SELF ASSESSMENT | Depression Self Testing: Are you depressed?

[C12P21]

I am at a 6, whew, thought I would never get to this point. Still not the old perky self but no longer feeling like sticking my head in the wash machine to clean out the   in my mind.

I feel clearer and happier, stronger.

C

[turtle]

This keeps popping up in my topics because I took this test in August, 2008.  I scored in the 40's back then.

Things got significantly better for me and then... .life got crappy -- really, really crappy.

Now here I am - over two years after the first time I took this test - and I scored 60. The score concerns me because I have battled clinical depression before and it is a hard fight. 

I know that at one point, I would have scored much, much lower... .then life started smacking me around and I seem to be losing the will to fight or to try.

This has nothing to do with the long gone (thank God) BPD in my life.  I guess the bright side is that if I was dealing with the full plate of ___ that I'm dealing with now, and still had him to deal with too, I'd be hauled off by the men in white coats.

I know it's a season... .that it will pass... .that I will rise above it.  History proves that this is true. But I wonder when... .and how.  I'm weary and discouraged and have seem to lost my hope and my optimism. I hate that.

turtle

[Indigo Sky]

A year ago I think I was extemely depressed and close to heart attackville, stress and depressed. (One of my co-workers who was also married to a Russian was having some major problems with his wife, he did have a stress related heart attack and he passed away at work several months ago)

Today, No depression.

Overall, I am very Fuzzy... .the warm kind of Fuzzy... .

no longer feeling like sticking my head in the wash machine

Good thing I am a man, I would never have thought of that one... .

Of course without this reminder I would have forgotten washing machines even exist (I live in Thailand and unfortunately I no longer have to clean house, cook or wash clothes) 

I hope that comment doesnt make anyone have to   or   or heaven forbid make them feel like 

Fuzzy 

[Shane Preston]

no longer feeling like sticking my head in the wash machine

I'm not a mental health professional, but that's probably a good thing.

Shane

[Celiann]

I scored 8. I cannot believe it! I have not been posting on the board since a few and did not realize how much things have changed and how much better I feel. Thanks!

[C12P21]

Of course without this reminder I would have forgotten washing machines even exist (I live in Thailand and unfortunately I no longer have to clean house, cook or wash clothes) 

Yes, we should all be so burdened.  

I'm not a mental health professional, but that's probably a good thing.

LOL

C

[C12P21]

I'm weary and discouraged and have seem to lost my hope and my optimism. I hate that.

Hang in there Turtle. It is a long haul but you will get there.

C

[Benny]

An interesting test,even though the X has been on my mind this week I scored a 5,pleased about that.

Like most of us I have suffered from deep depression in the past but not for a long time now,life is pretty good really.

[DreamGirl]

I scored a 4.

Therapy is a very good thing. 

[Fathom]

"18". Retaking the test, reflecting back 1 year ago, I was at "46" so I feel good about the progress I am making.  

[C12P21]

18". Retaking the test, reflecting back 1 year ago, I was at "46" so I feel good about the progress I am making

Therapy is a very good thing. 

xoxox

[kj1234]

12/8/09:  High, but didn't record

1/8/10: 18

3/7/10: 15

4/17/10: 25 (aftermath of tax day?  court decision pending; dissatisfied with L; false evidence certified by stbxw)

9/9/10: 15

1/3/11:  16

[Matt]

8/24/08  19

6/30/09  28

8/25/09  21

9/15/09  15

12/6/09  20

2/12/10  17

4/2/10    7

9/9/10    4

1/3/11    7

[Mason06]

26.  I'm 3.5 months out of a 15-month relationship.  I'm okay with where I am because I know I'm definitely on the upswing.

[Lyndy11]

I find the struggles daily with dhBPD. I would leave today if I had financial means. Im seeing a T now and that helps a bit but ultimately I know I need to disengage from him in order to get whole again. We've been married 4 yrs prior to this marriage i was married almost 17yrs. The last 5 yrs of that marriage was with an abusive alcoholic. Ya Im not feeling so great about me these days. But I keep trying. New hair cut, some nice clothes Im trying. Ive been building a cash stash but not enough yet. Today is not a good day. Tomorrow will be better.

[ymistlhr]

I scored a 63.  So I guess I am not doing to well right now.

[Matt]

I scored a 63.  So I guess I am not doing to well right now.

That's pretty high.  (I'm not sure how I got because I didn't find this test till I was on the mend.)

Are you seeing a counselor?

To get a score this high you must have scored pretty high on some of the really scary parts, like thinking about hurting yourself.  Are you having thoughts like that?

[ymistlhr]

Matt, no I don't want to hurt myself all those were 0's, maybe I over rated some of the others? I don't want to do anything to help my uBPDh right now and don't care or think I don't care what he thinks does or how he feels. Not very motivated at home,nothing is much fun. Do what I have to do to take care of the kids. I still bathe,do my hair, change my clothes.Don't feel pretty,smart,useful,caredfor,listened to, wanted around,needed... .Sounds like to me I am feeling sorry for myself, Intelecually I say quit feeling sorry for yourself,do something,   Don't have the energy or know what to do. Maybe I don't want to.

No I am not seeing a counselor, can't afford to. (He doesn't want to) I was but money way to tight.

[Matt]

Matt, no I don't want to hurt myself all those were 0's, maybe I over rated some of the others? I don't want to do anything to help my uBPDh right now and don't care or think I don't care what he thinks does or how he feels. Not very motivated at home,nothing is much fun. Do what I have to do to take care of the kids. I still bathe,do my hair, change my clothes.Don't feel pretty,smart,useful,caredfor,listened to, wanted around,needed... .Sounds like to me I am feeling sorry for myself, Intelecually I say quit feeling sorry for yourself,do something,   :)on't have the energy or know what to do. Maybe I don't want to.

No I am not seeing a counselor, can't afford to. (He doesn't want to) I was but money way to tight.

Y, let me suggest to you that you go to this board:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=27.0 - our "Taking personal inventory board" - and post the same stuff.  Lots of us have been through something like this, more or less, and I think you can get some ideas to help you pull through it.  Nothing magic but others on that board gave me a lot of practical ideas that helped me when I was at my lowest.

Best wishes,

Matt

[jalk]

53

[Fathom]

In Nov. 2009 I was at "46", Oct. 2010 I was at "18" and now I am a solid "3"!  Here is the surprising point however, my outlook on the viability of the long term of my relationship has not changed - It's still a toss up at best. This tells me I have accepted many of the facts that I know I was in denial with for such a long, long time. And although I want things to work out I know that it may very well not and I can now accept that.

[Mystic]

Went from 29 to 10 in the past month. 

Feelin' stronger by the day... .

[Lost in Wonderland]

2 Years ago to about 8 months ago... .I was scoring high 60s and even into the high 70's... .

Today I am at 26!     I am still with my uBPDbf, however, over the last couple of years I have learned about BPD and have come to start to accept his illness for what it is.

I have come to accept life for what it is... .I don't torment myself to be "perfect" for him... .because there is no perfect.

I have come A LONG LONG WAY!  and I am proud of myself... .there are setbacks, however I have managed to pull my mental health out of the Toilet and learn to cope and accept myself for who I am.   

Thanks to FACING THE FACTS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND EDUCATION! 

Without them... .who knows where I would be today !  Hi!

[OTH]

25... .not so bad. I'm sure my score is plummeting also. I have 4 in making decisions, Motivation, and loss of interest at work. I am just starting to work on those issues now. So there is 12 I can turn around.

[SunflowerFields]

45. Ouch. Yup, sounds about right   

[aim4hope]

I was amazed that I only scored 8!  So much of it has to do with having a customer service job that I love!  When I first started this job part of the training was going out and introducing myself to other employees.  I almost quit on the spot, I thought I don't want to talk to people, but it has been so healing starting with a large group of people that don't know my BPDxh.  Life IS good!

[flashcard]

skip,

7 months nc.  If you had sent this out earlier... .3 and 4's in some areas.  Mostly 0, 1's now.

this sight is definitely a positive factor in my healing and recovery.

I am eternally grateful.

[Simpleone]

44 today. I will retest in a month and see if I've improved.

He left almost 3 months ago... .I dont think I'm doing any better than that time.

[OTH]

8 down from 25. I'm almost there!

[lavamika]

I'm waaaaayyyyy up there... .in the 80's.  Long way to go.  :'(