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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Shes contacting me again  (Read 4456 times)
Split black
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« on: May 08, 2014, 02:47:47 PM »

Im incredulous... . although I know I shouldn't be. But I am regardless. For the 3rd time in 6 days shes texted me. Keep in mind this contact was after I broke NC after two months... . was shut down, but then met her briefly the following day where I disappointed her because I didnt bring her some substance she was requesting. This was a couple of weeks ago, then I went away for the weekend to return to a viscous smear campaign ( for no reason)  to ruin my life ( not exaggerating that)

Not even a week later I get a text that said... . I have a business proposal... . then another that said c'mon call.  And just yesterday another text that said... . U alive? 

I never responded to her attacks... . I just haven't responded and have maintained total NC. 

It triggers me, and aggravates me that shes texting me after these egregious acts. She knows right from wrong. Obviously she still has no boundaries although this fact has been brought up to her by many... . What motivation could she possibly have? Fear of retaliation? Sadism? I suppose it doesn't matter... . and my phone is so cheap I cant block her with it. ugh.
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LettingGo14
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« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2014, 03:18:20 PM »

I just haven't responded and have maintained total NC.  

It triggers me, and aggravates me that shes texting me after these egregious acts.

I agree that this is where the rubber meets the road in NC.   The fact that you have maintained it is something I hope you give yourself credit for doing -- because you are, ultimately, doing it for yourself.

The triggers are, of course, the more difficult things to process because we are all loaded with emotion.  What emotions follow the triggers?   I'm not an expert, but I used to avoid the emotions, until I could not anymore.

We're here for you.
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Split black
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« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2014, 03:56:47 PM »

I just haven't responded and have maintained total NC.  

It triggers me, and aggravates me that shes texting me after these egregious acts.

I agree that this is where the rubber meets the road in NC.   The fact that you have maintained it is something I hope you give yourself credit for doing -- because you are, ultimately, doing it for yourself.

The triggers are, of course, the more difficult things to process because we are all loaded with emotion.  What emotions follow the triggers?   I'm not an expert, but I used to avoid the emotions, until I could not anymore.

We're here for you.

Credit... awesome... . Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)   I was addicted to this girl no doubt... . its hard to not respond. I want to tazer her in the temple. ( kidding... . sort of, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) )  If I did respond I would be more pathetic then she is because I have no excuse... . Climbing out of the abyss which was her, with every contact by her to me, loosens my finger hold in that soul sucking well of misery. Thank the gods I work out. Im not falling back in... . no way.  NC... .   detachment leads to freedom. ( my mantra)

Thanks for being here everyone. 
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Split black
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« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2014, 07:00:13 PM »

I have to confess... . her lame contact has set me back for the entire day and into the night. I have to find a way to block her texts or change my number... . the effect she has on me is not rational.  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  
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Hurtbeyondrepair27
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« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2014, 07:01:03 PM »

It's funny b/c sometimes I'm hopeful he'll contact... some sort of validation... .

But honestly, it's probably best he does not.

Don't respond whatever you do! Sucked back into the abyss you will be!
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Split black
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« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2014, 07:14:17 PM »

It's funny b/c sometimes I'm hopeful he'll contact... some sort of validation... .

But honestly, it's probably best he does not.

Don't respond whatever you do! Sucked back into the abyss you will be!

I will not contact her, I wont, I wont,, I wont ... . and trust me you dont need validation... . you dont want it... . mine is contacting me after trying to totally ruin my reputation and life... . and then just decides to contact... . to wonder why I didnt retaliate?, fear I might?, gloat over the damage? To cheat yet again on her bf who used to be her ex before me? To triangulate me with him and her parade of other ex fu*ks? She knows what shes done, what she just did... . and still the non pulsed attempt to re engage. So narcissistic, such a lack of empathy. I waste my whole day... .    ruminating... . she takes less then 10 seconds to send a text before her bird brain moves on to whatever gets her thru a day. No... . you truly do not want or need any validation from him. Save it for your next lover... . someone who will appreciate you.
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Hurtbeyondrepair27
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« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2014, 07:15:36 PM »

It's funny b/c sometimes I'm hopeful he'll contact... some sort of validation... .

But honestly, it's probably best he does not.

Don't respond whatever you do! Sucked back into the abyss you will be!

I will not contact her, I wont, I wont,, I wont ... . and trust me you dont need validation... . you dont want it... . mine is contacting me after trying to totally ruin my reputation and life... . and then just decides to contact... . to wonder why I didnt retaliate?, fear I might?, gloat over the damage? She knows what shes done, what she just did... . and still the non pulsed attempt to re engage. So narcissistic, such a lack of empathy. I waste my whole day ruminating... . she takes less then 10 seconds to send a text before her bird brain moves on to whatever gets her thru a day.

LOL. Yep. Exactly.
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clover528
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« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2014, 09:22:55 PM »

I have been dealing with the random texts, smear campaigns, hate, torture. I still have set backs. I have recycled so much that I cant even place a break up date on it all. He is now married to the woman he moved in within weeks of us ending things. I had contact off and on since then and that was over a year ago. Still they both contact me now. ( I havent replied in over two months). I get sexual texts( of him and her). Photos of him and her. Pictures of what they had for supper. Even pay stubs. He was unemployed and losing everything until a month ago. ( She is taking credit for saving him and he is giving her all the praise * idealization*). She is bragging. He is bragging.  I am the cause of the worlds problems according to them. ( devaluation) Im still broken,  still sick, and a mess. I am not replying but NC scares me. I have tried and he would threaten or show up etc... . No contact from him or her would be wonderful. I actually had a whole 8 days once. It was cathartic! I hurt, but not nearly as much as the salt in the wound this nonsense brings. I read here. I try to detach. I am reading self help books at every free opportunity also, as others have said. I still miss that incredibly sick man. I still feel cheated. I still care. It sucks! But I will keep on keeping on and make it another day! So will we all. The mind knows but the heart refuses to accept. We will get there.
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« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2014, 09:52:47 PM »

Wow, she's really something else, isn't she?  Stay strong, SB.  Maintain NC.  After all she has put you through, there really isn't any point in going back.  I know you know this.  Just stay strong.  Ignore her.   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2014, 10:04:46 PM »

I have been dealing with the random texts, smear campaigns, hate, torture. I still have set backs. I have recycled so much that I cant even place a break up date on it all. He is now married to the woman he moved in within weeks of us ending things. I had contact off and on since then and that was over a year ago. Still they both contact me now. ( I havent replied in over two months). I get sexual texts( of him and her). Photos of him and her. Pictures of what they had for supper. Even pay stubs. He was unemployed and losing everything until a month ago. ( She is taking credit for saving him and he is giving her all the praise * idealization*). She is bragging. He is bragging.  I am the cause of the worlds problems according to them. ( devaluation) Im still broken,  still sick, and a mess. I am not replying but NC scares me. I have tried and he would threaten or show up etc... . No contact from him or her would be wonderful. I actually had a whole 8 days once. It was cathartic! I hurt, but not nearly as much as the salt in the wound this nonsense brings. I read here. I try to detach. I am reading self help books at every free opportunity also, as others have said. I still miss that incredibly sick man. I still feel cheated. I still care. It sucks! But I will keep on keeping on and make it another day! So will we all. The mind knows but the heart refuses to accept. We will get there.

Wow, those are some truly sick games your ex is playing with you.  Is there any way you can shut him (and her) out for good?  How is he contacting you?  Can you block him?  If you don't have any children together, maybe you should consider cutting him out of your life entirely.  It doesn't really sound like he is adding anything of value to it.   So sorry you are going through this.  I can only imagine how hard it must be.  Be good to yourself and look out for YOU!   
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« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2014, 10:07:34 PM »

You are doing an amazing job maintaining NC split black, and everyone. It was 8 weeks yesterday NC for me, and I still want to hear from him. I no longer want him back, I just want to see that he recognises he misses me and how good I was to him. I want to close the door in his face without a word. It's probably good he hasn't contacted me, things must be going well with my ex best friend( replacement ) but I do secretly wish he would reach out so I can kick his butt to the curb. Smiling (click to insert in post) for me that would be closure.
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Hurtbeyondrepair27
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« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2014, 10:09:47 PM »

You are doing an amazing job maintaining NC split black, and everyone. It was 8 weeks yesterday NC for me, and I still want to hear from him. I no longer want him back, I just want to see that he recognises he misses me and how good I was to him. I want to close the door in his face without a word. It's probably good he hasn't contacted me, things must be going well with my ex best friend( replacement ) but I do secretly wish he would reach out so I can kick his butt to the curb. Smiling (click to insert in post) for me that would be closure.

I really miss him right now... A part of me wants contact too...

So sick of the ups and downs start off good end off bad and vice versa.

When will it end?

Not trying to hijack. So grateful for this board.
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« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2014, 10:13:34 PM »

I will not contact her, I wont, I wont,, I wont ... . and trust me you dont need validation... . you dont want it... . mine is contacting me after trying to totally ruin my reputation and life... . and then just decides to contact... . to wonder why I didnt retaliate?, fear I might?, gloat over the damage? To cheat yet again on her bf who used to be her ex before me? To triangulate me with him and her parade of other ex fu*ks? She knows what shes done, what she just did... . and still the non pulsed attempt to re engage. So narcissistic, such a lack of empathy. I waste my whole day... .    ruminating... . she takes less then 10 seconds to send a text before her bird brain moves on to whatever gets her thru a day. No... . you truly do not want or need any validation from him. Save it for your next lover... . someone who will appreciate you.

It's painful and hurtful, I'm sorry Split black. My replacement moved in with ex just over a week ago. She is emailing me more daily now, up to 6-7 messages a day. She is accusatory, blaming, aggressive in some emails. E-mail bombs. It really has nothing to do with me. It's something that is going on in her life, she may feel engulfment or she needs soothing. Depersonalize the behavior, try to get to indifference. It takes time, these texts are not making it easy. You understand that she is triggering you, you're thinking about changing your number. You have a good idea there, it will give you distance to sort your feelings and heal.
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« Reply #13 on: May 08, 2014, 10:18:03 PM »

Cosmonaut,  

I have tried and it isnt working well. We have a complicated situation. ( read my past posts). Yes there are children involved but like I said it is very complicated. I am praying they will eventually go away. I dont have faith they will though.Should they come by my home again, I am pursuing stalking charges against them. I have police reports and tons of evidence. The bad part is I will have to face them both in court and testify.  I am not responding to their obvious taunts and attempts to get a response from me. I wont engage it. He even sent me a personal message that I am not sure the meaning of. It was like he wanted me to know something special ( from his past that I had encouraged him to pursue) had come to fruition. It wasnt mean spirited, or maybe it was and the meaning got lost in translation. But all the contact from them bot only hurts. There is no good coming from it. after all is said and done, I will not go back to the abuse. EVER. Thank you for your message. We all have so much to overcome. This board is a life saver!
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« Reply #14 on: May 08, 2014, 10:23:38 PM »

split black, Stay strong! You are doing the right thing coming here for advice. From someone who should have done more adhering to the advice given, I will reeenforce that idea and say listen to those who are further along in this journey. No contact is best. It wont change if you talk to her. Sure she may be your best friend for whatever moment in time it suits her. but after all you have endured , enough is enough. Please come here and post in those weak moments. This site will help you. In every way. You can do it!
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« Reply #15 on: May 09, 2014, 12:41:21 AM »

I will not contact her, I wont, I wont,, I wont ... . and trust me you dont need validation... . you dont want it... . mine is contacting me after trying to totally ruin my reputation and life... . and then just decides to contact... . to wonder why I didnt retaliate?, fear I might?, gloat over the damage? To cheat yet again on her bf who used to be her ex before me? To triangulate me with him and her parade of other ex fu*ks? She knows what shes done, what she just did... . and still the non pulsed attempt to re engage. So narcissistic, such a lack of empathy. I waste my whole day... .    ruminating... . she takes less then 10 seconds to send a text before her bird brain moves on to whatever gets her thru a day. No... . you truly do not want or need any validation from him. Save it for your next lover... . someone who will appreciate you.

It's painful and hurtful, I'm sorry Split black. My replacement moved in with ex just over a week ago. She is emailing me more daily now, up to 6-7 messages a day. She is accusatory, blaming, aggressive in some emails. E-mail bombs. It really has nothing to do with me. It's something that is going on in her life, she may feel engulfment or she needs soothing. Depersonalize the behavior, try to get to indifference. It takes time, these texts are not making it easy. You understand that she is triggering you, you're thinking about changing your number. You have a good idea there, it will give you distance to sort your feelings and heal.

Like Mutt said above working on depersonalizing is good goal.  Split have you practiced wise mind techniques?   These could help you when she does this not tailspin.

Excerpt
   Obviously she still has no boundaries although this fact has been brought up to her by many... . What motivation could she possibly have?

Realistically the motivation could be she just misses you.  If this is BPD she's not going to have a lot of impulse control and if there's been intermittent reinforcement before she's going with what has always worked.   This is typical for all humans.

What's important to you?   Remind yourself of that and think of your future.   It reallyisn't about her being heartless to provide you with a way to detach as it may be about looking at the value conflicts and how you don't fit in each other's lives.   
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« Reply #16 on: May 09, 2014, 01:11:59 AM »

This site is helping me so much.  I had to deal with the contact again from my exBPD today.  It hasn't been all that long, recycles, but I realize all contact is to be avoided.  Given, i do have to have a little contact until I get back in town this weekend, and her things will be in my front yard to be picked up.  This is probably the only way.  I'm trying to get the strength to do that.  One thing turns into another thing, etc...   Everyday is hard, hurtful and emotional, but you are doing what you should be doing.  What happened before right?  Nothing good, that "used" feeling.  We react how we feel to react, not how we want to react.  It's a good question, my mom gave me that one.  Good luck
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« Reply #17 on: May 10, 2014, 04:16:05 PM »

Thanks everyone... .    Im staying strong... . worst times are before I fall asleep and before I wake in the morning... . mostly Im angry now...   I just cant allow myself to be used anymore. Its really hard no doubt... . but the longer you stay NC the better it gets... . from the day I was shattered by this to now feels like a million years ago and feels like minutes ago.

Shes made her bed... . There is no going back... . whatever good and fun times we had dont add up the insane self centered impulse-less things I had to suck up.

Shes not stupid... . shes a very bright manipulator and that is all she can do. There is no amount of talking, explaining or reasoning that isnt turned against me at some point. There was no reason for her to rationally do the things she did... . I gave her no reason. I was always kind,fun, generous to a fault and treated her like a princess... . Im a street smart guy... . I saw the red flags... .

So... . at the end of the day... . I can only hope that those were her last texts... .   took her one second to reach out... . a passing thought... .   Ive already wasted too much time debating what she really wants... . What she wants to know is if im alive after the incredible smear... . and probably why I didnt retaliate because Im sure thats what she would have done... . or shes bored yet again with her ex BF that she demonized to me for a year... . or I was an easy target... . and once you demonize someone, like shes done to me... . Its easy to hurt them over and over... . because well... . they deserve it.  Enough.
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« Reply #18 on: May 10, 2014, 04:56:12 PM »

There is no amount of talking, explaining or reasoning that isnt turned against me at some point. There was no reason for her to rationally do the things she did... .

I agree. No amount of justifying, defending or rationalizing our positions is acknowledged by our exes.

She is mentally ill. This is a serious disorder. She functions within the confines of her abilities and reality. Her reality is as real to her, as ours is to us. Take care of you Split black.
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« Reply #19 on: May 11, 2014, 02:15:18 PM »

My heart goes out to you, Clover. I've been in your shoes, know how confusing/frightening it is to find yourself so actively/unfairly being targeted with so much hate-filled, antagonistic nonsense. Makes what's already a very difficult process of detaching, healing, and moving on just so very much harder.

Triangulation together (as victim and rescuer) against you (as perpetrator) is obviously fundamental to maintaining the psychological/emotional bond they have with one another. He edits the truth about your past together, as well as the interactions you're having with one another, in order to get her to pay attention to, feel sorry for, sympathize with, comfort, and otherwise make him feel wanted/cared about. She, on the other hand, gets to feel needed/wanted/important to/idealized by him in return for responding to him in this way.

You've probably always been the bad guy - the horrible monster who tortured him day/night, and from whom he was seeking sanctuary/escape/protection through her. It drew them together, and it's what they go back to anytime their relationship with one another starts to get shaky - which - because he has BPD - happens any/every time he gets triggered/dysregulates.

You have no control over this. It will happen whether you have contact with them or not. It will happen whether you decide to get directly involved by responding to whatever they say about/do to you or not. This is their game. They make all the rules, and you're never going to win/be treated with the consideration/respect/courtesy you actually deserve no matter what you say/do. All that matters, to/for both of them, is that you continue to play. If you don't, they'll have to find someone/something else to play instead - and doing so comes with the very real risk that it won't work/won't be enough to keep them together - or, worse, will end up leaving both of them to play that role for one another until a suitable substitute can once again be found.

I know how confusing/frightening their efforts to keep you playing can become - and just how much you can end up worrying about what one, the other, or both of them might say/do if you don't give let them say/do or give them whatever it is they seem to want - ESPECIALLY when there are children involved.

I found myself surrendering to their machinations several times for that reason, and, in fact, was only physically/emotionally able to go NC once I was sure my kids were as safe from being further used/harmed by both of them as they could be.

Do what you can/are able to do to make yourself feel as safe as possible right now. Shift your focus away from trying to understand it/make it stop, and onto what it will take to get yourself to a place where you can feel just as safe, if not actually safer, having no contact with either one of them at all. As difficult as that may seem, it is possible. Believe in that. Work toward it. You'll get there, and - trust me - it will be worth every minute/dollar/sacrifice you had to make to do it.

Biggest of hugs.

- TC

Dang! Didn't realize this thread was started by splitblack, rather than clover, til I posted my response. Sorry!
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« Reply #20 on: May 11, 2014, 08:04:45 PM »

So narcissistic, such a lack of empathy. I waste my whole day... .    ruminating... . she takes less then 10 seconds to send a text before her bird brain moves on to whatever gets her thru a day.

I suddenly have a whole new sense of gratitude about the fact that my technophobic ex pwBPD could never figure out how to send a text. She saw her technical illiteracy as a virtue and after your tale of woe, I see it that way too.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #21 on: May 12, 2014, 07:02:42 PM »

- TC

Dang! Didn't realize this thread was started by splitblack, rather than clover, til I posted my response. Sorry!

No worries... .   its been a solid 5 days since her last text. I hate it that I even know that... . 12 days since the ones before that... .

Ive got a date tonight... . the sun was shining all day, I dont think about her too much these days... . except when she texts... . Ive decided to change numbers, not that shes text bombing me, but just because it does trigger me... . the audacity. So, unfortunately for mine... . her world is much the same as before I entered it a year ago. Self medicating, and using an endless amount of guys for her narcissistic supply... . cant even call her a triangulater. More like hexagoner... . whatever... . She should legally have to wear a warning label.
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« Reply #22 on: May 12, 2014, 07:04:15 PM »

So narcissistic, such a lack of empathy. I waste my whole day... .    ruminating... . she takes less then 10 seconds to send a text before her bird brain moves on to whatever gets her thru a day.

I suddenly have a whole new sense of gratitude about the fact that my technophobic ex pwBPD could never figure out how to send a text. She saw her technical illiteracy as a virtue and after your tale of woe, I see it that way too.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

haha... . for real? Where did you find this one? Naaa... . never mind. Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #23 on: May 29, 2014, 05:54:38 PM »

Update... . ugh... .

Since her last attempt at the beginning of the month and then again a week later... . after she tried to ruin my via a smear campaign... .   I ignored and had not heard a thing... . till today

Two more texts... . first one says " are you ok man?"   Like a moron I responded... why why why... . Im so pissed at myself.  I said... . yes, Im Ok.   THAT was all I said... . then I recieved another one that said " I saw you 3 times you looked horrible and sad."   To which I responded... .   sad? No... . just a lot on my mind... . and then Horrible? No, Im pretty sure I dont look horrible"   That was it.  No response.

But the toxicity lingers and I actually communicated with her, something I said I wouldn't do again. Now she knows I exist. She knows my number is in use... . and all I did was allow her to tell me she thought I looked horrible... . lolol  Thank god im dating and I know I do not. But the ego smash was hurtful... . you would think she would say something less stupid. 

She didnt respond back... .   and Im bugged out.  But actually... .   not so much now that I think about it.  Is what it is... .    People... . there is no reason to break NC... . none. You will never get what you want, you will never feel better... . they will never acknowledge the ___ they did. Never ... . I suck... . why did I answer those texts... . damn it!
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #24 on: May 29, 2014, 06:20:13 PM »

Maybe the reason she didn't respond back to you was because your responses were not what she wanted = You didn't say you are sad and struggling and want her back. So she waited till after the third time of seeing you looking horrible and sad to check on you? Probably all just bs.




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Narellan
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« Reply #25 on: May 29, 2014, 06:22:19 PM »

Because if you're anything like me... . It's rude not to. It goes against every fibre in my being. If someone asks you a question, you answer. Speak when you're spoken to.

But not with BPD exes  I've been NC for 11 weeks and he's just returned home from interstate. I am sure hell drop by like nothing has happened. I was so prepared to just shut the door in his face. But as time goes on, the bad things he did and the pain and anger has subsided a bit. And I feel weaker. If he came to the door today I'd probably speak. Not engage or recycle I don't want him anywhere near me, but I might speak.

Because I feel more detached now, and I feel it would be rude not to say something.

Or at least listen.

But there's nothing new to say. I imagine his talk would be about why he tried to f my best friend days after ditching me. I've got no response to that. Not one I'd share with him anyway.

But even listening to him talk would cause me pain and I can't take anymore of that.

I will not speak to him. Just decided that Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Thanks for your post split black.

It reinforces why we stay NC, when with time we forget why.

I'm glad to hear you're doing well. I'm sure you don't look sad and horrible. On the other hand I think I probably do  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Boss302
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« Reply #26 on: May 29, 2014, 06:31:01 PM »

What motivation could she possibly have? Fear of retaliation? Sadism? I suppose it doesn't matter... . and my phone is so cheap I cant block her with it. ugh.

Her motivation is simple: she wants to ENGAGE with you. To some BPDs, engagement is everything, even if it's a negative engagement. It's what they thrive on. They're also very good at manipulation, and they know that people are taught to be polite, so they know you'll be inclined to answer, if only not to be a jerk. But in this case, you have every reason to be "rude." Remember that.

Here's a thought: see if your carrier will change the number. Or if the phone's really that cheap, tell your carrier it was stolen, and they'll issue you another one with a different number. Good luck texting you then.  

But seriously, a lot of these folks are all about engaging you, even if it's a bad engagement. They thrive on drama and disorder. You're doing the right thing to not respond. Hopefully she'll move on to her next "mark" after she figures out you're a dry well for drama.
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kba1969
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« Reply #27 on: May 29, 2014, 08:30:38 PM »

Set backs happen!  Don't worry about it!  After being dumped with a replacement already established she hasn't contacted me in a month.  A few weeks after we broke up I contacted an X of hers and enlightened him.  A few hours later she called me and I didn't answer.  A few days later I broke down again!  I called her twice to apologize for my actions but only left messages and got no response.  I have decided that NC is my best bet and most importantly, I'm going NC for ME!  I'm not mad at her, I have read a lot about her disorder and know some of her history.  I can't believe that there's people like her who might live their lives with this most devastating problem.  I see her as a child more now that it's over and it makes me also see her family's role in her development.  I can see now how out of control she is.  We never had an argument or even a fight but she lied, cheated and blameshifted to her friends as needed through the breakups and recycles.  Not sure when or if she will contact me but I'll do my best at that time.  That's all we can do or expect from ourselves.
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« Reply #28 on: May 29, 2014, 10:51:41 PM »

Split Back at this point all you can do is forgive yourself. We have all caved in and it would seem that whenever we do we get kicked in the teeth and they never admit to anything that they have done. It's soo painful.  I am really feeling for you. I know that pain and emptiness and the self-loathing. God they are such sick people. It's just a game of control to them.

I got so fed up with the whole situation and myself one day and just decided that I had had enough.  She had done a drive-bye after a year of NC.  She pulled in after her 5th drive-by and I told her to leave.  After she left I thought for a nanosecond the I was being rude and angry (wrong... . I was protecting myself from satan)... . so I called her. MISTAKE. My Mom had recently died and she brings up the topic and wants to tell me about a dream she had about my parents (she never met my father). Mind you she gave me no support for the year my mother was sick and dying... . I tell her I do not want to hear about a dream she had about my parents while she was sleeping with the man that she left me for. How could I not.

She just starts to trash my mother.  The woman never said or did an unkind thing to her.

I hung up the phone. Called my therapist... . and talked it over with her. I had REALLY had enough. I sent my ex a very carefully composed voice message, I calmly told her what I though of her (no swearing), what she had done and how she had treated me. I told her that I had character, dignity and honesty. I told her that she had no character, and that she was not a worthwhile person. I told her how she had treated every man that loved her the same exact way and that it had NOTHING to do with me.I told her that she was not the person that I thought she was at all. ... . and then I told her to stay OUT of my life. I REALLY meant it.  I did not have any encounters for a couple of years. My message had been VERY effective.

I have NEVER  talked to her again. It's been years. I live in the same town. She occasionally tries to walk up to me if she is alone. I ALWAYS walk away. It upsets me... . every time... . but I KNOW that I am loving me. I will get nothing more from her than I got the last time. She is a sick person. She thinks there is nothing wrong with her or her behavior.

Split back, you can get there... . it's just this: when is ENOUGH going to be enough for YOU?

I had to dig really deep and decide to love me. You can do that too... . in your own time.

I am sad that you are suffering at the beck and call of one of these creatures.
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Split black
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Relationship status: Divorced
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« Reply #29 on: June 02, 2014, 10:56:09 PM »

Split Back at this point all you can do is forgive yourself. We have all caved in and it would seem that whenever we do we get kicked in the teeth and they never admit to anything that they have done.

Split back, you can get there... . it's just this: when is ENOUGH going to be enough for YOU?

I had to dig really deep and decide to love me. You can do that too... . in your own time.

I am sad that you are suffering at the beck and call of one of these creatures.

The day after this happened she texted again... . pure provocation. Pure trying to engage. I wasnt giving her the ego spew that she required so she started in with I look " mad old"  Then on to how I was a monster who lied and manipulated her. I asked her what this was about... . asked her to leave me alone and to just stop. Told her that if she believed her own bull___ that was fine but leave me out of it. She countered with I hate you... . and that she is ruining my name btw.  So she continues to smear.

I have ignored her for months and months at this point. I just got sucked back in to the abyss and feel like crap now... . not as bad as a thought but at least I stopped texting. She texted me 27 times... . I texted her 9. Nine too many.

In the end she was trying to sell me something... . as if I could trust her to sell me anything... .   just unbelievable.

NC again... .   So many peaceful days and nights... . stress free... . no drama... . and then this history re-writing lunatic texts and texts.  Oh yeah... . I did say one thing... . told her I never expected to have contact with her again... . and I told her I wont in the future unless she can admit and acknowledge and apologize for all the hurt and grief shes caused to so many... . she texts back " no apology"   And goes on with her sales pitch which I ignored and turned my phone off... . that was a couple of days ago.

Im sorry that I keep posting this same stuff on the board... . its as if I take a few steps forward and then one back. Im so sick of it.
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