Will you tell us more about yourself?

[Rapt Reader]

We are happy you are a reader and member of the Parenting a Son or Daughter with BPD Board. As a virtual family here, the more we know about each others' needs the more valuable and supportive a resource we can be to one another.
 
Below is a questionnaire that can help us be more equipped to offer comfort, support and insights. Just like the family we are... .
 
What type of relationship are you in?
 Parent? Step Parent? Grandparent?
 What is the age of child/teen/adult?
 Living at home? Living on their own?
 
Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
 
What is your child's strongest quality?
 
What are the top challenges your child is facing?
 
What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
 
How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
 (BPD, ADHD, PTSD, ASPD? Anxiety? Depressed?
 Substance Abuse? Self-Harming? Other?)
 
What do you struggle with yourself?
 (Traits of a disorder?  Low Self Esteem? Codependent?
 Enabling? Depression? PTSD? Anxiety? Other?)
 
Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parent(s)?
 If so, what type(s)?
 (Individual? Group? Family?
 Dialectical Behavior Therapy? Other?
 AA, Al-Anon? Residential Treatment Center?
 Dual Diagnosis? Intensive Out Patient?)
 
What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
 
Copy the code below, open a new post in this thread, paste in the code, and put your answers where it says ANSWER HERE (overwrite on "Answer Here", and then post it. We are looking forward to your story!
 

Code:

[b]What type of relationship are you in?[/b]
 ANSWER HERE
 
[b]Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?[/b]
ANSWER HERE
 
[b]What is your child's strongest quality?[/b]
 ANSWER HERE
 
[b]What are the top challenges your child is facing?[/b]
 ANSWER HERE
 
[b]What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?[/b]
 ANSWER HERE
 
[b]How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?[/b]
 ANSWER HERE
 
[b]What do you struggle with yourself?[/b]
 ANSWER HERE
 
[b]Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
 If so, what types?[/b]
 ANSWER HERE
 
[b]What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?[/b]
 ANSWER HERE
 
[url=https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=210524.0][b]TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE[/b][/url]

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  Biological Mother to a 17 year old daughter.  Dad and I marred 18 years and still going strong.

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  I believe that  my sister has traits of the disorder. My stepson 35, has strong NPD traits as well as PTSD as a war veteran.  Stepdaughter 24 suffers from depression (diagnosed) and late Mother in law suffered from Depression and more.

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  She is kind, caring and generous with others in need. She is witty and interesting to talk to.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  Living a balanced life.  Learning to do what must be done through radical acceptance. Current Situation:  Dealing with the fact that her Dad has stage 4 cancer.

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  Motivating her to take care of her responsibilities and live a more balanced life.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  She was diagnosed with ODD at age 10, MDD and emerging BPD at age 12, and "borderline" ADD at age 13.

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  Self diagnosed with an emerging anxiety disorder when I first arrived at this site. 

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  If so, what types?
  Family therapy, Outpatient for 2.5 years including a DBT component. 10 months in RTC (child) with high level of family involvement that included: equine, individual CBT with a DBT skills component and Positive Peer Culture Group peer accountability program. 50 sessions of Neurofeedback Therapy after RTC.  No one in the family is currently in a therapy program.  We ARE living the skills we have learned. 

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  To be a continuous source of support, knowledge and hope to other parents

[Thursday]

• What type of relationship are you in? Married to my BPD step-daughter's Dad. I got involved with him when she was 13/14. I moved in with them in 2007 and DH and I got married this year in May. DH was a widower when we met, step-daughter's Mom died when she was 12/13. I was also widowed when we met, have one daughter, 28, who has never lived with us as she was older from the beginning of our relationship (in college and then on her own).
  
  SD is now 22. SD lived with us until she was 19.

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  Dysfunction in SD's family of origin but I don't see any personality disorders. Lots of addiction problems. Her Dad, my DH, has "mild" OCD

.

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  The thing I like most about my SD is who she really is. Her personality disorder keeps her from living authentically, as the loveable, genuinely funny and likeable person she really is. I think a lot of people she deals with are at first charmed then very put off by the way she acts. It's hard to explain but the core of her is unacceptable to her and she works to hide that person but it is the part of her where I see REAL VALUE and find real connection. Plainly put, she acts fake... .and sadly the real deal is just so fantastic and it is such a waste not to be able to enjoy the authentic person. And I just dislike the fake person SO MUCH. I feel like the fake has buried the real person.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  Sobriety- she has been sober over 2 years and is involved with AA.
  
  Interpersonal relationships- she is a true mess as regards this.
  
  Gaining greater mastery of Fear and Anxiety

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  Her deflections to silliness when we need to have a serious talk OR when/if she gets uncomfortable with level of warmth and connection in a conversation she will also deflect to silliness.
  
  Her lack of ability to take responsibility. She is big on blaming everyone and everything.
  
  My worries over her cycling. Always a little wasp inside my head. Bzzz sting bzzz sting. What next? Bzzz sting.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  Both? Her therapist told me she was BPD when she was 16. Later, in a an emergency session (after she was caught overdrinking and drugging with Xanax) when her Dad referenced BPD, this same therapist said,  "I don't know who diagnosed her as BPD. I don't think she is, (and he described BPD in the most extreme terms, violence, eating disorders etc) and she was too young to diagnose her as teenagers are generally not diagnosed because personality hasn't fully developed during teen years." She was 19 at the time of this conversation.

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  I struggle with how fake I feel when I interact with her fake persona- a struggle for authenticity I suppose.
  
  I have taken on a lot of responsibility for helping my SD and struggle with whether or not this was a good decision- my health has suffered, my relationships with others had been somewhat put on a back burner through the worst years and some didn't recover.
  
  I struggle with finding a good equilibrium of a combination of skills-  of radical acceptance for myself, helping her Dad to see when he is enabling without being a nag or with myself possibly not being generous enough towards her because I'm upset with her or hurt by her behavior

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?Currently none of us are in "therapy". She quit at 20 when we made her responsible for her own co-payments. We quit when she was 19. DH and I go to al anon meetings about twice a month. She goes to AA meetings on a mostly daily basis unless her new job conflicts with this. I've gotten more out of al anon than therapy.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  To support those who are struggling, to get validation that using skills helps to improve my situation, to share and to continue to have a safe place to vent.

[raytamtay3]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  Biological Mother to a 14 year old daughter.  Divorced her father 4 years ago and am married almost a year to a wonderful and supportive man. Daughter and stepdad got along beautifully up until a year ago when he began asserting his authority.

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  While not formally diagnosed, my niece has traits as does her bio mom.

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  My DD is beautiful, smart, funny, caring, loyal and protective of her friends, affectionate when not in crises.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  As of late, staying out past curfew. She hasn't been home by the time I got to sleep so our interactions have been minimal which on one hand is nice, but on the other, she isn't following house rules.  Staying out past curfew, if coming home at all, verbal abuse, substance abuse, promisciousness (sp?)

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  Stopping the verbal abuse, following house rules, being responsible.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  She was diagnosed with ADHD at age 8, ODD at 12, and "traits” of borderline at age 13.

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  Anxiousness.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  If so, what types?
  DD sees an in-home therapist for 2 hours weekly.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  To get some pointers on how to address certain issues and live harmoniously with a child with BPD.

[jellibeans]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  BioMother of a 16 daughter... .married 21 years... .older daughter 18 is at college and no longer in our home.

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
   No one else has been dx... .depression runs on both sides of our families. My husbands mother was hopitalized many times for depression and I really can't get any answer from that side of the family. They tend to think that she took too many meds and that she wasn't sick at all.

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  She has a good sense of humor. Once she puts her mind to doing something nothing can stop her. Like learning to serve overhand in volleyball. She went and practiced all day until she got it right. She is very caring and kind to elderly people. She is not afraid to stick up for her friends and will defend them to the end.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  her top challenge is school... .she struggles partly because she finds it hard but mostly because she doesn't do the homework. When things are really bad she struggles with taking responsiblity for her actions. I feel she still feels it is everyone else who has a problem. If we just left her alone things would be great.

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  I guess riding the rollercoaster of emotions. The mood shifts. Her depression. When she is disrespectful and rages.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  She is undiagnosed but her P thinks she is or at least at one time they did. She is not showing many traits right now so I am not sure she would qualify. Seems that some of these traits are dormant and I still think they are there and can emerge at anytime.

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  I struggle the most with saving her... .I find it hard to watch the car wreck and not try and stop it. That is the way I feel most days. I am an observer and that is the hardest thing to deal with.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  If so, what types?
  My daughter has DBT therapy every week. She was going to group but recently stopped because she didn't like it and it was stressing her out having two appointments every week. Our family also goes to family counseling.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  I don't have any goals... .I try to come here to offer support when I can. If things are really bad I might post but I have been spending less time on the board just trying to reserve my strength to deal with my daughter's issues. This board has meant so much to me and has helped me in so many ways but it is hard to come here everyday. It leaves me sad to read some of the posts and how hard some are struggling. AT times I feel I am not able to give advise... .I feel I am struggling to help my own daughter and at times not doing a very good job that I hesitate to give advise based on my failures.

[Rapt Reader]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  Parent, married with 2 sons, 36 & 34 (the older--unmarried--one is the reason I am on this site), one daughter-in-law, one baby grandson.

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  My son's Dad (my husband) has BPD traits, and my Mother-In-Law is uBPD.

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  I like that he is optimistic that he will recover from his many troubles; I think he is a wonderful artist and writer; he is kind and funny and very intelligent.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  ADD, Depression, Hyperactive Thyroid, Social Anxiety, staying sober from long-term drug use, past Suicidal Ideations. He is now at the stage of learning how to deal with his sadness and frustration over his past troubles; getting to "normal."

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  He still has Low Functioning BPD behaviors: Wanting to "nest" to be safe (I think he fears relapse); sleeping too late; staying up too late at night; being fearful of getting out in the world; lack of self-confidence in his talents and ability to make it on his own. I would like him to someday be able to support himself.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  He is diagnosed with ADD, Depression, Social Anxiety, Hyperactive Thyroid & BPD.

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  I need to fight my tendency to enable him, and to be co-dependent. I need to be stronger with my radical acceptance that he may never be the person I envisioned he would grow up to be, when he was little.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  If so, what types?
  My son: Out Patient for substance abuse; Psychiatrist for ADD, Depression, Suicidal Ideations, Anxiety; Neurofeedback Therapy for everything. I am seeing a Therapist in order to deal with it all.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  I need to be stronger in my all around emotional life to be there for my family. I need to continue to learn what I can in order to be a good coach for my son and husband, so we can continue to live in harmony. And I enjoy giving back to this community that has helped me and my family make it to this relatively happy point. I continue to believe in the Tiny Little Changes that will help us to a good future.

[qcarolr]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  I am the mom of BPDDD27, and have permanent custody of gd8 who has always lived in our home.

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  Only DD27

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  DD has a big heart and lots of compassion, when she is able to express this; she loves her dogs and cares for them when she is regulated.
  Gd loves living things of all kinds and gets great joy in sharing this with all of us; she has a natural curiosity for learning; she is very loving and affectionate with me.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
   For DD: Housing and disability income to pay rent; learning job skills and living skills - she is getting some of this in jail right now; getting and keeping a job - she does have a goal now for what kind of job she wants; being a participant in our family in a safe and consistent way. Substance use/abuse as self-medication. Finding peer support to keep on her probation.
   For gd: dealing with her anxiety/trauma; having success in school and with friends in neighborhood.

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  DD and Gd staying calm in the face of angry behaviors - regulate myself to be able to use my skills for validation and boundaries consistently.
  Gd: Keeping my priorities focused; gd's needs for safety come first.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  DD: dx of BPD at in 2009 at age 23. Also dx panic disorder, depression, ADD, Non-verbal LD
  Gd: dx ADHD, anxiety/trauma in 2012 at age 7

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  Managing my own emotional volatility - staying regulated; willingness to do my self-care stuff consistently; listening sincerely to others in all my relationships, not giving up on life in general.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  If so, what types?
  DD: very resistant to anything she views as mental health treatment or drug/alcohol treatment, though both are court ordered. DD has asked me to do therapy with her - I am open to this. Has not been too successful in the past.
  Gd: play therapy, family therapy with me. Dh and DD have declined to participate in family sessions.
  Me: individual therapy for my PTSD issues, mindfulness practices, managing boundaries with all my relationships - family, neighbors, work.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  To learn the skills needed and apply them consistently in my life; to get support to stay on track when things are really hard; to be able to give back to the community in constructive ways

[Verbena]

What type of relationship are you in?

Mother of DD28; married 31 years to DD's father; DH is good man and father, supportive of my struggles with DD but is extremely negative and miserable to be around in general; emotionally detached from the marriage years ago and would prefer to be single but not sure I would be better off without him.  

Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?

no one

What is your child's strongest quality?

generous, creative

What are the top challenges your child is facing?

avoiding/causing drama; lying; blaming others; being a victim

What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?

Being careful not to set her off, accepting that the relationship has to be superficial and that our conversations must be all about her

How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?

DD refused to return to a therapist she was seeing at age 18.  This therapist told me she believed DD had BPD.  

What do you struggle with yourself

Wanting a relationship with my daughter that I clearly cannot have, staying strong with boundaries and basically staying out of her way to I'm not the target anymore.  

Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?

If so, what types?

Minimal therapy for DD when she was 16-18.  None for me as insurance doesn't cover it.  :)H does not believe in therapy.  Have considered local NAMI group but afraid of consequences if daughter finds out.

What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?

To learn skills to deal better with daughter and have a peaceful relationship with her

[HealingSpirit]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  Married to Aspergers/ADD husband for 19 years and have 17-yo BPD daughter.

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  No other family member has BPD diagnosis.  At least, none we know of.  

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  She is blessed with so much raw artistic talent, I am in awe.  (I have a bachelor's in art myself and her talent blows me away.) Her depth of emotion and high sensitivity make her extremely compassionate when she wants to be.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  Regulating her intense moods.  She has no dimmer on her emotions.
  
  Organizing in general.  She can't manage time and can't keep her room clean or finish any task to completion to save her life.
  
  Executive function. She has trouble remembering and maintaining day-to-day activities, like taking BC pills every day at the same time, doing all phases of laundry from start to finish (wash, dry, fold, put away), managing money, managing study time and school assignments, remembering appointments, etc.
  
  

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  Her mood swings, especially rage that is directed at me.  I also find it difficult and frustrating to learn how she has misunderstood, made up, or twisted things I've said so that I am perpetually the bad guy, no matter what I do.  She is the master of the double-bind... . ":)amned if I do and Damned if I don't." "I need you.  Go away!"  

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  She has been diagnosed with AD/HD, polycystic ovarian syndrome, and BPD and/or Histrionic Personality Disorder.  When she isn't suffering from some new emotional trauma or hormone fluctuation, she has strange physical pains and symptoms that usually have an emotional cause. (Absance seizures with no neurological cause, paralysis & nerve impairment, again with no neurological cause, intense pain with no apparent cause, injuries with symptoms and pain that are not related, etc.)

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  Depression and low physical energy. I'm also peri-menopausal, which is some joke when dealing with my very moody BPD teenager!  

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  We've all been in individual and family therapy since our daughter was about 8 years old.  We've worked with Transactional Analysis (TA), Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Cognitive Behavior Therapy, and more.  My DH and I also participated in Lifespring (personal effectiveness workshop) before we were married.  It was very effective in setting the stage for faster therapy work.  

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  To learn better skills in dealing with my BPD daughter, to connect with other non-judging people who understand what I'm going through, and to be there with my empathetic ear for others.  

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[tristesse]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  I am the biological mother of a daughter, 30 years old with BPD, ADD, PTSD depression and anxiety   

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  I have no knowledge of any other members on either her fathers side of the family or my own 

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  She is firecly loyal to friends, and when she is not in crisis she has very big heart 

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  She is crippled with fear over everything, she panics about sending her son to school, she is unable to work due to her anxiety, she is afraid to be alone

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  I have a hard time coping with the rages, I am the target 95 percent of the time, and although I know it's her BPD  and not her screaming the ugliness, I still have the hardest time with that and using skills I am just learning those.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  diagnosed   

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  I become depressed and anxious when she is in crisis, otherwise I struggle in communicating correctly with her   

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  she has just started DBT therapy and I have just discovered a NAMI group here locally

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  I am hoping to gain knowledge and support along with potentially helping somebody else 

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[Rockieplace]

What type of relationship are you in?
Parent to daughter

What is the age of child/teen/adult?
33 years old

Living at home?
No - thank goodness

Living on their own?
Yes, although has been mainly in psychiatric hospitals or just hospital for the past 8 months.  Is currently back at her home.

Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
Nobody

What is your child's strongest quality?
Intelligent and articulate

What are the top challenges your child is facing?
Stopping self-harming and overdosing
Managing money
Addiction- mainly prescribed but others
No judgement regarding what constitutes appropriate relationships
Facing disciplinary actions from employer

What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
Getting her appropriate treatment in the UK
Dealing with the threat of her harming herself
Sometimes dealing with her dishonesty

How would you categorize your child?
Diagnosed BPD
plus
Substance Abuse/addicitions/depression etc etc

What do you struggle with yourself?
Knowing what to do to help her. Not saying things that trigger her anger, either aimed at us or herself. Anxiety and grief. Enabling.Supporting my family while BPDs lives at home

Is anyone in therapy?
Daughter is awaiting (finally) start of therapies.  Keeps getting told that she needs a period of stability in order to get onto even the waiting list for them but can't sustain a period of stability because hasn't got the coping skills grrrrr.

What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
Already been achieved in that I no longer feel so isolated with the above problems and have been reading up on all of the lessons etc which I am finding very helpful.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Jnel921]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  Parent of a young adult daughter 19 recently diagnosed with BPD traits and abandonment issues 

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  My older sister may have had it but was never diagnosed. She left home at 16 and had many issues as she got older   

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  She can be kind and very social.   

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  In November we bought her a car, enrolled and paid for an Esthetician school and in the first week of school she left home and did not come back. So no car and no school. We spent many years dealing with her rollercoaster of emotions and bad behavior. It seemed like each year the situation got worse and worse. She was also smoking pot against our wishes and said she does this to help her cope with her emotions, which  believe gets worse with the drug use. She would hang out with bad crowds. We knew none of her friends and those that we did were almost all bad influences as she broke every rule known to parenting. She couldn't keep a job. There was always someone at work who had it in for her. She had a BF who cheated on her and she refused to let that relationship go although he made it clear that he was done with her. Since her 18th Birthday she has continued contacting him and allowing him to use her every now and then, even getting an STD from him. It was treatable however upsetting that she is doing this. She has also been in and out of other relationships.  Currently she is living with someone she just met who is controlling, manipulating and hitting her and she doesn't want to leave or feels she cant. She has called twice saying she wanted to come home and then changed her mind within the hour. She doesn't know what she wants but she is getting nothing with this guy. He has broken her phone, tossed her drivers license and has even broken her glasses and she is visually impaired. With all that being said and done to her she wont leave.   

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  I am being blamed for her behavior. She shuts me down if she feels I am getting annoying to her. Its frustrating. I cant explain my concern without a negative reaction or hearing the words "I know". It concerns me that there is a lack of insight and accountability for what is happening to her, her actions and consequences. She wont admit her own actions and how it affects everyone. Her reactions to everything is either hot or cold. Its like dealing with a firecracker. She often lies and tries to manipulate as well. Threatens to kill herself. Often says we are better off without her. She is very difficult to talk to gets very distracted

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  In her JHS years she was originally diagnosed with ODD, however in her older teens, she is 19 now she was diagnosed with BPD traits and having abandonment issues   

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  I have a lot of anxiety, worrying if she is safe. I have high blood pressure that I recently started taking pills for. I am in MC with my husband to help us cope with this and better understand how to deal with our D. I find that I am becoming unmotivated and this affects everything i need to do for myself. I want to be able to communicate better without a negative reaction from my D   

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  
  My H and I are in MC counseling to help cope with these issues. My daughter used to go but stopped last year
  

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  To help me better understand how to deal with my D. Convince her to come home and get the therapy she needs to get her life together 

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[mothrof3+2+2]

What type of relationship are you in?

I am the mother of a 15 year old daughter with BPD.  I also have an 18 year old son with traits of BPD and a 17 year old son with BPD


Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
I do not know much about their family history because they are adopted.  We know their parents had mental health issues.




What is your child's strongest quality?

Compassion for people outside the home


What are the top challenges your child is facing?

trying to do anything about high school and relationship issues


What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?

The way she treats me and others in the family.  The fact that she wont do anything to help herself


How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?

She is not officially diagnosed. The therapist said they could not make it official until she is 18 but she exhibits 9/9 of the diagnostic criteria.

What do you struggle with yourself?

ANSWER HERE, but do not remove --->   Keeping my own emotions in check when she is attacking or raging or crashing

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types? 
  
  ANSWER HERE, but do not remove --->  I am in individual therapy.  She is also in individual therapy.
  
  
  
  • What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
    RE, but do not remove --->   
  ANSWER HERE, but do not remove --- I need support.  I just dont know what to do. 
  
  
  TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[SkellyII]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  Father of a 15 year old daughter, sole physical and legal custody.   

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  Her mother, possibly her older sister (from her mothers first marriage). Her mother was adopted, so no other info is available   

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  She is extremely intelligent, can be very personable, very talented, i.e. voice, various instruments, and without this condition could probably be anything she wanted to be. 

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  Her top challenge is school... .she struggles partly because she finds it hard but mostly because she doesn't do the homework. When things are really bad she struggles with taking responsibility for her actions. I feel she still feels it is everyone else who has a problem. If we just left her alone things would be great.  She also has some problems struggling with her mother's mental illness and alcoholism.

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  Her emotional immaturity.   

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  Diagnosed a year ago.   

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  I'm an older parent with no siblings, and her mother is worthless so I'm having to handle this by myself, with the help of some good friends. Dealing with this kind of thing can suck the life out of you sometimes.   

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  Yes. She has a DBT weekly session, and both of us just finished the year-long group DBT sessions. Both have been beneficial for both of us. She just started an after-care DBT group for adolescents.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  To exchange information, to see how other parents are handling things. One of the best things I got out of group was to meet and compare notes with the other parents   

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[DremNCWgrl]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  Married mother of a 19 yo daughter with BPD, 1 older daughter, 4 stepchildren.   

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  Knowing what I know now, I believe my bio-mother has BPD.   

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  She is extremely loving.   

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  She's struggling trying to gain independence.   

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  I hate that I have to question everything she tells me.   

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  Diagnosed although I'm told her file has it worded to say BPD hasn't been ruled out. Which apparently is how they diagnose without diagnosing?   

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  Balancing boundaries with guilt.   

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  I have been in individual therapy (and am starting again next week). My husband and I have done couples therapy, my daughter is in therapy, my youngest stepson is in therapy, and we've all done family sessions.   

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  To learn how to live this new life.   

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[Only Human]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  Mom to BPD daughter, 25 years old.   

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  No other known BPD family members. I'm adopted so have no family history.

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  She is creative, passionate, a loyal friend (for as long as the friendship lasts), and, even though it's a negative quality, she's a great manipulator.   

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  Emotional dysregulation, addiction to "screen time," expecting me to rescue her as I have done all her life but it's the thing I'm currently working hardest as changing.   

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  I struggle with validating her and not taking things personally. I get frustrated that she doesn't appear to be doing anything to help herself.   

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  Diagnosed.   

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  Depression, co-dependency, shame, guilt, self-hatred.   

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  If so, what types?
  We are in family and individual therapy.   

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  To further educate myself, to get support so I'm not draining my best friend, to learn coping skills and how to better relate to my child.   

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[wendydarling]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  Mother to 27 year old daughter, single parent, only child, still living at home  

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  No one that I know of  

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  Creative, artistic and caring

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  Depression, mood swings, panic attacks, anxiety, bulimia, cutting, suicide attempt, empty, fear of abandonment, the overwhelming and unbearable pain that she wants to stop, right now.

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  Her pain. The uncertainty what tomorrow will bring.  We enjoy a respectful and loving relationship.  She rages against herself, internally.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  Diagnosed July 15  

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  I'm naturally an optimistic person but for once in my life I'm struggling with keeping a positive outlook and that's because I'm scared for her and the future, it's been a really hard year

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  If so, what types?
  Daughter has been attending a weekly 2 hour 'bridging support group' since beginning of December as there is a 1-2yr waiting list for DBT. She arranged CBT therapy for 5 months early this year, but gave it up as it did not provide her coping skills, it just opened her up and left her in crisis.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  To learn and provide support to others. To regain an optimistic and confident outlook. To learn so I can provide  appropriate behaviours to better support my daughter.

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[Lollypop]

What type of relationship are you in?
Married 32 years and going strong.

Parent? Step Parent? Grandparent?
Mother

What is the age of child/teen/adult?
25, son

Living at home? Living on their own?
Yes. We live in the UK. Has lived away three times - always fails

Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
Nobody

What is your child's strongest quality?
Amazing Social skills and has the ability to connect to most people when he chooses. Makes friends easily.

What are the top challenges your child is facing?
Anxiety. Being independent, getting a job, managing money, dope. Self esteem.
Fear of life constraining job (growing up)
Managing money
Addiction (he loves drugs) but keeps to weed now
Too demanding in girlfriend relationships (he's intoxicated)

What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
Lies. Refuses to take responsibility for himself. Mood swings, self pity.
Trying to get him to live independently and take responsibility for himself
Getting him into treatment in the UK

How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
Diagnosed BPD
Anxiety, Substance Abuse
WEED, has experimented with lots of drugs for 7 years but now tries to limit it to marijuana.

What do you struggle with yourself?
Enabling, Anxiety.Fear of the future, his and ours. Can we see him homeless?
Low self esteem, over reliant on others, anxiety, irrational fears ranging from hot drinks to work (getting a job)

Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parent(s)?
BPDS Waiting for appointment in the UK

What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
Somewhere to off load when I cant cope. Learn from others. To hear others experience to help me make better decisions. To support us when/if we have to throw BPDs out. Share with others my own experience

[jones54]

What type of relationship are you in?
 Divorced Father of 33yo daughter with BPD
 
Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
No one else I know of
 
What is your child's strongest quality?
She actually is a prolific and creative writer. Has a degree in English along with one year of Grad School. Also loves animals.
 
What are the top challenges your child is facing?
 Staying sober and the ability to take care of herself. Also difficulty with all relationships.
 
What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
 She plays the victim and is very angry with her parents. Presently wants nothing to do with us. Does not understand reason we have finally pulled back (heroin use and to finally learn to take care of herself).Has sent many hate texts in the past. She also has come between myself and my fiancee.
 
How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
 I am not sure she was ever officially diagnosed by the many therapists she has had (they do not like to label people BPD) but she fits ALL the criteria in the DSM-IV diagnostic book
 
What do you struggle with yourself?
 My want to have a good relationship with her while she constantly relapses or pushes us away. Fear that she will never move ahead in life and be independent. I have got depression now from all of this and never had it before (except during divorce years ago). Exhausted from the many years dealing with this. Codependency.
 
Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
 If so, what types?
 Daughter has been in the past but now refuses (denies she has BPD). I have been seeing a therapist over the past year.
 
What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
 Being able to connect with others who are dealing with the same difficulties as I am. Being supported and getting advice.
 
TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[DharmaGate]

What type of relationship are you in?
 Mother of 35 year old daughter with undiagnosed traits of borderline personality disorder.
 
Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
I have come to the sad realization, after years of observing us as a extended family most if not all of us have traits of a personality disorder, Borderline or Narrasistic traits primarily.  One aunt has obvious, full blown Borderline Personility disorder.  My grandma, mom and I have many traits of borderline Personility disorder.
 
What is your child's strongest quality?
 Her love, her passion
 
What are the top challenges your child is facing?
 Social pressure, she wants so badly to fit in, be like others, "normal" .  Self Hatred, she says if she goes to counsling she wants help with shame and guilt.
 
What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
I often find myself feeling very un confident, unsure, powerless so the difficult feelings it brings up.  Afraid I will do or say something that could lead to self harm.
 
How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed? Undiagnosed
 
What do you struggle with yourself?
 I have struggled my whole life being emotionally sensitive, seem to have been born that way, cried all the time first six months of my life, then wounded parents, that had never been parented.  Been in recovery from something most of my life, seriously since I was 21 and now 53.
 
Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
 If so, what types?
 My 82 year old dad is currently in grief thearpy, I am trying to find a affordable, good fit counslor for myself again.
 
What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?

1.  When my anxiety, fear about my daughter goes up turn to you all on this board instead of her.
2.  Learn how to interact with her most skillfully
3.  Feel connected with people going through same, which automatically brings down so many symptoms
4.  Not interfere with her path unless she gives me permission she is 35 years old.
5. As much as possible listen to others on board with a open mind and heart, support others.
6. Utilize the tools here.

Thank you!
 
TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[powerup123]

What type of relationship are you in?
 I’m the mother of a 22 year old son recently diagnosed with BPD during a six month hospital admission. He was discharged 6 weeks ago and is living at home with his father and I. He has a younger brother away at college who he has a good relationship with.
 
Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
Nobody that I know of
 
What is your child's strongest quality?
 He has a great sense of humour, is very hard working and determined. He is also very intelligent and has been a high achiever prior to his illness.
 
What are the top challenges your child is facing?
 He suffers from social anxiety, self harms and has been battling depression for the last few years. He pushes everyone away and has no friends but I know he feels lonely.
 
What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
 Fear that he will be successful in a suicide attempt, the damage he does to himself self-harming. The unpredictability of his illness, he can have two good days followed by an awful day with no apparent trigger (that we can identify). He doesn’t like to talk to us about any aspects of his illness or treatment.
 
How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
 Diagnosed with BPD, we think he also has avoidant personality disorder and a possible eating disorder
 
What do you struggle with yourself?
 Anxiety about my son both in the short term and long term
 
Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
 If so, what types?
 Since being discharged from hospital my son is under the care of a community team. He is currently seeking counselling and sees a support worker each week.
 
What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
 To gain more understanding of BPD, improving communication with my son and finding out how best we can help him.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Whatishappening?]

What type of relationship are you in?
 My daughter 16 we suspect has BPD. We are just now starting to explore.
 
Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
MY biological mother.
 
What is your child's strongest quality?
 She cares about others. She is very musical.
 
What are the top challenges your child is facing?
 Relationships and schoolwork
 
What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
 Emotional ups and downs, self sabotage, doesn't want to work at anything.
 
How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
 undiagnosed as we are just beginning to get her some help.
 
What do you struggle with yourself?
 triggers and getting sucked into the drama.
 
Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
 If so, what types?
yes me. general counseling
 
What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
 Get my daughter some help so that she can grow up and be happy and productive.
 
TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[Tazzer4000]

What type of relationship are you in?
 Parent of Daugher, 16
 
Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
My mother was, but she had no contact with my daugher. Genetics?
 
What is your child's strongest quality?
 Her sense of humor and persistence.
 
What are the top challenges your child is facing?
 Following rules, being respectful, controlling her emotions
 
What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
 Her badgering and rages
 
How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
 Diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder because she is too young to receive the personality disorder diagnosis, according to her psychiatrist.
 
What do you struggle with yourself?
PTSD, anxiety, enabling
 
Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
 If so, what types?
 We are all in individual counseling, BPDD16 is in DBT, Will be starting family counseling in June.
 
What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
To learn as much as I can about changing my behaviors so that I can do something to help her, the rest of the family, and reduce the chaos because I cannot change anyone but me.  I also want to help support others who are suffering and trying to make these important changes.
 
TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[Fairy_Stepmother]

What type of relationship are you in?
Stepmother of daughter just turning 17.
 
Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
When her therapist discussed her signs of the disorder with us, she recommended 'Walking on Eggshells" book. Her dad chimed in, "Actually I'd already bought it during the divorce, to better understand her mother's behavior." A bit late, but the whole marriage made way more sense.
 
What is your child's strongest quality?
 Her intelligence, her sense of justice, compassion for animals, her sense of humor and mischief, her artistic ability.
 
What are the top challenges your child is facing?
- According to her, constant pain and/or complete emptiness.
- Suicidal ideation(two attempts last year).  
- Investing all her worth in boyfriend, who she manipulates, idealizes, physically threatens.
- Recovery from past trauma- her mother's boyfriend molested her. He killed himself before the investigation could begin.
What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
 Being unable to do a darn thing to help when she's deep inside her head and the world is black.
 Her not realizing how amazing and loved she is. That we aren't going to leave her or give up on her no matter how much she insists.
How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
 Unofficially diagnosed because of her age. She does check most of the boxes, from what we've been reading.
 
What do you struggle with yourself?
 Codependency, I'll be honest. Remembering to put my own oxygen mask on first in the airplane. Social anxiety disorder/avoidant personality disorder most of my life, but well managed now.
 
Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
 If so, what types?
 I think her mom is. DH and I have been to parent and family sessions. I've been scheduling more regular therapy.
 
What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
At a minimum, a safe place to vent a little and feel less alone. I'd love to attain some helpful tools and advice from a community with experience during this fun time as well.

[Swimmy55]

What type of relationship are you in?
 Son 25 has BPD
 
Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
I suspect his father ( my ex) had some BPD, although not to the extent our son does.  This was never officially  diagnosed with the ex.
 
What is your child's strongest quality?
 Sense of humor , intelligence and he used to be a history buff.
 
What are the top challenges your child is facing?
He is out of control basically: he can't keep a job,
he has no impulse control and has been  dangerous to me.
 he just got kicked out of his cousin's house and is"moving in with friends" .  With no job.
He does drugs . Pot, alcohol, mushrooms . Maybe getting into other stuff  as well.
 
What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
 He has become violent with me to the point of criminal abuse and I had to get a restraining order.  
Realizing he is not in reality anymore even after the emergency psych hold . He actually bought alcohol 2 days after being released ( his credit card bill came to the house and I saw it).
Cutting him off financially step by step.  No more credit card payments from me,etc. He is starting to get traffic tickets , I am not paying those.  Except I still pay for  his separate car insurance- that is the last frontier for me.  I have to work up to that one
 
How would you categorize your child?
Diagnosed?Undiagnosed?

BPD and Substance Abuse Disorder- Diagnosed
 I Suspect a Mood disorder of some type -Undiagnosed.  

What do you struggle with yourself?
 Cutting him off financially
Chronic sorrow for him
Grieving and wallowing.

 
Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
 If so, what types?
 I am in therapy  I don't know what type it is though .  I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder myself and am on medication  

What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
Learn how to cope
Learn self care and educate myself more about BPD

[DriftlessRider]

What type of relationship are you in?

My 21 year old daughter has BPD. I am married 25 years, and that is going well.
 

Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?

No one.

 
What is your child's strongest quality?

Extremely smart and verbal. Sweet and empathetic. She treats others quite well. And she is invested in her own mental healthcare.

 
What are the top challenges your child is facing?

She's diagnosed with BPD, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder and persistent depressive disorder and autism. He's self-harmed (cutting) since pre-adolescence, and as recently as this winter I've picked her up at the ER after she received stitches for cutting. She self-committed herself three times for suicidal ideation.

Her condition has prevented her from holding a job or staying connected to college.

She is also hyper-empathetic, and even minor issue's in a friends life cause her to spiral and enter into a panic attack. Apparently, this is common in female autistic children. So, her social network is quite small.

She says her biggest problem is the depression. Wife and I fear suicide.
 

What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?

I read that most BPD suffers are difficult to get along with, can can be manipulative and abusive to family members. We do not have this situation, she is actually nice to have around.

She is a financial and time sink. She does not drive. We pay for her to have an apartment where she lives about 75% of the time, and the rest with us. She has two service dogs in training, so we drive her a lot to training sessions 45 minutes away. We pay for her groceries, Lyft, etc.


How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?

She is diagnosed, and is committed to her own care. I actually worry that her disease has become part of her self-identity, and might make it hard for her to "get better". But really the disease is probably going to be managed more than cured.
 

What do you struggle with yourself?

Frustration and anxiety. The outward manifestation of her disease looks like laziness. She sits and looks at her computer a lot. I struggle with the urge to yell "get a job" at her, get off your butt. And I am anxious because I don't know what to do to move this forward faster.

And fear of the future, sometimes I get waves of panic when I think too much of what the future holds for her.

And fear of the next episode. Too often things have felt like they were going well, and we get a surprise call that she has committed herself, or needs to be picked up at the ER. It's scary.


Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
 If so, what types?

Daughter sees a therapist and a psychologist weekly. Wife and I do not, although we've been attending support group meetings.
 

What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?

To learn from others, and hopefully to find a way to help others.

 
TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

Done.

[2dogs2kids]

What type of relationship are you in?
     I’m mom to a 20 year daughter with depression, anxiety, OCD, and recently diagnosed BPD.  She has been struggling for 6 years.  She lives on her own in a city 3 hours away. She has a roommate who is a godsend.   We pay her rent, because we would rather do that than have her at home.
 
Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
No one that I know of.
 
What is your child's strongest quality?
 She is smart and funny, and willing to work on herself.
 
What are the top challenges your child is facing?
 Inability to stick with school, jobs, friends.  Also self harming/OCD behaviors (chewing her cheeks, scalp picking).
 
What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
 The daily phone calls, describing her litany of physical and psychological complaints.  Exhausting. 
 
How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
 Diagnosed
 
What do you struggle with yourself?
 Letting go, detachment
 
Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
 If so, what types?
 My daughter is in regular weekly therapy and monthly psychiatric. She was just diagnosed with BPD at an IOP and kicked out (!). I am seeing a DBT therapist and just started on anti-depressants.
 
What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
 Feeling less alone.  Help with knowing what I can and can’t do to help her.
 
TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[Margarete]

b]What type of relationship are you in?[/b]
 None, Widow
 
Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
No idea
 
What is your child's strongest quality?
Persistence
 
What are the top challenges your child is facing?
Relationships, Feeling of overwhelmed, Depression
 
What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
 Emotional outbursts that can escalate to self-harm and being blamed for causing them.
 
How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
 Diagnosed
 
What do you struggle with yourself?
 Guilt, Grief, Fear
 
Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
 If so, what types?
 DD in DBT , myself in Therapy
 
What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
Independence and healthy relationships
 
TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[Tazzer4000]

What type of relationship are you in?
Mother of a 16 year old daughter w/BPD.
 
Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
My sister, my mother, my grandmother
 
What is your child's strongest quality?
 She is persistent, intelligent,  and talented.
 
What are the top challenges your child is facing?
 Controlling her anger and her impulsive behavior.
 
What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
 The rages and lying.
 
How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
 Diagnosed
 
What do you struggle with yourself?
 Remaining calm and unmoved by her drama and rages
 
Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
 If so, what types?
 I have seen a psychotherapist most of my adult life. She has seen several therapists over the years. Right now she is in DBT. We are also in family counseling.
 

[Escapade1]

What type of relationship are you in?
 Parent in law
 What is the age of child/teen/adult? 23 years. Married to and living with my son and their 3 year old daughter.
 
Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD? Father for sure cluster B but he’s more narcissistic.  Unsure of any others.
 
What is your child's strongest quality? instinct
 
What are the top challenges your child is facing? controlling her anger
 
What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child? She won’t allow my son to interact with me and won’t let me have any contact with their daughter.  If he tries to assert independence she threatens and/or leaves and threatens to take their daughter away from him.
 
How would you categorize your child? Undiagnosed
BPD, Depressed, Substance Abuse, Self-Harming, Violent, Risk Taking
 
What do you struggle with yourself?
Low Self Esteem, Enabling
 
Is anyone in therapy? At last contact my son and granddaughter had continued therapy.  His therapist suggested he consider if his wife has BPD.  His wife had completed court ordered therapy for an assault and child abuse conviction and declined to continue.
 
What are your goals at bpdfamily.com? Educate myself about how I can help my son see what he is putting himself and his daughter through.  Gain perspective about how to help my granddaughter if I get the chance to see her again.