her iphone... .when she asked if she could take her phone I replied "yes, you can take your phone"  I left out the part where she has to give it up once she gets there... .choosing battles and trying to be as honest as I can w/out derailing this whole process    

lbjnltx

[LionDreamer]

she became defiant saying "i'm not going!". (we live on a ranch so she would much rather go to an urban setting)she became some what accepting and then defiant and then back to acceptance.

It sounds like this is a process that will probably cycle a bit more but it sounds like you have not only thought out how this would go but you are ready to handle the emotional waves.     That part about the phone could be tough but then since it all is, choosing your battles sounds very important. 

Underneath your being so strong, it must all be heartbreaking.  My thoughts are with you

LD

[ingridp]

Hi lbj -

It's Tuesday night here & I'm thinking of you and praying that all will be OK and without too much trauma.

You are one brave lady. 

With love

 

Ingrid.

[lbjnltx]

Hello friends,

We are back from our trip to the residential treatment center.  We left tues. around 10 am.  had a bit of a rough flight to vegas (30 mi. winds).  It is the first time BPDd-13 has been in a commercial jet so she got a little scared by the turbulence.  I asked her if she wanted to pray and she said yes ... .so we did and she seemed fine after that.  Once we arrived at our hotel in Vegas we ate dinner and she and sister21 went to the pool for a while.  BPDd-13 was asleep by 9.  The next am BPDd-13 woke me up to tell me she was hungry so we went to Starbucks, fed the birds at the pool and went shopping for a while on the strip.  We left for Utah at 2 and arrived about 6.

While I filled out paper work husband, sd, and BPDd-13 took a quick tour of the ranch.  BPDd-13's therapist met w/my husband while stepdaughter and BPDd-13 checked in all items BPDd-13 would need for her stay.  When it was time for us to leave BPDd-13 hugged each of us.  I took her face in my hands and looked her in the eye and told her "i love  you,  be a sweet girl, and brush your teeth  " she replied "i love you too" as she looked me in the eye.

When we got in the car stepdaughter told me that during the tour as they showed her the classrooms BPDd-13 said "there's school here? I'm not staying" but she just continued on the tour. My husband told me that when they told her they would have to take her iphone and keep it for her she replied "no, I'll just send it w/my dad so it will be safe".  No big melt down, no big deal.

The next am I called to talk to her case manager to see how she was doing.  She cried the first night saying "I miss my family"  ?  :'(  The next am she went to equine therapy and music.  She was a bit sad because it was a family weekend and most of the other girls had family there.  She is doing well so far with a mostly positive attitude and using good manners w/ the staff... .so far.  I am sure there will come a time when she begins to become defiant if nothing else just to test the boundaries to see if she is going to be able to manipulate and when she finds she can't then she will become angry.  No worries... .they are well versed on all of this.

I must say at this point that I am standing in amazement at the power of the positive energy, well wishes, thoughts and prayers.  This is the best possible outcome for this situation and a major shock to those who know my daughter.  Even her therapist here at home was surprised!  Praise God He came through for us again and thank you for helping me through this part of our life journey.  

I will update or start a new thread as we travel further down the road to recovery.



lbjnltx

[Matt]

Wow, this is encouraging, and I'm so happy for you.

But please stay balanced and be ready for some big bumps in the road.  Everything might continue to go well but if you talk to the staff there I bet they'll tell you that it's usually not that way.  You can't be too confident when things go well, or too worried when there are problems.  (Much easier said than done I know!)

Best wishes and please keep us posted!

Matt

[ingridp]

lbj, this is such wonderful news! We do serve a wonderful God!

Take this time to spoil and pamper yourself - you deserve it. 

All the best for whatever comes up tomorrow. 

With love

 

Ingrid

[lbjnltx]

Hello dear friends,

Just spoke w/BPDd-13's case manager... .all is ok.  BPDd-13 is enjoying equine therapy and music therapy quite a bit.  She is still is not participating in group therapy, just sits quietly and listens.  It will take a while for her to trust and make herself vulnerable to the other girls in the group... .quite normal I think.  She is on high risk watch at this time.  She has made some noise about running away so staff keeps her within arms reach at all times.

Yesterday was her first day in classes and she did some of the work and turned it in.  I got her report card and taks test results last Friday.  Her report card doesn't reflect her abilities... .as usual.  She scored high in reading and writing receiving commendations in both on the taks.  Math score was ok but nothing to brag about.  

Missing her!

lbjnltx

[ingridp]

Hi lbj

I can understand that you're missing her. When I sent my s to his dad, it took me a couple of days and I found myself missing him too. I was good having time to myself, not having to worry what I would come home to, not dreading that each phone call would be from the school, etc. but I still missed him.

I'm so glad for you that she's settling down. It must be quite a relief for you.

Take special care of you. 

With love

 

Ingrid

[lbjnltx]

We will not be able to speak w/her until the 22nd. day.  We can write as much as we wish and she can write us back if she wants at any time.  We will have family therapy over the phone once a week w/her therapist and she will be able to talk to us on the phone for 20 minutes each week while the staff monitors her.  All correspondence must be through us... .if the name and address are not on the list then she won't get the letter.

As far as equine therapy goes... .we have our own horses so I will encourage my BPDd-13 to show me everything she learned while at Falcon Ridge and then show everyone she has to the house... .keeping things fresh in her mind... .

There are 3 books that BPDd-13 will study in group and individually.  They are:  "Positive Peer Culture", "Leadership and Self Deception", and "Anatomy of Peace".  My husband and I must read them as well.  I have already read "Anatomy of Peace" and have begun "Positive Peer Culture".  

Has anyone else read any of these books?  Care to comment?

I am much more relaxed and practicing radical acceptance... .keep reminding myself that she is ok and getting the help she needs... .still miss her like crazy!  We will be seeing her in September for a family weekend and another family weekend in December... .I am hoping that instead of us going there in December she will be able to come home for her first home visit... .I don't know though... .they usually want to have a local overnight visit before letting them come home.

We will see what happens!

lbjnltx

[lbjnltx]

An update on how my BPDd-13 is doing and what she is up to:

I spoke extensively with her therapist.  In the first week BPDd-13 was at Falcon Ridge she spent time w/the therapist 4 times.  Once briefly and 1 session in the office, 2 sessions out by the equine center.  The therapist says she will meet w/BPDd-13 wherever it is the most beneficial/relaxing.

The therapist is very concerned about the "emo subculture" that BPDd-13 is in.  She says it is very difficult to get a teen out of that way of being.  Hopefully this extended break from the negative reinforcement will make it easier for my BPDd-13 to break free.  The therapist also says that it is quite obvious that my BPDd-13 is not "emo" just trying to belong to a group for an identity.  She is far to caring and generous w/small children and has a great sense of humor... .not emo qualities!  The therapist said she is very hopeful for my  BPD13.  therapist also said "it is quite rare for me to have so much hope so early on with a patient".  

The admissions specialist and I have had extended contact and she called me the other day to tell me a funny story about my BPDd-13.  She said she talked to the cook at the ranch and the cook told her that she asked my d13 " would you like to have an ostrich egg for breakfast this morning?"  BPDd-13replied "No!  Ostriches are an endangered species and people torture those poor animals to get them to lay eggs.  I"ll just have some scrambled eggs."

Knowing my BPDd-13, she has seen on tv or read something about an animal where this is probably very close to the truth... .she is just confusing ostriches with whatever animal it was.


I haven't received any letters from my BPDd-13 yet.  She just got the first 2 cards yesterday that were sent to her 11 days ago so I will wait and be hopeful.  We won't get to talk to her until the 22nd day... .that would be june the 24th... .I am counting the days.

lbjnltx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Matt]

This sounds very encouraging:  she is getting help at a young age when it can do the most good;  the staff seems to know what they're doing;  and she hasn't withdrawn.

Sorry to repeat myself but please don't assume too much;  things tend to get worse before they get better.  Good news isn't forever, and bad news isn't forever either.  You'll need to stay on an even keel and not over-react, either way.

Best wishes,

Matt

[lbjnltx]

Thanks for the reminder matt!  I just don't feel like I am getting enough news either way... .having to let go and let God!

The case manager told me :  BPDd-13 was sad yesterday.  BPDd-13 asked one of the girls in her group if she was supposed to go talk to her case manager when she felt this way.  The girl told her "no.  She wants you to be sad."  BPDd-13 asked "Why do you say that?" girl:  "Because if you are sad it means you are experiencing your feelings and may even be thinking about things you have said or done in the past that got you here."

IT'S ALL GOOD!

I just don't know how I am going to be able to go on like this for months? ? ;p  :'(

lbjnltx

[ingridp]

Hi lbj -

It's good to hear that things are going well with your d - you really seem to have chosen the right place for her.  Like Matt, I'm glad that they are treating this as a family thing and keeping you 'in the loop'. One of the most frustrating things that I had to deal with when my s was in rehab was the extremely limited info that I got from the staff. I think that was because he's 18 though. It was hard to realise that even though I'm mom, I don't have that right any more.

A couple of years ago, I took in a lost soul of a chap for a few months. Unbeknown to me, he was well and truly emo & it was very, very scary. My s, in true BPD style, tried to follow suit but, thankfully, was shut down fairly smartly by the other chap. Apparently, my s was "too funny".   One of my s's defence mechanisms is to be the clown, so apparently that 'disqualified' him. As soon as the other chap moved out, my s gave up on the emo thing, thank God. I'm so glad that the therapist says that your d isn't a true emo. It must be such a relief for you. 

The time may seem to drag, and the hours may seem empty and quiet, but they will go by. When you look back on this in a few years time, it will not seem so bad. Keep the focus on your own healing and using this time constructively. You have been given a gift. 

With much love

 

Ingrid

[lbjnltx]

Thanks ingridp,

I am trying to keep my mind busy (no problem keeping my body busy here on the ranch!) and not dwell on the "missing my child" aspect of this situation.  I keep reminding myself that we have been able to give her this incredible opportunity to heal... .and yes... .i call it a gift! Made possible through God's grace.

While it is encouraging to hear the therapists's perspective on the "emo" problem, it is yet another layer of the "onion" to peel away... .more time may be required at the residential treatment center which also = more $.

Yesterday the case manager told me that BPDd-13 had her physical and all labs came back normal.  BPDd-13 complained of being tired all the time (nothing new there... .not enough protein in her vegetarian diet?/ or is it the meds?), is still depressed (is this because she has mdd/BPD and needs med changes or is it situational?), and that her "legs feel funny".  The night staff will observe BPDd-13 in her sleep to try to determine if she has RLS (restless leg syndrome).  


  to you in SA

lbjnltx

[needforhope]

my BPDd-13 just finished a brief 6 week, a couple of hours once a week, equine assisted therapy program and loved it. I am not sure there will be any lasting or visible effects but it was a positive experience and I will definitely sign her up for more. Horses have an uncanny ability to read or feel people's emotions - it is truly very cool. I am considering participaing in several family sessions although it is expensive.

I'm new here but wanted to let you know that I have some first hand experience with the equine 13 year old daughter combination. Good luck.

[lbjnltx]

dear needforhope,

Thank you for the affirmation on the equine therapy.  I am glad that you are here.  I am sure we will have much to share w/each other on our journeys!  

I look forward to getting to know you.



lbjnltx

[lbjnltx]

BPDd-13's therapist called last evening and wants my husband and I to consider sending her for a spect scan at the Amen Clinic... .my husband is resisting (as usual) and has nothing positive to say about the whole subject. I  told him I would approach the matter with a critical thinking mind and investigate before I make any statements.  One thing we do agree on... .it has only been 2 weeks since BPDd-13 went to residential treatment center and not enough time/effort has been made to make an evaluation about the "causes" of BPDd-13's behaviors.

Has anyone had any personal experience w/Daniel Amen/Amen Clinic and SPECT scans?

Do tell!

lbjnltx

[whiletheseasonspass]

lbj,

My D when she was more conducive to being well instead of sick- underwent a couple of spec scans... .the second one was done by a psychiatrist- and our D had lack of blood flow in certain parts of her brain.  The psyche said that he used these scans to diagnose pts. problems.

I think that Dr. Amen was a pioneer in the use of these scans and has a book- (been on PBS ) called CHANGE YOUR BRAIN - CHANGE YOUR LIFE... .

I would do anything if my D would agree to go to one of his clinics as I have heard him speak on PBS about two different kinds of problems and I like his book.  I like his philosophies.  I think he is really smart.

I also would love if she ever went ( won't happen in a million years  ? ) that he is the one who would see her if THAT could ever come about when you go there.  I would make sure though if your D does go that whoever she sees- has years of experience in interpreting them and not new on the job if that is possible to work that out with the center that she is presently at. 

Please let us know what your research about the Amen Clinic brings.  I believe that many of my D's psyche / cognitive/ logic issues stem from lack of blood flow from what I have learned now- wc in her case - can be controlled to a certain extent... .if she would only see the right specialists and do the right things for her type of physical illness which is a blood flow issue all around.   I am of the belief system that it is a test that gives useful information.  Sounds like the Utah center she is at is not only good in so many ways from how you have posted about them but very cutting edge to suggest a spec scan... .

I say cutting edge because lots of docs don't know about them (spec scans) even  though they have been around for a while. 

Take care, Dear lbj

 

wtsp

[lbjnltx]

I got another call from BPDd-13's t.  She has consulted w/the clinical director, another therapist, and will consult w/BPDd-13's pdoc tomorrow.  So far the consensus is that the spect scan would be beneficial.  She used a phrase that I have used often to describe my d:  "she is a walking contradiction"  I had thought in the past that the reason why no progress was being made w/BPDd-13 using the multitude of tools, advice, therapy knowledge, was because of the combo of odd and BPD.  Therapist says "No.  I don't think so".  wow!  She says that things don't seem to "click" in BPDd-13's head.  "something's just not right".     Well of course somethings just not right... .she's in a residential treatment center for petes' sake!  I know what she means and I reminded her of my lengthy visit prior to placement and of all the information that I shared w/the staff, making it very clear that my BPDd-13 has some serious psychiatric problems and needed to know that they have the ability to address those issues and help her.  The therapist still insists they do.  I think therapist is baffled by how complex BPDd-13 is.  She even said she is not convinced that BPDd-13 meets the criteria for BPD.  I disagreed... .then again... .when you get to the "fear of abandonment... .real or imagined"... .I too can't quite see that in my BPDd-13.  Unlike most BPDadolescents my BPDd-13 could care less how long I am gone, when I am coming back, or even if I am coming back... .unless she needs something.  The therapist told me BPDd-13 said "I'm happy here".  I told therapist "that's funny, last week she told case manager "it sucks (here).  So I said "do you think she is telling you what you want to hear?"  Her therapist says no, I see her in other areas and she seems happy... .?  I'm glad she is happy... .but it hurts that she doesn't have that at home.  I'm confused I guess.

Dear husband (dh) got a card from BPDd-13 today.  In it she states that she "misses him so much., realizes that she needs to be here and is thankful that she is., and she is making lots of friends".  She told case manager last week that she is "trying hard not to" learn anything that is.  What the heck?

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lbjnltx